chris-h-3 Reviews

Meg 2: The Trench (2023)

2 Stars for the first scene, after that it doesn't deserve any

[2/10 · 26 August 2023]

The opening Jason Statham scene is pretty promising and well done, not all the quips land but some do and its full of action, unexpected moments and moves along.

After that scene everything is a bit of a mess and its like the writers just gave up.

The original film was so long ago I can't recall a thing about it and the introduction of so many characters just muddles things. As does parts of the film being dual language which is odd though apparently due to the financing of the film being largely Chinese.

But worse, most of the effect sequences are choppily edited, to the point where its difficult to work out what is supposed to be happening or what you are seeing. All the underwater scenes aren't really convincing at all. The film is better when it stays above ground, just. Awkward for a film about underwater creatures though.

None of the cast have any chemistry at all, sometimes it feels like they are using a rehearsal of a scene rather than a scene when the actors know they are being filmed or in shot - often the cast are looking off in other directions or looking plain disinterested. Again, this is especially in the underwater effects scenes.

Its a longish film too and I struggled to watch the whole thing. I don't remember the first Meg film being particularly great but as a silly entertainment movie it was at least watchable and seemed professionally made.

Biggest mystery to me of this film was that this was directed by this director who usually makes good films.

Summer '82: When Zappa Came to Sicily (2013)

Three stories in one

[5/10 · 18 January 2023]

Interesting documentary though it is three films in one and they don't really come across as being that relevant to one another, leading to a slightly frustratingly stop-start film.

First is the main story of the Italy concert with a lot of remembrances of one individual and some interesting archive footage shot at the time mixed in with some Frank Zappa music videos. A second film thread is of the Zappa family visiting the town 'today' and receiving civic honours and a third thread where-in the film maker recounts some memory's of his father and a journey to try to see this show.

The three tales aren't woven together very well and the film-makers part just apparently stops, seemingly mid way through that particular story, making you wonder what was the point of including it at all. I'm sure the film maker had some intent with this but it just didn't seem at all relevant or even interesting unfortunately. The footage of the Family visiting Italy is nice to see and they are clearly very touched by what had been put on for them and, as I was unaware of what took place at this concert, seeing the footage of the event interspersed with some current interviews and memories of people who were there was eye opening.

It is worth watching but it is a very meandering documentary, it really feels that someone took two existing films and tried to cut them together with little thought to how someone watching would follow. I should add I watched it on Netflix and the subtitles were full of miss quotes and mistakes.

Don't Worry Darling (I) (2022)

Style over plot, or substance.

[5/10 · 25 October 2022]

Its a plot and story device thats been used numerous times before so you really need to put a twist on it to make it interesting.

The faux 50's setting is nicely detailed while, perhaps purposely, inaccurate it has a good, bold look. The music chosen is very loud and also pretty unoriginal, I'd heard every song here before and it seems like they just picked the most obvious choice for each song.

The acting was fine, none of the character's parts were interesting or well written so you don't really care about any of them. Can't really blame the actors for that.

After about and hour and forty minutes we get to the plot and then in about five random scenes the film is over. It feels like it needed another 30 minutes to offer an actual ending but that the writers didn't know how to end the film or to explain the many plot holes and so just ended the film with some random scenes and low shock value.

Its like those TV series who build and build toward some shock revelation all season and then its just a cliff hanger at the end of the season. If your script or film isn't interesting on its own then there is no value in this.

In short, nice enough production values but a little dull to sit through with a non ending.

Bullet Train (2022)

Great performance from Brad Pitt in generic actioner

[4/10 · 30 September 2022]

The film is one of those action films that uses all the stylings Tarantino did ten years ago and throws in some silly costumes and characters form the worst ADHD aspects of Guy Richie's film making. There were dozens of films made in this style to cash in on Tarantino years ago and this is the same only with a big budget.

It feels like the director either rushed into this or didn't have the confidence to make his own film.

The graphics appearing on screen with character names is something you see on cheap knock off movies and doesn't add a thing to the film. Lots of visual shots you've seen in other films and a tedious number of throwaway flash backs and character origin stories.

Perhaps surprisingly its the scenes with dialogue and character interaction which work best in the film, a lot of the action sequences and big fight set pieces, particularly the flash back ones were just plain dull and uninteresting.

It really is Brad Pitts film though and he makes it watchable. It's a great reminder that he can carry a film and be a great, charming lead. Hiroyuki Sanada was also good while the rest of the cast were written, dressed and played at caricature level. I thought mostly the film felt miscast.

