manuelasaez Reviews

The Coffee Table (2022)

Disturbing is an understatement.

[10/10 · 3 May 2024]

A witchy, domineering wife and her husband go shopping for a coffee table and are about to enter a world of unimaginable horror....

I've seen some truly horrific films in my time, and truth be told, it's my favorite type of movie to watch. Some of them rely on excessive gore and violence, others on showing disturbing acts between people. None of them compare to how utterly devastating this movie ended up being. I have always been a fan of films where one small, seemingly insignificant decision alters the course of a person or families life, but this movie was so bleak and dark, I don't know if it will ever be topped.

Everything about the film was so well made, it's tough to pick the stand out. The acting was phenomenal, the cinematography was well done and even the special effects looked realistic and impressive. But it was the subject matter, the story itself, that I guess would take the prize for truly bringing the entire package together to a cohesive whole. The script was equal parts hilarious, shocking, depressing and tension filled, that it really created that rare movie that has no flaws worth mentioning. It's just a really well made film that ticks off so many boxes in what makes a great movie, that in the end, I'm happy for having seen it. Seeing this level of artistry always raised my spirits, regardless of how horrific the events that transpire end up being.

I can go on an continue to sing praises for this film, but I think I'll just end in saying that where many movies feature constant plot holes, disjointed storylines and poor pacing, this one does everything just right. It doesn't overstay its welcome, and the only reason you want it to end is so that the beating of your heart can finally subside. A truly magnificent film that deserves as many fans as it can get.

Arcadian (2024)

I didn't like it as much as I thought it would.

[5/10 · 3 May 2024]

I eagerly anticipated the release of this movie for months. I mean, Nick Cage? Horror? Monsters? That trailer?!?! Man, was I excited....

And then it was over and I just shrugged my shoulders and said, "Meh'. That's it. I wasn't wowed by it, it was entertaining enough for me to finish it in its entirety, but once it was over, it left no lasting impression, and had I not seen it, I wouldn't feel like I missed out on anything. It's one of those movies that just doesn't do anything well enough to be remembered, and it's unfortunate because there are small nuggets of brilliance somewhere in this movie, but they were hidden somewhere in the dark where most of this film takes place.

Darkness plays a pivotal role in this film; everyone has to get indoos to protect the house before the sun sets, the monsters come out at night, and it's also the reason why so much of the movie can't be seen. Seriously, most of the action is obscured so much by darkness, that I literally said, "What the hell am I supposed to be looking at?" multiple times while watching the movie. I get that they wanted to hide a lot of it to build tension, but it just came off as annoying and frustrating. I mean, who watches a movie to have most of it hidden behind a black curtain? Such a bizarre creative choice in horror. Having something be so dark that you can't actually see it isn't scary, it cheap filmmaking.

And then we come to the actual monsters. Who in their right mind thought that design was appropriate for a horror movie? I looked like a rejected Jim Henson puppet, something that was left on the cutting room floor when they were spitballing The Dark Crystal. It wasn't scary, it looked like they took an Ostrich and did everything possible to make it look even more ridiculous than the actual bird already does. The art director or creature designer really dropped the ball here, and I am actually embarrassed for the person who designed that travesty of a creature. Quite possible the worst looking design out of any creature feature in recent memory, it is truly appalling that it was even green-lit in the first place.

The movie is too sappy, too dramatic, focuses way too much on the human side of the crisis, and doesn't spend nearly enough time showing you the monsters themselves. With these types of movies, I really don't watch it to get a hallmark family special full of tender moments and insight on the human condition. I watch them to see monsters and people fighting them. Why do these creative teams make it so hard to follow this simple formula? Less about the people and more about the monster (although in this case both were equally insufferable).

The only saving grace about this film is Nick Cage. That's it. He really commanded every scene he was in, and without him, this movie would be nearly unwatchable. 5 stars for Nick. The rest of the movie really doesn't deserve any.

Infested (2023)

Entertaining, but breaks no new ground for the horror genre.

[6/10 · 28 April 2024]

This movie could have been something truly special, but they're decision to keep it as tame as possible is not only baffling, but completely ruined what could have made this a horror movie for the ages. I honestly wouldn't even call this movie a horror film, per se, as much as it could be a drama with scary elements. The fact of the matter is, this movie was made for a limited audience, and if you aren't scared of spiders (I love them, BTW), there really isn't anything here that can really constitute it falling under the horror banner.

Let's look at the elements that would make this movie geared more towards adults instead of teenage girls with a ik for arachnids;

Is there blood? Minimal, and what is shown is shown in darkness, rendering it black. It looked more like oil for most of the movie.

Death? Most of the deaths are suggested, and although there are dead bodies, there is nothing scary about them. Again, if you don't fear spiders, you won't feel anything, really.

Sex or Nudity? NONE.

Violence and gore? Minimal. People fight, throw blows, get hit with batons and guns. None of it lasts for longer than a few minutes, and none of it is excessive or particularly graphic.

In all honesty, this movie really dropped the ball by not being graphic enough. I wanted to see spiders exploding from bodies, coming out of mouths where the person is still alive, seeing limbs being dismembered by creatures that have 40X's their body mass in strength. Even the scenes where people were dying from the poison were tame and somewhat lame. You'd think a spider that size would make your blood boil inside your body. What we got was a bad allergic reaction to a bee sting.

