the_headless_cross Reviews

Return to Sleepaway Camp (2008 Video)

Worth the wait? Sure

[8/10 · 21 November 2008]

Being a major Sleepaway Camp fan I awaited this movie forever! Of course, nothing seemed to be happening with it (at least release date wise) and after what seemed like eternity I finally see it! And I have to say I wasn't disappointed! From the opening you definitely got that Sleepaway Camp feel, whether it's the totally awesome original or the funny cheesy sequels! And the kills? Good lord, did they bring a smile to my face! I wont reveal any of them, you just have to see it for yourself! Great cast as well, featuring Isaac Hayes (RIP) as a chef (of course) and some old school Campers. Plus a "Don't blink or you'll miss it" cameo from CKY (who are heavily influenced by this movie) But alas, it was not without any faults. The fat kid, who I'm kinda guessing we were supposed to feel sorry for (were we?) just came off as annoying and you just want him to be offed. Oh and the twist? Meh, nothing can beat the twist of the original that's for sure, so don't try to beat it! Overall, a nice faithful sequel to an underrated slasher classic. What's that you say? Another one is planned? Well, bring it! :D

Saw V (2008)

For hardcore Saw fans only

[7/10 · 31 October 2008]

In my review for the previous Saw movie, I said I have a feeling the series is regressing. And I'm afraid I may be right. I came into Saw 5 with mixed expectations. Part of me was saying "This could be the Saw movie that recollects the magic of the first!", another was saying "This one will be the black sheep of the Saw family" and then the other part said "This one won't be horrible, but it wont be great." Well, the neutral part of me was right.

Well, does this offer anything new at all? Not really. What was once a fresh thriller has now become a by-the-numbers slasher flick unfortunately. And let me say I do love slasher films, but how many would be disappointed if another memorable thriller such as Silence of the Lambs was to go to the slasher route? You just don't do that. Almost everybody on this movie had "victim" written right on their foreheads, thus killing any suspense at all. The twist and turns that make the movies great were pretty bland, making Saw 4's twists look like the first movie's. The tagline for this movie is "You won't believe how it ends." Well, yes I'm quite speechless about the ending, but not in the "NO WAY" type of speechless of the first Saw.

Still, it's not a horrible movie. There was quite a bit of stuff that made me go "Hmmmmm" which kept me intrigued enough to look past the predictableness. And what would a Saw movie be without the grueling traps? If the gore in this movie doesn't make you go "Ooooo" or "Ouch" or wince a bit, then I don't know what to say about you. Not the best Saw traps ever, but good enough.

So hopefully Saw 6 will be the last movie. I love this series so much and will even add the lesser sequels to my collection, but I said after the second movie that there was only so much they could do, and they may be running out of that kinda stuff.

The Legend of Bloody Mary (2008)

*yawn* Can they ever do it right?

[2/10 · 15 October 2008]

Bloody Mary always intrigued me. In fact I always thought it would make a good movie someday! Well, guess what? Three movies have been made, but the good movie still has yet to come. Funny, because before putting this in I told myself "Eh, this couldn't be any worse than that other Bloody Mary movie." HA! Fooled myself there! Don't know where to begin with this. Scares and chills are completely nonexistent, pace is very slow between all the stories being told, and between the relationship drama and the sucky music I almost felt I was watching an MTV original show! And that is all I need to say, my friends. Don't need to tell you more except don't waste your time.

The Dark Knight (2008)

What hasn't been said already?

[10/10 · 27 September 2008]

Simply put, this is by far the best Batman movie... ever. But I wont stop there.

For once in a superhero movie, it's the actors that make me love the movie more than the action. Yes, the action scenes are breath taking, but you remember the characters more in this one.

While Bale does need to work on toning down the Batman voice, his portrayal of Bruce Wayne is dead on. Perfect millionaire playboy attitude along with great moments when Bruce is thinking about what he's doing. Michael Caine is the perfect Alfred, bringing the humor and being the father figure for Bruce very well. Morgan Freeman is Morgan Freeman, buuuuut no complaints about that. Oldman's portrayal of Gordon is definitely the best, making us care about him rather than making him a bumbly side character he was in the old movies.

