edmundgrieg-80388 Reviews

The Truth About Franco: Spain's Forgotten Dictatorship (2020)

Thorough, engaging, thoughtful.

[9/10 · 8 March 2022]

I can't really fault this. It details in multiple ways, with relevant video clips (the bane of history documentaries), and with multiple perspectives, the issues of Franco's Spain.

My one fault is silly. Watching English speakers saying stuff, only to be interrupted with German, was a little annoying. But there isn't much of this.

This might be a whole other documentary, but 'The Ramifications of Franco up to today', as it was so recent, could have been fitted in, but then, when would a history ever end. The end of this more than adequately covers the issue.

And, yes, the 'fifth episode' on Netflix is just the previous four cut down to one, for the LAZY PEOPLE. :) :p Frankly, I appreciated the review when I figured out what it was.

Glorious 39 (2009)

Awful directing, and a confused story that descends to nonsense

[1/10 · 27 November 2021]

The acting is so stilted all around, I began to wonder if that was the point, to create a surreal scenario about a woman's descent into madness.

No. No. It was all quite real. All the literal nonsense. The sequence of events that made no sense, the bizarre things she saw and heard.

The whole thing makes out it is meaningful. That's gotta be what all the surreal scenes, intros and outros of characters at random points, build up of increasingly ridiculous plot points.

If the movie had stopped before the epilogue, I could have believed that most of the movie was the main characters crazed paranoia. What a pointless framing device!

Nope. All happened. Made like a student art film gone, horribly, horribly wrong. Amateurish. Worse than amateurish.

Maigret: Maigret's Dead Man (2016) Season 1, Episode 2

There is no point to this

[2/10 · 6 May 2020]

I watched the first Atkinson Maigret and thought it...okay.

None of the characters have any...characteristics, not even the eponymous detective. They are merely vehicles by which we plod through the story: A-B-C etc.

There was a moment where Maigret says 'I don't know' when asked why he was doing something. This was genuinely the most interesting part of this adaptation, because it showed that the detective is flawed, and not hyper-smart, like most tv detectives.

They go to the place, then they do the thing that takes them to the next place, then the next... Since we know who the killers are, one can expect some 'howcatchem' stuff. Perhaps tension is in the chase.

No. The killers show up here. Then there about 30 minutes later. Then one shoots somebody and ends up dead. Why? Exactly. Then there's a horse track. Why? Why not? Then he's in a cell, and I'm thinking 'there's twenty more minutes of this! What were they thinking!?

A duped woman shows up far too late to make any impact. Was the script/screenplay written by a computer? There are some lines which actually sound like they are bad translations. Which, of course, they aren't, this kind of thing doesn't need that kind of attention to detail...it's too plain for that. It's only quest is to progress through A-B-C etc.

Apparently this is set in Paris. Apparently it was filmed somewhere else. It genuinely does not matter. You could change the names and set it in space. The setting is completely absent. It doesn't even matter that it is a period piece. If Maigret had a mobile phone, it would make absolutely no difference; you wouldn't even need to change the script.

So is it about the character? Which one? The Maigret one? He just plods through each incredibly minor discovery ...and...everyone...talks...very...quietly...and...slowly...as...if...they...were...padding...out...the...episode...to...make...it...feature...length.

Pink Wall (2019)

Amateurish. Shot in 9 days. It shows.

[2/10 · 29 January 2020]

Opening scene: overeation Then a big argument scene that didn't make sense. The titles establish that four years have past and they argue like they've just met.

The movie jumps around haphazardly with quick cuts. I guess this might be okay in a poetic sense, but the mostly improv'ed scenes just don't make sense in terms of character (see above example)

But this is a straightforward tale, after all, so these things don't come off as illustrating some deeper meaning. They just confuse the relationship that we are supposed to be being shown-they obscure the picture, not make it. They just come across as a first draft, a first go round. Messy. And unfinished. So,

Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children (2005)

Don't know the game, still a decent movie

[7/10 · 19 September 2019]

According the the other reviewers, this movie only makes sense to the fans of the original video game. Well, I knew nothing at all about that-I don't play video games, because I have a muscle condition. And I had no problem following what was going on.

