The Lords of Salem (2012) User Reviews

Great premise and cast, but it all fizzles out in the end...

[KnatLouie · 6/10 · 20 April 2013]

Before I begin my review, I should probably start by saying that I'm actually quite a big fan of Rob Zombie the musician (including White Zombie), and I also liked his first two movies (House of 1000 Corpses and The Devil's Rejects) very much - and I hated the first Halloween-remake so much, that I didn't even want to see the second one he directed, which allegedly should be even worse.

So, with that in mind, here's my review: The film is about a young, trendy rock-radio DJ, Heidi (Sheri Moon Zombie), who suddenly finds herself in the middle of an occult Satan-worshiping witchcraft scheme, because her ancestors did something bad 400 years ago or something.. She's sent an old, crusty LP, which she (of course) plays on the radio, even though it's just a bunch of creepy, monotonous notes, played over and over again, giving all the local women in the town zombie-like headaches.

Now, this isn't just all there is to the story, but it just as well might have been, as the plot doesn't really seem to develop much from that point on. The movie is all about setting a mood, showing creepy images, and basically just making the viewers generally uncomfortable - which it actually succeeds doing. I felt bad watching this, but strangely attracted to it at the same time.

The cast is pretty good actually, with Jeff Daniel Phillips and Ken Foree as the other two radio-hosts, and Bruce Davison as the historian who tries to get to the bottom of this whole witch-thing going on. The problem is just, that the movie doesn't really go anywhere with it's plot, and it's not really a slasher-movie or exorcism-movie, which you could expect. It's purely about making you feel miserable, and that's not (always) a good thing.

Oh, by the way... if you're expecting to see a lot of Sid Haig and Michael Berryman, think again, as they've only got small non-talking, not-interesting cameos. Meg Foster is pretty good as the witch-"queen", though.

Sometimes stylish, nearly entirely forgettable

[crazykittieboy · 4/10 · 30 November 2013]

I can start by saying, at least at times this movie was a visual treat. I can't say all the time, though. The majority of this movie was Sheri wandering around aimlessly from location to location, where the script highlighted her laughably bad acting. I can't say she is by any means a bad actress, this movie just never gave her an opportunity other than to sleepwalk. Sleepwalking is probably the best way to describe this film, which takes a rather interested premise and manages to bore the death out of everyone with it. Literally the only saving grace is the orgasmic last 1/6th of the movie, without it this score would've been borderline 1. Also, I will add, for a musician to be making this film, I expected a far greater soundtrack.

Where did this go wrong? First thing comes to mind is the decision to make this a feature film. This film had about as much content as a short film, and if it would've stuck to this route, IMO, it would've been much better. The film almost consists of entirely filler. The first time we are introduced to the Salem witches it is a visual treat, the 10th time it has long warn thin. I'm just wondering why Hollywood can't seem to make a witch movie right. The Craft is usually pointed to, but upon second viewing the Craft is nothing special. Don't bring up Hocus Pocus, either. It seems that witch movies tend to be so poorly done, and it is such a shame. I really wanted Lords of Salem to bring something new to the table.

What we got instead was every horror cliché in the book, terrible acting, horrific soundtrack, filled with at least an hour of pointless filter.

This film far from accomplishes what it set out to do, though, I must admit, towards the end I had a smile on my face. It was a sad reminder of exactly what this film could've been. 4 out of 10.

A movie that was actually better then I expected. More disturbing then true horror. Horror fans will like this a lot. I say B-

[cosmo_tiger · 6/10 · 13 July 2013]

"Fate leaves you no choice. It is predetermined by forces stronger then ourselves." Heidi Hawthorne (Zombie) is a DJ at a local radio station. One night as she is leaving she receives a record from a local band. Playing it when she gets home she begins to feel strange. When a local man starts to investigate the song they played he starts to uncover a horrifying secret. This one overall isn't that bad but I think it was more disturbing then scary. I have only seen the Halloween remakes by Rob Zombie and not the other ones he has done but I still had an idea of what to expect and for the most part I was right. The movie,while it was OK and kept me watching did seem slow and repetitive in parts, really just seemed like a movie he wrote as a reason to show off his wife. Bruce Davison is good in this and he really helps the movie out. There is a ton of Satan worship in this so if that bothers you avoid this...but since it's a Rob Zombie movie you kind of expect something like that anyway. Overall, nothing that amazing, but also not that bad, an OK rent for me...horror fans may really like this more then I did though. I give it a B-.

