People who say this movie is worthless simply didn't enjoy the subject matter, and that's understandable, so here's my disclaimer: I'm a raving Gearhead; I love machines of all kinds including those demonic and possessed. I hear about a movie featuring a monstrous man-eating truck that runs on blood and I'm WAY in! If this storyline doesn't appeal to you, you won't like the movie; if it does, as it did to me, give it a chance; I did in spite of the bad reviews, and felt like it was a fun way to spend 90 minutes of a Thursday afternoon.
To invoke David Spade from SNL's "Hollywood Minute" sketch: "this movie was really good the first time I saw it, when it was called Death Ship!" Thus go into "Road Train" knowing that it is a ripoff of that Canadian-produced B-rated classic from 1980. "Death Ship" has been just as savaged by critics as "Road Train", and for some of the same reasons: both are low budget films featuring mostly predictable stories. But the two films also have their strengths in common: namely the atmosphere created by the creepy concept of a machine with a will of its own that needs human sacrifice to "survive." This said, there are also some notable differences: the haunted ship in "Death Ship" has a sickening past that viewer becomes aware of as the movie progresses; the origins of "Road Train's" brand-less black truck (all the maker's logos are conspicuously missing) are less certain. A clue is shown, but much of it is left up the viewer's interpretation. This is one of "Road Train's" strongest points: it doesn't explain everything. There's nothing more frightening than the unknown, and the clues the movie gives you that this vehicle was, in fact, created by someone or something, and that something horrible has been unleashed, gives just enough information to make it more frightening: whatever this thing is, it's been set in motion and it has no intention of stopping. And, as with "Death Ship", the truck "chooses" one of the 4 hapless campers as its disciple, with Craig playing the role of Captain Ashland and using his relationships with the others to manipulate them into providing the truck with what it wants.
So, is "Road Train" scary? No, not at all; but movies about possessed and demonic machines are not about the actors, the score, or even the script; they are about the MACHINES! For instance, would you watch "The Mangler" for its plot twists, or to watch the evil steam iron come to life? And John Carpenter's "Christine" (one of my favorite films of all time) is only tangentially about Arnie or his his relationship with his friends and family; it's about the car. While the monster truck of this film's title may not be as charismatic as a 1958 Plymouth, it still has a lot going for it in the "evil coolness" department; from its logo-less grille with a statue of Cerberus, the guardian of hell, as a hood ornament, to its brothel-like red velvet interior to its radio that only plays a warbling, psychotic noise like evil voices filtered through backwoods rockabilly, she's a villain you just gotta dig.
From a technical point of view, "Road Train's" biggest strength is its wide-angle lensing; the cinematography is far superior to what you usually get in movies of this caliber; the shots of the unbroken desolation of the Outback are beautifully done. The musical score, a combination of electric guitars and industrial samples, is coarse and jarring, adding to sense of dread as the group of 4 campers succumb one by one to the power of the demonic vehicle. The sound effects of the truck, especially its whining turbo, are exactly what you'd expect a demonic truck to sound like. Technically, everything else here is just average, but none of it ever sinks to the level of crap. In spite of its predictability, the movie does have a few very creepy moments, most notably the scene where Liz finds the cabin she's looking for, where within its ruined interior she finds a possible clue to the truck's origins (take note of the "diagram" scrawled on the wall). I LOVED the quick-cut shots of the engine pumping as the blood washed through it, dripping from the valves and lubricating the crankshaft journals; very cool! My last "kudo" is the two crash scenes; both are convincingly filmed.
In spite of this overall positive review, I will admit there are a couple of aspects of "Road Train" that really are awful. The worst of these is the frequent flashes of the red-eyed Cerberus heads and the crawling maggots; this was the type of amateur touch you'd expect from a 12-year old playing with a pirated copy of Final Cut Pro; these unnecessary scenes detract from the movie's tension, and I'd really like to see an edited release of this with those useless scenes removed, especially since removing them would be very easy to do. Another valid criticism is the gun that never seems to run out of bullets. I suppose it's possible to fill in that there were extra clips in the pocket of the jacket, but it would have been easy enough to show this and the film makers didn't bother.
So no, it's not perfect; there are holes in the plot, it's not scary, and you'll see all of it coming down the road at you. I give it 6 out a 10 stars for the simple reason that I like the concept of evil and demonic machines, and the massive truck in "Road Train" delivers. Now, for any fellow machine-heads that may be reading this: I believe the truck cab is an International, although it may also be a Freightliner with a Mercedes-Benz engine; anyone know for sure?
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