It has many of the beats of a superhero movie, but with quite a bit more emotional investment (for the characters) and importance to the plot. The moments of exposition are not especially clumsy-they generally come as various characters are trying to achieve their aims.

The only clumsy thing was the dubbing. This rarely works, as the animation is mapped to the actual words, and the translation has to make compromises. I would look this up with subs instead.

Knowing nothing of the video game, I can say that this is a complete and epic tale with an interesting setting that mashes post-apocalyptic with fantasy, and this setting serves to create the power of the final scenes of the movie.

Deadpool (2016)

The plot is distractingly simple. But the jokes aren't funny enough to call this a comedy

[2/10 · 1 September 2019]

It's just garbage. Do you wanna hear a whiney brat whine with some 'naughty' words? Any potential in the love story is wasted, because it's so wafer thin. 'I love you' is about the size of it. That and, 'but I'm ugly', which is a whiney bratty thing to say/do. And the action is silly. It's gory, but it's silly, so I don't care about that either.

If the jokes were funny, I could forgive all this. I like dumb comedies-I like the focus being on the jokes. Try watching 'Fleabag'. That's how to do fourth-wall breaking. Not the occasional pointless gag. And if anything proves that super hero movies are fundamentally for children, it's that the violence here, which is definitely not suitable for children, is 'fun and silly'. Because cutting your own hand off is funny! Isn't violence cool?

Super hero movies glorify violence in the worst possible way. This at least shows blood. But that is faint praise. It's such garbage.

Elisa & Marcela (2019)

A story missing pieces

[4/10 · 29 August 2019]

Ultimately, I could never conceive of why they fell in love. Everything felt so by the numbers. Meet-cute, sexist dad, then the go for a walk, then they go in the water, then they write to each other, then...and so on...oh, and then the interesting plot point happened...y'know, the point of telling the story. But it just happened. It should have been so much more.

I understand 'show, don't tell', but, man, did this need some details. Even plot points were left out. It almost felt like the only time the movie ever said anything was during the sex scenes. These were jilted and strange. I think there was one shot where they looked like they were enjoying themselves (pretty crucial, if your entire movie hinges on its sex scenes).

Oh, there's an octopus in one of them. And something that looked like VHS reel (but since VHS wasn't invented yet...) Fetishized, yes, porno, no. Just an uncomfortable mix of kink and some rolling about.

In the second half of the movie, some more events occur (this is, effectively, where the story kicks off). But, again, strange things keep happening without reason. One of them gets pregnant. I figured it was a pillow and it was all for show. No, she's pregnant. I have no idea how.

Then a happy ending was delivered for them. But one of the characters refused it. Even after abandoning her child to be with her.

In some scenes, there was so much missing, at times I could not tell what was happening. The reason why I am nitpicking about things like plot, that don't necessarily have to really matter, is because I was so unconvinced by the actual love story. And so much of made no sense.

The Pink Panther Strikes Again (1976)

Excruciatingly forced slapstick, and even taken on that front, childishly silly

[2/10 · 26 May 2019]

The jokes were the kind of embarressing idea a child might have. The over-inflated coat (he is trying to make a hump at it makes him float out of the window-just look at how funny it it...NO, NO, LOOK. KEEP LOOKING). This kind of crap is on the poster, and the rest of the movie follows suit. It's as silly and hammy as they come, and yet the characters within the scenes seem to be taking it seriously.

The 'Panther' series is woefully uneven. I think only 'Return' is any good, where the occasional slapstick gag supplements an interesting enough crime plot with believable enough characters and some moments of verbal wit. 'Shot in the Dark' was as the title implies. It is a different movie with Clouseau forced into it. In this one, the slapstick takes front, center, rear, aft, and starboard. And the Dreyfus BEING silly. Sorry, I mean MAD. HE'S CLEARLY MAD, YOU SEE. DO YOU SEE?! It was just dumb, as opposed to a slow build in 'Return'. He goes from the doctor's office to making a 'world domination' plan that would make the most embarressing Bond villain blush; and this happens in about twenty minutes.