The visuals have a slightly fake, cartoonish look to them, particularly the shots of the train itself. Its a style I guess but I can't say it brought anything to the film, if anything the cartoon stylings and costuming took away from any peril you might feel for the characters.

It was watchable for the Brad Pitt Performance but the rest of it was just bit of a mess of things you've seen done better in other films.

Section 8 (II) (2022)

Better than you'd think based on who is in the cast

[5/10 · 24 September 2022]

There is the basis of a decent film here, yes it has all been done before but the opening half hour or so is all pretty engaging (although you do feel they just let Mickey Rourke do and say whatever he wanted).

Then it started to get a bit silly, and then very, very silly. To the point it is barely making sense and they are having to have characters have one sided conversations on telephones to gloss over plot confusion - It just lost all credibility for the sake of slightly better writing.

That said it is clearly made on a budget and it goes well to hide some of this, clearly the whole film is shot in L. A. but watching it does a good job of making out that its characters travel around the US and beyond. The action scenes are fine too, sometimes a bit confused to follow but this actually gives it a bit more authenticity, I felt.

The cast are pretty good overall though two or three are so one dimensional, due to the writing, that they don't come off so well. Its a shame the last half hour or so wasn't as well made as the first and that it feels it needs to have plot twist after plot twist.

Ultimately its better and has a lot more to offer than you might expect, even if it is a bit disappointing overall.

Andor (2022– )

Bold opening that doesn't follow through in any meaningful way

[3/10 · 23 September 2022]

I've seen it written that this is an 'adult' version of Star Wars, this purely seems to be because the protagonist straight up murders someone in the opening episode and thats all glossed over and fine and then we have lots of flashbacks to his childhood. Lots and lots of flashbacks. Its not 'adult' its just morally vacant and seems a bit of an odd choice for what has always been a family franchise, less so with Disney it seems, even more oddly. The cast all seem very talented and with more British accents in the film it does feel a bit more 'Star Wars'. But nobody has much to do, other than all the extras dashing about in every single scene - which is a bit distracting.

Its crazy to find a show that is 30 minutes long that feels so padded out. But thats how it feels. Its like rather than get through the story too fast, or write a bit more of a show with characters with some depth, we'll just have a lot of running here and there and endless, pretty dull and pointless, flashbacks. You could edit the first three shows down to about 45 minutes and that might make for better tv.

It just feels like this is more filler product. It doesn't feel like anyone had a character they wanted to explore or a story to tell or anything at all artistic or original. Its just plodding through to fill three hours of content. Its a shame as there are a lot of talented actors in the cast and the costumes and settings all look interesting. Its just let down by the plotting, story and dialogue.

Also, is it really funny to laugh at characters with a stutter? Not for me anyway, feels a very dated attempt at humour and I can't believe that got approved in this day and age. I though we'd learned and moved forward?

I'm glad some people seemed to have enjoyed it but for me it was pretty dull, visuals aside.

Confess, Fletch (2022)

Bland film with flat direction and lead

[2/10 · 19 September 2022]

You get the impression from very the first scene that the dialogue is supposed to zing back and forth, but there is no rhythm to the scene or the performances and it all just falls flat.

It feels like everyone is making a first read through of the script rather than a performance. This is pretty much how the whole film feels. The direction and editing just give no 'go' to the film and so it plods along like a dull police procedural. I was surprised when I looked at imdb that this wasn't the directors first film - it feels like it was made by someone who hasn't found his feet.

I saw the first Fletch film way back when and while I was never a massive Chevy Chase fan he clearly brought a lot to the role. Jon Hamm meanwhile just doesn't give off any charm or energy at all in any of the scenes and so it makes no sense how people react to him. He feels a bit old for the role too compared to the rest of the cast, as far as it goes.

The locations and lighting are great throughout, the cinematography is fine at times, at other it feels a bit bland too.

Overall I just found nothing really entertaining in the film. Its not a comedy, its has no drama and theres no chemistry between any of the actors.

Get Away If You Can (2022)

Its not a horror film with Ed Harris as the lead, despite the poster.

[4/10 · 4 September 2022]

There will no doubt be a lot of disappointed reviews of this film given it heavily markets itself as a film with Ed Harris as the star when, in fact, he has about four minutes of screen time here.

That aside what you have is an interesting idea for a film which, in the end, doesn't quite live up to its script.

Edited out of sequence, to presumably try to interject some interest or drama, it becomes a slightly confused film. For a film that has principally two leads its important they they both be competing characters. The lead actor, also the writer and director, is the main focus of the film and perhaps should have remained behind the camera as the performance given is at times uneven and not very convincing.