Overall, while I was entertained (primarily due to the fantastic acting throughout) the movie itself was a huge letdown, solely due to the fact that its audience was that of teenage girls, meaning it was tame in every single area. If we could have gotten a more competent creative team that would have really pushed the envelope in terms of raw & visceral visual appeal, this movie would have been an instant classic. Instead, it's probably going to end up like Night Swim, a movie no one ended up truly liking despite what the internet wanted to tell us.

A missed opportunity in almost every single regard, but the amazing cast and their talent made it bearable. It won't be remembered favorably, though. I almost guarantee it.

Immaculate (2024)

Absolutely dreadful in every possible way

[2/10 · 17 April 2024]

Oh man, this movie.....

There is so much to dislike about this film, from the weird Catholic rituals, to the terrible pacing, to the horribly written script, but it all fails so miserably that I can't even be bothered to truly dive deep into this movie. At first I thought it was just another PG-13 pile made for children and teenagers, but the more I watched the more I realized that this movie was actually written for an adult audience, if you can believe it. The story is so sophomoric and simple, you'd think it was made for zoomers and ipad kids who would have been on their phones instead of actually watching the film. But the people responsible really felt that this story would be better if it was geared towards adults. The absolute delusion in Hollywood truly is mind-boggling.

It wasn't original, unique of even reasonably interesting when compared to movies of its ilk. It's just another movie steeped in Catholicism, (which, let's be real, is pretty creepy in and of itself), but never bothers to really push the envelope the way it should. The Exorcist proved that when you DO push the envelope and ruffle as many feathers as possible, you actually might get something that will be remembered. This movie will struggle to even be mentioned by the end of the year, and it really doesn't deserve to be.

Nothing about this film is worth mentioning in a positive light, and it's best avoided altogether. You will gain nothing from having watched it, and that's the true crime about movies such as these. They only set out to rob us of our precious time, the only true horror about this whole ordeal.

Baghead (2023)

Horror made for children and teenagers

[3/10 · 6 April 2024]

I knew what I was getting into every time I waste my precious energy on PG-13 horror films, but the premise for this one sounded so enticing, I decided to ignore the red flags and power through. What a mistake that was. This movie was made to entertain children, and its horror in the same way an episode of Goosebumps was for me when I was a teenager. So much of it is just bad, that I'm struggling to find even one thing worth complimenting, aside from the premise.

Let me say that I saw Talk To Me, and didn't care for it. This movie has a very similar way of tackling this subject, although I found this movie to have a more original and interesting take. That's about the only good thing I can say about it, though, since everything else about it was so, so bad.

The special effects were as laughable as the poorly photoshopped photographs used throughout the movie, the acting was serviceable but no one stood out for their ability, and the horror elements were lame and predictable, to the point where I anticipated every single lame jump scare that happened almost down to the second. It was like someone set out to make the least scary AND the least offensive horror film imaginable, and I guess they succeeded in that regard. Literally no blood, no violence, and no gore. I mean, who TF wants to see a horror movie without any of that?

I wouldn't recommend this film even if it was the only film left to watch in the world. Nothing about it will enrich your life or make you see things in a new light. It's a waste of time, it's clearly made for an audience of little kids or the child-minded, and any self-respecting adult would really do themselves a huge favor by watching anything else.

Taekwondo (2016)

I disliked this movie SO much. A waste of almost 2 hours.

[3/10 · 5 April 2024]

Where do I even start with this...

The movie is the worst type of movie there is; a film made to look like it had no script, just a bunch of half naked or fully naked guys shooting the breeze for almost 2 hours. There is no real story, aside from the very glossed over part of the two leads being in the same Taekwondo class, but the rest of the movie is as follows;

-Naked dudes swimming -Half naked dudes sleeping -Half naked dudes smoking -Half-naked dudes discussing women -Naked dudes walking around the house -Semi-clothed dudes talking at a dinner table -Dudes put some clothes on when 2 girls arrive

Throughout the whole film, we have one of the main characters, who is gay, and wants to know if his Taekwondo partner (who invented him to this boys outing) is also gay. It takes 1:40 minutes for them to finally give in to the entire purpose of this film, and I for the life of me just don't understand who would find this entertaining. My partner had a theory, though; the director used this film as a reason to hire a bunch of straight actors he just wanted to personally see naked. The same way Hollywood directors add nude scenes with women in their movies, as an excuse to see the people they're attracted to in the buff. Wouldn't hiring an escort be much less work and offer you more bang for oyu buck? I really just don't understand these types of movies.

This really isn't a gay film, especially if you discount the literal last 2 minutes of it. It's a movie about a group of men, which are all straight, doing straight dude things. Nothing about this movie is even remotely gay because none of the characters are gay, and this is really just the type of movie in the genre I can't stand. I don't watch gay films to see a bunch of straight men talking about women as if they've never seen one before in their lives. I have the gym and real life for that nonsense. I watch these movies two see two guys fall in love, and when you can't even be bothered to show me that much, than what did you really accomplish?

A disappointment of a film that missed the mark of what it means to be gay cinema in almost every regard.

Barrio Boy (2022)

Dreadful is the only word that can describe this film

[3/10 · 2 April 2024]

Where do I even start? I haven't been this chapped by a film in weeks! The trailer tricked me into thinking this was going to be a sweet love story about two dudes who find each other in the streets of NYC. What I got was an annoying DL dude who didn't have the courage to face himself or defend the person he loves, surrounded by some of the most insufferable characters I've ever seen in a film. Growing up in NYC myself, I was surrounded by these same types of knuckle-draggers that made my life difficult growing up. Seeing them in digital form just made me realize that the same feces slinging troglodytes that littered the city haven't changed, not one bit.