The fight with Kato is sort of mandatory dreck. I think I lolled when he jumped down the stairs accidentally. What total garbage.

Nine (2009)

Like all musicals, this is a copy of a copy of a copy. Watch '8 1/2' instead. This is that, filtered through dated musical material

[1/10 · 5 May 2019]

'8 1/2' is this movie.

But this movie is a copy. Musicals take a musical style and form that hasn't changed to any degree at all in the past one hundred and fifty (or so) years. The original stage musical was an unnecessary copy of the original movie. This film is a copy of that.

It's like that shot-for-shot remake of 'Psycho'. It is bereft of any originality whatsoever. It is literally pointless.

The guy might be a womanizing pig and that might be the point, but this movie also objectifies its female characters (none of which matter as much as the man). So this movie is fake and grim too. As vacuous as musicals, in fact.

Coherence (2013)

All concept, no substance

[3/10 · 16 April 2019]

What if, and hear me out, what if this review was me talking about reviewing a movie without me actually reviewing a movie? What if I had a mind bending concept and just told you about it? Then you would know I make stories, right?

What About Bob? (1991)

Does not age well

[2/10 · 26 December 2018]

Bill Murray plays a person with a severe obsessive disorder. The jokes revolve around his responses to his illness. The movie derives its humour from laughing at him. Deeply unpleasant. Creepy too.

Firefox (1982)

A broody thriller that errs on the side of realism

[9/10 · 15 October 2018]

Other reviews seem to dismiss this movie as popcorn hokum. I would strongly dispute that. The majority of the movie is calm, slow-paced and dark; in tone and subject matter. The Soviets are not depicted as bumbling idiots. It is a proper Cold War thriller. The crash, bang wallop is not the point of this movie. Other reviews imply that it is. One might misinterpret the end as 'flat', simply because it is delivered seriously. There is a bit of crash, bang there. But, overall, a properly delivered intense spy thriller. Something more like 'The Day of the Jackal' than 'Top Gun'.

Elvis Has Left the Building (2004)

This movie has a Tom Hanks cameo

[2/10 · 11 July 2018]

That cameo was the only time I laughed in the whole movie. Not at the gag in the scene, but by how colossally stupid the cameo was.

The gags...are not even gags. The delivery is so inept.

The script...the romance is like the romance between two nine year olds. I know it's supposed to be light, but I expect a little conversation, or even interaction on any level so I can suspend my disbelief.

Funny premise. That's it. The delivery is so slow, laboured, dwelling on all the wrong moments. Even the gags are framed incorrectly (which at times even confuses the scene so you can't even tie it to the premise).

The director seems to have made a career from tv sitcoms. I wouldn't hire this guy to shoot a ten second ad

Wonder Wheel (2017)

A heady and emotional mix of stylism, ideas and tragic characters

[9/10 · 5 July 2018]

The stylisms of this movie are clear; the lighting the limited sets. It is like a theatre play, which of course is the whole point. Theatre itself is an important theme in this movie, hence why three of the four characters (everyone else is window dressing) are actors or writers.

Yet the power of the characterisations and acting helps communicate the complexities of emotion, despite all its surface level appearances. It seems like any other Woody Allen movie, when Timberlake's character talks to the camera, and we assume everything will be light and comedic and there will be some adulterous hi jinx, which there is, but underneath the shiny surface are a couple of deeply frustrated artists, two characters with such shifting and complex emotions. Of course, Winslet's character has the limelight, and the complexity there... well, when the final act swings in, Timberlake is no longer talking to the camera and it reaches a different plain. Is it a plot twist (albeit an expected one) for the sake of it, or is the bored housewife desperate to be in a true drama (dressed all up in her Shakespearian costume), and thus creates one.

