User Reviews

** may contain spoilers but not really***

Wow , so I just finished watching this movie. And all I have to say is wow. Thesar-2 got it 100% correct. Check out his review for more details, but from the horrid acting (seriously bad) to the horrible songs (really really horrible) to the horrible singing ( omg these people r sooooooo bad! The drummer is the worst!) not to mention the all around horrible atrocious story/plot. This move has zero redeeming qualities. None. This movie is textbook of why never to do ever again. I do t write many reviews but I had to say something about this hour and 23 min excuse for a really bad amateur band to get noticed. And I love a good musical and I love horror and this was neither. All bad, all bad, all bad. Like I said. Read theses-2's review for even more reasons why this movie is awful. Someone while in mid attack breaks out into song! Seriously! Stay away!

Amazing. This has to be a record. It's the 9th of January, 2012, and even though Don't Go in the Woods isn't scheduled for theatrical release until January 13th – I watched it via Video on Demand, I strongly doubt any movie could come close to knocking it out of the #1 spot on my Worst Movie of 2012 list. Heck, it's creeping up my all-time worst list.

I want to blame the advertisers. Really, I do…but when one critiques a film, it's not the marketing crew that's to blame. That said, this is sold as a HORROR movie, a throwback to the killer-in the-woods of the 1980s. And boy was I excited for it. I'm a child of the 80s horror, specifically the Friday the 13th sub-genre and its followers.

This…is…a…MUSICAL. I wish I could even say, "Well, at least it's 50/50 musical and horror." That would be inaccurate and a lie. I would be even too generous to say it's 80% Musical and 20% Horror.

Even if it were 100% musical, it still wouldn't work. See, at about the one hour mark (out of ONLY 83 minutes), I gave up on the whole idea this was horror, despite the 20 seconds devoted to suspense up to this point. I accepted this is a musical, pure and simple. Sadly, it still did not work as a musical. You will have a bunch of mindless, boring and completely and utterly hallow individuals that sing song after song after song for practice.

I don't wish to see an "up'n'coming" and unknown band practice for a full-length movie. Likewise, I would loath seeing an accountant crunch numbers for an hour and a half. Mindblowingly worse, every once in awhile, the movie shifts to some sort of music video in the most asinine scenarios.

Of the many, many unintentionally funny and WTF moments, the best (or worst?) was a foreign exchange student is trying to translate/explain there's a killer in the woods and her first instinct is to stand in one place, sway back and forth and sing in her native tongue in order to give the killer enough time to catch up.

Ahhh, I haven't even gotten to how much I hated the characters. The worst of which is the controlling, depressing and boring lead who's against the usual things that get the normal "killer-in-the-woods" all riled up: sex, booze and drugs. Oh, and cell phones. Lest anyone actually needs one, he wants to chop them all up so they can write music. (???)

OK, so there's a method to the Demetri Martin Wannabe's madness – he just really wants to better the band. How sweet and stupid.

The ONLY bright spot was that since these cardboard cutout characters are so blah and whiney, you really, REALLY, wanted them to die. And you'll get your wish. Only, you'll want them to be smashed by the weird twist-on-the-machete-weapon, a sledgehammer, from minute one and every single aching minute until they do, approximately 5-10 minutes before the end.

You would be better off playing 83 straight minutes of Pandora as that app would be highly more of a thrill to listen to and watch. You'd be blind (ha – I forgot: there's a blind character for no reason other than, other than, why was he blind again?) if you didn't see the sad little and unoriginal twist coming from the first five minutes. And you'd be a fool to go into these woods.

1/10 Stars. I plead with you to skip this. I'd even condone you voting Republican than giving this movie anything over fifty cents of profit.

(Spoiler Alert! I can't help it, but if you do plan on wasting your time here, even if it's only 83 minutes, don't read the next two words…Fight Club. I mean seriously? That's supposed to be original? I did see it coming, but even if it were dropped on me as a total shock in the finale, I would be like OH! You're a fan of soap. Big f'ng deal. Now, go write an original screenplay that involves more words than lyrics and less time with plagiarism. Sorry, I had to get that off my chest.)

