Anarchy Parlor (I) (2015) User Reviews

Hostel Ink presents abundance of sex, gore, and little else. Horror fans may appreciate the carnage, the rest and fainthearted might want to steer clear.

[quincytheodore · 5/10 · 13 May 2015]

Plenty of exotic location and culture to explore, yet Anarchy Parlor still ends up with typical dumb college kids encounter with danger as its main plot. There are so few of likable characters as they are spewing profanities as replacement for acting, these guys are true representative of swag generation. Thankfully, the lead Robert LaSardo is physically and verbally convincing. Fans of the genre might find the gore very uniquely adequate, the shameless fanservice nudity is surprisingly good as well.

Set in Lithuania, a group of dumb college kids fornicate and party a lot until they happen to stumble on a tattoo parlor. The Artist (Robert LaSardo) is strange yet philosophically suave, unbeknownst to them he also harbors a sinister secret. Fans might recognize this set-up from Hostel, and to be frank, there's not much else here. Aside from The Artist himself, the rest of characters are tediously uncharismatic.

Script is filled with curse word as though the movie tries to set a record of cursing per minute. At times these guys and girls make decisions so horrible it's mind-boggling they are not shanked by random people yet. Not to mention one particular girl screamed so unbelievably annoying, I rooted for the bad guy to finish her and end my misery. It's not an understatement that the characters are mirror image of Jersey Shore cast.

What separate Anarchy Parlor are the detailed bloody sequences it presents. Make-up and practical effect like the blood work are disgustingly good down to all the nasty bits. It's not the typical slasher flick mayhem, but a lot more of solemn cutting action, the movie revels in it. There are also tons of sex scene and nudity, which are honestly good. This might just be the level of softcore production value. I guess that merits more point in rating.

As the screenplay is lackluster, a decent performance by the lead doesn't negate the rest of the loud bickering, it's quite hard to recommend this to casual audience. Furthermore, the gore is exclusively sickening. Anarchy Parlor is designed especially for horror fans only, the rest needs not enter.

Robert LaSado saves it from being a total dud

[Seth_Rogue_One · 4/10 · 7 July 2016]

A very simple 'lure tourists into a dodgy place in order to do despicable things to them' type of horror.

Overall the acting is poor but Robert LaSado is the saving grace here (you might not recognise his name but you've most likely recognise his face).

I mean he can't make you care for the other characters fate of course (being that most of them are such poor actors and very duchy you kind of feel like they deserve to die... in the movie that is) and it doesn't ever really get scary for the same reason (and plot and directing etc of course as well) but Robert LaSado is an effective bad guy and with any lesser actor this could have flunked completely.

But the Gothic atmosphere is pretty cool as well, and plenty of eye-candy (the women most likely got their roles for their willingness to appear nude more than their acting-abilities... but then they are no worse than the other guys).

So yeah definitely nothing you need to see but nothing you have to absolutely avoid either, if it's on TV one late night or so.

Meh...

[DogFilmCritic · 4/10 · 14 November 2016]

This is What i have to say about this movie, interesting premise and painful acting. Its trying to make a cross between saw and hostel but the result ends up a mess there Is nothing that stands out besides some gory scenes and a bunch of cliché characters its a very generic.

The only actor that's stands out Is Robert Lasardo if you seen a lot of 90s action movies you probably stumble with him as a henchmen he Is that guy full of tattoos with one liners( a discount Danny Trejo if you will)i have to admit this guy can actually act and his passion for tattoos can be shown this role was meant for him and he nailed it.

Honestly don't waist your time even if Lasardo Is good in this, its probably the only good thing in it.

At least there's Robert LaSardo

[michael-3204 · 2/10 · 25 April 2016]

Grim, amateurish little torture porn bauble set in a Vilnius tattoo parlor, only slightly elevated by a menacing performance from Robert LaSardo as "The Artist." He's the only thing worth watching here, despite the lovely location, which this film wastes. The other performances are so appalling and the dialogue so unimaginative that it's hard to tell how much of it was improvised -- on one hand, I can't imagine anyone writing this garbage out and thinking, "Yeah, that sounds right;" on the other, all the characters (The Artist excepted) sound exactly alike, even with multiple accents, each as aggressively unlikable and inarticulate as the next. A film called "Anarchy Parlor" might reasonably be expected to deliver some inkling of wild imagination, some hint that the filmmakers understand transgression. This predictable, mundane mess fails to deliver.