Of course, I have to get to the villains. What can I say about Heath Ledger as the Joker that hasn't been said already? Well, I'll say them anyway. First thing is he pretty much becomes the character. If I didn't know it was Heath playing him before watching this I would have been stunned! The heavy make up helps, but it's also the acting and the voice (covers up his Australian accent very well). Believe me, anytime he's not on screen you almost wish he was. Yes, he's that good. And anyone who loves quoting movies, everything he says is quotable. In summary, Heath IS the Joker. Too bad he had to leave us so soon, because this movie showed how versatile he is with acting and I am starting to appreciate him, and now we sadly will not get something else from him ever again.

And let's not forget the other bad guy in this movie. Aaron Eckhart as Harvey Dent and Two- Face. He is obviously not getting enough attention because of Heath, but he deserves a lot of credit. Tommy Lee Jones' Two Face now that I think about it, was too goofy. Two Face is not a goofy villain, and Eckhart portrays him the way he's supposed to be. A tragic character snapping after his accident, becoming a fearful force who shows no mercy. His screen time (well, as Two Face at least) is unfortunately limited, leaving you wanting more, but you do cherish him with the time he does have. Plus I must add the make up for him is the best ever!

If you must see this, do not just go just for Heath's final performance. Every character/actor does very well and deserve credit. And the Nolans deserve some as well, as they have reinvented Batman and his villains in a way Schumacher, Burton couldn't.

Seed (2006)

Not a pleasant movie

[5/10 · 27 September 2008]

As a horror movie fan, you'd think I have no boundaries to what I can view. The Joker's magic trick in the Dark Knight (I know, not a horror movie) gives me a grin as wide as his, the kid being squished by the pane of glass in Final Destination 2 had me jumping out of my seat to hoot and holler, and the shotgun suicide in Hills Have Eyes? I had to rewind it to view it twice.

5 minutes into this movie, I'm having to look away, cover my ears and hit the fast forward button.

I will not go into details of what happened as it's too depressing for me to remember. But what does happen in the opening sets the mood for the rest of the movie. It's definitely not your average slasher movie, because of the mood set for it, it just shuts you up and does not have you hot and holler (closest was the killing of the security guards in his jail cell, but that's it). I have to give Uwe Boll some props. He's still far from the best filmmaker in the world, but this is showing some maturity from a guy who makes some unfaithful adaptations of video games. But the rewatchable factor of this movie is absolutely zero.

You wont find me saying this a lot, but if you do hoot and holler during the movie (besides the jail cell scene), I do not consider you human. If you do not want to feel absolutely depressed after watching a movie, avoid this.

Postal (2007)

Fun fun fun

[8/10 · 27 September 2008]

Is this movie stupid? Well, yes, but if you look at the tag line for it, it says exactly that. It knows it's stupid, mindless and all that. But you know what? It doesn't care! And if you don't care while watching it, you'll have a groovy time. This is what Uwe Boll should do more of IMO. House of the Dead was some good mindless fun (in a different way of course), Alone in the Dark and Bloodrayne could have been better, but felt too fast paced and Seed was just too depressing. But this movie left me with a grin on my face from its endless satire! Still it's not for everyone, as most of the jokes are too offensive for some (a 9/11 joke and kids being killed), but man after watching this I have to say Uwe's got some balls (which do get shot of in his cameo. Awesome cameo BTW). The only thing I think he could have left out was the full frontal shot of Dave Foley. Yyyyeah, not necessary man.

So to put it in simple terms, IMO Boll's best yet. I know it isn't saying much, but if you're in the mood for some good ol' satire, I'd totally recommend this.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)

In a way, it kinda was needed

[9/10 · 13 July 2008]

Most of the remakes today are deemed unnecessary by fans and critics. In some ways, that is true. But the counter for this argument IMO is the Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake. Let's face it, the series was going downhill. The first is an obvious classic, the second is kinda fun, but lacking, the third was just a little better, but the fourth movie? Don't get me started.

Thankfully this movie came along and brought back the brutality that the movies are supposed to be about. The failed attempt at humor from the 4th movie is gone, nothing more than a sense of dread for the main characters. The family is once again scary as well. R Lee Emery gives a fine performance, almost on par with Sgt. Hartman! And Leatherface, man did they improve him. Not the child minded character or the cross dressing type he was portrayed as previously. Just a guy who goes bananas with his tools when he sees an unsuspecting victim. Gore is something people say is never necessary for a movie, but in this movie's case it works. It really adds to the dread for this movie. I can never forget the scene the guy with his leg recently chopped off being taken downstairs by Leatherface, trying to grab onto the wall and having his fingernails ripped out in the process. *Shudder*

So really IMO, this did to the TCM series what Batman Begins did to the Batman series. Sounds a little odd I know, but watch the sequels after the first movie and watch this. You'll see the improvement

Evilspeak (1981)

Guilty pleasure for sure!

