sampleman411-1 Reviews

The Joy Luck Club (1993)

A String of Pearls

[10 July 2002]

An American-Asian Quilt woven by worthy hands.

Four women and their daughters tell their life stories in a stunning film worthy of Industry respect. Pearls of wisdom come from the mothers, engendering more understanding of our parents (regardless of their ethnicity), and how youth seems more concerned with peer pressure than with their individuality (and unique, ethnic nature).

Understandably this epic story becomes all too melodramatic in its unfolding of maternal traumas throughout the older women's years (such as infanticide and the dishonor suffered by unwilling concubines), but it is still worth viewing. The younger women (the daughters) go through a spiritual evolution, and are the better for this.

Cocoon (1985)

Precious Cargo

[10 July 2002]

Extraterrestrials land in Florida and, instead, become victim to desperate, elderly Earthlings wanting to cling to the beauty of love and life. Their are no real villains in this film and, because of this, only adds realism to a story that deals more with humanity, than it does a 'flight of fancy.'

Cast: Maureen Stapleton's trembling lips speak volumes. A motley crew of veteran theater and big-screen actors given a worthwhile opportunity to effectively emote and stand center-stage, in what I consider to be a winning swan song vehicle (today, some of these actors are no longer with us).

What should have ended up on the cutting-room floor: "May the Force be with you!"--Steve Guttenberg's farewell

Director: Ron Howard did miracles with material that, unlike the film "Close Encounters of the Third Kind," moves the human spirit and treats its actors like three dimensional beings, and not pawns to be foisted smack-dab in special-effects that threaten to take over the entire picture.

Ameche took home the "Supporting Actor" Oscar. If you ask me, the entire supporting cast should have been given a Herscholt Humanitarian Award.

Rather than your ears and eyes, listen and watch "Cocoon" with your heart. The film's climax is a metaphor, and it's up to the viewer to decide what type of metaphor this is.

Exorcist II: The Heretic (1977)

Forked Tongue in Cheek

[10 July 2002]

A priest and a psychiatrist battle against the devil to protect Regan's soul.

'Would've's' and 'Should've's' abound, but they are necessary...

'Heretic' is not a horror film by any viable gradient, but it is still worth watching. Unfortunately it might make one want to occasionally snicker, and only become horrified when one asks him/herself that the 'makers of this one could have spend the production dollars on less lofty pursuits, and gotten a tidier profit in the offing ('Heretic' bombed, and bombed badly at the box-office!).

'Heretic' is unjustly underrated for not living up to the horror success and excess of its predecessor. This sequel features excellent histrionic contributions by actors Von Sydow and Jones (as the two admirable ‘father figures'), fantasmagorical cinematography and sound (Whitlock mattes don't hurt either) and a plot/storyline that could have really gone somewhere if the makers had instead decided to write a seriously gripping novel first, and a so-so adaptation second.

Von Sydow returns as a much younger Fr. Merrin. The actor's role should have been further expanded, allowing for less unintentional audience laughs caused by other characters.

Fletcher and Burton, both talented actors in their individual right, only make matters worse by agreeing (or allowing) to break from their characters and trust the other to further ruin the storyline. For instance, why does the, initially responsible, and highly professional, psychiatrist suddenly trust the priest to commandeer her mutually-hypnotic sessions with Regan, when the priest has not been properly briefed and trained?

Fletcher herself somewhat physically resembles actress Burstyn (who played Regan's mother in the original film), so it seems an even better (and preferable) creative effort to have merely cast her as such, instead of allowing for her character to further muddle a storyline (as evidence points in the original film, science has nothing to do with Regan's condition) that only gets more confusing as it comes to its grinding halt ending.

Some video releases retain the ridiculous survival of one particular character, who gives a groaningly transparent attempt to seem victorious and biblical. Other video versions did away with this character altogether, sparing its audience further ‘torture' and allowing viewers to catch their breath from having laughed so hard.

Why Linda Blair thought this script was worth being a part of is anybody's guess. She was, no doubt because of her tender age, going through her own brand of inner turmoil and couldn't see straight.

Training Day (2001)

Night of the Locust

[9 July 2002]

Respectively, Washington and Hawke are 'sorceror' and his would be 'apprentice' on the L.A. crime fighting beat.