Mind-numbingly awful

[fairlesssam · 1/10 · 29 July 2017]

A group of friends on holiday in Lithuania end up in trouble, as two of their party venture to a backstreet tattoo parlour, with a stranger, after a night of partying.

This film is a missed opportunity. The lead actor is superb and the cinematography is also very good. The acting of the rest of the cast however is pretty awful. The constant screaming and babbling of the girls is beyond grating. The story is not developed particularly well, and as the tattooist starts to torture his victims all we have is screaming, begging, moaning and sobbing of the irritating fashion known to man. Other than the tattooist himself the characters are not likable, their relationships and personalities are not developed. They are all just completely annoying.

Decent Gore But Thats About It

[HorrorOverEverything · 4/10 · 9 June 2015]

I'm a gore hound, I have and will always love graphic horror films. So I pretty much knew what I was getting when I went into this film. Wasn't expecting a good story, good acting, etc but I was still a little disappointed.

So right off the bat you can tell this is pretty much a lower budget version of hostel, just replace the "Hostel" with a tattoo parlor. It really does copy a lot of aspects of Hostel, even has a group of misfit local kids that don't have much to do with the story just like in Hostel. So I'll try to focus on the things that this does different. One is that we actually have a killer, played by Robert LaSardo, he does a decent job but I just didn't find him creepy or intimating. In fact in the film he comes off as a pretty nice guy and the parts where is suppose to be sinister just seem forced.

So outside of LaSardo there isn't really much to say about the cast, all the actors who played the victims were pretty meh but it didn't really matter since the whole point of the film is to watch them die not watch them talk. I think my biggest complaint when it comes to the cast would have to be the character of Uta, played by Sara Fabel. She is just a really corny and unrealistic character, they take the whole "Tough Chick" thing way too far and it really takes from the grittiness of the film.

OK so now lets focus on the one good aspect of this flick, and that is the gore. Like I said I am a massive gore hound, and this movie did deliver when it came to that. The kill scenes are pretty brutal and they really don't hold back from showing you everything. The only bad thing is that there really isn't a lot of variety in the killing so it gets kind of dull.

Overall this isn't a horrible horror film. It has it's moments but if you are not a fan of gore than this film really won't have much to offer you unless you really want to see some soft-core sex scenes, in which case you would probably be better off watch some skinemax.

Not the worst but still not very good 4/10

I Saw Little Anarchy at This Hostel

[thesar-2 · 4/10 · 21 August 2016]

Wow, you're late. Well, I am too, being that this came out over a year ago, but they were super late to the Hostel/Saw torture porn already- faded fad.

There are two things that work in this movie. (Three, if you're a heterosexual male or lesbian: tons of titties!) One: the actual, and minute, torture scenes were quite effective. Definitely had to look away for a few moments; they was pretty intense. And two: Robert LaSardo formally known as The Artist…in this crapfest.

He acted, spoke and stole scenes better than four times the ability of anyone else, with the exception of his protégé – she was pretty decent, so she gets a two times less than LaSardo. If not for all the other garbage in this "thriller," I would actually highly recommend the movie for him alone.

When the movie opens, we're introduced to both insanely terrible dialogue – so bad, I thought this movie was dubbed and tried to follow their mouths when they spoke to see if it was; incredibly, this was actually from the script – and sort of a group of Americans in what appears to be maybe Europe. The movie opens so vaguely that when the actual plot kicks in, or even more than half the movie was over, it was hard to attach ourselves to any main character or care if any of them lived or died.

The gist of it is: one of the travelling friends and his could-be-love- interest hook up with a girl with danger written all over her…literally. She takes them to The Artist and his tattoo parlor and after the few good scenes in the movie, the nightmare begins for those two "customers."

The rest of this crud involves nobody friends of the two initial victims trying to find them and fake arguing to what they should do.

I guess you could call it a nostalgia flick for the torture porn movies of days long since passed, but it seemed more of a "Wait? Those days are over?" surprise from the two writers/directors of this.