Frustrating

[Red_Identity · 24 April 2013]

I'm not exactly a Rob Zombie fan, but the three films I've seen from him (Halloween remake, House of 1000 Corpses, and Devil's Rejects) still have something in them that makes them memorable and not totally unworthy. I had no idea what Lords of Salem would be about but I expected the usual "Rob Zombie overload".

Much to my surprise, the film starts off pretty effectively. Although the annoying "loud sound" cliché is used here whenever there's something spooky in the background (HINT filmmakers- stop putting a loud noise over a great scare moment in an atmosphere such as this. It just ruins it) there was enough great build-up of atmosphere and the story was evolving nicely, not to mention many of the visual imagery really got under my skin. However, as I probably should have expected, Zombie's just not that smart of a film-maker to create a film like this. There's a really great version of this story to be told somewhere, but Zombie, as usual, over-indulges and just keeps on assaulting our senses starting in the second half that by the time the third act starts, I was honestly bored out of my mind and just rolling my eyes at all of the "visuals". The film just starts off great and burns out the more it goes on, and by the end it ultimately just leaves a very bad taste in your mouth and the second half just basically erases everything the first half build so cautiously to create. It feels pointless and redundant.

I've never disliked Moon Zombie, but her acting range has always seem limited. Here though, she's pretty impressive and I actually think Zombie did her a disservice. He should have just given a basic summary of this storyline to more talented filmmakers to write and direct it. Because it's definitely ambitious and definitely something that could have been truly amazing, that's what makes this film his most disappointing. I never expected anything unformulaic out of his other films, but because this started off with such potential and by the end I had to force myself not to fall asleep, it's just disheartening. A Rob Zombie film that is self-indulgent and stupid? Expected. But a boring one? Now that's a new low.

The lords of boredom...

[paul_haakonsen · 3/10 · 26 April 2013]

When it was first announced that Rob Zombie was working on another movie, I was thrilled, as I had thoroughly enjoyed his previous movies, and as I am also a big fan of his music. And it was with great expectation that I followed the bits and pieces of information leaked/released about the movie up until it was finally released.

And now having seen it, I sit here with my expectations and hopes totally shattered. The movie was mostly an odd mixture of bits and pieces of incoherent imagery that had the usual Rob Zombie trademark touch to it, yes, but in overall the story got lost along the way in the imagery. And as such, the movie was a rather dull experience.

Storywise, then it wasn't particularly captivating or innovating. The story is about Heidi Hawthorne (played by Sheri Moon Zombie) who receives a strange record at the radio station where she works together with Herman 'Whitey' Salvador (played by Jeff Daniel Phillips) and Herman Jackson (played by Ken Foree). The haunting tune on the record opens up to the dark and sinister past of the witching era of Salem, unleashing power that were better left in the past.

Out of the entire cast, then I think it was actually Bruce Davison (playing Francis Matthias) who did the best job, and made the most memorable impact with his acting. The rest of the cast did good enough jobs, but it just didn't fully shine through.

Don't get your hopes up too high, unless you are into weird imagery that doesn't necessarily need to have a solid supporting story to be interesting. But, personally, I wasn't entertained by this movie, and I actually had my smartphone out at a point and was playing Jewels Star.

I suppose everyone throws a swing and a miss every now and then, and for me, then this was one such instances from Rob Zombie.

Rob Zombie's "Lords of Salem": An Atmospheric, Trippy 70's Mash-Up

[pauldbrowski-203-815400 · 7/10 · 3 May 2013]

Since he transcended from the realm of Rockstar to Film Auteur with "House of a 1000 Corpses", Rob Zombie has had mostly a love-hate relationship with his fans. And with his latest release, "Lords of Salem", Zombie, proves that this will be much of the same. Despite the fact that this time around, Zombie is completely thinking outside the norm of what has been his filming style and technique. Where before he set out for a certain shock value, with "Lords" Zombie has given us a very atmospheric, almost trippy film that borrows elements from such other masters of horror as Cronenberg, Polanski and Lynch.

If "Lords of Salem" was made in the 1970's (perhaps even as late as 1981) then it would have been hailed as an iconic horror film, much in the same way as such other greats of the genre of that time, as Dario Argento's "Suspiria", "Rosemary's Baby" or even that of Stanley Kubrick's "The Shining". Sadly, however, the film finds life in 2013 where most of the audiences that will go and see it will neither understand or have the patience for Zombie's latest creation.

