jgesselberty-1 Reviews

A Christmas Karen (2022)

Ignore the Scrooges who gave low ratings

[8/10 · 30 March 2024]

Yes, definitely ignore the Scrooges who gave low ratings to this delightful film. Twas the day before Easter, and I was searching for an appropriate Easter movie, when, for some reason, this popped up as a suggestion. I love Dickens' A Christmas Carol and the many variations, but have never seen this one. The title caught my eye and I spent the next 90 minutes just laughing and surprised at how clever and enjoyable this movie was. Bah, humbug, if you don't get it. This low budget gem covers all the bases and is ironically faithful to the Dickens classic. All the characters are there in a reworked and updated fashion, and there is no shortage of laughs. Give it a try. You will not be disappointed.

2012: Doomsday (2008 Video)

What would you get ...

[2/10 · 10 March 2024]

What would you get if you combined a few religious doubters, a few born agains, a vegan, two strangers who meet in the jungle, a golen cross found by an archaeologist, a black hole, the slowing of the earth's rotation, multiple natural disasters, a pregnant woman, the Mayan calendar, the End Times, and all trying to reach a pyramid in Chichinitza before doomsday arrives? You would get this preachy mess. I am not adverse to a science fiction disaster movie with a religious twist; but, good grief, the lord, himself would have turned this movie off. You have about 6 minutes of action and disaster footage, mingled with a big, old, dollop of maudlin, melodramatic, preachy dialogue. And, this from a few decent actors. As you are taking your mother to safety from an impending collapse of the west coast, the last thing you might say in the harrowing car trip is "when did you start believing in god?" Well, the vegan says it. So beware, this one really fails on so many levels.

Barabbas (1961)

Good but lacking

[6/10 · 15 February 2024]

Barabbas is a good film as Biblical (or fictional Biblical) Epics go. It has spectacle, good direction, great acting, eye popping sets and costumes, and a good, if slow moving story line. I have seen a number of such movies, such as Ben Hur, The Ten Commandments, Quo Vadis, etc. And wondered why this one, somehow did not seem to compare favorably with them, even with all the right elements. Then as I watched, it dawned on me. It did not have the magic of an outstanding score. The triumphal music found in the other great epics, actually was epic. The composer for this one gave us little excitement and sound is a major element. There is more excitement in the opening credits of Ben Hur than in all of this movie. Sad, that it could be one of the great ones but misses the mark.

White Sky (2021)

So many are missing the point

[5/10 · 14 February 2024]

I get it. You came to see a science fiction movie about an alien invasion. In true bait and switch, it turned out to be, you guessed it, just another zombie movie. What you missed was the real bait and switch. This is not a science fiction movie, but only has a few of the trappings of one. This is not a zombie movie, but has the altered humans, as zombies, to add the thrills, of which there are not many. The real movie, and the real bait and switch, is that this is a Love Story. If you accept that premise, it is an okay film, with some decent acting and a lot was done for a little bit of money on a really low budget. There is potential here, and I hope it is realized with other films by this director.

End of the World (1977)

A Movie that stinks in the eyes and ears

[2/10 · 18 January 2024]

How does one begin to describe such an assault on the visual and aural senses? The plot is basically any science fiction B movie you have ever seen. And, that is the highpoint. The action does not begin until over one third of the movie is over, with typical 1970's sexual teasers thrown in to "flesh out" a weak story line. Then there are the sad performances by once revered actors. Special effects are pathetic, as expected and overall sound quality is dreadful. But, as if that was not enough, the real star of this cess pool is the music score. The composer should not be allowed near another film, with his annoying, ear assults, he calls music. I wanted to give this a fair shake, so watched it to the end. The world did not end; but I was overjoyed that this film did.

Croc! (2022)

Croc is a Crock

[2/10 · 9 November 2023]

String together every monster movie cliche you have ever witnessed and you might come close to this. Only, play them trough slowly. Get ready for spoilers. Let's overlook the poor CGI and get on to the poor acting. Stiff, cardboard gives better performances. Then the story line. Seriously? The things are killing right and left and someone wants to catch it while the minister wants to try to understand its motives. Where, oh where, have we seen this before? And, these crocs could literally sit in a lounge chair and get plenty of bodies. Every single person is clumsy and cannot run on a flat surface. Add to this, that those who manage to remain standing, do just that. They stand and look, wide eyed at the thing that is going to eat them, without any attempt to run and get away. When they do run, they manage to either join those who are clumsy and fall or get themselves into a corner for easy pickings. And, I still am unable to understand how someone who has literally been bitten in half only has deep scratch marks on his face. Well, you get the idea. Watch it for laughs and little more.