Just watch Robert LaSardo's other works. Trust me: it won't be hard to find something else he's been in.

***

Final thoughts: Like most movie-goers, my friend saw the trailer first and was interested. Personally, I despise trailers as they give away too much, or even a little that I would rather be surprised about in the movie. I did watch this trailer…afterwards and I can say I'm glad I didn't see it before. It showed a ton of scenes I had no idea were coming. Granted, it didn't give away everything – there was one poor twist in the ending it avoided, but it certainly would've ruined a ton for me.

Luckily, I do have friends like mine who will watch trailers for me and tell me if I'd be interested. THAT…I can get behind. Spoiling trailers, not so much.

Great fun, gory, but yet had substance!

[fightsense · 10 June 2015]

Alright, I have to chime in here, seen this film 3 times and every time I find out something new about the story. Not sure if that's just myself feeling smart or if it was the filmmakers intent. Never the less this was probably my favorite horror film in the last 5 years. This one came out of left field in the sea of slow-burn crap that has been poising the horror waters as of late. The film was super fast, exciting and gory but had substance as the Artist played by Robert Lasardo really delivered. This dude is super creepy but yet endearing, call me messed up but I found myself cheering for him to succeed in his quest! The Artist had this calmness about him that makes you uncomfortable, and I mean that in a good way, I was effected by his performance. No spoilers from me do to IMDb's stupid policy. Anyways big fan of this film, super hot chicks, all of them! I was in awe of Joey Fisher, holy crap she is hot! PLEASE do a sequel and put her in it! It's rare to see such natural busty beauty in the Ent biz today, and to top it off she can act! Anyways to wrap this up, the film was a smart, gory fun ride from begging to end. If you want something fresh, crazy and against the norm, check it out. Highly recommended!

Maybe they'll never forget their first tattoo, but I'll forget this flick real soon !

[peterp-450-298716 · 3/10 · 19 June 2015]

"The Yakuza got it all wrong. Skinning a dead man's body only wounds the canvas. Elasticity is gone."

Now and then I like to watch a horror movie from the sub-genre "torture-porn". I've read somewhere, before I saw this movie, this description : "a gory, gruesome black comedy horror flick". Well to be honest it was quite a huge disappointment. Indeed it's a "torture-porn", except that the torture part looks really soft (or you're someone who only saw "The little house on the prairie" all his life of course). In addition, there's quite some female nudity shown throughout the movie, as if they wanted it to be a soft-porn. As far as the tortures is concerned, it could be more extravagant for me. As for the female nudity (which incidentally contributed absolutely nothing to the story), this could be less explicit (Not that I'm a prude or anything, but when I watch a horror movie, I don't want them to serve me a half-baked porn).

Amy (Tiffany DeMarco), Jesse (Jordan James Smith), Kelly (Claire Garvey), Kevin (Anthony Del Negro), Brock (Ben Whalen) and Stephanie (Beth Humphreys) are 6 friends who are on a summer vacation in Europe and they decide to make a stop in Lithuania. Their main activities during their stay in this country include partying all night long, consuming liters of alcoholic beverages and an attempt to work themselves through the entire Kama Sutra. Brock, a chunk of energy when it comes to drinking and seducing girls, bumps into the eccentric, wild and fully tattooed vamp Uta (Sara Fabel) who invites him to a private party in a tattoo shop called "The Parlor" where she works as an apprentice with a person who's just called "Artist", an expert in the field of tattoos. Brock likes this idea and Amy accompanies him with the intention to get a tattoo as a souvenir. However, they soon realize that the "Artist" preserves a centuries old tradition. It's a procedure that involves more than just tattooing a butterfly.