The acting was disjointed and no one really stood out for their ability, save for the Irish guy and "Jorge", and most of the dialogue sounded forced and grated on the ears. The aggression and manner of speaking of the drug dealer made me seriously consider turning off the film every time he spoke, and you know what? I really wish I should have.

For a gay film, barely any intimacy is shown, and the very few times it is, I think they used stunt doubles. So the men involved in this couldn't even be bothered to actually kiss on camera, let alone show any real emotion. It was the most glaring and offensive issue about this movie; hiring straight men to play gay characters. Had I known this beforehand, I wouldn't have even bothered watching this movie.

Then there's the ending. I mean, what in the living F was that about? I've seen some bad films in my many years of watching gay films, but that ending was literally one of the worst things I've ever seen in any genre of film. It was like the biggest middle finger a director could give his audience. In the age of amazing films like "Call Me By Your Name" and "Brokeback Mountain", this film should be embarrassed that it even exists.

I would have rated this much lower, but the character names Jorge really stood out to me for being the most authentic and the actor had the most talent in the whole cast. That alone made me rate the film what I did.

The rest of this film can be thrown in a pile with the rest of the gay films that can't be bothered to show the community the way it's meant to be shown, for the audience that is meant to see it.

You'll Never Find Me (2023)

Superb acting did not save this entirely dreadful film.

[3/10 · 29 March 2024]

Where do I even begin with this one.....

This is one of those films with one setting, two actors and a whole lot of dialogue, and I wish I would have known that before hand. While these types of films can yield some pretty excellent results, what we got with this movie was a whole lot of words that ultimately meant very little. You have one male actor and one female actor that are obviously talented and skilled in their craft, but what they were given to work with was so beneath their ability that I wondered who the target audience was for this movie. It's not a purely horror film, since nothing truly horrific ever happens, it's also needlessly dramatic but can't be labeled as a drama, so what genre were they going for?

The movie also has all of these noises and loud bangs that kept alluding to something outside of the trailer, and it made it really difficult to truly understand what exactly was transpiring in the film. Is there something outside of the trailer? Is it trying to break in? Why is it so noisy if it's not trying to enter? But the movie isn't even about a supernatural force or even a creature feature; it's literally two people, sitting across from each other, trying to sit out a storm. But so much of what happens makes no sense in the grand scheme of the film, and in the end I just stopped caring. I literally went to turn the movie off 20 minutes before it was over because I just didn't care anymore. What was an interesting premise quickly devolved into a mess of a film that did not satisfy any of the requirements necessary to make a successful horror film, or even a reasonably entertaining one.

The one saving grace of the entire production is the acting. Both leads are SUPERB and really sold their predicament with undeniable craft. Kudos to them.

The rest of the film is a mess, and as a horror fan, this left me feeling like I wasted my time. It's not a movie I would ever recommend, and I'd urge anyone thinking of watching it to reconsider their decision. Don't make the same mistake I did.

Megalomaniac (2022)

For fans of the French Extremity. I was throroughly entertained.

[8/10 · 26 March 2024]

Man, I did not expect this movie to be so BRUTAL! A lot more art-house and slow when compared to movies of its ilk, but I have been clamoring for another film along the same lines as Martyrs or Frontier(s), and this film really delivers. I haven't seen a movie go for this style in so long, I was worried that directors had given up on the sub-genre for good. I'm happy to say that this movie would be at home with the likes of the more disturbing ones.

Everything works so well in this film, from the directorial style to the acting to the gorgeous cinematography, but I would be remiss if I didn't mention that this film is SLOW and extremely deliberate. While the few scenes of actual violence are beyond disturbing (with one scene so shocking I didn't even know how it got past the ratings board), but the rest of the film was a dreary, depressing familial drama(?), although that wouldn't be the appropriate label for a film about a pair of siblings who are taking after their father, a vicious serial killer. There was just so many scenes of this brooding woman, allowing life to beat her down, and when her brother finally got to work, it happens quickly, and then we are back to scenes of her moping around, looking crestfallen and despondent. I understand why this was done in the context of this style of film, but it's a real drag when you get that rush of brutality to only come back down to so many scenes of mediocrity.

If you're a fan of movies like Martyrs, Inside, High Tension, ect. This movie will be right up your alley. It's extremely and deliberately slow, but stick with it. The pay off may be worth it, depending on how patient you are.

Amelia's Children (2023)

Total waste of time. Bad on so many levels.

[3/10 · 12 March 2024]

I mean, what can I even say about this movie that I absolutely despised? Can I talk about the good elements of it, the parts I enjoyed, the parts that worked to create an interesting narrative? I wish I could, but I honestly can't think of a single redeemable quality in this entire film. The characters were unlikable, the story wanted to be grotesque but wouldn't show you anything to actually induce fear, and even the cinematography was basic and had no passion. The times the movie wanted to be creepy were so few and far between, that the only thing that ended up being truly nightmare inducing was Amelia's face after years of cosmetic surgery.

It's truly incredible how you have a movie about a witch that has children with her own sons and then eats them to regain her youth, a horrifying premise in and of itself, and you end up making the most mundane and least scary movie possible. I just don't understand how this even happened. It's like the creative team read the premise and then decided to not ruffle any feathers, not offend anyone, and not really create anything truly horrific, instead opting to alude to the witch and use dream sequences to sometimes show what she does, but never having the cojones to actually do it.