The movie is described as a "slasher musical" but we're 1 hour and 4 minutes into the movie (which is a total of 1 hour and 23 minutes long) and so far, there have only been a couple deaths, and those have been primarily off screen. There are songs, however, just about every 5 minutes. The movie would be far more successful if that ratio were reversed. Plus, one of the main characters keeps going into this portentous monologue about hurricanes and - I think - how they're a metaphor for life or something, but it's delivered in such a monotone that it more lulls you to sleep than imparts any wisdom. Cap this all off with characters bursting into song as they are trying to warn their friends about the killer or - even worse - as they're dying - and this movie becomes just one, huge confusing mess.

I love D'Onofrio as an actor, but he kind of scares me as a director and NOT in a good way. In a interview with EW, he admitted to coming up with the idea to do the movie because he was bored. This is NOT a good reason to make a film.

The best thing about the movie as a whole is that the woods in which it was filmed are absolutely gorgeous (and, apparently, are D'Onofrio's property - I have to say, I envy the man! What I wouldn't give to have a woods of my own like that :D) Unfortunately, this isn't one of those movies that's so bad it's good or so campy that it's funny. It's plays like it's intended to be taken seriously, and it is so dreadful, the best thing one can do is to seriously avoid it.

I don't even know what I just watched. It was an attempt at a horror movie, but also a musical. A very, very bad musical and a terrible horror movie. The story line is... wait, there is no storyline. The characters are s bad (other than the blind guy... he was ok). Please don't waste your time. I'll save you the trouble. They are running around the woods singing and being stalked and murdered, and sometimes they keep singing as they are being murdered. It's like a joke, but it's not funny. It's not even entertaining and campy. Just a terrible movie. Avoid at all costs.

Review by Ruby: A young man takes his indie band deep into the woods for a weekend of complete solitude to find song-writing inspiration. But soon, they find they are not alone at all.

Vincent D'Onofrio, in his feature-length directorial debut, has taken a group of non-actors and 12 days of filming in the woods, expertly mixed them, and turned it all into a little gem of a scary movie. It has all the elements of a good slasher flick: film editing that creates a mysterious aura, creepy musical sound effects, foreshadowing, and screams and blood enough to satisfy any slasher-phile but not so much as to disconcert those of us who prefer psychological thrillers over gratuitous sadistic violence. Call it Grand Guignol for the thinking audience.

But do not underestimate the musical part of this slasher musical. Sam Bisbee has written a killer (pun intended) soundtrack of indie rock songs that engage as well as entertain. I'm nowhere near being a young person any more, and I was afraid the music might not be to my liking, but Bisbee writes such interesting, intelligent music with truly poetic lyrics, and the kids' voices mastered the nuances so well, I found this becoming my new favorite soundtrack. The music integrated with the images wonderfully, making a perfect blend of sight and sound.

D'Onofrio, with his vast and versatile acting experience, did a brilliant job of casting these musicians and an even more brilliant job showing them the art of appearing totally natural on camera.

The script was conceived and written by D'Onofrio, Bisbee, and Joe Vinciguerra. Please do not let this be their last film collaboration! Their fresh ideas and sly sense of humor melded into a thoroughly enjoyable, if violent, evening of entertainment. Tell your friends. Pass it on. Just…don't go in the woods alone.

The low rating is for the poor cinematography and cheap feel of the film over all.

The over all vision of the film is quite striking, however.

I really enjoyed the songs and the lyrics. The big conceit is that Nick seems like a psycho because he is! He is so obsessed with being great in the music business that he is more than willing to sacrifice everything and everyone to his goal! This movie's vision is very high on metaphor and symbolism (what else would you expect from Vincenzo D'Onofrio?).

I think most horror movie fans hate musicals. I certainly do! But I had to admit that this little crappy film had something. If you bear with it's absurd story line, the songs are quite good (too bad for the band members never surviving to reap the benefits!).

D'Onofrio's vision is an absurd look at the obsession with success, with art, and especially with hit song lyrics that paint nihilist images of life and existence, but do not really face the meaning of their own words. The teen angst that fills most songs is obsessively narcissistic. It views the world from a self-centered perspective without broader context. Every hangnail is a reason for suicide and despair. When faced with real annihilation, its plaintive cries do not match experience. They fall absurdly short of authenticity. But this film juxtaposes the two in a very original vision.

