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WolfGoddess77
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Magellan (2017)
Boring
Proof of life elsewhere in the universe. People have been looking for that for who knows how long. So when a movie pops up about people actually FINDING that proof of life, you would think there would be a little excitement in it. You would be wrong.
It's very clear that this movie was made on a budget of something like ten dollars, a few nails, and maybe some superglue, but even low-budget movies can still be good. This one was just boring. The acting was subpar from everyone except the Ferdinand AI, which isn't saying much, since there are only about five people in the whole movie.
Most of this movie are just closeups of the main character, and get used to hearing him breathing loudly in your ear. That never stops throughout the whole thing.
Don't waste your time with this movie.
The Children Act (2017)
Misleading
The summary for this movie is incredibly misleading. The whole "should we give him blood even though it's against his religion" is a subplot at best, totaling perhaps ten or fifteen minutes all together. And in fact, it's not even really a subplot, because the Children Act states that a minor under the age of eighteen will be given hospital treatment that's in the best interests of their health, so it was a foregone conclusion from the very beginning, as the patient in question is seventeen, and this still falls under the law, if only barely.
The rest of the movie is dedicated to relationship drama and a patient-turned-stalker, which you could predict would happen the moment she walks into his hospital room. He's just too interested in her for it to turn out any other way.
I thought this would be a tense movie about morality versus law, but in truth, I was fairly bored throughout its entirety.
Radioactive (2019)
Average
I wouldn't say this movie was bad, exactly, but instead of a nearly two-hour film, Marie Curie's story would have been better told in a mini-series.
Everything about this movie is rushed, jumping between years to hit a handful of Marie's (probably) most important periods of her life: meeting and marrying Pierre, discovering two new elements, the atomic bomb, Chernobyl, the Nobel Peace Prize.
But I don't think any of them really gets the proper time they deserve. Each one lasts only a few minutes, and then it jumps to the next plot point. We never really get to experience the full story of her life, but rather tiny snippets.
As one of the most famous women in history, she deserves better than this movie.
The Puppetman (2023)
Nonsensical
By the time I finished this movie, I was more confused than I was satisfied. The plot seems simple enough; a girl has a demon or some other entity inside of her that can control people's actions, usually ending in their death.
We find out that the main character's parents tried to summon the thing, and it winds up inhabiting the main character. It seems like the parents start resenting her for this, I think, maybe because it didn't choose them? The entity makes her father kill her mother, and her father is put on death row, claiming that it wasn't him.
Okay, why did they try to summon it? What was their goal? Why did it matter that it used the main character as the host, and not them? They knew what this thing was, and they're upset anyway.
The main character finally comes to the conclusion that the thing just wants to be left alone. But that can't be true, because it's always making her do things that would draw attention to her. Does it have to kill to survive? Otherwise, why wouldn't it just behave itself so no one would know it was there?
What a waste of an hour and a half. A tepid horror movie, at best.
Drag Me to Hell (2009)
Horrible
They might as well have called this Jumpscare: The Movie. I could barely hear the dialogue between the characters, but I had to keep the volume low or else have my eardrums ruptured by the ten-thousand decibel noises they use for the jumpscares. Jumpscares which are GROSSLY overused. I'm not kidding when I say there might actually be one every five minutes.
This movie wasn't scary in the slightest. Making disgusting noises and adding disgusting visuals does not make something scary. It makes them cheap, because the creators couldn't think of any other way to frighten the audience other than making them want to retch and/or blowing out their eardrums with loud noises.
Pet Sematary: Bloodlines (2023)
Pointless
By itself, this movie could have been a late-night popcorn horror movie that you watch to kill time. Very few details would have needed to be changed for it to be turned into an original film. As it is, there is so little continuity with the original Pet Sematary (which this is supposed to be a direct prequel of) that it shouldn't even have the same name.
I don't know if they just slapped the Pet Sematary name on it in an attempt at a cash-grab, but as far as sequels/prequels go, it fails.
Just go watch the original Pet Sematary, or even the remake, and forget this movie exists. If they were going to make a horror film, either make sure your continuity lines up, or don't claim it's part of a franchise.
The Descent: Part 2 (2009)
Stick with the First One
This entire movie is just one long series of bad decisions.
Sarah escapes the cave and the crawlers, and only HOURS after being found, a belligerent...sheriff? Deputy? Some guy in law enforcement decides it's a good idea to drag a wounded, terrified, traumatized woman back into the cave where she watched her friends be brutally ripped apart by monsters. Who in their right mind would allow that?
They find the entrance to the cave in an old mining building (what? Since when does the cave open up into a MINE SHAFT? Continuity, people.), and sure enough, Sarah freaks out, goes on a rampage, and runs off.
The crawlers make an appearance very early, so there's really not all that much build-up. But this time, the creators couldn't seem to decide what they should sound like. One minute they sound like pigs, another like tigers, bears, and I think they even threw in a cow at one point.