This is the worst kind of horror movie to me. A movie that uses a great premise but ends up yielding a tame, inoffensive movie where nothing really scary happens, everything is suggested and not actually shown, and the conclusion ties nothing together, leaving the viewer to wonder why he even wasted and hour and a half of his life on this movie. I really wish I would have read reviews for this film beforehand, as I would have wanted to be warned before investing my precious time on a film that wouldn't enrich my life in any way.

This is why I'm writing this review, to save as many of you from watching this movie as possible. Do not make the same mistake as I did, as life is way too short to spend it watching these types of movies that contribute nothing of value to your life. Read a book, take a walk, listen to your favorite album on repeat. Anything is preferable to watching this film.

The Seeding (2023)

One of the worst films I've seen in the last 10 years

[3/10 · 6 March 2024]

Usually, I try to look at the upsides to every movie I watch. I really tried to do the same for movie, but it just made it so incredibly hard to so do. I mean, who was the target audience for this movie? Horror fans aren't going to like it, it's not a drama and it certainly isn't a comedy, so whom exactly was this film meant to appease? No one is going to like this movie because there is nothing about it worth liking. Aside from the awesome cinematography and the performance of the lead male actor (a performance wasted on this embarrassment of a film), there is nothing else that is even remotely worth commending.

Even writing this review, I found myself growing increasingly agitated at having wasted almost 2 hours watching a film that ultimately made no sense, and really didn't enrich my life in the end. My goal in watching movies is to find something that inspires me, or at least helps me see things in new and interesting perspectives. All this movie managed to do was frustrate me and annoy me in equal measure, and I would not recommend anyone watch this movie, no matter how bored or devoid of content you seem to be. It is a meritless endeavor that will take more from you than it is willing to give, and I implore each of you considering watching this movie to read a book instead. You will find much more value in the written word than wasting you time with movies that do not respect it.

This movie gets 3 stars for the cinematography and the magnificent acting by the male lead.

As an aside, there is a novel I read a long time ago titled "Woman in the Dunes" by the author Kobo Abe. The gist of that novel is very similar to what happens in this movie. I'd consider reading that book instead of watching this movie. You will have a much better time. I promise.

Hidden Away (2014)

Bait and switch. Still a good movie, but I feel jipped.

[7/10 · 4 March 2024]

So, of course this is a gay film about boys who realize their hidden feelings for one another, lots of drama, furtive glances, hidden desires bubbling to the surface. We get it. That's why we watch these movies, to see two dudes realize they like each other and consummate that somewhere within the hour and half movies of this ilk are allotted to tell their stories.

But not once in this entire film do the boys even so much as hold hands, let alone kiss. I was expecting at least a small peck, even a romantic caress, a passionate kiss in the rain. For the entire movie, we are given the suggestion, the inkling, the promise that they were going to fall in love and that we were going to see the full force of that love presented on screen. The most we got was a few dream sequences where they almost kiss, some horseplaying that almost leads to a kiss, and a scene in the bathroom where they almost kissed, but their lips did not touch once throughout this entire movie.

Now I'm not saying this as someone that watches these movies solely for that, but when you have a romantic film (even if it's gay), show some damn romance! It might have as well been a bromace for all that happened! I've had more intimacy with some of my straight friends than was shown in this movie. I guess since they were teenagers they had to limit what was shown, but I've seen similar films that had no problem showing love between boys or men, no matter how little of it is actually shown.

This is why I titled my review "Bait and switch'; they baited you with a promise of a sweet love story where two boys fall in love, and it was more like two friends share some super intimate moments without showing any of it on screen. It's still a good movie, great even, but don't make a gay movie and not have anything actually gay happen. Then it just becomes a disappointment.

Hellbent (2004)

Pleasantly surprised at how entertained I was by this movie

[8/10 · 1 March 2024]

I watched this on a whim one might after I spent over 40 minutes browsing for something to watch and I was glad that I settled on this movie. I imagined I was going to get some corny C-movie, the likes of which were very common in the late 90's-early 2000's, but I was really shocked at how funny, charming and overall well made this film ended up being. Of course it's still a B-movie, and the budget was obviously limited, but what an entertaining and well executed film this ended up being.

The cast was hot and talented, the script was clever and didn't try to be something it wasn't, and even the special SFX gore and dismemberment were done as tastefully and realistically as the budget allowed. I really cared about the four friends and what they went through in this film, and although it's not the happiest ending, I feel like each one gave their best performance and really elevated this film to the heights it reached.

The only thing I didn't care much for was how it ended. No real resolution, and we didn't get to see the aftermath of how the events affected the survivors. It kind of ended in the typical/cliche way horror movies ended back in the day, and it was the only real sour note in an otherwise pleasant film.

Overall, one of the better gay films I've seen, and it really stands out as a movie from an era where gay movies just weren't good. You'd be hard pressed to find many gay horror films that are this well made, with this good a cast.

Highly recommended for fans of gay films with a hot cast and horror movie aficionados.

Rebel Moon - Part One: A Child of Fire (2023)

D.E.I. warriors, UNITE! It's as bad as everyone is saying it is.

[4/10 · 27 February 2024]

I have a personal theory that keeps being proven true with every Netflix film; the more ethnically diverse the cast, the worse the movie or television show ends up being. Without fail, every single movie or show where D. E. I. Is the basis for the casting ends up subpar of just downright embarrassing, and Rebel Moon seems to continue this god forsaken trend. Gone are the days where the best person for the job is given the role, the best actor, the most fitting or qualified. Now the roles are given to the right skin color, gender or sexuality, and SURPRISINGLY, it's yielding the most horrendous results. Who would have thought hiring people based on superficial traits over say, talent or merit, would ruin filmmaking this profoundly? I am truly shocked, meaning, I am not shocked at all.

