A bunch of 30 yr olds pretending to be students go on a trip they find a piece of Belle Stars jewellery, stiff actors look about as comfortable as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs, saying lines generated by a computer, cheap horror films don't have to be bad, but this is standard rubbish.
4 Reviews
Hell's Bleh...
tmccull526 December 2020
Warning: Spoilers
Formulaic, unoriginal script and story. Performances less compelling and emotive than a cigar store Indian. Utterly amateurish special effects. Need I say more?
There isn't a likeable character in the bunch, except for maybe the naive "good girl", Katie. Everyone else is a cardboard cutout that speaks. We have the slutty Goth girl. We have the clueless bimbo obsessed with her cell phone. We have the airhead surfer dude type. We have the slacker. We have the shallow, vapid girl with a crush on her college professor. We have the unambitious college professor who is so bad at his job that he's about to be denied tenure. Oh, and he's the sleazy type that cheats on his pregnant wife with slutty Goth girl.
Mr. Unambitious Professor leads this group of students out to an archeological assignment in an effort to try and save his job. None of these students seems the least bit interested in what they're supposed to be doing, or what they're supposed to be looking for. You see, that's what college professors about to lose their positions do, in a last ditch effort to hang onto their livelihood. They pick the least likely students to help them succeed. Yep. Unh hunh.
In one scene, Surfer dude flatly and boorishly asks a man with a badly scarred face what happened to his face. Did he lose a fight with a grizzly bear? Maybe a Sasquatch? He later finds a lasso, and pretty much carries it with him everywhere he goes, because everyone knows that lassoes and lariats are invaluable tools on archeological digs, right?
At one point, the professor does an equipment check to make sure that everyone has tools, flashlights, et cetera. After that, at no time ever in the movie does a single student carry anything with them, except the idiot surfer dude carrying the lasso. No backpacks, no flashlights, no tools. Well, we all know that those things would be useless in a dig or an excavation anyway, right? Except for the all-important lasso.
Before the end of this movie, you'll wish that you had that lasso so that you can hang yourself and be spared the rest of the movie.
There isn't a likeable character in the bunch, except for maybe the naive "good girl", Katie. Everyone else is a cardboard cutout that speaks. We have the slutty Goth girl. We have the clueless bimbo obsessed with her cell phone. We have the airhead surfer dude type. We have the slacker. We have the shallow, vapid girl with a crush on her college professor. We have the unambitious college professor who is so bad at his job that he's about to be denied tenure. Oh, and he's the sleazy type that cheats on his pregnant wife with slutty Goth girl.
Mr. Unambitious Professor leads this group of students out to an archeological assignment in an effort to try and save his job. None of these students seems the least bit interested in what they're supposed to be doing, or what they're supposed to be looking for. You see, that's what college professors about to lose their positions do, in a last ditch effort to hang onto their livelihood. They pick the least likely students to help them succeed. Yep. Unh hunh.
In one scene, Surfer dude flatly and boorishly asks a man with a badly scarred face what happened to his face. Did he lose a fight with a grizzly bear? Maybe a Sasquatch? He later finds a lasso, and pretty much carries it with him everywhere he goes, because everyone knows that lassoes and lariats are invaluable tools on archeological digs, right?
At one point, the professor does an equipment check to make sure that everyone has tools, flashlights, et cetera. After that, at no time ever in the movie does a single student carry anything with them, except the idiot surfer dude carrying the lasso. No backpacks, no flashlights, no tools. Well, we all know that those things would be useless in a dig or an excavation anyway, right? Except for the all-important lasso.
Before the end of this movie, you'll wish that you had that lasso so that you can hang yourself and be spared the rest of the movie.
.........huh ..... wha ?
godinamachine8 December 2021
HEY EVERYBODY ITS ME, (4) and today we review .... night night THE MOVIE !!!!!!!!
Holy crap on a saltine cracker ....... a bit of advice no matter how much intense suspenseful music you put in your movie IT WONT MAKE T MORE EXCITING !!!!!!!!!!! My 90 year old grandmother driving moves faster than this .... and shes dead !!!!!!!!!!
So slow ..... i fell asleep, and woke up to the same scene still going 5 hours later !!!!!!!!!why ???? Nothing happens ... i mean sure things "happen" but not really .... sure oooooh creepy guy but naaaa not really .... exciting music ???? But people are just kind of there like "eh whatever" .... i literally had to hit my own hand with a hammer to pretend something action-y was happening to justify the music in this one ..... and i cant even honestly rate the lighting etc because i was so droned out due to the ....nothing ......that never didnt not happen that i was almost lost in some kind of ...... dare i say it ... EVIL PORTAL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My god man .... this film IS the evil portal ............
its too late for me .... im doomed ...my eyes have seen this terror and now i am a part of this .......... but YOU ....you might have a chance ... heed my warning ..... the great nothing will consume you here in this place ..... only suffering lives here ..youll find no solace in this film ...only .....the nothing that never happens .........
1/10
im sorry movie ... i wish i could give more ....but youve already taken so much from me ....theres nothing left.
Holy crap on a saltine cracker ....... a bit of advice no matter how much intense suspenseful music you put in your movie IT WONT MAKE T MORE EXCITING !!!!!!!!!!! My 90 year old grandmother driving moves faster than this .... and shes dead !!!!!!!!!!
So slow ..... i fell asleep, and woke up to the same scene still going 5 hours later !!!!!!!!!why ???? Nothing happens ... i mean sure things "happen" but not really .... sure oooooh creepy guy but naaaa not really .... exciting music ???? But people are just kind of there like "eh whatever" .... i literally had to hit my own hand with a hammer to pretend something action-y was happening to justify the music in this one ..... and i cant even honestly rate the lighting etc because i was so droned out due to the ....nothing ......that never didnt not happen that i was almost lost in some kind of ...... dare i say it ... EVIL PORTAL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My god man .... this film IS the evil portal ............
its too late for me .... im doomed ...my eyes have seen this terror and now i am a part of this .......... but YOU ....you might have a chance ... heed my warning ..... the great nothing will consume you here in this place ..... only suffering lives here ..youll find no solace in this film ...only .....the nothing that never happens .........
1/10
im sorry movie ... i wish i could give more ....but youve already taken so much from me ....theres nothing left.
A Woodland take on the Woman in Black
daver628 July 2020
Warning: Spoilers
Teenagers in the woods; a description to strike fear intro the heart of any horror fan. However.....there was no drinking, no drugs, no jocks, and actually I enjoyed this cheaply made but quite spooky horror.
It contains no great acting or great dialogue, but the ghost's appearances were creepy and effective and the deaths imaginative enough and not always welcome; well the water death at least.
The film does contain those annoying behaviours beloved of horror directors, e.g. to take a leak and have a fag one character walks up a hill and 100 yards or more into the woods; but overall not enough to ruin the film.
A bonus is seeing two of the female characters in the shower; unfortunately not the particular female character I wanted to see and waited for in breathless anticipation......!
All things considered, I would recommend this not unsatisfying little picture.
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