Kicking & Screaming (2005)

A nonsensical, stretched-out, SNL skit

[2/10 · 27 May 2018]

I'm pretty sure they just pointed the camera on Will Ferrell and said 'go'.

Although someone wrote a script, but you wouldn't know, because Ferrell's character changes from scene to scene, lurching from one thing to another. There's a bit about coffee, which doesn't make any sense. Mike Ditka at all doesn't make sense. This whole movie seems to have been all shot in single takes, so lopsided and random it is. The pacing is way off: either a skit is too long, or too short. I think there's a father-son lesson, but daddy and his team are barely on screen, so that didn't work, which is typical.

Was it funny? Like watching an episode of SNL, you watch jokes happen, and maybe laugh once every fifteen minutes or so. You recognise that what is happening is in fact, a succession of jokes and, out of desperation, you laugh at one or two of them.

Jokes frequently fall flat, because even they don't make sense. (e.g. Ferrell attempts to taunt one of the opposition players. Why? To get him sent off? To put him off? The pay off is that the kid attacks Ferrell, to which Ferrell seems surprised, which was surely why he did it in the first place).

1898: Our Last Men in the Philippines (2016)

Like 'Zulu', but with superior acting, side characters and realism.

[10/10 · 3 May 2018]

The lunacy of war is aptly represented here. People here seemed to worry about 'betraying the honour' of the 'brave' who were forced to fight for a ridiculous cause.

The two lead generals are ridiculous, but that is the only way to portray people who make such ridiculous decisions.

Soap opera? No, realism. Nothing that happened here was glorious. It was all stupidity and arrogance. And we get to see the human side of the soldiers the generals misused for their own sense of absurd nationalistic foolishness and pride. The poor soldiers who had to suffer this. That is 'honour' enough.

The Architect (I) (2016)

Everything was rushed--no substance, plot, character-little even of the philosophy it peddles

[3/10 · 26 April 2018]

There are two characters in this movie. The husband needed to be fleshed out, or he was just an annoying one-dimensional sideshow. There was also a baby that came along and was ignored. There was a twist at the end. Even the obvious romance was glossed over. If the film was not gonna give us anything else, that would have sufficed. No. One shag and they don't talk until the end. When the twist all happens in two minutes. I didn't have a problem with the things the architect says, but this isn't a message about art either, because that was also not given time. Just a bit more footage would have made it at least make sense. Surely savaged by the editor, to make it quippy and funny, when it didn't need to be.

Harlock: Space Pirate (2013)

Poorly choreographed action, genuinely nonsensical plot

[2/10 · 25 March 2018]

Action movie, fine. Point the gun shoot it. 100 SPACE SHIPS ALL SHOOTING. They all miss! A person in the middle of a corridor, being shot at from either side. THEY ALL MISS. This is so we can see a person kill them with a sword in an age when the sword is a pointlessly outdated weapon.

The plot? The 'twist', or dark secret that emerges at the end, at this point the movie is hinting at complex themes. Then all the plot lines converge in a complete mess. What is 'dark matter'? Sounds sci-fi, right? No, it does whatever the magician wielding it wants to do. Not to mention some kind of magical 'space clock' thing that doesn't make any sense. This required the characters to put things in places, thus enabling the ship to go different places. Then the Gaia council has a super space weapon FROM NOWHERE. Guess what. IT MISSES. Why? Well...erm...dark matter...

So the ship crashes and everyone is pictured dead. One of the characters literally disintegrates in front of our eyes. Then everyone wakes up, the disintegrated person walks back into the room, and the ship just 'wakes up' and they fly off.

I think there's incest in this story. There was a bizarre love triangle that barrels its way into the final act, alongside the other plot elements. Some of the characters may or may not be related. It is not clear. Nothing that happens makes any sense. Two characters point guns at each other so often, we forget who's on what side.