Denzel Washington deserved the Oscar for his performance as a megalomaniacal cop with delusions of "King Kong."

Not enough good things can be said about this film, without revealing more plot details... except to say Washington has his most ripping scene in the end.

Like the group of friends I saw this with, I didn't expect too much, and ended up liking it a whole lot more.

Ghost (1990)

Get Real!

[9 July 2002]

Dull artist loses her even duller husband in some type of N.Y. street violence. African-American woman is out to con the widow out of her money by pretending to be a channeler of the dead.

About the only thing mildly interesting in this quasi-bit of celluloid entertainment is Goldberg's Oscar winning supporting role as a pretend psychic who turns out to be a latent psychic.

There's nothing worse than a romance, trying to become a comedy, trying to become a horror story. The lead actors (Swayze and Moore) are still as dislikable as they are in previous and subsequent films (I mean, who really saw Swayze in anything other than 'Dirty Dancing,' and what drugs was Moore taking when she agreed to appear in 'G.I. Jane and 'Striptease?').

Not even the 'oh, my darlin' love theme (still beautiful, but I forget who sang/composed it) could save this unintentional nightmare from making me want to hurl. Watch this one with 'Ghostbusters' as a double feature on 'Mystery Science Theater 3000.'

Airport '77 (1977)

Seafood anyone?

[2/10 · 2 July 2002]

Capt. Gallagher (Lemmon) and flight attendant Eve Clayton (Vaccaro) are a supposedly hot item in this death trip; a luxury 747 airliner decked out to look like a nightclub-slash-hotel… there's even a blind piano player who falls in love. Karen Wallace (Grant) is the hysterical b!$3& who'll do anything to get attention from henpecked husband Martin (Christopher Lee) and, later, the rest of the people on board.

Memorable Moments: Boeing 747 doing a belly flop in the Atlantic Ocean, Karen getting her chops busted when she goes too far, and furniture (and screaming people) who become 'ball bearings' in a sinking 'pinball machine.'

The action and rescue sequences here are relatively phenomenal, but not much goes on in between. Hitchcock was supposed to have directed this sequel, but I forget the reason why not… He would've done wonders for the 1970 original, on which this sequel is partly inspired ('77 also got inspiration from `The Flight of the Phoenix').

Actors Cotten and de Havilland reunite from their days on `Hush, Hush, Sweet Charlotte' (apparently here they are not playing heavies, just reunited ‘Autumn Years' lovers). And isn't the actress playing Emily's companion the same one who played the hammered-to-death maid on `Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?'

TV actors include the girlfriend from `Mayberry RFD' (her character's daughter wins a drawing contest, or something lame like that), `Buck Rogers' Gil Gerard and `Dynasty's' Pamela Bellwood.

Airport (1970)

Runway Hits and Misses

[9/10 · 2 July 2002]

Potboiler novelist Arthur Hailey (he also wrote `Hotel') set the true precedent for Disaster Movies of the 1970s. The plot involves a busy International airport, a Rome-bound 707, and a mad-bomber.

The movie clocks in at about 216 mins. but (personally) plays more like 90 (Director/Screenwriter Seaton did the best he could, and is hereby commended). The script includes dialogue and action that agreeably vacillates between gripping suspense/melodrama and unintentional comedy.

Unfortunately, some of its production values make it rather slow playing when you compare this to recent, and more action packed thrillers modern audiences have grown accustomed to.

Producer Jenning's Lang hit a jackpot. The financial success of the 707 Boeing original spawned a fleet of three 747 sequels, at least two parodies (Airplane!) and countless imitations (`Turbulence' and others).

Collectively, the `Airport' fleet share common interests in various aspects of individual production: Soap-operatics (marital discord and Capt./Flight Attendant romance being the most common of these), at least one hysterical passenger (here he gets 'slapped' at least twice), one cleric passenger (nun and priest in this one), comedian/Vaudeville passengers (Dean Martin plays the straight-man Captain, but he is also known for his sense of humor, having played opposite Jerry Lewis in previous films), an onboard explosion (or crash) and, for the most part, a suspenseful landing sequence.