[8/10 · 27 June 2008]

OK, is Evilspeak on par with Halloween or the Exorcist? You know better than that! But you cannot deny how fun of a movie it is! Seriously I think this is the best 80s B-horror movie I've seen in a long time, and heck I didn't even hear of it until just a few days ago!

What's so good about it, you may ask? Well, the fact of how bad it is! The obvious fake dummies during the kill scenes, the unintentional funny lines of dialogue (is it just me or does the way the Sarge says "My crooooowbaaaaaar" sound hilarious?), and I admit, Clint Howard is a good actor, but man the scenes he tried to act serious and shocked came out funny (that one lazy eye doesn't help, dude). And seriously?! Bob Pinciotti from That 70s Show is the lead bully? Wow, what happened, Don? (I mean, besides the obvious aging of course). What else is good? Obviously some great nude scenes, and some good gore scenes as well. Oh and the ending? I actually liked it! I mean, how could you top that awesome climax at the end? You couldn't! They just tell what happened after the events and some nice closing words. No twist ending needed here, just plain and simple!

Any problems with this film? Well, I would've liked to see what happened to his friend and the cook who was one the few people who treated him nice. And uh... I got nothing else.

If you love 80s horror movies, especially the bad ones, give this one a look! Oh and what also helps you enjoy this movie is pulling a Mystery Science Theater 3000 while watching it. Good times, good times

The Incredible Hulk (2008)

Incredible indeed!

[15 June 2008]

OK, I didn't think the 2003 Ang Lee version was THAT bad, but you ever figure out the faults of a movie when seeing the sequel/reboot to it? Now I do with Ang's version and after seeing the new improved Hulk I must say this is 100 times better! We see more of Bruce "Hulking" out and less of the drama the first showed to us. No more of Bruce blaming his father for what happened to him.

Also this presents to us something else the first lacked: humor. OK, don't want the movie to be a total laugh fest, but nothing wrong with a little moments of laughter, such as some nods to the comic and TV show (the purple pants, and of course Lou's cameo, dang he's huge!). A little humor made Bruce seem like a real human rather than Eric Bana's deadpan performance.

Speaking of, the cast, like the story, is redone and redone well. As I mentioned, Norton makes Bruce Banner more human. Nothing against Sam Elliot, but Hurt gives off a better presence as Thunderbolt Ross. Liv Tyler is easy on the eyes (she does have daddy's lips, but still hot), and easy on the performance as well. Tim Roth just owns as the villain here.

The villain of course is the Abomination and what a sweet villain he is (better than the CG dogs and the Absorb Man). And believe me, the fight scene between him and our green friend will bring out the inner nerd in you. Oh, and hearing "HULK SMASH!" will too!

Overall, more action than the 2003 "drama" and more humor leads to what we WANT a Hulk movie to be like. Oh, and don't forget to watch for a surprise cameo (hint: not Stan Lee or Lou) which hints at a possible cool movie event in the future!

Superhero Movie (2008)

Zucker knows what he's doing!

[9/10 · 9 June 2008]

It's a shame this movie had to come out after Meet the Spartans, when everyone lost hope in spoof movies, causing this to bomb. People, this movie is made the way spoof movies are supposed to be done! This had Airplane and Naked Gun written all over it!

1. other than a few references like iWhatever and "you're not in my top 5 anymore" this movie does not focus on pop culture, it focuses on jokes based on the movies it's spoofing! No Paris or Britney in here, just nice creative jokes. One of my favorites being the Hourglass getting glass in his eye and a clever way of spoofing the "hiding on the ceiling" scene from Spiderman.