First of all, I do want to make a remark about something that really gets on my nerves in movies. If you really want to show scenes that are filmed in a dance hall or disco, is it so hard to put together a crowd with people who are able to dance to the rhythm of the music? I fully understand that not everyone has the talent of a Fred Astaire, but a whole dance floor filled with "out of rhythm" dancing stiff youngsters, is a bit too much. If you start paying attention to it, it's quite disruptive. Next time call for a bus full of teenagers who hang around in a local dancing all the time and this scene will be more credible and realistic. That alone was already a bad sign about the level of this film. Another bad sign is the phenomenon female nude (or it might be necessary and functional for the film). I remember "The Sacred". A terribly bad horror where soft erotic scenes were used. In my opinion this is a smart way to camouflage the pitiful story. And in "Anarchy Parlor" the ladies were well equipped to cover the minuses. Google for images of Beth Humphreys and you see what I mean. The career this lady has in mind is obvious (And her butt is also a treat to look at). Joey Fisher is also such a lusty lady who has more space for flower pots on her balcony, then I have here at home. Had the "Artist" used her as material, than he easily could reproduce "The Night Watch" by Rembrandt.

Is there something positive to say about this movie ? Of course. The charismatic and demonic-looking Robert "Death Race" LaSardo was a hit. Obviously his physical appearance is perfect for this movie, which connects the art of tattooing with bloody ancient traditions. The man himself is a walking tapestry. But above all it's his engaging and captivating personality on the one hand and the indifferent attitude that makes him extremely creepy. The conversation between him and Amy is without a doubt the best part of the whole movie. And then there's the like-minded Sara Fabel, a well known Finnish tattoo artist, who plays an energetic role and makes a ravishing appearance with those long blonde manes and a sensual body covered with winding tattoos. Only the acting isn't her greatest asset. It all seems so exaggerated and forced. And Tiffany DeMarco wasn't bad at all, except that she's repeating herself all the time and uses the "You're sick / Let us go / F*ck you" quotes over and over again. The rest was negligible victim material. A group of pampered and terribly annoying teenagers with an intellect of a very low level.

Are you a hardcore fan of this genre ? Then this is a must see for you. But the "Artist" summarized it already when he expressed his dissatisfaction about the art of tattooing in a philosophical mood. Once a tattoo was a statement and a way to live outside the structures of a conventional society, while now it's just a fashion trend. The ultimate message and thoughts behind the phenomenon of tattooing, diluted over the years. Ultimately you can connect this reverie to movies like "Anarchy Parlor." The first torture-porn like "Hostel" and "Saw" were imitated by a series of failed attempts that profit from the success of previous successful films. Metaphorically, you can say that "Anarchy Parlor" solely is a butterfly among the "torture-porn" movies. Such a pity !

More reviews here : http://bit.ly/1KIdQMT

Don't Be Horror Snobs

[Foutainoflife · 6/10 · 7 February 2019]

This film is about a shady tattoo parlor you don't want to visit.

This isn't a top notch film but you kinda know that going into it. I'm gonna review it as such. I've seen better but this film is not as bad as some are making it out to be. I think the biggest problem is that it is lacking depth.

The character builds aren't that great. They fall short on really making you invest in the characters. You want to feel concerned for their well being and this don't get the job done. The story should have been played up a bit more. Understanding the "whys" is a big thing for me and I wasn't satisfied. I also wanted to see more evolution in the ending and we were only given a taste of that.

One of the good things about this are that it has the blood and gore that you want from horror. It is also well filmed by that I mean that it has decent quality for a low budget film. I also thought the pace of it was on point.

I liked it but I am willing to give credit where it is due. For a B movie this deserves more credit than it has been given. Don't be horror snobs. You may find that there is a lot of decent low budget films out there if you can stop holding them to such high standards. I'm sure there will be disagree with my review but watch it and judge it for yourself.

Worst screams ever!

[hr-novakovic · 3/10 · 28 May 2015]

Claire Garvey was absolutely awful, worst screams I have ever heard in a horror movie. It was so irritating I muted the movie for few minutes when she was screaming. Mind blowing awful acting from that chick. Rest of the cast was OK, movie in all fairness is solid, nothing special, but not worst either. Fabel and LaSardo are actually pretty good in here. Idea is OK, a bit irritated with British accent and perfect Brit English that people speak (who are supposedly Lithuanian or what not). And word "fuck" is definitely overused :) It's a nice little movie, if you have nothing better to do, watch it, if you miss it you wont regret it either :D

A near-perfect piece of excess

[longview-77631 · 9/10 · 1 February 2019]

Horror movies can be great on so many levels. Funny is the one type of horror greatness that Anarchy Parlor does not attempt. What it lacks there it makes up in gore, sex, psychosis, intensity, twistiness, and shock value. It wasn't at all cool what happened to Kelly or the stripper, and it's not cool to demonize an entire nation through the eyes of entitled college brats for the sake of cheap thrills either. Apart from that, this was a disgusting, brutal ride through some dark places and I have no complaints.