George Kennedy (as Petroni) appears in all four films; he Captains the plane in '79. Comedians in successive flights include Martha Raye, Sid Caesar, Jerry Stiller, Charo and J.J. Walker.

Overall, ‘Airport' would make a better stage play. Aside from the depressurization sequence, the acting here is more akin to the type of melodramatics better suited for the stage, rather than for the big-screen (thespian veterans Stapleton and Hayes were ‘supporting actress' nominated, Hayes brought home the Oscar).

The story features some interesting exchanges between actors. One entertaining and funny scene involves actors Bissett and Hayes in their ‘white gloves off' interplay (`Never mind what he said! What abour your ticket?').

First Sequel: Contrary to popular belief, `Airport 1975' was released in 1974, the same year as Universal's `Earthquake' (airport scenes of which were drastically cut, including the tremor's destruction of LAX' futuristic Theme Restaurant).

Alfred Newman's music is a little too corny for my palette… bongos and tambourines just don't cut it for me, but his suspenseful ‘landing sequence' musical build-up, interweaving elements heard during the film's opening ‘theme,' does the job admirably. (Two years later, John Williams took the helm and made better use of his own talent, composing 20th Century Fox' `The Poseidon Adventure' and Universal Studios' `Earthquake.').

On a 1-10 scale, I gave "Airport" a 9. Modern runways have come a long way since 1970... and honey-roasted almond packets have replaced stale nuts served in styrofoam cups.

The Carpetbaggers (1964)

Have Gun, Will Pretend

[1 July 2002]

It's sort of hard to believe that, in 1964, this was on the top-five list of box-office draws. Audience turn-up notwithstanding, potboiler novelist Harold Robbins may still have been disappointed with the results; Where's the rest of Robbins' story in this loose 'loose' adaptation... and who are actors Peppard and Baker kidding?

Brief Story Set-Up: A very powerful man, Jonas, uses his devil-may-care attitude and money to alienate the people around him (family and friends). Not even the Depression is able to disable him.

The Production: Not even Bernstein's music or Head's costumes can elevate this soapy/dime-novel script to any level of professional respectability.

Then and Now: Today, this story is fundamentally Old Hat, and it doesn't help matters that the movie is too long to watch at a single sitting! It sort-of plays like a primer on Hollywood (the industry itself, but that's old news also) and what goes on behind closed doors (nepotism, the 'casting couch,' illegitimate birth, et al). Heck, even the words "bastard" and "son-of-a-&%$#" are today used on television, so where's the scandal in 'Carpetbaggers? This film is neither ribald or racy by any of today's standards... Is the 21st Century that desensitized?

The Rest of the Cast: The otherwise talented Hyer, Balsam and Ladd are totally wasted in this 'waste.'

In the early 1960s, Actress Ashley started her relatively successful stage career as a tender-twenty-something (Broadway's "Take Her She's Mine" & "Barefoot in the Park").

In Carpet' Ashley plays wife-victim to an industrialist-mogul who forgets she exists. Ashley quit 'Hollywood' (as well as her brief real-life marriage to Peppard) some years after this film, and returned with moderate success in the '70s ("Cat on a Hot Tin Roof")

You may remember her playing one of the villains in "Coma," and she played 'Aunt Frieda' on the now-defunct TV series "Evening Shade").

Mr. Wrong (1996)

Wrong Comedy

[29 June 2002]

After a few no hitters, Martha meets whom she initially believes to be the 'man of her dreams.'

Martha (played in understandably reserved fashion by talented Degeneres) is disappointed by the 'no hitters' and brushes them off diplomatically. After she meets the Pulman character, actress Degeneres should have taken over with her TV persona, and acted neurotically 'head over heels' in love with him, instead of the other way around. To anybody who's been in love (or heard tear-jerking/heart-wrenching stories from friends), they know that when your romantically inclined prayers are answered, you become a bit neurotic yourself. Like the TV character, more rambling chatter (Ellen does this best in the comedy world) would have been preferable to this inferior product which, to make my point, ended up bombing at the box-office.

Ellen is an extremely talented comedienne, and Hollywood has overlooked better scripts, casting her in this film that can't make up its mind on whether it considers it a proper vehicle for her, or one for Pulman.