2.Meet the Spartans was basically what would happen if you had a 5 year old rewrite 300. This movie takes things from the first Spiderman movie and creates a new plot at the same time! Dragonfly is quite the creative substitute for Spiderman, and the Hourglass is actually a cool enough villain that he should be in an actual superhero movie! It just felt good watching an original plot rather than a "dumb downed 100 IQ points" version of the spoofed movie. 3. While there is a spoof of BatmanBegins, a five minute scene of X-Men and a quick Fantastic Four spoof,this movie revolves around Spiderman's plot and that plot only! Not all over the place like Epic Movie or Meet the Spartans. 4. Cast is great. Well, what's a good spoof movie with Leslie Nielsen? Even in his 80s, the man will leave you in stitches. Never saw Drake Bell in anything before this movie, but I can see some bright spots in his future. And Christopher MacDonald is always good at playing a humorous bad guy,what a fitting role for him. Some awesome cameos too, such as Dan Castelleneta (voice of Homer Simpson), Tracey Morgan, and more.

Such a shame this bombed and Meet the Spartans succeeded at the BO. David Zucker, don't trust those numbers. You, along with Mel Brooks, will always be the master of true spoof movies. Your movies will be forever quoted ("Don't call me Shirley") and remembered, while Meet the Spartans fades as the pop culture stuff it spoofs fades too. Just hopefully there is some young future filmmaker out there who goes by his style more.

Meet the Spartans (2008)

Some funny parts, but no heart

[5/10 · 9 June 2008]

This is probably the nicest review for this movie ever. Kinda sad.

I love parody movies. I will admit, I am of the very very very few that liked Epic Movie. And even when people were saying how terrible Meet The Spartans looked I still wanted to see it. Well, just kinda disappointed in what I saw.

First off, the running time. An hour? And that is not counting the "deleted" scenes in the ending credits! They allowed an hour long movie? The running time not only makes you feel cheated, but it also shows at one point, the writers and directors said "Oh crap. We've run out of movies to spoof and celebrities to make fun of. Better call it a movie."

And what is with the recent trend of these parody movies? C'mon, we had enough jokes about Paris, Britney and American Idol in Date Movie and Epic Movie! Look for some new material! Sadly, this should have been called "Pop Culture Movie." And it will be forgotten in 10 years while the things they make fun of fade away. That's why true spoof movies spoof timeless classics (Spaceballs, for the win).

And we are aware of what movies you are spoofing too. What the heck? "...just like Tobey Maguire did in Spiderman 3." Who's narrating this film? John Madden?

Still I gotta admit, some scenes did get a laugh from me. But unfortunately most of those were shown in the commercials/previews, such as the Rambo scene (which was shown at the end of the movie, just slapped in there randomly). And of course, Carmen Electra is always easy on the eyes for sure. One scene with her made me hungry for pizza (those who've seen this will know what I mean). Oh and the actress who plays both Britney and Paris? Way hotter than the both of them will ever be!

So overall I cannot declare this a spoof movie, rather a quickly rushed mix of 300 and everything that is big in pop culture. Want a better one? The Scary Movies are pretty good, and the recently released Superhero Movie knows what to do. Or if you want classic spoofs, rent Spaceballs and the Naked Gun movies.

Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007)

Why all the hate?

[10/10 · 16 April 2008]

OK, I did like the first AVP buuut had a problem with the PG-13 rating, and many other things (like the Predators not skinning their victims). So I anxiously awaited this movie and after hearing about the R rating and seeing the red band trailer, I was giddy as a school girl! Unfortunately missed it at theaters, but just watched it on DVD and I must say it blows the first out of the water for sure!

Where do I begin with why this was so awesome? Well, the gore that was missed in the first movie is back! The aliens show no mercy at all! I mean, frickin' children and pregnant woman are victims of them! Oh yeah they went there! And some nice juicy acid alien blood on a victim's face! Next? New territory! OK, the Predators have been in a city before, but FINALLY we get to see the aliens down on Earth and in a city! (too bad we couldn't get that supposed sequel after Resurrection that was supposed to be on Earth, oh well). This creates many awesome situations, such as aliens in a sewer, aliens in a swimming pool, and aliens in a hospital! Oh and of course, the Predalien! Mean sucker he is! The only thing is I would've liked to see more Predalien vs human action. Oh well.

So maybe not the best in the Alien series or the Predator series, it is definitely the sweetest AVP movie! Bring on AVP3!

Day of the Dead (2008 Video)

If you love zombie movies, then have at it!