Ghoul (2015)

Found footage that should have been lost

[1/10 · 31 October 2023]

Words fail me to describe how completely lacking in any merit this movie is. I wanted to give it a fair shake, so I watched until the end. I could literally feel my IQ dwindling and the soul being sucked out of me as the movie progressed. Literally nothing happens in the first half of the movie and that was the good part. The last third is your usual found footage poor photography, people screaming and dropping cameras, like that is the thing to do. Then we begin the arguments with the spirit and the triumph of the witch and the cliche exorcist moves. If you want real scares, go out on any Halloween night and watch the costumes go by. What a complete waste of my time.

The Nun (2018)

Basically a B horror flick with a bigger budget.

[5/10 · 24 October 2023]

I have heard a lot of hype about "The Nun" and how scary it was and what a good movie it was. After watching it, I found myself thinking, what was that all about. I have seen low budget horror that provided more scares. The best thing that I can say is the acting was very good and the production values were very good. But, the story was adequate, at best. I does have one good surprise at the end, however. With that said, the rest of the movie seemed like a "hey, let's try this" fest. A disjointed story with lots of plot holes and characters on their own little trips around the castle. It's okay as a horror romp, but do not expect the movie that the hype promises.

Come Play (2020)

Friends can be dangerous

[8/10 · 7 July 2023]

I started watching this movie with the expectation that I could just let it run and do things on my computer. But, after a few minutes, I was hooked. No blood and gore; just eerie moments that make you stop and look. I highly recommend it as it has good production values, a tight script, and decent acting. The child actors were exceptional, while the parents could have been a tad more "with it." The last few minutes, blew me away and were a plot twist I was not expecting. I found myself getting involved with the characters and imagining what it would be like to experience what they experienced. Give it a try. You will not be disappointed.

Portals (2019)

What did I just see?

[2/10 · 27 June 2023]

Portals is a movie that begins with an interesting enough premise and then devolves into a hot mess of disjointed segments that the makers claim is an anthology. They miss the definition of an anthology by a mile. They start with a 2001esque monolith, except that it is like your 80 in high definition television turned on its side with lots of missing pixels. This, of course, after the unimaginative world-wide blackout. The plasma tv shows up in all the segments, so they think this somehow ties this mess together. Then, we have a hospital scene, with an eye implant. And, what creative effort would not be complete without zombies, or their version of zombies. Throw in some gratuitous head expolsions, eye gouging, and lots of girly hysterical screaming, and how could you go wrong? Trust me, the breaks for ads were more interesting.

Riding the Bullet (2004)

Will something PLEASE happen

[3/10 · 18 June 2023]

Am currently watching this bore fest. After over a third of the movie, I am contemplating doing what the main character tried to do in the bathtub. Will something please, please, happen. Endless near misses by one vehicle after another. Endless encounters with people who are not there. Endless talks with oneself. If this is anywhere near faithful to a Stephen King story, he should have relegated it to the circular file and started over. Good grief, the endless Draft King commercials are more interesting. As a die hard film buff, I will force myself to watch the entire thing, but I have seen 1950's black and white B movies with more excitement and story line.

The Devil Below (2021)

The Devil uses this movie to torture damned souls.

[2/10 · 17 June 2023]

The title is interesting, so even with a less than 5 star rating I decided to watch this hot mess. I made the mistake of watching it all the way through and will never get back the time I wasted. The story line had so much potential, but the execution was non-existent. The majority of the movie is shot in darkness, even when out in daylight, which, to me screams poor production values and even worse special effects. In these two things I was not disappointed. There were a few promising scenes with the encounter with the promised "devil" but they were brief and unrealised, almost feeling like they were included to justify making the thing to begin with. Please do not waste your time squinting at this. Your optometrist will thank you.

The Flying Saucer (1950)

Undefinable Filmed Oddity

[2/10 · 9 June 2023]

Early in the movie, the two protagonists are out in nature. There is a glacier, with an amazing waterfall flowing down it. They sit with their backs to it, so that they can be in the picture with the scenery. It does not get any better. Of the 75 minute running time, one gets about 5 seconds of what was purported to be a flying saucer, which it is not. Add to this the voice-over narration by the main character, and the annoying, ever present sappy, sappy, sappy music which seems to play at any point where there is no dialogue. More of a travelogue than a movie. Turn off the sound and watch the scenery, which is the only thing this movie has going for it.