Juno apparently survives, and in the day that she's been in the cave, she's apparently gone feral, complete with the trusty bloody climbing axe (as in, literally has blood and viscera dripping from it), with no indication that her wounds have started to go septic, as they clearly would have in a place like that. Oops, wait, no she doesn't. She gets killed off at the very end...again. OR DOES SHE? Stay tuned for The Descent 3: Juno's Revenge.
Sarah and one of the other 'rescue party' are crawling through a very narrow passage with a crawler waiting at the other end of it, and a rat happens to wander by. Sarah is cool as a cucumber, but what does Rescue Party Idiot 3 do? She screams. She screams KNOWING that the crawlers hunt by sound, KNOWING that there's one about fifteen feet away. But no. Let's shriek about the rat.
Oh, and that really cool blood pool from the end of the first movie? Forget about it. We get a poop pool this time, complete with the characters wondering what they're swimming in, and getting to see a crawler defecate as a...funny gag? I guess?
Speaking of the first movie, it really makes it seem like they're deep in the caves, right? Miles and miles from any entrance or exit. In this movie, they find one of the original girls' bodies what seems like right inside the mine shaft. So apparently they were close to a way out the whole time, and just never knew.
We also get a brief glance of Big Daddy Crawler, who is basically a bodybuilder-turned-crawler. Huge, bursting with muscle, you get the picture. But he sure does go down easily. I'm not impressed, movie.
This cave also has 75% more Bottomless Pits that they use twice in the span of about half an hour. I guess their gore budget was being saved for the finale.
Anyway, just...stick with the first movie. It's so much better and creepier than this garbage.
Blood (2022)
Eh.
This movie reminds me a lot of Grace. Both involve children who require human blood to survive, and a mother who is willing to do anything to keep them healthy.
But unlike Grace, I just can't get behind this movie. The kid in question is eight years old; old enough to know that what he's doing is wrong, that he's become something evil. Grace was an infant, so you felt more sympathy for her. She didn't know what she was, she didn't understand that she was different, and you have to question the morality of whether what the mother is doing is wrong, and whether an infant can truly be evil just because she requires blood to live, even though she has never hurt anyone herself.
The lore in Blood is nonexistent. All we know is that there's something evil in the woods that probably has something to do with a dried-up lake with a creepy tree in the middle, but that's it. We don't know what caused the dog to turn evil, what the virus is, why it requires blood, how it involves the dry lake and the tree...nothing.
The writers really missed the mark on this one. The story needed a lot more fleshing out, or else we're just left with an unsatisfactory narrative that raises more questions than it answers.
The Tale (2018)
Unsettling
This movie made me deeply, deeply uncomfortable. Not because it's bad, but because it portrays a relationship that happens every day, not in a fictional world. Real children are taken advantage of like this girl, and some even worse.
What the main character writes as a story is vastly different than the way it actually happens, and when she grows up and discovers that story again, with help from her mother, it sets her on a journey to remember the truth about what happened when she was only thirteen years old. Her naivety as a child is heartbreaking, and you want to do all kinds of horrible, unspeakable things to the man for what he does to her, and who knew how many other children.
As much as I hate to say it, this is a movie I could very easily see being based on a true story. (It's not, as far as I'm aware.)
Am I a Serial Killer? (2019)
Decent Whodunnit
This movie isn't the best murder mystery out there, but they did set up a few options for who might have been the killer in the second set of murders.
There were a few things that I have to question, though. Like how did the aunt lose track of Natalie literal SECONDS after she walked out the door? Unless Natalie has super-speed, she couldn't have gotten farther than to the end of the driveway in that amount of time. Or how the bartender (former police officer, who was the first on the scene of the original killings) admitted to destroying evidence even though he had no real reason to, and how, even after admitting it, he seemingly wasn't punished for it.
Angel of Mine (2019)
Average
I saw the twist of the movie coming, so the ending didn't really surprise me when everything was revealed.
What DID surprise me was that the mother suffered no repercussions for what she did. She broke into someone's house, stalked them, lied to them, kidnapped the little girl... So she was right about the little girl being hers. That doesn't automatically mean that everything she did is suddenly okay. She still needs treatment for mental illness.
And what about the little girl herself? She's spent seven years with one family, and now she's suddenly given to another one. What if she doesn't want anything to do with them? Does she get to say no?
This movie would have been better if the main character was shown that her actions have consequences.
Where's Rose (2021)
Mediocre
I thought the bother and sister dynamic would be different. I can understand why he would be apathetic and cold towards her after his real sister goes missing, but it's like he doesn't care about her before that, either. When his mother wakes him up to tell him that Rose is missing, instead of getting worried and helping to look for her, he just turns over and goes back to sleep. When they 'find' her in a field and put her in an ambulance, he just sits there in the car. I really don't understand why the real Rose is so attached to him. He clearly couldn't give a crap about her.
Also, what was with the father announcing to the party guests that he intended to bang his wife into next Sunday right in front of a small child? Seriously, WHAT was that about?
A Sister's Grudge (2021)
Oh, Come On!
I had to stop watching after just the first few minutes because of the mother's stupidity. She wasn't killed in a hit and run, she all but begged that car to hit her!