Good Points: Welcome San Diego scenery shots; irritatingly-neurotic secretary always wanting to get the last word; overly optimistic coworker who dispenses congratulatory hugs; and the eccentric mother-in-law-to-be who loves playing charades (so much promise, but neither of these aformentioned points truly 'deliver').

Tarantula (1955)

Chroma-Keyed Knees

[29 June 2002]

A presumedly brilliant scientist, in trying to make a more fortified feed-grain, develops a certain sclerodermatic condition, eventually becoming an acromegalic mess. Oh yes, and there's an escaped giant, hairy spider that crawls about the desert wreaking havoc in a Southwestern American desert.

1950's Substandard FX technology notwithstanding, this Universal release has some interesting moments (Hit the ground, incoming flying truck!). And what's with those invisible spider joints; you can see right through the monster's knees.

Hey, isn't that the professor from "Gilligan's Island?"

Once Upon a Time in America (1984)

Better than TV's "Friends"

[26 June 2002]

Timeframe of this Film: 1922 - 1968 (with intervening stops in 1932 & 1933) The film chronicles the lives of four male friends from age 15 to 61.

It is known for a critical climax between Robert De Niro's character and Deborah (played rather unconvincingly by then 20-something Elizabeth McGovern). Jennifer Connelly plays Deborah at a younger age. Tuesday Weld was in her 40s at the time, but convinced me she has what it takes (and looks younger than her years).

The film has sweep and style but suffers from various inconsistencies in plot, structure, disappearing and reappearing characters, bad editing (the original cut was close to four hours long) and more than its rightful share of moments of poetic license regarding narrative threads and supposedly-impressive set-pieces.

Still, Leone's fairy-tale version of Turn of the Century New York resonates with familiar and familial brilliance--particularly in a few moments of cinematographical verisimilitude (Examples: The recurring background shots of the Williamsburgh Bridge {?} and the dankness/interiors of walk-ups).

Early 1970s: Director Sergio Leone was offered by Paramount to helm "The Godfather." Leone turned it down. The real challenge was his own homage to gangster films twelve years later.

Circa 1968: Leone had considered adapting the novel "The Hoods" into what eventually became this 1984 film about (largely) lower eastside Jewish gangsters (My suspicion is that the 'Dominic' character was supposed to be Italian or, maybe, Irish).

It is up to the viewer to determine whether Leone was influenced more from the cine-success of Coppola/Puzo's "The Godfather" or, coincidentally, Leone had this gem in mind all along. At times, while watching 'America, I was reminded of "The Godfather," but Leone's take is more about the absence of marriage and family; two powerful forces which typify the more successful 1972 Mafia film, and its two sequels.

Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

The Deer Hunter (1978)

The Hunters, The Hunted and a box of Tissue

[26 June 2002]

A Pennsylvanian Steel-Mill town is the setting. Six close friends enjoy their last autumn before the 'fall of their youth' (some are drafted into Vietnam hell). The long Wedding Scene (beginning with the moment the bridesmaids rush to the Russian Orthodox Church, dropping some gifts on the way) is brilliantly shot and choreographed (Cimino also studied acting and ballet while in college).

One-hit wunderkind Cimino pounds out an American masterpiece here. His subsequent 'embarrassment' "Heaven's Gate'(an embarrassment only in the sense that it cost $44 million and only recouped $1.5 at the box-office) is today being recognized by cineastes as merely an unlucky yet artful follow-up to "Deer Hunter."

The protracted and infamous Wedding Scene in 'Hunter is necessary, but was once poo-pooed by many film critics.

Director meant this film to highlight the importance of "friendship" and "courage," and not the eye-candy usually stressed in other Vietnam movies like "Apocalypse Now" and "Full Metal Jacket."

During its initial release, some audience members walked out of this film and into private places to cry. If you're anything like these people, you'll love "Deer Hunter."

Damien: Omen II (1978)

The Eyes Have It!

[9/10 · 19 June 2002]

The most remarkable accomplishment on this film is the director's ability to capture the look of shock in various character's eyes.

I like this movie very much, and I don't find it the least bit funny. Damien: Omen 2 is a worthy companion piece to the original that inspired it. True, the plot structures, events and symbolism are similar between these two films, and, I think, 'Damien' is superior in many respects.