[8/10 · 15 April 2008]

Well let's see. They've remade Night of the Living Dead in the early 90s, then about 4 years ago they remade Dawn of the Dead. So it would make sense to remake Day of the Dead, right? (Whoever heard of remaking sequels? Hmmmm)

Well, the surprise here is that this is hardly a remake of DOTD. Sure, it's got the military in it and zombies, so that counts right? By that logic, 28 Days Later is a remake of it. This gives a fresh new look, while still satisfying our zombie needs. Yeah, they went with the "new" zombies, the ones that can run (and climbs on walls! Woah!) but in a way that makes them a little more scarier. I mean, imagine trying to get into a place to escape the zombies, what would be more freaky? The slow walking zombies coming at you thus giving you at least 5- 10 minutes to get in there, have a quick cup of coffee, and find a good hiding spot? Or the zombies faster than an NFL running back coming at you full speed? Thought so.

Well, first the major important part of a zombie movie: Yes, it is gory my friends. These zombies don't mess around. They wont leave leftovers at all if they have to! Oh and these zombies are a little smarter, kinda using what Romero is using in his latest zombie movies. You know what this means? Zombies with guns, zombies that DODGE attacks, zombies who use tactics to sneak on their victims. Oh and a nice little zombie who sorta stays human as he stays friendly and even attempts to save our heroes.

And then there's our characters, who we do seem to care for. Mena Suvari does good, but man does she look hot in military gear! All about them camouflage pants! Damn! And I don't care what anyone says, I actually liked Nick Cannon's character! Yes he seemed stereotypical but it works for this movie and he just cracked me up! All I can say is they should have stuck with the alternate ending!

So if you love zombie movies, and if you love them extra bloody, then I would totally recommend this!

Madhouse (2004)

Exceed my expectations

[9/10 · 13 April 2008]

This movie was just a filler for one of my major movie renting experiences. Knew nothing about it, and this may sound stupid, but I had a bad feeling about it. I know, I know. Kinda stupid to rent something and worry about it sucking after spending the money on it. Well, finally I decided to watch it and wow! Opened up with a bang! The many freaky images are just crazy! And thankfully it never let down! That ghost boy was just unsettling, ditto on the madhouse! You'll never catch me going down to that room alone.

The cast was wonderful too. The lead is Josh Leonard, who I just found out was one of the Blair Witch kids! Good to see he's still getting work after that movie. Then there is the cute as a button Jordan Ladd, who I can just watch in just about every movie. God, she's cute! Natasha Lyonne gives an awesome performance as a crazy girl, but her role is quite small in the movie. And last but certainly not least, Lance Henriksen. Just like Jeffrey Combs, Udo Kier, and Robert Englund, no horror movie will seem complete with guys like these.

The down part of this movie? Well, I was a little disappointed it took the slasher route. Don't get me wrong, I love slashers as much as the next guy. But this would've been a great haunted asylum movie. I mean, Lance is reading books about hauntings in this movie. Don't tease us like that! Oh and the ending just kinda leaves you wanting more. *sigh* Can't anyone get endings right? Oh well.

But other than that, this movie was quite a pleasant surprise for me. Why did this go straight to DVD? Watch this and see if you agree with me

The Skeleton Key (2005)

Well, the twist was cool

[5/10 · 12 April 2008]

This movie always sparked my interest, but alas I missed it in theaters and didn't go crazy for renting it immediately. Finally I get around to it, hoping for an underrated gem. Sadly not the case. The movie just felt too redundant for me. Here's what happens, Kate Hudson takes care of John Hurt, he freaks out a bit, she wonders what's going on, at night she investigates something in her underwear (although can't argue with that), repeat sequence. OK, there was more to that, but I just felt nothing was happening, I've had more happen in my most boring classes! And sadly none of the scares worked for me at all. I wasn't once a little creeped out by the images nor did I ever jump from the boo scares.

But there is a redeeming factor that keeps my rating from going even lower (besides Kate's naked back and underwear scenes): the ending twist! Woah, did not see that coming at all! Even though I can't say I would recommend seeing the movie, the ending is a must see. See it however you want. You can watch this movie (maybe your experience will be different than mine) or look it up on Youtube. But dang did it kick! Too bad I had to sit through an otherwise pretty dull hour and a half to get to it.

So, it pretty much disappointed me majorly, but heck I have seen worse.