The film is quite well shot, though occasionally lighting changes from camera angle to camera angle, enhancing the confusion over the editing and timeline.

Clearly a film made on a limited budget and with a simple but interesting idea at its heart which it sort of fails to explore in any satisfactory way.

The title was quite a clever double meaning though combined with the 'horror movie' style poster perhaps this also is more misleading than helpful.

Theaters of War (2022)

Interesting and informative doc.

[2 September 2022]

A very interesting film. Perhaps not the most dynamic or best made documentary you will see but one which has a lot to reveal about its subject and about pretty much all 'big budget' Us films made today.

While I think people are generally aware that the US military has always been keen to throw its weight and money behind films which show it in a positive light the story here of just how widespread and ingrained it has become in all manor of television and film production and how much control it has over that was genuinely enlightening.

It was surprising to me to find out that scripts with false or selective narratives are being written and promoted to film producers by the military itself and the ongoing efforts to hide this from the public was quite surprising too.

There is a fine line between propaganda and promotion and this documentary clearly shows just how far into propaganda US film and television has slipped. It was certainly sad to hear of both live and dead soldiers who had been written and presented in degrading ways to either massage someones ego or because the military was not happy that they were injured or died in their service. What a crappy thing to do.

Respect to those film makers who did not agree to have the US military rewritten their scripts and still managed to get their films made.

Fall (I) (2022)

Nicely filmed but not very interesting

[3/10 · 1 September 2022]

I mean its a silly film that I guess does what you would expect given the plot it has. The whole thing does feel a bit like a Hallmark channel film only with a bit of blood and gore in it.

Its all quite silly and you can see where it is going from the opening scene. Nothing is really credible, the guy from Walking Dead is in it but only in two scenes and seems an afterthought with nothing much to do.

It is nicely shot and manages to be visually interesting considering most of the film takes place in one location but I found it a bit long and drawn out and I didn't really enjoy it as such but its probably not my kind of film. If you want something to kill a couple of hours...

That Dirty Black Bag (2022– )

Love the genre but this is dull and unoriginal throughout.

[3/10 · 30 August 2022]

This feels and looks like a TV show from the 1990's rather than something being made today.

Sure it copies some Spaghetti Western camera angles but thats were that ends. It has none of the suspense, music, character or spectacle of those films.

Its clearly made on a low budget and if it had better writing or pacing or more charismatic characters then it could carry that off. The scenes meander, there are shots of people walking in corridors to fill time and none of the characters are anything but one dimensional.

With so many great Western shows made in recent years this just comes off as dated, unoriginal and cheap, unfortunately.

Nope (2022)

Not a bad film, just a bit too self indulgent

[5/10 · 26 August 2022]

Its a very indulgent film, 'If Quintin Tarantino made a Larry Cohen film'.

It has all the verbosity and shock value anyone would ever want but none of the humanity or humour to make it engaging or interesting. Good cinematography and a couple of very good performances in the cast but ultimately an unresolved plot and a lot of meandering, meaningless dialogue.

It takes itself very, very seriously yet relies on genre film-making tropes and never rises above them. Its not a bad film at all it just feels that it would benefit from either a good story or better pacing and editing. Without either of those it feels empty and over long. Far better than Cowboys vs Aliens though!

Secret Headquarters (2022)

A technically good but entirely soulless family movie.

[4/10 · 15 August 2022]

There are thousands of worse films that this you could watch. Great cast, though a stronger villain would've helped, pretty good special effects and sets and a story with a start, middle and end. However I struggled to really care about any of it. Its all been done before and its all very carefully constructed to tick all the boxes along the way to the ending.

It lacks any kind of charm or personality and feels like a film made by an algorithm rather than a creative bunch of people, I'm sorry to say.

Worse was the very awkward product placement at the end of the film which was both laughable and also just served to highlight how much this film is a product rather than a piece of storytelling.

Prey (I) (2022)

'Predator vs Twilight'

[3/10 · 7 August 2022]

I'm not a huge franchise fanboy but I've seen them all. As a stand alone film i found it slow, dull and kind of silly. The cast are all mostly super clean and in full make-up. The actors have a glossy look to them but all the sets have a slightly cheap look them and nothing looks 'real' as far as it goes.

It certainly makes no sense regards the other films that the Predator would turn up to 'hunt' a race with no weapons that can hurt it only, basically, so it can toy with them and show off all the different novelty weapons it carries.