Director Taylor does a commendable job here, considering, especially, how many people have bad-mouthed him in the past. Ray Berwick, the same guy who trained the animals in Hitchcock's "The Birds," does a fine job with the (total of 6) Ravens used in 'Damien' (A warning to all nosey Paparazzi: Watch the skies!). The singular avian attack sequence is my favorite, using slow-mo snippets interspersed with reg.-speed footage so that we can get all the grisly, human damage details.

Spectacular miniature model of the Israel archeaological dig (hint hint) which occurs during film's opening sequence.

The actor playing Dr. Kane (Mesach Taylor) eventually played 'Anthony' on television's comedy series "Designing Women."

Jerry Goldsmith is back for the soundtrack (with its characteristic 'Oh-whack!,' frog-like chants), sounding more urgent and intimidating in its sped up tempo.

Enough said. See this horror film; it is vastly underrated!

Insomnia (2002)

This One Begs For A Nap Break!

[16 June 2002]

Not at all bad, in fact the principle players did better than I expected, in a murder-mystery which takes place in a small, remote Alaskan town. Pacino is the L.A. detective, weary and close to retirement, but with people around him who threaten to seal his fate, and ruin his largely pristine career.

Williams, too, is better than expected, playing something more (or less, depending on your personal view) than what television commercials plug and trailers lead you to believe.

Don't lose sleep over this one, but it's worth a look-see just the same.

Rush Hour 2 (2001)

Expensive Plates

[16 June 2002]

How is it possible to make a sequel far superior to its original? Well, Chan and Tucker (Chan got less money than Tucker for this one) smooth out any possible glitches found in the original film, making for a considerably high-polished part 2.

Here there is action, fleeting moments of suspense, plenty of agreeable set pieces (foreign and domestic) and the brand of hilarity this pair is prone to. The supporting characters are always interesting to watch (veteran stand-up comedian, Alan King, turning in a believable performance) and the fight and chase sequences are fantastically dead on.

I hope Rush Hour 3 is equally (or superior) entertaining, and I'll be one of the first in the box-office line. Good Luck in The Big Apple guys!

Scooby-Doo (2002)

Roobie, Roobie-Doo!

[15 June 2002]

Yes, the actors do a good job impersonating cartoon teenage characters... Yes, this film's not all bad, but the cast and extras are wasted in something $90 million could have made more sense in depicting, other than this non-scary (not even remotely scary, considering the characters are based on cartoon ones) mish-mash. And what did all those millions buy, except for glow-in-the-dark painted sets (all two-and-a-half of them), and a plot worse than "Lookers" (itself a film begging to be picked on the rest of its cinematic life!)?

Keep watching Cartoon Network, and maybe they'll air this big-screen mess on the smaller screen it was meant for in the first place.

Time Bandits (1981)

Timeless Travel, Mindless Fun

[10/10 · 30 May 2002]

Yes, Yes, Yes! Innovative, funny, goofball-zany, care-not-in-the-world-boldness-journey where no sane men have gone before and lived from the side-achy-drop-dead-hilarity.

Every now and then there comes a comedy that is all out, nonstop inventiveness, and the makers of it care not a whit whether it will reap profits, garner critical praise or turn people hopelessly cynical (try making a movie yourself and see how difficult it is just trying to come under budget, and keep the cast from really killing each other).

Without giving too much of the plot away, "Time Bandits" can be compared with the subsequent comedy about Baron Munchhausen (an international literary legend and cinematic venture), co-starring Robin Williams as a floating head (wishful thinking, I wish he'd shut up!), and similarly fractured-fantasy-oriented fare such as "The Neverending Story" and the oft-referenced "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland" storybook series (with the books' stronger deliniations on 'potions' which make one metamorphose--read hallucinatory drugs).

Unwind and just enjoy the creativity and professionalism, and the fact that these Monty Python-ites, et al; freaks delivering good-natured ribbing (they're merely boy-children trapped in adult bodies, but you gotta love 'em!) that are greatly underrated, and, although considerably recognized by some critics and film-fans, don't get enough attention in the currently crowded world of wannabe-comics who get larger paychecks for less talent.