Unnecessary sex scenes but extremely visceral gore.

[bendungate · 7/10 · 14 July 2021]

This film had quite a lot going for it. Essentially the same plot as Hostel but with much more believable gore. It also benefits from a quite unnerving main character, excellently portrayed by the actor.

Sadly, the writer and director clearly didn't believe enough in their own movie as they felt it required one fairly graphic sex scene and many scenes set in a strip club that were completely pointless and added nothing to the film.

There are no major plot twists that you can't see coming but it's all put together pretty well. It's just a shame the writer/director didn't have as much conviction in what they were doing as the SFX people, who really did do some top notch work on the gore.

Very poor

[laymonite-2 · 2/10 · 6 November 2015]

This is no Hostel for a start! If you are after gore, you really won't get any and you REALLY won't care about the characters.

There isn't really a plot, other than a pale attempt at making a copy of Hostel without the extremism.

We have an odd mix of American and British 'no-ones' visiting Lithuania -we know *nothing* about these people throughout the film. People just constantly shout, become violent and have sex for no reason - there is no reason or realism and the plot is no clearer.

This reminded me of a HG Lewis film - with a couple of unemotional gore effects that look like they are from Blood Feast/The 60's.

The only good thing I can say is the main tattoo bloke with the beard had some presence.

Stupid waste of time

[africe · 2/10 · 22 July 2020]

Movie has no direction. Just a series of torture and dehumanization. Acting was subpar for the most part with the exception of Amy. Plus the stupidity factor was beyond belief.

Not bad

[AlexanderExtazy · 7 July 2015]

The story was quite perceptive and non surprising. A typical thriller/horror where American youngsters go off to a third world country and become victims due to that country's inhabitants having a hardcore grunge on the US for obvious reasons..

The starting scene was interesting, and some nice party scenes.

The way the horror approached the story wasn't quite put that well.. it would have been better if the thrill came at a surprise instead of being obvious infront of the eye.

Despite some fake lips and fake tits, a very few pleasant females to admire in this movie.

Whether or not the story events are true (about painting on human skin canvas), the story itself was interesting and almost unique (ALMOST!).

Interesting ending as well!

Dark art killer

[TheLittleSongbird · 4/10 · 16 August 2018]

Have an appreciation for horror and the concept was kind of interesting. So although expectations were far from high, considering the general standard of low budget films seen recently, part of me was hoping that 'Killer Ink' would be at least tolerable.

There are definitely worse films than 'Killer Ink', of the horror genre and overall, and it is not even close to being one of the worst, let alone the worst, low budget films seen recently. That on the other hand doesn't make it good, it does far too little with the potential it had in the concept and it is little more than mediocre. There is little engaging and it is cheesy as sin.

'Killer Ink's' best component was Robert LaSardo, who is frighteningly intimidating. There was something somewhat ominous about the music and it does occasionally give a suspenseful touch.

Some nice shots here and there too that have some stylishness and atmosphere, though they're too far and between. Sara Fabel is also credible and gives a lot to her performance, despite having a less than realistic character.

Sadly, that is pretty much the only praise to give. The pace very badly lumbers, which really makes the film dull, and it is not always easy to figure out what is going on because the story is just so thin, predictable and tonally weird.

The lack of any atmosphere, let alone tension and suspense, is a hindrance as is the over-stretched length with such a thinly plotted story. Then there is the incredibly bad writing. Very stilted and induces too often some unintentional laughs. It just sounded silly and clumsy, on top of that too repetitive.

Even worse is the acting, with beyond description terrible performances from especially an excruciatingly irritating Claire Garvey. The cliched characters are incredibly annoying and far from interesting or worth caring about, there is no development and the way they behave too often is stupid and illogical.

The production values generally look cheap, especially the haphazard editing. The story has nothing engaging, suspenseful or scary, it's just far-fetched to an intelligence insulting degree, incredibly dull due to trying to stretch things out to pad the too long length and just too bland. Anything done to try and spice up the supposedly scary moments came over as overdone and gratuitous. The gore and torture don't shock and is either extreme of sadistic or too soft.