The the cinematography isn't great either and it doesn't do anything for the scenery or the action sequences. The film is longer than it needs to be, a very slow pace with lingering shots and yet zero character development or original writing for any of the 'characters.' Why its over 90 minutes long I don't know, if it were at least a little pacey you could, maybe, get carried along with it. So you have a poorly written film, not very well shot and with meandering editing.

It comes across as a very lazy piece of franchise merchandising and I only wish I were one of those reviewers being paid it give it a 10 out of 10, A plus!!! Review.

The Old Man (2022– )

Takes more than a great actor to make a great show

[4/10 · 24 July 2022]

While the opening is promising the phone call voice overs soon become tired and the dialogue is pretty bad from the go. I was confused when we went into the first flashback, didn't realise that it was a flashback at first, I guess the guy does look a bit like Jeff Bridges but he sounds nothing like him. Then I was distracted by the wandering accent of the actress who plays his younger wife - It seemed to start off Russian, go all through England, into Ireland and then back again.

Then the rest of the season episodes seem to be two or three scenes with Jeff Bridges with the rest feeling padded out with flashbacks that aren't at all interesting or engaging and scenes in the FBI offices. Perhaps this was necessary due to the circumstances this was shot under. But none the less it feels like one of those action films with a big star who filmed all his scenes in a couple of days just to have a name on the poster.

But more than this its slow, meandering out of focus shots of people walking into scenes, dialogue thats bad and not needed, its like they didn't have enough film or plot to fill the episodes. I do wonder if you could edit this down to something half its length and make it a compelling show, maybe. But as it is I didn't enjoy it.

A Beautiful Curse (2021)

Well made but a bit too slow moving for me.

[5/10 · 29 June 2022]

This was well made and the trailer made it look really interesting. Watching the film though, for me, I found it far too slow to develop. It just wasn't that interesting watching someone wander around on their own for that length of time whilst waiting for the story to be intercut.

It is well shot and acted, and clearly was made on a budget, but it sort of feels it would work better as a short story than it does as a 90 minute film.

Men (2022)

Well made but unfulfilling

[6/10 · 27 June 2022]

I loved the first half of the film. I thought the only slight let down was the makeup on Roy Kinnear which was a bit fake and over the top looking making it seem more like you were watching a comedy, it felt a bit The League of Gentlemen.

At about the half way point it felt the film didn't know were to go, and turned into something resembling a music video for half an hour.

There is some very good and skilled filmaking here, the cast, costumes and cinematography were all great, but I just felt there lacked the story or character development needed to make it either enjoyable or engaging.

Crimes of the Future (2022)

A blend of past glories

[4/10 · 25 June 2022]

I was looking forward to this but what I found was a disappointing walk though the past of David Cronenberg. Its nicely shot with interesting locations and has a good cast but thats about all the good I can find in it.

With a more charismatic lead performance maybe the film could've been carried but with little plot and Viggo Mortensen giving such a low key performance I was completely bored by the half way mark and the rest of the film just felt like it was going through the motions.

It was good to be reminded of how many great films he has made in the past though and tbh I wish I'd just rewatched some of those.

The Lincoln Lawyer (2022– )

(Just) above average legal tv show

[6/10 · 25 June 2022]

I enjoyed the books but I know a tv show won't ever be the same thing. Its a more female heavily focused (and cast) take on the books and is perhaps looking for a broader audience by that.

The writing and pacing for the show is slightly above average, I wouldn't say any of the lead cast are that charismatic, which is a shame, and I get updating things to an SUV for product placement and all but the whole thing about why hes 'The Lincoln Lawyer' is kind of fudged by this.

It feels very 'lightweight' as a drama with little depth to the characters. It almost feels like its aimed at a younger/teenage audience but at the same time, that seems an odd choice for a show like this. Overall its something I'd watch if it was on but not something I found particularly engaging or gripping.

I think its still just about an above average show but it could have been much better with the source material it has and a more interesting cast.

Last Seen Alive (2022)

Mediocre streaming filler with Hallmark production values and performances.

[2/10 · 16 June 2022]

You've seen this film several times before and whichever film it was you saw it was better.

Gerald Butler has a meltdown after his wife is out of his sight for about four minutes and then you think the plot might be going somewhere more interesting than it does. It never does. In fact at several points in the film you think a scene is going to play out one way and things will develop and a plot will develop... but no, the characters all do something ridiculous instead and the film sacrifices tension and suspense against characters running around from one place to another.

There was nothing stand out in the entire enterprise and right from the start I was bored enough to notice the same vehicles driving around in circles or in different parking spaces in the gas station scene. Again I did wonder if this was going to be a plot point but no, it wasn't

• Special note to the budget cgi house explosion which leaves surrounding foliage untouched by light, heat and the blast wave.