Every single new addition to the film was a check box of "diversity";

White male villain? ✅ The POC FEMALE lead? ✅ Latino character? ✅ Black character? ✅ Asian character? ✅ Ethnically ambiguous? ✅

(Notice how the only genuine casting is the white male villain, because we can't have any other ethnic group ever be the bad guys, now, can we?)

I groaned audibly every time they got to a new planet and the D. E. I. Checklist marked off its "representation". Perhaps if they spent more time writing a competent story or building a believable world over obsession over how many people of color they had at any given time on screen, we might have gotten a half decent, and dare I say, entertaining film. But Netflix gonna Netflix, and their racial quotas matter more than their ratings, so they'll just sweep this under the rug and do it again with another film until they get the hit the desperately crave but will never get.

Zack Snyder was a director I defended and I used to take great job in celebrating his style and vision as one of film-makings great bad boys. Now I see that he can be easily bought to make a movie that they want you to make, and will happily forfeit his artistic integrity just to see his name on the credits.

There are very few redeemable qualities in this film, the character designs, set design and sci-fi design being the only ones, but everything else, from the subpar or hammy acting (except by Ed Skrein), to the SFX overload, to the ridiculous plot, to the under-baked and verbose script felt like an afterthought (why did they talk so much and why did so little of it matter?), and the ridiculously bad action scenes, which all took a backseat to the utter importance of assembling the United colors of Beneton Avengers.

A ridiculous movie made by ridiculous people who focus on stuff that doesn't matter to try to build an interesting world and fail on almost every single regard. Imagine if Star Wars had been forced to have racial and gender quotas and this is the movie you would have ended up with. Netflix, we don't subscribe to your service for this. Do better, in the sense of making actual movies for people who enjoy watching them.

A message to Ed Skrein; What were you thinking taking this role? You are a master of your craft and one of the finest living actors. You deserved SO much better than this film, which you carried single-handedly, might I add. Your agent did you dirty, and I suggest firing him and finding someone that will get you the roles your talent and skill truly deserve.

Lemonheads (2020)

One of the most difficult film I've ever watched

[8/10 · 26 February 2024]

I usually avoid Indie Rights films like the plague, and it's one of the many production companies I associate with poor film making. Having watched the sensational Castle in the Ground, I was looking for similar films about drug use and addiction that didn't glorify it, and this popped up as recommended. Although the production company title screen would have immediately put me off, I said, "Let me give them one more chance" and I'm glad I did. This has to be one of the most well acted, powerful films I've seen about addiction since Castle in the Ground, and I am glad that I stuck with it and watched it to teh very end.

I could write a review about the film, what transpires in it and how it's harrowing and visceral. But really, it's the acting that truly elevates this film. The entire cast played its heart out, and I just sympathized with everyone, in particular, the younger cousin. He really took that role and ran with it, and it looked like he was really suffering from withdrawals through the entire film (I hope he didn't method act his way through this one).

I think I'll just end my review with this; I absolutely abhor drug use of any kind, but addiction fascinates me, as I like to understand something when I have such strong feelings about it. This movie does a great job of showing how drugs not only rule the lives of these people, but how it ultimately destroys them. Not an easy watch, but an important one.

The Animal Kingdom (2023)

One of the most stunning films I've seen in years

[8/10 · 24 February 2024]

While Hollywood is on it's death spiral by focusing on political and feminist nonsense, the rest of the world is pumping out hit after hit. Argentina with When Evil Lurks, Japan with Godzilla Minus 1, and now France with this marvelous film. A film about a father and son who must endure hardships in order to keep their family whole, the type of movie you wouldn't see Hollywood making anymore.

There is so much to take in about this lovely film, from the beautiful directorial work to the wonderful cinematography, but it's the cast that really shines in this movie. Both the father and son were cast perfectly, and even the supporting characters, like the Birdman, really made you care and sympathize with what was transpiring in the film. Interestingly, watching this movie, we followed along with three separate stories; the father looking for his wife, the son whose life has been altered in more ways than one, and the birdman, who simply wants to make his namesake proud. It's the story of three separate men, but it's also the story of manhood, and how it endures even when faced with the harshest trial and tribulations.

I watched this movie in awe, because it's the first time in a long time that I've watched a movie made for people like me. I was just so moved by the struggles of each of the men in this film, and how they each dealt with their hardships and all came out stronger in the end. It's a true testament to the enduring nature of the entire male gender, and really makes a man proud to have XY chromosomes coursing through his body.

One of the best, most original films I've seen in years. Everything from the acting to the CGI worked in harmony to create something that will surely leave a lasting impression. I'd be hard pressed to find a real film buff that would dislike this movie in any way. Yes, it's that well done.

Lovely, Dark, and Deep (2023)

Absolteky atrocious. One of the worst films I've seen this year.

[4/10 · 24 February 2024]

Where do I even begin with this mess of a movie? There is so much that was poorly done about, I don't even know where I should start. It's like someone took an interesting premise, someone else wrote the most boring story surrounding it, and then you had someone completely different write the script. Disjointed, all-over-the-place storytelling that left you with more questions than you started off with, and that is never a compliment.