If I am to watch this simply as an action movie, then guns that always, always miss don't make any visual sense. Everything in this movie is a complete and total mess. This was all CGIed, so such poor choreographing cannot be blamed on budgeting. You would literally have to plan out a digital image story board where over one hundred ships miss, (or seem to explode around the ship not doing it any damage), and you had to story board those corridor scenes.

Unforgivably stupid movie on so many levels. Fails on every level.

Romance & Cigarettes (2005)

Is this a piss take of a musical? Or is it a hundred movies all at once?

[2/10 · 17 March 2018]

Stylistic. Tick. Got it.

As shallow and pointless as a musical. Okay. Which is why the dialogue is stilted and weird.

The songs? Well, there aren't any really. All the music is recycled material, sung badly. And, quite importantly, none of these snippets of recycled crap lasts for more than a minute (sometimes less).

So, it doesn't work as a musical. Is it stylistic and funny? Well, I 'got the joke' early on, when everyone was talking about sex and awful lot. So, I got a kick out of dirty words.

Characters? As shallow as musical, (but one without the music). The worst part of the film is the final act, in which all the sex talk (and the crappy musical snippets) stop, and we veer uncomfortably into tragedy. Which doesn't work, because everything was so shallowly presented. Effectively, the 'stylism' tap was turned off, or the 'joke' stopped. So the terrible last act kills the entire movie (which was pretty stupid from the off).

There is a ridiculous glitzy cast, none of which say or do anything. For example, there's a particularly egregious cameo by Christopher Walken, who walks on, talks bollocks, and then shows up a couple more times to talk more bollocks. This is Walken playing 'that Walken guy', which I guess earns him money.

Plot points? Wafer-thin, but the relationship between an older man and an extremely over-sexed woman might have been interesting, but that might just be because the dirty talk was the only interesting thing in the movie, which speaks volumes about the movie. Of course, they killed that in the final act.

So, there's about ten movies here, and none of them are any good.

A Little Chaos (2014)

A period piece that felt like it was of period (enough)

[9/10 · 2 March 2018]

The setting of the movie is appropriately 18th century, the way the characters act so too. They even seem to speak (mostly) like it too: sometimes they construct long, florid sentences, and sometimes the king takes his wig off and talks about money.

It is not a glitzy romance, because the romance is suitably subtle (it thus also reflects the period). The romance is conducted, until near the end, almost entirely in subtext.

Is it a perfect picture of 18 century France? Probably not, but, like the Gardens of Versailles, which are the true main character of this thoughtful drama, they have enough rough edges to feel real.

Blue Is the Warmest Colour (2013)

No romance. Just sex. The actors did their best, but this is a male fantasy image of lesbians, and the romance is ultimately meaningless.

[1/10 · 24 February 2018]

And yes, the three hours is self indulgent. But that's because there's nothing here.

I read somewhere that the actresses were forced quite aggressively to do a lot of scenes. The two characters are likeable enough, but I have no idea why they fall in love. It seems a convenient way to get them into bed, so the man can force them to do a three day shoot for a seven minute sex scene.

With such a horrible set-up, I can't blame the actors. I blame the camera being in extreme close-up of faces all the time. The actors' every facial reaction marked, and yet I'm still not at all convinced by the romance.

A film about a high school girl, so fifteen or sixteen then, who is sexually confused. Her friends have a go at her, like high school angst isn't boring enough. And highlighting in long shot such homophobia in this day and age? If you think all gay people are sex obsessives, then this movie supports your agenda.

For people who want a realistic, or even a not-realistic romance, it is not here.

Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets (2017)

Garbage-shallow, pointless, characterless, story-less.

[1/10 · 20 February 2018]

This is based on a comic book, apparently.

It makes superhero movies seem positively intellectual.

I understand the point of pure popcorn entertainment, so all that is required is a coherent sequence of events (otherwise known as a plot). The characters are so utterly trite, so utterly based around stock characters. There's some Pocahontas thing going on. Man, this is as pointless a movie as they come.