Carnosaur (1993)

Wow, can't believe this scared me as a kid!

[7/10 · 7 April 2008]

Buuut in a way I can. When you're young as I was when I watched this, you don't get adult humor and seeing dinosaurs tear people apart can be a little scary. Well flash forward to 15 years later I kinda get curious and decide to give it another watch. And man I can't believe I was scared by it! (Well, Airplane and the evil toilet scene from Look Who's Talking Too kinda scared me too, so it ain't saying much now is it?) First of all forgot how faked the little raptor thing looked! And of course the humor in it as well Seriously, was that hippie stoned when he said "Peace, Green Brother" to the Raptor? Personally I would have said "Ah crap" but maybe that's just me. And the hero does deliver a good action movie one liner with "I hate wildlife" before killing the T-Rex. Very repeatable line there. Oh and this movie was my first exposure to Alfred E. Neuman as well. But the movie does have it's dark moments, such as Diane Ladd (whose daughter starred in the other dinosaur flick that came out around the time this did. Can you guess who she is and what movie it is?) as the evil bioengineer who thinks humans don't deserve the planet and dinosaurs do. Wow, did she wake up on the wrong side of the bed or what? And wait till you find out what the "fever" is.

My only beef with this movie is the middle (or maybe it's not the middle, I can never keep track with 80 minute movies sometimes) where our hero confronts Ladd about what she's doing. It seems she took a little too long to explain her side of the story. I mean, he gets inside, holds her at gunpoint. Next scene it's morning, Sheriff is preparing breakfast, then the next it's night when B Movie king Clint "Not Ron" Howard has his head bitten off, then cut back to the hero still holding Ladd at gunpoint. Dude, you have a gun. Make her give you answers immediately, no matter how cold hearted she is! Seems he was a little too patient.

So, while it's not the scariest movie ever that I thought it was at 8 years old, it's still a fun campy horror movie just not meant to be taken seriously.

Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation (1994)

Poor Matthew and Renee

[1/10 · 5 April 2008]

This was actually the first Texas Chainsaw movie I saw, and thankfully it didn't even scare me away from the entire series at all, but was pretty darn close. I'd have to say out of all the movies (including the remake and it's prequel), this is the black sheep of the family. Even parts 2 and 3 had their fun moments. I don't even know where to start with what is wrong with this flick at all, well I'll just say I didn't like the angle of why the family did what they did. Hint: they're not a cannibalistic group like the rest of the series portrays them, and I can't even believe they chose to go down that path! And Leatherface is a total wussy in this film. So sad they let the face of the franchise do so little to nothing at all in this movie. The major thing about this film is it being the debut of Matthew McConaughey and Renee Zellweger. You do notice that most of the major stars today seemed to do their big debuts in horror movies a lot, but this movie is the stain of their careers. I'd be so embarrassed if I were them. I admire Matthew as an actor, but he just overacts too much in this movie and not the "Overacting so much it's funny" point either. I'd so watch How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days over this one any day.

So if you ever plan a Texas Chainsaw movie marathon, please forget this movie. Like I said, it's the black sheep of the franchise. Where's the 0 out of 10 option when you need it?

Feardotcom (2002)

Wanted to like it, but failed miserably

[1/10 · 4 April 2008]

I was excited for this when it came out. Directed by the person who brought us the underrated House On Haunted Hill, many horror movie veterans (Dorff, Combs, and Kier), and at the time a fresh concept (released just before the Ring and all the other "ghost uses everyday thing to kill you" movies), and a dark atmosphere. So movie starts to begin, things are mixed. Cool death scenes, but scares are nonexistent (and believe me, I'm a wuss at horror movies in the theater and jump at even the fake scares). Use of Rammstein song, major check! But then after the first major death scenes and Dorff decides to check out the website himself, the movie starts to go downhill. Maybe it was because of how confusing the movie got afterwards or my mind just doesn't choose to remember it at all, or maybe even both but I can't remember too much of what happens in the second half right until the predictable climax. The characters are just too uninteresting too, no matter who is playing them. It just ticked me off how Combs was given a crap role, and a small one too. OK, maybe he didn't have a big one in HOHH, but he still owned a lot more than what he does here.

So in summary, I guess everyone has a few speed bumps in their career of movies. This is one for Malone, and I hope his next movie will make me bow at his feet and forgive him for the 5 bucks I wasted on this movie

Killer Pad (2008)

Killer Pad is a killer time!