If you're running alongside a single-lane road and a car comes up behind you, what do you do?
A: step off onto the shoulder to allow the car to pass you.
B: get paranoid that the car is following you, try to outrun it, and then stop IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD and stare at it like a deer caught in the headlights.
If you said B, congratulations, you're the mother in this movie. Seriously, who DOES that? The entire movie could have been avoided if she'd just used a single brain cell and stepped out of the road.
Dexter: New Blood (2021)
What A Waste
When I learned that Dexter was getting a new season after the series conclusion left many fans angry, I was excited. I was one of the fans that absolutely hated the ending of the original series.
At first, Dexter: New Blood hooked me in. Dexter, now going by the name Jim Lindsay, is living in a small town in Alaska, and has gone without killing anyone for ten years. Then, after a confrontation in the woods with a local jackass, Dexter accidentally kills him. Around the same time, Dexter's son Harrison, now a teenager, arrives, demanding answers. Now Dexter has to somehow keep the murder from being uncovered while dealing with his son, who may or may not have the same dark tendencies Dexter himself has had to deal with since childhood.
The first few episodes start off amazingly. They set up intrigue with a serial killer running loose, and Dexter having to make sure the corpse of the man he accidentally killed doesn't get discovered--something that's made even more difficult by the fact that he's dating the chief of police.
And then things start to fall apart. A character who funds mining/oil drilling operations is in town, who lots of people seem to hate. They set him up as a red herring as being the serial killer, who kidnaps transient girls, locks them in a room to watch them for a while, and then releases them, only to shoot them and embalm them, keeping their bodies as trophies. He only shows up in a couple of episodes, and then disappears entirely. What was the point of even having him there if you weren't going to follow through and have him be a regular to throw us off the scent of the real killer?
Then there's Harrison himself. He originally befriends the local jocks, who the chief of police's daughter is a part of, but after learning that they have been bullying a classmate, he starts spending time with the boy. We get another red herring when the boy, Ethan, reveals to Harrison that he has fantasies (complete with explicit drawings) of killing those who tormented him. Soon, Ethan ends up in the hospital with a slashed femoral artery, and Harrison with a stab wound in his gut. Harrison explains that Ethan was planning a school shooting, and tried to get him to help. But Dexter doesn't believe it. Calling on his past as a blood-spatter analyst, he recreates the scene, and realizes that Harrison's story was a lie. His son was the one who struck first, meaning that Harrison has his own 'dark passenger'.
Finally, Dexter explains to Harrison about his past taking care of criminals, and Harrison finally puts it together that Dexter killed them. When Dexter finds the serial killer, who is after his son for revenge (it was his son that Dexter accidentally killed), he enlists Harrison's help, teaching him the code Harry had taught him as a teenager.
And then things take a dive directly into the ground. The chief of police finds out Dexter's true identity, and when he gets locked up, Dexter throws out the code and kills an innocent. I think it's supposed to make us believe that he's beyond redemption, and deserves what ultimately happens to him, but I found it a cheap, lazy way to end the series.
Harrison confronts Dexter in the forest where the accidental death took place, and Dexter insinuates that he is okay with Harrison killing him.
Which he does.
The series ends with Dexter dead, and Harrison on the run.
WHAT?! What a cop-out of an ending! I really thought they were going to end it with a father and son duo, taking out criminals. But no. They HAD to make an ending that rivaled the original series for its suckiness.
Massive failure.
Pledge (2018)
How?
I just have one question. HOW DO THESE GUYS GET AWAY WITH THIS? As seen in the opening shot, these guys clearly aren't the first to be 'initiated'. One of the seniors even says that this is a tradition that's been going on for a long time. So if that's true...what, is everyone in the know and just turning a blind eye to all the people who go missing? Surely after the second or third disappearance, the authorities would start to think that something was up.
Towards the end, we see those who were successfully initiated, wearing fancy suits and nametags, so does that mean they're from high levels of government? Are they protected from any murders they committed when they were pledges?
There's just so much about this movie that doesn't make sense... Watch it if you're looking for something bloody and you have nothing better to do, but be careful that you don't fall into any of the numerous plot holes.
Saving Zoë (2019)
Mixed Feelings
When a teenager finds her dead older sister's diary in the car of her boyfriend, the last person to see her alive, she starts reading the diary to find out what really happened, and who killed her sister.
I really don't know how I feel about this movie. It's a little cliched, with the whole "teen investigates murder because adults won't", but it's...better than some. However, I don't get why, when Echo has Zoe's diary in her hands, possibly containing proof of her sister's murderer, she takes forever to finish reading it. If that had happened to my sister, I would read the whole damn thing in one sitting.
I also have to question Echo's judgement, as she starts falling in with a shady crowd, doing drugs, getting drunk, and other things she KNOWS are dangerous. And she does this because...why? Because it'll help her find out the truth? No, you have her diary for that. Going to parties and getting wasted is really not the way to help your sister.
(Also, who has a brand new car and someone can put a rock through the window without an alarm catching the attention of the entire neighborhood?)