We find ourselves following along the life of DJ Heidi Hawthorn (aka Heidi LaRox), played by Sheri Moon Zombie, living life in Salem, Massachusetts, as night time radio's hottest DJs. When One night after a show with her cohorts and hosts Herman 'Whitey' Salvador (Jeff Daniel Phillips) and Herman Jackson (Ken Foree), Heidi receives an old wooden box containing a vinyl record and a note saying it is from the band The Lords. Heidi takes the box home, and while she and Whitey are hanging around Heidi's apartment, Whitey plays the record. The music is mostly made up of string instruments being played in some strange rhythmic beat. The music, however, invokes a vision of days past for Heidi (and that of Salem) who sees what happens to a coven of supposed "real" witches back in the days that would get you killed for practicing or even being accused of witchcraft. The next night Herman puts the record up for the typical radio gig of Smash or Trash, dubbing the band The Lords of Salem. However, those women that are descendants of Salem that are listening to the show are hypnotized by the sound; stopping what they are doing entranced. Much in the same-way Heidi was the night before. Unaware at the time, the music triggers something inside Heidi that sends her spiraling out of control as she begins to see and deal with things that can not possibly be real.

Like many 70's films of the like, and while the film is set in modern day it has a definite 1970's feel to it, Zombie does as little as possible in the way of character development. Just giving you the bare essentials (Early in the film we see Heidi taking shots with her co- hosts after the job only later to find out that she is a recovering junkie. A fact sort of come into play later in the film.) of back-stories for them. Replaced instead with more back-story when it comes to plot. Although, that does not take away from the film. Zombie gives just as much as needed and doesn't get bogged down in useless or over dialogued scenes. Which is good. While I do not mind (as others) that Zombie puts his wife Sheri in all his films, her acting is quite limited, and at times with this film it is painfully so. As Zombie stretches Sheri Moon's acting ability and is a far cry from what she has done before. Zombie also has abandoned the shaky, hand-held almost documentary style of camera work from his previous films. Replaced now with thought out scenes shot on steady cameras using 35mm film; fantastic lighting and set designs with a moving, moody score that draws the viewer inside this strange world where a sect of ancient witches are hell bent in bring the Devil's child into our world. The plot is nothing new when it comes to this style and genre but Zombie makes it his own.

I can see the influences that Zombie has when it comes to horror. "Lords" is much in the way of "Rosemary's Baby" was when it comes to subject matter; "The Shining" where the tension builds through the slow pace of the film helped with a heavy score; scenes that highlighted (while not of the 70's, but just as insane) "Twin Peaks". Though if it were made by Argento instead of Lynch.

"Lords of Salem" took me a little while to absorb. I was lucky enough to have seen it in an empty theater with no distractions that plague today's movie going experience, because in my opinion (an opinion that Rob Zombie will only half agree with) is that this film, to get the true experience, needs to be seen in the theater. Although a mostly, if not fully, empty theater. I believe the impact of the visuals will be lost when it comes to BluRay, and won't lend the same stimulation of the cortex of the mind that of the big screen.

Like with Sheri Moon, we find the usual Rob Zombie stand ins. Although, timeout if you blink you will miss Sid Haig and Michael Berryman. The real standout, acting wise, is Jeff Daniel Phillips (aka the Geico Caveman). Phillips brings forth a certain reality and believability to his character.

Love it or hate it, Zombie, with "Lords of Salem, does exactly what he sets out to do with the audience with the visuals, the sound and added factor of a creepy-ass, empty theater: the film sits with you long after it is finished. Leaving to think and discuss with others about what the hell you have just sat through.

Rob Zombie's Best

[jamiemiller-07611 · 8/10 · 21 June 2019]

I've never been a huge fan of Rob Zombie. There's something so sophomoric and immature about his writing style as if he's a 13 year old boy amusing his friends by dropping f-bombs and playing The Misfits. There doesn't usually seem to be a lot below the surface of his film, but imagine my surprise when I watched Lords of Salem and found myself loving every bizarre minute of it.

Zombie has dispatched of the white trash and "edgy" characters that typically populate his films and has given us a mature, stylish, and remarkably unsettling witchcraft story that feels like it could have been made my some European auteur in the 70's.

From the very first scene, Lords of Salem pulls us in with a disturbing prologue featuring a terrifying performance by Meg Foster (who goes for broke) as the head of a coven of witches. She vows to control all the women in Salem. Years later, a DJ plays a mysterious record on the air that ends up doing just that - controlling all the women of Salem to do the witch's bidding.