The first inclination that this was going to be a bad film was that it took almost 40 minutes before anything of note transpired. The initial 40 were spent with the lead wandering the woods, making her rounds as a park ranger, while also looking for someone. When the movie does get going, it's at a snails pace. I'm not joking when I say that for every minute something even remotely interesting is happening, there are 20 minutes of nonsense. Drone flying over the woods, the woods creeping upside down, trees, more woods, trees, trees, trees. That's the gist of this movie. It was almost like an advertisement for the National Parks, and this movie is probably less exciting than a ranger training video.

It's a movie that, the more you watched, the more you could tell that it didn't really have a firm direction to begin with. It was like a movie made by various people who didn't share their part of the story until the end, and the movie suffered greatly because of it. The last half hour I watched on 8X speed because I just couldn't be bothered to give this movie any more of my time.

I'm starting to notice a trend in these modern Hollywood horror films; every time a horror movies showcases any signs of D. E. I it's been awful, and you can throw this one right in the pile. It looks like the focus is on superficial elements that are more important than telling a decent story that people might actually enjoy, and that in itself is a real travesty of modern day Hollywood. I'm so glad that movies in the rest of the world aren't adhering to that nonsense. Hollywood really isn't worth the time or energy if they keep pumping out crap like this.

A total and complete waste of time. Please, for the love of all that is decent and pure, listen to me; your time is much to precious to spend it watching movies like these. Avoid this movie at all costs. It's just not good by any metric you throw at it.

Night Swim (2024)

Another failed Blumhouse horror production

[4/10 · 11 February 2024]

This is a movie made for children and teenagers. I knew this going in that I wasn't the target audience and based on the end result, I am certainly glad that I am not in any target group that considers movies like this to be entertainment in any capacity. It's a movie made by committee, where profits matter more than the actual artistry of the finished product, and it's just so disheartening to see Blumhouse drop the ball over...and over...and over again. I am struggling to think of even one Blumhouse horror film that wasn't a complete waste of time and I am coming up empty. I don't know why i keep giving this studio a chance. There are plenty of production companies that make me rush to turn the movie off before it even begins; Gravitas Ventures, Uncork'ed, ITN Productions, Breaking Glass.... If a movie starts up with any of those name popping up on the screen, I know it's a waste of time and immediately rush to stop it from going any further. I guess the marketing department at BH is more more compete, since they reel me in with a good premise and a decent trailer and I am left sorely disappointed time and time again.

At this point, I'm just going to actively avoid this studio because they don't make movies for actual horror fans. They make movies for tweens on their first dates or High School seniors out for a night on the town. You know, movies that require a low barrier of entry and no actual IQ ponts to follow along with the threadbare plots. But for an adult, this movie is a waste of time. It's like reading a romance novel, once your finished with it, what have you actually gotten out of the experience other than slight nausea and a bit of a headache?

If you are over the age of, oh, 21, avoid this movie. If you are a horror buff like me, pretend it doesn't exist. If you enjoy cinema that enriches your life and brings meaning to your existence in even a small way, this movie probably wasn't even on your radar to begin with. I'd rather be in that last group than the group this travesty of a film was made for.

4-stars for the acting alone. When you get competent actors for a High School play, you at least appreciate the effort.

That Is All (2019)

An infuritaing exploration of male sexuality

[5/10 · 3 February 2024]

I was LIVID when the ending credits started to roll, and I asked myself, 'Did I really just sit through two hours of that?". I mean, I've seen plenty of Gay themed films in the last few years, but none came close to making the proverbial steam escape from my ears like this movie has, so let's dive in as to why this movie just chapped my ass in so many ways.

1. The star of the film, Ryan, is smoldering. He has the face of a Calvin Klein's Obsession model and whoever cast him in this knew exactly what they were doing. Honestly, had they chosen a less attractive lead, I probably would have scored this much lower, and would have more than likely turned it off. Although he is a dreamboat, he is an utter BORE throughout the majority of this film. He spends day after day doing the most banal tasks, and when he finally starts feeling some excitement in both his real life and his love life, he still ends up being a closeted, repressed man that would rather live in misery than ever admit to being happy. Early in the movie a friend asked him, "Would you still be my friend if I voted Conservative?" and with the answer he gave, he sounded like you average Canadian "accepting and tolerant", "I'm an Ally" Liberal. But not so liberal that he would ever or should ever be associated with being gay, or seen being with another man, right? It made me really disconnect with this character almost immediately, and the sympathy I initially had for him quickly turned to apathy.

2. Ryan pursues a female member of his basketball group, and gets her to go on a few dates, sleeps with her, yet treats her with nothing but apathy. The girl is smitten with him, and he treats her like an afterthough.

3. Ryan then decides to have a secret relationship with the boyfriend of one of his good friends. So, he's been friends with this guy for a seemingly long time, and he doesn't think twice when he pursues an affair with his boyfriend. Where are his morals? Where is his loyalty?

4. Ryan then sleeps with a female of his friend group. Everyone knows she fancies him, and his roommate actually told him not to toy with her emotions. Again, no morals or loyalty.

So, we can surmise from my previous points that Ryan is the trouble in our little drama. He is the "It's not you, it's me". He is everyone you've ever dated that you fell head over heels for and for him, you were just some fun to be had. I guess evoking this level of emotion from at least one viewer is an accomplishment, but when you have an almost two hour movie that is mostly clips of people doing 'stuff', it really highlights the problems with everyone involved. And when I say stuff, I literally mean that most of the movie is comprised of people talking, having boring parties, watching old movies, smoking weed (I absolutely despise drugs so that was gross to me), and just sitting around being absolute bores for most of the movie. The only real beauty we saw was when Ryan was being his authentic self, but I guess his story was never meant to have a happy ending.