One reason I think many reviewers hate the film so much is that it holds up a mirror to our narcissistic, hypocritical vision of artistic success. No generation that sees itself as having a monopoly on artistic authenticity likes to see itself reflected in an absurdist mirror, and this is exactly what this film does!

Yes, the characters are all stupid, impractical, shallow, foolish, and self-destructive. They barely put up with Nick's maniacal obsessions, but they do so because they see him as the only one who really aspires to the artistic greatness and success that they all would like to achieve. None of them has the slightest clue about what it really takes to be successful, but Nick does, and, in the end, he shows them; to their ultimate horror and demise.

The selfish narcissism is not only unauthentic, it actually turns out to be psychotic and sociopathic as well! Once Nick realizes what is happening to all his friends, he sees it as the ultimate means for his personal success. What music is more authentic than what is born out of facing true despair and extinction? True artistic greatness comes from the context of truly ultimate despair and annihilation! At least this tends to be the dominant artistic outlook of our post-modern existentialist age.

The ending is a devastatingly cynical commentary on artistic success and the extremes to which it often goes. Nothing matters but success and artistic authenticity, leaving a scorched-earth wasteland of hypocrisy and broken humanity in its wake.

Bravo, Vincenzo!

I got up at 2am on my last day in San Francisco before flying back to London, and decided to use my Netflix for the last time on a movie that I heard was pretty bad. Don't Go into the Woods is not 'pretty bad', it's an abomination on cinema.

There is literally NOTHING good about this movie. Nothing. The acting is wooden to the point of static; the script is cringe-worthy; "I dunno, dude, sometimes you just have to light a fire and pray to the songwriting gods."; the characters are all whiny indie w***ers; the location is uninspiring and clichéd; character motivations are ridiculous at all times; they bring up the fact there is a blind guy in the band in almost every scene in which he appears; the gore is rubbish; it's not a horror movie, it's an impotent musical; the direction is clearly crap because what Vincent D'Onofrio has managed to get from his actors is utterly awful. Also, if you wanted to get the most out of your band, why would you start killing them? ARGH, what a terrible, terrible movie.

This movie was AWFUL. The acting was terrible and there was absolutely no direction. The true horror of this movie was the music! Holy bad coffee house drivel, Batman! To the cast of this craptastic movie, DON'T QUIT YOUR DAY JOB. You all suck. This is one movie where I prayed for the brutal, bloody splatter deaths for all involved. However, there was 1 good thing about it..... the effective use of a mallet. When their heads were smashed, they could no longer sing. HULK SMASH!

If you're thinking of watching this film, please heed my warning and don't waste your time. I have never written a bad review about ANYTHING, nor am I normally this b*tchy, but this had me gagging more than the viral video of that girl eating her own used tampon!

After screening this movie at the Savannah Film Festival with Mr. D'Onofrio in the audience and speaking briefly after, I still left very disappointed. Taken at face value, it is a horror musical. Cheesy score, awful singing (musically speaking), mediocre setting (the woods that we surely all traipsed through as kids) and no acting. If that is the intent, it succeeded. BUT I always appreciated this director as an actor- intense, smart and able to peel away the layers of a character and reveal them to the audience with talent and skill often unmatched in feature films and certainly on network television. I imagine the film was enjoyable to make, as he compiled friends and fellow movie makers to make a film in a short period of time, but it served no purpose that I could tell- other than to make people laugh and shake their heads at the absurdity.

I wish I could give half a star or 0 stars. I'm generally an understanding horror film lover and I've seen my share of terrible movies, but do not market this movie to me as a horror movie. This is a musical and I would not have even cared that much but the music itself is sub par at best front he melodies to the singing. At least most of the women were decent at singing and they weren't even in the band. I've seen my day of 1980's teen slasher flicks, and this falls short of the flock. The characters are so bland that it's hard to care for them when they actually die and more emphasis is placed on the singing than the killing, like in the scene when the kids are being killed in the sleeping bag, and you can't even hear the sounds of the sledgehammer being driven into them. Slasher movies are supposed to be a little heavier on the gore, but all this has is some blood here and there. At least have a more ominous soundtrack to emphasize the killing. There is no suspense and the overall acting quality is poor.

This movie needed more killing and less singing. Please.