Hud (1963)

Shooting Buzzards

[10/10 · 24 May 2002]

This is a cinematic tribute to the last of the modern Westerns, cattle ranching and farming. Novelist Larry McMurtry wrote about a slice of Americana during its waning years.

Hud is the main character who has the worst affect on the people he comes in closest contact with, namely his immediate family members (father and nephew) and their employees (mainly, able and caring housekeeper, Alma).

If you're not affected by this small, Southwestern personal tragedy, then you never grew up in a small, rural town (as I did) during its last legendary days.

The quartet cast of actors is excellent and moving. Newman, Douglas and Neal were each nominated (Douglas and Neal took home Oscars for Best Supporting). 1964: Brandon De Wilde accepted Douglas' Academy Award (Douglas was in Israel at the time). That year, the ceremonies were held at Santa Monica's Civic Auditorium.

McMurtry never topped this, his most dramatically challenging novel ("Horseman, Pass By"). His other books were adapted as films, but nowhere more satisfying than this adaptation. Among other books, he wrote "The Last Picture Show" and "Terms of Endearment."

The Others (2001)

'Are you sitting comfortably? Then I'll Begin...'

[10/10 · 21 May 2002]

`The Others' comes from a short line of well made, serious-horror films since the early years of cinema history. It scared me! It filled me with awe as to the power and effectiveness of film (today, many filmmakers are truly clueless)

Among these aforementioned serious films are `The Uninvited,' `The Innocents' (based on Henry James' novelette `The Turn of the Screw') and, most recently, `The Sixth Sense.'

`The Uninvited' (itself a film based on Dorothy Macardle's novel, `Uneasy Freehold') offered a plot twist (one good ghost, one bad) at the end of the story, answering the audience's possible question, ‘why is the ghost trying to kill her beloved, living daughter?'

`The Innocents' were motherless children (one boy, one girl) who, suppressing their knowledge of the possibility of ghosts ended in the death of one of them, somewhat indirectly, at the hands of their governess, a sexually frustrated, yet well-meaning heroine.

Along came `The Others.' This is a clever reworking of ‘Turn of the Screw' (the ‘governess' here is now the children's religious, overprotective mother) and continues the cleverness in plotting, as seen in `The Sixth Sense."

Watching `The Others' I quickly realized that the director relishes good, old-fashioned ghost stories, and doesn't make a habit of insulting the general intelligence of his audience. Throughout the production, we are given hints as to the very super-nature of the narrative (the fact that the curtains must always remain closed, hints at the metaphor of the mother's unwillingness to ‘see the light' of the truth).

The ‘Others' cast rises to the transcendental occasion. Flanagan is a seasoned stage veteran, and years ago appeared in the excellent television horror film `The Legend of Lizzie Borden,' here again playing a house servant. Doesn't the young actress (playing the mute girl ghost) look something like Anna Paquin (although I know she's not her)?

Like "The Innocents," the adult, female lead character walks alone about the mansion, night surrounding her, carrying a candle-holder and expecting... Are you sitting comfortably? Then I'll end this review here, I've said too much already!

Hannibal (2001)

Bear Trap

[8/10 · 19 May 2002]

Washington, DC (US) & Florence, Italy, c1995. (According to the Thomas Harris novel) it is seven years after Hannibal's escape from his temporary Memphis holding cell. On record he has killed 15 people.

The Film: (A definite improvement over the Thomas Harris novel, on which it is based) Hannibal goes into hiding in Florence, Italy. He is currently on the Bureau's top ten wanted criminals list.

Things aren't going so well for Clarice Starling. Until now she has been riding on the coattails of having heroically-and single-handedly-killed Jame Gumb (Serial-killer `Buffalo Bill' from the previous film "Silence of the Lambs."). Her altruistic reputation is tarnished after a botched drug raid.

Subscribing to various newspapers and tabloids, Hannibal soon finds out about Starling's predicament and resumes communication with his favorite female correspondent. It seems the young secret agent still has some things to learn about her humble origins and the ruthlessness of bureaucratic ulterior motives.

Meantime Hannibal's sole surviving victim, multimillionaire Mason C. Verger, has been plotting his revenge against Hannibal Lector. Mason is a mess. Grotesque face (bad skin grafts do nothing to improve his countenance--Gag!), and an equally monstrous personal psychology have not helped his situation.