The more I think about it, the more I find myself not totally hating the film, but wishing that it was so much more. There were so many ways the movie could have ended, and the way it did just seemed like what happens when you live an unfulfilled life, and that in itself is a tragedy I really don't care to see much of, even on a television screen.

The Perfect David (2021)

NOT an LGBT film. Nothing about it was even remotely gay centered.

[3/10 · 2 February 2024]

Muscles, bare chests and bodybuilding does not a gay movie make, and it seems like the people responsible for this film forgot to actually add a gay element to this film to qualify it as one. It's amazing how so many men and bare chests, butts and bodies were present in this film yet not a single kiss was exchanged, no romance, no actual physical contact between anyone. Well, except for the devouring mother admiring her own son as if he were her husband, but that's not what this movie was supposed to be about, was it?

At best this movie can be classified as a drama about a toxic mother that is using her son as a pet project. She forces and pushes him to a breaking point, that the movie could have easily reworked as a horror movie about mothers who do more damage to their sons than good. We have entire real-life prisons devoted for the subject, why not make a movie about THAT?

When I say that this film is not LGBT, I mean it. I went in thinking it would at least have a connection between two bodybuilders, the coach, heck even a classmate. We didn't get any of that. What we did get was a healthy dose of toxic femininity, coupled with a bunch of half naked dudes posing for a little over an hour, and an ending that literally made me say, "WTF?" out loud. Thank the universe that this movie was only that long, for it had been longer, I most assuredly would have turned it off around that same mark.

If you're looking for muscular dudes finding love or even discovering their sexuality, this is not the movie for you. If you're looking to see young (and older) muscular dudes posing and talking about bodybuilding, I suggest you visit social media instead. There is way more LGBT content on there than you could ever find in this film.

3 stars for the acting, as it was superb, from everyone involved.

Primbon (2023)

Not even remotely scary. Sweet story, though.

[5/10 · 25 January 2024]

Indonesian horror movies have gotten so much better over the last 10 years. In fact, some of my favorite in the genre have come out of Indonesia. This movie, however, was either incorrectly billed as one or something went really wrong in the horror department, because what we are left with is a family drama with a few (and I stress FEW) scary elements that make it more like a Lifetime Channel mystery than something that will potentially scare you.

The story is simple enough; girl goes into jungle to get something for her mothers birthday, girl gets lost, girl comes back and isn't the same. We've seen it before, and this movie breaks no new ground. But it didn't need to be as mundane as it ended up being. I mean, there are large parts of the movie that were a straight up drama, and I don't know about anyone else, but the last thing I want to see in any scary movie is a bunch of people crying about regret. It seems like someone wrote a script about a family as a drama, and someone else came in and said "Let's add some scary things to it!". It's really disjointed as many of the elements that are supposed to invoke fear just end up falling flat.

While the movie fails in the terror department, the acting is extremely well done and you really come to care for some of the characters, in particular the Father and mother of the young girl. They showed real emotion and it can be felt through the screen, which is a testament to their acting ability. (I watched this film subtitled, not dubbed.)

Lastly, the cinematography and camera work made for a visually aesthetic film that was clean, clear and didn't hide anything that was transpiring. In fact, the cinematography was the best thing about this movie, as it yielded a very visually pleasing end result. I truly enjoyed seeing the Indonesian village and market, the jungle that surrounds it, and the interiors of the many homes.

Overall, while this film is by no means a true horror movie, if you watch is as a family drama about a missing girl, it might be entertaining for you. It's a sweet story about the love that parents have for their children, and the pain they feel when that child is no longer with them. The ending was also emotionally affecting, and made me glad I stuck with the movie to the end.

If you're looking to be scared, this is not the film to do it. But if you can find the story as emotionally engaging as I did, you might not be totally disappointed.

Sunrise (II) (2024)

A waste of phenomenal acting

[3/10 · 20 January 2024]

Let me start off by saying that the only thing this movie has going for it is the acting. That's it. Nothing else about it will be acclaimed, thought of fondly, or even remembered a few months from now. It's one of those movies that you're not sure why it even exists. It says it's a horror movie, but was it really? I am fully convinced that this movie started off as a slow burn drama, some executive read the script and said, "You know what this movie needs? Vampires!". That's the only plausible explanation I can think of for such a thoroughly unremarkable film.

I felt absolutely no fear or even the slightest inkling of it during its entire runtime, and some segments felt like an afterthought, as if the film was finished when someone else came in with their asinine ideas and decided to make this movie something other than what it originally was. As a slow burn, small town drama, this might have worked. The acting was PHENOMENAL, so much so that, had it not been as good, I would have turned the movie off 20 minutes in. But every single actor played their role perfectly, and kept me invested in what little story there was to be invested in.

Whoever decided to turn this movie from a drama to a supernatural horror film really ruined what little this movie had going for it. They decided to include a vampire, but this vampire can walk in the sun, has no super strength or speed, is brooding in an unlikable sort of way, and just doesn't do anything that could be considered vampire-like aside from drinking chicken blood. It's really a shame that this film couldn't decide what it wanted to be from the onset, and picking the more fleshed out genre could have made something out this mess. What we do get, however, is ideas that appear shoe-horned and out of place, to the detriment of the entire picture.