[10/10 · 2 April 2008]

I don't get why this movie is getting bashed so hardcore. Were you people expecting something like No Country For Old Men when picking up a movie directed by Robert Englund about some 20 something guys getting out from living their moms and moving to house and partying to get laid? Sometimes people expect too much.

Frankly I was surprised this was directed by Englund. I haven't seen his directorial debut 976- Evil, but the thought of Freddy himself directing a comedy in the vein of Dude Where's My Car is kinda strange. But he pulls it off pretty well, creating many laughable situations. And c'mon, this has Joey Lawrence in it! That's just too awesome!

Any nitpicks with this? Well, for a teen sex comedy/horror, there isn't any good nudity. The closest is a guy's butt (in one of the grossest scenes). But let that slide. If you are a fan of movies like Dude Where's My Car and horror movies, this is one for you!

Return to House on Haunted Hill (2007 Video)

Well, kinda changed my view

[6/10 · 2 April 2008]

OK, I really really wish I watched the first HOHH before posting this review, but thank goodness for the edit button. I recently did watch the first movie in the first time in about a decade, and after having a blast with it, it made me think of this sequel and I thought of a few things.

Biggest gripe, the evil statue angle. Now I just realize it's pretty lame. The house is haunted because of a tragic event that happened. That's how hauntings usually go! The statue of course, is the writers of the movie thinking "OK, we need an excuse to get these people back in the house, but also give the house a bigger backstory!" I shake my head at them.

Plus, why wouldn't some of the ghosts of the patients tell the party goers in the first movie about the statue and try to free them? I do understand they wanted to kill the descendants of the doctors that escaped, but still.

The other major thing about this sequel is how it is missing the humor of the first. Chris Kattan was my favorite part of the first with his dry sarcastic humor, and Geoffrey Rush owned the movie as well, all about that close resemblance to Vincent Price. Here, the movie does have one comic relief, but he falls kinda flat compared to Kattan and Rush.

What does keep this movie from getting a lower rating is a few things. First, still pretty gory. Can't go wrong with that. And this movie shows more of Jeffery Combs, making him the main baddie, and believe me, he owns. And of course the lesbian scene. Again, can't go wrong with that.

But overall, I believe this should have been it's own movie, rather than a spit in the face to the underrated classic first.

The Gravedancers (2006)

The best of the 8 Films to Die For

[10/10 · 31 March 2008]

When going to see all the 8 Films, this movie was one of them that I was anticipating the most along with Unrest and Penny Dreadful. All three did not disappoint at all, but IMO this one stood out the most. OK, Penny Dreadful and Unrest were more scarier, but this one was the roller coaster ride of all of them! If you weren't being scared, you were having a good laugh, or being amazed. I just love movies that can mix all of those elements together! And what a fresh original plot! How could Hollywood let these slide and release crap like When A Stranger Calls, The Fog and Prom Night? (Original plot vs remakes, get my drift?) The looks of the ghost are sweet looking too. Laugh at them all you want, but what if you were to wake up to those faces looking right at you? Not so funny now is it? And is it just me or with the humor (intentional mind you) did the film give a nice Ghostbusters and Poltergeist feel to it? I think it did and nice to see a movie similar to those classics!

I swear, why couldn't After Dark had a good movie like this in the previous lineup? *sigh*

Them (2006)

Woah

[10/10 · 31 March 2008]

That's almost all I can say about this movie. After hearing so much about how it could be the scariest film in a long time I knew I had to see it. Was a little worried as some films I've heard the same about ended disappointing me in the end. Well, let me tell you something. Sometimes when watching movies I like to double task with something else (homework, video games, whatever). When all the scary stuff started to go down, I had to drop the multi tasking and focus clearly on what was going on. Once it does go down the movie has no mercy, doesn't allow you a chance to catch your breath at all. The twist I admit was a little more out there than I thought it would be, but then again when you see what it is and realize this movie is based on real events, it makes it even creepier to think about.

The only sad thing about this film is it just proves how other countries are better at scary movies than we Americans are and we just try to copy them to get that effect. Oh well, we'll learn someday.

Crazy Eights (2006)

How can 80 minutes drag like this?