Hannibal, Clarice and Mason are brought together thanks to the greedy diligence of the Florentine detective, Rinaldo Pazzi, who figures out that Hannibal is living under the name of Dr. Fell, an art historian and connoisseur.

So much for the set-up of this film's plot. "Hannibal" is not for the squeamish or faint-hearted. Fair Warning: Don't eat anything heavy before seeing it.

The War of the Gargantuas (1966)

Clash of the Titanic Brothers

[18 May 2002]

A fond and nostalgic personal memory, "War of the Gargantuas" was a welcome treat in my family's living room (they had more console television sets back then; am I getting old or what?), and is one of my favorite Japanese monster movies. When they aired it, which was often, I'd get a chance to watch it five times during that week, at 8:00pm on a KTLA (Los Angeles area Channel 5) Movie of the (whole) Week (I was just a kid then, and before anybody was able to rent videos at Blockbuster).

Barebones Summary (without spoiling it for the inexperienced viewer):

A beautiful young female scientist, Akemi (pronounced ‘ uh-kay-mee '), does research on a docile, missing-link-like monster child -eventually called `The Brown One.' (There is a cute scene in which Akemi feeds it a chocolate bar, soon after it has played with children's toys). One day the small and hairy young creature escapes the laboratory and grows up alone in the forest. Some years later Akemi meets an American scientist, Paul Stewart, and you just know these two lovebirds are going to fall in love.

Meanwhile at Tokyo International, a huge green monster pops out of the ocean and proves everybody wrong when they say Airport food is lousy. The ugly sea titan sticks its hand in an office window, pulls out an even uglier cleaning lady and shoves it in his mouth. As it munches away and spits out the wrapping (clothes), the clouds overhead start to clear (Ouch, it hates the light!), so it peels-off down the runway and dive-bombs into the ocean.

Elsewhere that evening, aboard a luxury yacht, an American singer belts out a corny love ballad to her formal audience-`The words get stuck in my throat…' (And you just know someone--or something--will soon put a stop to her awful singing).

Before you know it, the behemoth brothers meet several times to resume their sibling rivalries by knocking the wind out of each other, smashing military vehicles of all shapes and sizes, and knocking over downtown buildings.

I believe WOTG offers considerably more than your usual Toho Studios/Japanese Monster Movie, and could do with a modern spin (provided the original plot is not much altered as to seem another film entirely). It certainly has its comedic moments, as already mentioned. There are infinite possibilities in remaking it. The Japanese are great at creating model tanks and realistic building models… all that stuff. And the title creatures are scary looking… ‘Green' looks like a gargoyle without horns, and ‘Brown' looks like a somewhat frightening, foreign version of Frankenstein's montster

The Deadly Mantis (1957)

I Like This Movie!

[18 May 2002]

Say you like this movie if you thought it wasn't a complete waste of your time. Seriously, folks, movies are largely just an assemblage of lies (including documentaries and biographies) strung together by some type of formulaic narrative strategy.

As Giant Monster Movies usually go, I've only two personal favorites: Japan's "War of the Gargantuas" and this one served up in the late '50s by America's Universal Studios.

This lie (In real life, even prehistoric dragonflies didn't get half as large as this cinematic 'creation') is told effectively enough; for its time, it must have seemed infinitely impressive.

So if you felt you had to say anything about DM, say enough good things about it as well...

Serviceable special effects, especially when we get close-ups of the titular Praying Mantis, peeping in windows and a roar to match its size and density. The monster has a special aversion to planes, trains and automobiles (all the miniature vehicles and sets met with my own personal 'satisfaction' standards).

The overall production is marred slightly by the film's initial 'public service message,' warning us that atomic energy is bad (Duh!), and its piddling knowledge about North American ground control (yadda, yadda, so what!), the story's most interesting moments are repeatedly slowed down by long stretches of non-activity (through the use of time filling dialog and scenes that take you 'nowhere' in particular).

In short, this would have made a fascinating half-hour production, with non-stop original thrills (Case in Point: the filmmakers in this one resisted showing a hyper-destructive opportunity when, as the flying monster alights on the Washington Monument, it doesn't destroy it; my guess is, it needed to rest its wings).