Occupation (2018)

What's not to like...

[7/10 · 27 May 2023]

What's not to like about Aussies fighting aliens? The many low review scores are completely unfounded. Yes, it is long for what is has to say, and could use some major editing of its nearly 2 hour length. With that said, it gets off the ground pretty quickly, unlike other science fiction movies that make you wait through half the movie before there is any action or before you see the aliens. The action scenes are decent and the special effects work well with the story and budget. The acting is not bad for a low budget movie and the script works. Yes, the story is a familiar one of alien attack and human response, but it is done well enough to hold your attention. Don't let the low scores fool you. This is worth watching, at least once.

It (I) (2017)

High Expectations with Moderate Returns

[6/10 · 22 April 2023]

I had high expectations for this film. After all, it was a big Hollywood remake of a television movie on one of Stephen Kings best books. Well, yes, the effects and production qualities are better, but I still prefer the Tim Curry character. Simply having a bigger budget and having more gruesome special effects, does not make the movie better. When I read the book, I was caught up in the relationships of the group of young characters, which came across in the tv movie much better than in the Hollywood version. They were all working and experiencing the horror and working to fight it. In the 2017 version they seem like individuals just thrown together, who are forced to help one another out of need and not out of friendship. Hollywood splits them up into neat little packages and tells their individual stories and does little to make them a cohesive force. And, moving the story to a literal haunted house and out of the barrens was a major blunder. How cliche.

Shortcut (II) (2020)

Better than you might think

[7/10 · 18 April 2023]

Based on the reviews I read, I was not expecting much, but was pleasantly surprised as this was an engaging teen horror flick. It has an interesting plot, the teens put in a good performance, the creature is not cheesy, and it held my attention. And, by the way, listen to the music in the soundtrack. The music by Benjamin Kwasi Burrell is well above the norm that you hear in these low budget horror flicks and added much to the entire movie. I will look for that name in the future. Overall, it is a child of its genre, but nicely entertaining and you will not feel that you have wasted your time. Give it a watch.

Killer Wave (2007– )

More ecological indoctrination

[2/10 · 13 April 2023]

I watched until they met and, of course started with the climate change, fossil fuel demon, overpopulation, bovine droppings. Getting so sick of these disaster movies that have but one culprit and they keep beating it to death. The science used in the film is pure conjecture, and almost laughable, but, of course, follows the mantra of the times. When, oh when, will writers and directors get some real inspiration and stop using the same cliches to fuel their disaster scenarios. The acting is not bad, nor are the effects, but one tires of the same premise, over and over. So, with that said, watch at your own peril.

The Relic (1997)

Save your eyes and don't watch

[4/10 · 28 February 2023]

This is a passable, even entertaining monster flick, what little of it I was actually able to see. Save your eyes, however, and find something else. The overall lightsource in this film is a candle from 50 feet away. I was actually getting a headache from squinting to see what was going on. Everything, even scenes in full daylight were darker. The indoor scenes were virtually unwatchabe. I checked to see if it was my tv, and set it to full brightness and everything was still dark. I hope that this was not the intention of the director and that somewhere along the way the light levels were messed up. But, if this is not the case, don't waste your time.

The War of the Worlds 2021 (2021 Video)

Left wing movie making has reached the bottom.

[1/10 · 26 February 2023]

The brief story line "Some say right-wing media has no bottom. But ALIENS! REALLY??! This can't be real." tells it all. This is some snowflake infused rant against the right from people who do not see how completely laughable they, themselves are. Bad in so many ways. Script is a warped rip-off of War of the Worlds but ignoring any of the qualities that Wells put into that work. It replaces thought provoking premise of an alien attack with endless dialogue of people just talking and sometimes yelling, at one another. The acting is on the level of a middle-school production. If only the aliens had arrived and conquered the film crew before this was made.