The Northman (2022)

Visually pretty but uninvolving

[3/10 · 15 May 2022]

The opening with its CGI looking boats on a CGI looking sea was a bit jarring, from such a big budget promoted film but following that the visual style is very strong, everything looks very pretty, at times maybe to pretty, it does feel like watching a music video without any music at times.

The majority of cast aren't given a lot to do and that with the limited and basic dialogue means you aren't really invested in anyone. A brief highlight was Willem Dafoe, whose character I would've happily watched more of, everyone else is in cardboard cut-out roles.

It feels like a big budget film heavily influenced by the recent years of superhero movies with its swelling music at every moment and its and large scale spectacle.

With a more charismatic cast or lead perhaps it could have worked or been more interesting but as it is for such a big story its lifeless, long and, surprisingly, a bit dull.

Blacklight (2022)

No, I'm not sure why it was called Blacklight either.

[4/10 · 19 April 2022]

I thought the opening scenes with Liam Neeson at the camp ground were promising and this might be a good step away from the 'man with special skills on the run who really wants to be with his family' he's played in the last ten or fifteen of these.

I wanted to see more of this man with a box of tricks in the back of his car who solves problems.

Alas. As soon as that scene was done with it was straight back to the old role with a quick round-up of his failings as a family member and then onto a completely unoriginal, been done a hundred times before, conspiracy plot.

There is a funny scene were a character climbs over a fence with some effort, to escape, only in the long shot we see the fence had a bout a two foot gap under it. And a slightly batty cgi car chase in the middle but that's about it until the end of the film. Kind of a shame as its not the worst of this run of films, it opens with promise the direction is okay and Liam Neeson is largely credible, just needed a better script.

The Batman (2022)

Needed a better script and editor ...and maybe plot.

[5/10 · 19 April 2022]

I thought Robert Pattinson did well and was fully believable as The Batman, his slacker alter ego was a bit of a chore and I longed for Jeremy Irons' Alfred who would give him the much needed kick up the backside. As it was we got a rather flat Andy Serkis who was okay but, like much of the cast, didn't really have any lines or character to make him memorable.

Jeffrey Wright was back as Felix Leiter, erm, I mean James Gordon and Zoë Kravitz was fine in the part but didn't really seem to have any chemistry with Robert Pattinson. The villain just comes across as a bit meh.

The film has a nice look to it, dark though it was, a curious mix of 80s retro and today with taxis from forty years ago mixed in with all the modern tech and the rain and more rain.

On one hand it has its gritty realism but every so often you get a blast of comic book style physics where something happens or someone survives something that never would actual happen, with actual gravity and physics. This happens so seldom that it seems to not fit with the rest of the film.

What got me most though was how jarring some of the cuts were, and how rushed some of the scenes felt, this in a three hour film with a very simple plot. To go from a scene wherein someone is near killed to the next scene with them, half an hour later when all is fine and everyone is A-okay.

Or to have someone wake up from a comma, fully lucid who can jump into a five minute argument about ethics. Its just odd, jarring and feels a bit silly.

At times it felt more like a TV show than a film and I would say that was down to the mediocre script being delivered by a largely forgeable cast. None of the supporting characters have any interesting dialogue or real character development AT ALL.

I do wonder if the length had been cut down to 90 or 100 minutes if the film would've had enough pace to it to hide a lot of the faults, as it is you have a lot of time to ponder as it plods along. Its not a terrible film but it is a slightly dull one.

John Bronco (2020)

One joke film

[3/10 · 10 April 2022]

I say joke, it's more a nostalgic avert from Ford than runs for half an hour.

It's well made and had good production values, some of the 70s and 80s archive footage is a novelty to see, but the rest of it left me cold and didn't raise a smile, though I see it was a ten star film for a lot of reviewers who only ever reviewed this film on the site.

It's like a big budget Average Saturday Night Live sketch that would've been better at a five minute length.

Severance (2022– )

Well made build up but no reveal

[5/10 · 8 April 2022]

No spoilers but it was disappointing to watch an entire season of this only to have no ending. It's a very slow and suspenseful build up over the eight or so hours and to have no actual revaluations about the purpose of the thing was disappointing and made me wish I'd not bothered watching.

The acting and production design and the idea itself is great. But it feels like there is no real ending or else, if there is, it will be underwhelming ...and to be honest I can't see me watching a second season in the hope that there will be a bit more plot.