I must point out one error in DM: Although Mantis is supposed to be migrating due south, why is he heading north, from Washington, D.C. to New York City?

I found the ending satisfactory (Watch for the modest, yet interesting false alarm!).

Dinotopia (II) (2002)

Underrated Future Classic

[8/10 · 15 May 2002]

I enjoyed the two Gurney books (upon which this mini-series was based) and their stories. I hope parents will buy their children a copy of "Dinotopia" (the last two installments were aired at 8pm, cutting into bedtime hours for the youngest audience members), it really warrants an entire family viewing.

Most of us TV and Film addicts know what Dinotopia is about, so I won't bother going into too much detail.

Dino' teaches (is that so wrong nowadays) and enlightens (so what that it's plot and characters are preachy and two-dimensionally depicted). The 'series (not the books) is about two brothers (one egotistical, the other afraid of his own shadow); one learns humility by becoming a ceratopsian-nanny and the other becomes a pterosaurian-pilot.

Watch this one with your children and don't listen to all those impatient and cynical film critics who write tired newspaper reviews. The action and dialog wasn't as bad as all that, and the climactic (and a little frightening) Pteranodon swarming sequences were about as good as any made-for-television film can get without the censors breathing down the program production's backs.

Ultimately, viewers will have the last word on whether Dinotopia becomes a staple on video/DVD family shelves.

The Positively True Adventures of the Alleged Texas Cheerleader-Murdering Mom (1993 TV Movie)

Ask Yourself, 'Who Was Telling This Truth?'

[9/10 · 15 May 2002]

Are the events, for the most part, `Positively True' as featured in this made-for-cable movie? And, again for the most part, is the dialog uttered by the various real-life (some added, some name-changed to protect the truly innocent) characters featured here also `Positively True?'

Sincerely, it doesn't matter if the facts are played straight and true in this pseudo-docu-account.

The supposedly 'true-life' plot concerns the eventual indictment of Wanda Halloway, a devoted and `crazy' suburban-Texas woman who will go as far as paying a hit man to murder her cheerleading daughter's major competition rival, Amber Heath.

Does this 'plot' sound familiar; well it should, it may have started a wave of satirical black comedy/teen film spoofs such as `Drop Dead Gorgeous' and `Bring It On,' both starring Kirsten Dunst.

The film itself serves on numerous levels: It is part textbook example (to be studied in schools, especially those colleges with the best Communications/Media departments), part comedy, part drama (especially towards the end of this film), part social-and-political statement, part reflexive parody (One character suggests actress Holly Hunter play the murder suspect, Wanda, which, in reality, Hunter does play here!) and part lynch-mob Greek Tragedy.

Call this movie what you'd like, it delivers, and it was worth every bit of Cable company money I paid to see it… even almost ten years after this film was first released on a cable channel.

The ultimate hilarious cameo would have been if soap Queen, Susan Lucci, actually showed up for a probable 'Wanda' in a screen test. Incidentally, Hunter won an Emmy for her multi-talented/multi-faceted title role.

Please see this film.

The Out of Towners (1970)

"What's Your Name?" George Kellerman

[8/10 · 15 May 2002]

Midwest married couple, George and Gwen Kellerman, chronicle their Big Apple nightmares when George races to make a job interview, and everything seems to go as wrong as possible.

If you like Neil Simon's comedic plays and films, then this is the one to place on your 'must see' list. Actors Lemmon and Dennis each do an impeccably hilarious job. Lemmon, again, is the epitome of 'perfect timing' and has the material down pat, and Dennis is great at looking jet-lagged and harried. Neither of these actors goes too much over the top as to seem unbelievable, and (personally) their is enough credible 'couple' chemistry to support this.

On the Remake: Steve Martin and Goldie Hawn reprised the Kellerman roles in a recent remake of the untouchable Simon original script.

There was promise in adding to Lemmon's original 'George' portrayal, but Martin does nothing to improve on the other actors previous comedic timings, and overall portrayal of a neurotic businessman bent on getting every Manhattanite's name down so that he can later sue them for whatever inconvenience he (or his wife) has been subjected to.

Hawn only has one notable seen in the remake (as wife 'Gwen'), when she throws her scene of furor at the police station.