Collapse (2015)

Collapse of anything resembling a movie

[1/10 · 26 February 2023]

I made the mistake of watching this all the way through, hoping at some point it would make a point. It did not. It begins with a protracted apology to the trees and plants and earth for all the evil we have done; if you can believe that. Then suddenly there are other people running from a fog. There are glimpses of what you assume will be the monsters that never again appear in the film, while everyone gets preachy about global warming, the end of the world, and other theories of what the heck is happening. Sadly, even the director did not know what was happening, and gave us a salad of bad acting, incessant posturing, dismal poetry, and unfulfilled expectations. Please don't make the mistake I made by watching this drivel.

For Greater Glory: The True Story of Cristiada (2012)

An Enlightening Motion Picture.

[9/10 · 11 February 2023]

With all that passes for good film making, this one is an excellently made film that I could not take my eyes off of. What was more compelling was that the events in the picture were true. This is what saints are made of and I could not bring myself to believe that this happened less than 100 years ago. The acting, the directing, the cinemetography, the script, the music, all came together to put many a high budget Hollywood film to shame. Yes, it was about a war on faith but it was in no way preachy and kept to the facts as they are known, and could be verified by documents and films of the time. It was interesting at the end that the director showed some of this historic footage which he recreated in the film. Viva Christo Re was the battle cry and I say Viva Good Film Making. A must see.

A Christmas Carol (2009)

A Christmas Classic marred by some gratuitous 3D gimicks.

[8/10 · 15 January 2023]

I am a confessed "A Christmas Carol" junkie. I have all the movie versions, including Edison's, and about two dozen different copies of the novel. This version, is quite good in many ways. First of all, in that it does not shy away from many of Dickens' lines of dialogue, which many a screenwriter somehow thinks they can improve. Secondly, it is able to do, by means of the digital medium, many of the things that Dickens could only envision in his imagination. Thirdly, it includes some scenes from the novel that are commonly left out. Where it fails is a big minus, in that it includes gratuitous scence and circumstances that are in the movie for the simple reason that they enhance the 3D aspect while sacrificing the story line. Two glaring ones come to mind. The laugable ride on the Candle Cap of the Ghost of Christmas Past. Completely unneeded. Then, the perverted idea of The Incredible Shrinking Scrooge. It is such a plot ruining concept that I will just leave it at that. The visuals are stunning. The acting voices are great. The story, minus what I have alread mentioned, is well told. Some reediting could make this a great, instead of good, film version of the novel.

Christmas Carol: The Movie (2001)

A veritable Humbug.

[3/10 · 10 December 2022]

If you are a fan of Dickens or just of "A Christmas Carol" you will be completely disappointed by this travesty. It uses the story of Scrooge as a framework to pin on stories about scampering mice, people being sent to debtors prision, and a narrative that is so poorly written that it contains not a single word of Dickens' original novella. The dialogue so cheapens the master of the English language as to make it laughable. Add to this, that, other than the useless mouse, it introduces characters and situations that are not in the original. Also, it mixes up scenes from the original. For example, we see the two gentlemen seeking donations, right after the visit from Marley. How ridiculous is that? As an amusement for small children, who know little of the story, it is passable. But, if you know Dickens at all, you will be more than insulted at what they have done to his marvelous story. There are far too many versions to waste your time on this drivel.

Fred Claus (2007)

More than meets the eye

[7/10 · 3 December 2022]

There is more to this movie than one would think, given the subject and Vince Vaughan. To be sure, Vince does his usual stuff, but the movie has some really tender moments, as well. Get through the beginning, which is a fairy tale beginning and get ready for a joyful romp with Vince as Fred Claus, the older brother of Nick, Paul Giamati, as Santa Claus. Needless to say, there is friction, complicated by the arrival of an efficiency expert, played well by Kevin Spacey. Christmas and Santa are in jeoplardy, but not as common a plot twist for this type of film. There is more than meets the eye. The Snow Globe scene will get you choked up, if you have any heart at all. It's a lot of fun, and very family friendly.

Event Horizon (1997)

In space, no one can hear you yawn.

[6/10 · 30 October 2022]

I am seriously puzzled by some of the high ratings and accolades given this film. It is rather formulaic in the sense that many B movies or Indie movies are. I watched it some years ago, and based on the reviews, decided to give it another try. I wasted my time. It is essentially a run of the mill horror flick with name actors and better special effects. I actually watched an old flick a while back that was basically Satan taking over a spaceship. It held my attention better than this did. It tries so hard to scare, but falls short, relying on oodles of blood and suggested gore. Given the cast involved, this could have been a much better movie.