[1/10 · 31 March 2008]

Ah, 80 minute movies are interesting sometimes. If you like the movie, it will seem too short and leave you wanting more. But in the case of Crazy Eights, you wonder when is this gonna end? I missed this year's Horrorfest at the theaters mainly because of time and money, and of course the fact that the lineup didn't interest me as much. Well, so far this was the first I watched and I have to say I was right! Just 10 minutes into this movie and I'm already having a bad feeling in my tummy about it. Hoping for the feeling to be wrong, it just kept getting worse as the movie went along. Characters? Don't give a crap about any of them, therefore didn't care who died. The plot? Sounded interesting but in the end I was just too confused about what happened and just ended up being bored to death. Scares? What scares? I've seen Full House reruns scarier than this! And what about the twist? Um, yeah, what about it? I'm still confused! Even M Night Shamylan and James Wan are thinking "What was that?" Is there anything good about it? Well, Dina Meyers and Traci Lords are good eye candy. But I'll just watch any of their other movies to watch them and all their hotness.

Thankfully I've heard this movie is the worst of this year's lineup, and while that's a little reassuring, last year's didn't disappoint me at all. OK, not all of them were favorite movie of all time material, but they at least kept me entertained. Hopefully the next one will keep crap like this movie out. And glad I did not spend 9 dollars to watch it on the big screen

30 Days of Night (2007)

It's own movie IMO

[9/10 · 15 March 2008]

The graphic novel 30 Days of Night is one of my favorites. Excellent premise (why hasn't ANYONE thought of that before?), beautiful art, and gory as well! So news of the movie made me excited and the casting choices I thought were... a little interesting (Never imagined Eben being as young as Josh Hartnett, and Melissa George has long blonde hair while Stella in the comic had short black hair. OK, maybe that's a little nit picky, but whatever). But I thought the same thing I think whenever I think the casting choice is odd: The director knows something about them that we don't, so we'll have to see. I go into the theater expecting not only an awesome vampire movie, but a great adaptation of the graphic novel. Walking out I was a little disappointed with some of the changes they made (the divorce back story, Marlow being the brains behind the idea when in the novel he was against it). But now a second viewing I've realized that even if it's not a great adaptation, it is a good movie on it's own! It's still a bleak dark movie (no happiness, no laughs, no smiles, except if you smile during the gory bits), with some good gore (the snow plow scene is the highlight), and good characters you care about. Josh and Melissa end up doing good even if they don't remind me at all about the original characters. The main character highlight is Ben Foster as The Stranger. I like this actor for his versatility in acting. From the comic relief in The Punisher, to the hero Angel in X-Men 3, and now this creepy stranger. It's too bad he's not in the film for long, but he does wonderful for what time he has in this. But there were some things from the comic I wished they used (the Louisiana back story is important if they plan on adapting the sequel Dark Days), and this again is a little nit picky, but I would've preferred if at the end when Stella is watching the sunset with the vampire Eben before the sun kills him, if they had Eben turn completely to dust rather than having her hold his charred corpse. The former I believe is a lot more saddening, but that's just me.

Overall, alright adaptation, but if you let that go and watch it for a good scary vampire movie, then you wont be upset

The Hitcher (2007)

Decent remake

[8/10 · 23 February 2008]

Although the remake trend is getting tiresome, I was a little excited to see this when it came out. Unfortunately never got the chance to see it, and as the months went on before and after it went to video, the interest level started going down a bit for some reason. Finally decided to pick it up and watch it. A few things that irked me a bit. First of all, the opening with All American Rejects playing. I think they're a decent band, but not horror movie material. Had flashbacks of the Fog remake with Fall Out Boy playing in the beginning. And it also seemed to be the kind of remake that tried to be the original movie with a few minors changes, not try to be its own movie (the kind of remake I'm more of a fan of). But as the movie went along, I found myself enjoying it. First of all, great casting on The Hitcher himself! Sean Bean is no Rutger Hauer, but man did he own the screen whenever he was on it! Gotta admit he struck a little fear into my heart a few times! The action sequences were intense, my personal favorite being the one with NIN playing in the background (I could watch that one over and over!). And while it's not something to totally base how good a movie really is, seeing Sophia Bush in a short skirt didn't really harm the movie too. Only major problem I had is, if you're gonna try to recreate most of the scenes from the original, where the heck is the finger in the fries scene?