I gave this movie 3 stars for the acting alone, because the talent of the actors in this film is undeniable. But with such a shoddy script, no real horror elements, and some really sophomoric looking special effects, the film has absolutely nothing else going for it. It's truly a shame to see such talent squandered by the bad decisions of a few talking heads. Next time, try to pick a genre that makes sense, without trying to fit a square peg in the round hole of ideas for a movie.

Avoid this film. If you must watch it, do so for the acting. But be warned that nothing else about it will leave even a lasting impression.

Underground (I) (2023)

Absolutely dreadful, and I'm being nice.

[1/10 · 20 January 2024]

Where do I even begin with this travesty. I mean, I've seen some absolute horrid found-footage films in my day ("The Curse of Aurore" springs to mine as the bottom of the barrel) but this one might not be far off. In fact, it probably takes the cake. I haven't seen such a poor attempt at making a movie on a small budget in years, and everything about this just oozed "We only had enough money for actors and locations. That's it!". I mean, if you can't even be bothered to hire some Youtuber to do your special effects (which would have turned out better than the ones used in this movie), why would you ever waste your time and possibly sully your reputation with something this banal?

The first 30-40 movie starts off with some of the most insufferable women I've ever seen committed to a phone's memory card. They were loud, obnoxious, drunk and just generally unpleasant, and although they were celebrating the coming wedding of the least attractive one, they really didn't need to show the world that this is how women behave during a bachelorette's last night out as a single woman). Nothing scary happens during the entire time they're preparing for their night out. Not a single thing.

They finally go out, and they're so drunk, that one of them falls down a hole that leads into a series of tunnels that are some kind of Nazi museum during the day. Still, nothing remotely scary has happened. They all go down this hole, and roam the halls of the museum looking for a way out, have some alcohol induced hallucinations, and that's basically the gist of the story. An hour and forty minutes where we have this supposed horror movie, a found-footage film at that, and nothing scary happens. I swear I turned the movie off at least 4 times during my viewing, convinced that none of it was going to be worth it. I should have trusted my instinct after turning it off the fist time.

Don't even bother with this one, people. It's just awful in every possible way. The characters are not likable, it's not scary, they shoehorned in a wedding scene near the end which felt pointless and forced, and the ending scene was just asinine. This has got to be the worst film of 2023, or at least deserves runner-up. It fails in every possible way.

Horror in the High Desert 2: Minerva (2023)

I did not enjoy this one bit, and I really liked the first film.

[3/10 · 6 January 2024]

I did not care for this movie, at all. It tried to be scary, it tried to be mysterious and all it ended up doing was being annoying. While the first movie told a cohesive story about one person going missing, this sequel decides to tell several disjointed stories about a group of people that have no real relation to one another, and it is probably the most disappointing sequel in some time. The first film left us wondering if anyone was going to head out into the desert in search of Gary, and understandably so. Gary had a huge online following that wanted to know what happened. Instead what we got is a story about a woman named Minerva, whose story only takes up a fraction of the film, while we see many other missing persons introduced in ways that really made no sense. I understand wanting to "up the ante" with a sequel, but when you give your audience the exact opposite of what they expect from one, it really defeats the purpose. It's almost like the person who directed this saw what worked in the first film, threw it out the window, and just added more for more's sake, and for me, it just didn't work. The movie relied on too many stupid decisions made in pitch darkness, and these days, that is not an excuse to skimp out on a decently told tale. (side note, why does every horror movie like this have to be so damn dark? A lot of horrific stuff happens in broad daylight. Why are directors so afraid to show it?)

In the first film, I actually cared about Gary and took a huge liking to him as a person and was concerned about what happened to him. I couldn't care less about anyone being presented in this sequel because I wasn't given enough time to. (Out of the hour 15 minute runtime, Minerva got the Lions share, but there were others that were shown or mentioned that really didn't add much to the story.)

Gary's story is unfinished and deserved some closure. In a story like this, the sequel should have worked to take what made the first one worth watching, and made sure that those elements were front and center. Unfortunately, they are nonexistent in this film. I really had hopes for this series, but after being so sorely disappointed by this movie, I just don't care about what happens next, and trust me, there is more in store. I will not be watching part 3.

As an aside, I looked into the director and realized that he is responsible for one of my worst reviewed films of all time, Reaptown. Now I understand why this movie failed as spectacularly as it did. What a shame.

Good Boy (II) (2022)

It was almost a bad movie before it turned out to be a great one

[7/10 · 24 December 2023]

I have to admit, the premise instantly piqued my interest, but unique premises in horror aren't really that hard to come by. Even with being the most ridiculed film genre, you'll be hard pressed to find more interesting stories than those found in horror, and this one is no exception. But at one hour and 12 minutes, it's really unfortunate that the potential of the premise wasn't fully realized, although the end result was more than satisfactory.

We have a tale about a girl who meets a man on a dating app, and that man happens to have a pet dog who is a man in a suit. Everything seems pretty "normal" for most of the movie (or as normal as anyone with a pet human dog can be), until things take a turn and everything is flipped upside down. But why is it happening? Why is Frank a dog to begin with? So many unanswered questions, that an hour and some change did not give adequate time to have answered. As such, I was really going to write this movie off as wasted potential, until that ending.....

I've seen some creepy stuff in horror, but that ending sent a shiver down my spine. The films entire runtime was banking on that ending, and for that alone, it went from a forgettable film to a (dare I say) great one that people will be talking about for quite some time. There is no gore, very little violence, and no nudity, but the creepiness scale stays at a 10 throughout almost the entire film, and for that, it deserves at least a watch. True horror fans will surely appreciate it.