Concluding, mediocre but not unwatchable. 4/10 Bethany Cox

Gorefest Hotel rip off.

[jhmoondance · 1/10 · 7 December 2021]

Very disappointing movie with no story n no plot to speak of. It was a pure simple gorefest with a twist n the gore was light anyway.

The acting was atrocious n the characters were lame n dumb n over the top.

It could have been such a better movie given the story but it failed miserably.

There was an unexpected twist towards the end but the ending was pretty much predictable.

I recommend this movie if you like gore soft pork n mild horror.

Breathtakingly awful

[andythedsmfowler · 1/10 · 15 December 2019]

The gore wasn't credible, the acting was amateurish and whoever wrote the musical score should have their fingers broken.

Stay away unless you want to see Joey Fisher's knockers

[SaviorsCameraMan · 1/10 · 31 August 2020]

Title says it all. The movie is not worth your time, unless you want to see Joey Fisher nude. But then again, you can find her clips online.

Much Better than I expected and Not without Merit

[parsonm2 · 7/10 · 19 April 2016]

This movie has poor IMDb ratings. However, it is actually much better than it's rating might suggest. If your a horror movie watcher, you'll probably rate this movie higher than the general viewing public. No it isn't anything stellar but it held my attention the whole time and entertained me. This is what many people consider Torture porn and is definitely not for the squeamish. Much like the Hostel movies, most can take only so much of movies like this. This movie isn't without some merits though and a decent plot and ending. It is also an under-watched movie which perhaps merits more notice.

If you liked Hostel and can watch/stomach a couple scenes that definitely qualify as torture, you might give it a watch. The story isn't bad.

A disaster

[vahidshokoohi · 2/10 · 29 September 2021]

I can't even say a word about this movie just to say it was awful.

A familt Tradition

[nogodnomasters · 8/10 · 23 February 2018]

Six American students are vacationing in Vilnius, Lithuania because...they are. Brock (Ben Whalen) meets up with Uta (Sara Fabel) an aggressive hottie with plenty of tattoos. Uta invites Brock back to a tattoo parlor for sex, while Amy (Tiffany DeMarco) tags along to get a tattoo from a famous artist...who also looks like a vampire.

The film quickly builds in a unique parlor of pain, suffering, and family tradition.

This is close to an 80's style of film down to the sound track. Sara Fabel and Robert LaSardo did well in the villain role. Film also contains an often used twist, but hey, it needed something else.

Good film for those that like carnage, tattoos and topless women.

Guide: F-bomb, sex, ample nudity. Blood and torture.

Robert LaSardo...

[bronzesrv · 7/10 · 27 October 2018]

I watched this film for one reason only... Robert Lasardo. I usually don't do horror flicks like this, but again Robert drew me in LOL. I thought the story could have been executed better, it could have been a bigger and better backstory. Robert even said in an interview prior to the movie release that he was hoping they would do a part 2 so you can find out more about the artist and the backstory. "The Artist" by the way is the name Robert went by in the movie. I found the history of tattoo art very interesting, it's sad how today so many young and old people are getting tattoos because it's the in thing... as a point Robert made in the movie, there use to be a place and time when to be extensively tattooed meant you lived outside the box and came from a very unique perspective. Nowadays tattoos is so common place, it's disgusting at times. So I really liked where he was going with the whole tattoo knowledge. Yes some of the characters were annoying, some of the characters were working my nerves and they could'nt die quick enough! LOL but it's one like that in every movie !. On another note, it ended with one of the new girls that he tattooed became his Protege, I would have liked to have seen that part executed better, as well as to why he chose her to be his protege. As you see in the movie Amy was her name, he was drawn to her from day one. It would have been nice to learn why. For some reason they just left that out there in the Wind. This is why I gave it a 7.

Avoid at any cost!

[jessicahaldenby · 1/10 · 6 November 2021]

Genuinely one of the worst films I've ever seen. Awful acting, disjointed (if any) story. Half just porn for porns sake, the rest just bad acting and rubbish "gore" ..just terrible. Really don't understand the point of this film 😕