Is it a visual feast? As many colours and images on screen at once is not a feast. The aliens are all ridiculous. They are also all CGI, so why they have to be bipedal, I don't know. I think it's meant to be funny. The hand shaking scene that went on and on, and had no point. I think it was supposed to be funny. This takes the 'too many aliens' of Star Wars and dials it up.

So, if everything is supposed to be one big joke, then none of it matters, and all the visuals in the world won't save it. Unless you find it funny. Man, those 'Avatar' rip-offs with their stupid utopia (it's okay--the animals willingly produce all their magic pearl turds WILLINGLY--it's not like cows and milk at all).

Everything is so bright and curvy, so, no, I did not find the visuals interesting. Just a wash of kaleidoscopic colours, that, because the movie is so shallow, I didn't care about.

This is utter trash. Literal trash. Or it is children's entertainment. I think I would have found this boring when I was a kid. I'm not though. So it's just so...gah...not fun.

The Polar Express (2004)

Zero story.

[1/10 · 23 December 2017]

What is this movie about? Not much. A happens, then B happens, then C happens, and so on. Their on a train, then there's a ticket, then a guy on the top of the train, then caribou, then the carriage comes off, then they're in a factory, then this, then that.

The message: Believe BELIEVE BEEELLLLIIIEEEVVVE! In what? Santa? He's been on a magic train that skates on ice, with a weird disappearing man who doesn't do anything but sit there and disappear seemingly at will, and we're supposed to think that he doesn't believe in SANTA?! What?! I'd believe in anything at that point. Then there's a bell. Then they go home.

But it's a kid's movie. Why complain? Of the tiresome sequence of events, none of them are fun; they are mostly about going really fast. (This movie is really about people going fast, because that looks good in 3D, apparently). There is one scene where they have chocolate, but the kids spend most scenes in mortal peril, falling or hanging off things. None of that innocent joy thing you might expect. Just fear for their lives.

Raven's Touch (2015)

Everything apart from the plot was...convincing enough...much can be forgiven

[4/10 · 13 December 2017]

The acting, the characters, the setting, the pie. Convincing, pleasant.

Don't scratch under the surface of the plot too much. Like when we find out how the little girl died (that's hardly a spoiler-it's in practically the first scene). It would have been best to leave this detail out, because it is a throwaway line and people being shot is hardly a throwaway thing. Another example is the lunatic Other Mother. The pleading phone call at the beginning of the movie was all we needed--I got it all straightaway. (One black kid and one Asian kid are 'the children'-a little heavy-handed on the minority inclusion-it was like using their skin colour as a way to quickly convey a plot point). Her character was one dimensional and scary. It would have been better to leave her in the descriptions her ex-lover gave. Instead we were offered a poorly-developed cardboard cut-out. There was not enough set up before the sex scene. They'd barely met and the putting-ointment-on bit too obvious. The scene felt mandatory rather than natural. Any time later would have sufficed. It felt, like any other time a plot point was introduced, as forced melodrama.

Which was a pity, because this movie had a heart and a cast that hung their characters out comfortably in a beautiful setting. And, as the film is not especially long, this quibbles can largely be ignored. Let the director sing you a song, even if it is slightly off-key.

Skyfall (2012)

None of this made any sense, literally

[1/10 · 21 June 2017]

I've sat through plenty of dumb movies and not had problems with things that didn't make any sense-perhaps it's because 'Skyfall' takes itself seriously, so therefore the glaring stupidity of the entire plot actually matters. The bad guy does all the sh*t, all the stuff, all the movie plot stuff because he wants to pi*s off his Mum. What?! Talk about a classic MacGuffin. The first act is about hacking into intelligence files-I thought 'oo, a modern espionage thriller'. Then this is thrown out of the window in favour of a series of the most outrageous coincidences that amount stuff that the bad guy was supposed to have planned all along-WHAT?! And then there was a tank, and I was, like....argh, what?! Where did he get a tank from? Eeurgh. And then I got to go home.