Lords of Salem is a surreal, nightmarish, and bizarre film that I'd compare to the works of Kubrick, Russell, Fulci, and Argento. It has a few missteps here and there, but it's a satisfying and unforgettable film.

Creepy

[youthandyoungmanhood · 7/10 · 24 July 2018]

Rob zombie has made some absolute rubbish in the past but this is actually quite creepy. One particular song in this film completely freaked me out for days! It's certainly isn't perfect but it is a decent horror film.

Unbelievably bad

[roger-gray · 1/10 · 31 July 2013]

I cannot believe some of the other reviews here.

This is one of the worst films I have seen in years and I have seen Sharknado.

I am not a fan of Rob Zombie but I was looking forward to this pile of self indulgent trash, more fool me.

It is full of the sort of imagery that a 14 year old goth with unfulfillable dreams of doing art at a second rate college would laugh at.

The plot, such as it is, is beyond stale and clichéd.

The evil 'demon' looks like an umpa lumpa after a particularly good party and the much vaunted 'trippy' scenes are just silly.

I watch nearly all horror movies I can find, from John Carpenter to Fred Vogel, from James Whale to Ryûhei Kitamura and everything in between so I do know the genre. And take it from someone who knows, this is crap! You want a good low budget US horror flick, watch the Cook Brothers, Salvage.

Complete Crap

[vladtheimpaler416 · 1/10 · 22 June 2014]

Rob Zombie has done it again with his regurgitation of films he watched when he was younger. The movie all together is terrible, Rob Zombie had an idea but it's apparent in the film he didn't know how to execute it properly, it ended up being a forced boring mash up of old horror films(mainly Kubrick). As a director and writer Zombie has the potential to do some really inventive and stunning things but some where it gets lost. The music is horribly timed and is completely misplaced in a film like this. Sheri Moon Zombie has no business being in the lead of this film, first off her acting is cringe worthy at best. Second the movie plays as if she should be younger not pushing fifty (which is apparent). Believe me you definitely pass this one in exchange for people who know how to execute a full length film. Rob Zombie seems to know only music and their video's and that's something he should stick to.

childish imagery and poorly realised

[scaderemade · 2/10 · 25 April 2013]

the only thing that worked in this movie was the throw back feel to early satanic horrors of the 70's which the film created wonderfully in the beginning 30 or so Min's.

this atmosphere continued through out the movie but- this is when it all goes wrong....you are jarred out of the films presence by some of the saddest and laughable attempts at surreal and religious imagery that it almost defies description at how badly it is handled...

from the rubber vegetable inspired (wait till you see it..sigh)demonic forces or cabbage patch children scary entity to the ''sacrilegious'' imaginings realised on screen as if it was put there by a 14 year old frustrated virgin death metal fan..with as little depth and understanding as that implies

this was an awful film..there are good to great genre actors in this film..but unfortunately they only serve to show up the films flaws all the more acutely.. some are are so underutilised it amounts to really only a poor cameo appearance of no substance whats so ever

some are good in their roles but the roles them selves are vacuous and serve to push the story forward while seemingly patching the plot holes of which their are so many your head will hurt.. this is why I almost feel that the more childish psychedelic surrealism in the latter half of the film was edited in to cover up the fact the films story line had no cohesion

in short ..a waste of every bodies time...including mine

The worst Rob Zombie movie to date!

[Michael-Hallows-Eve · 2/10 · 27 April 2013]

This movie is one that I'd been waiting to see as it was a Rob Zombie movie. I do like most of his movies, but this one was a failure! I didn't like it at all. It seemed to be a vehicle to have his wife play a lead role. It was self indulgent trash. Nudity for the sake of nudity, a plot that didn't do anything, this film is totally overrated. It was bumped back a few times, took a while to be completed, and I ask myself why? If it was to tweak the story or change some scenes, then it didn't work. If you're a Rob Zombie fan, and you didn't like 'Halloween 2', then in my opinion this is worse. I couldn't wait until it finished, and the only good thing about it was the part that Bruce Davison played. He was great in a bad movie. I tried to get in to this film, but in the end I just couldn't like it. I may be in a minority here, but so be it. All I could give it is a 2 out of 10 (for Davison's role).

Witchcraft/Satanism in modern Salem by Rob Zombie

[Wuchakk · 7/10 · 29 June 2018]

RELEASED IN 2012 and written/directed by Rob Zombie, "The Lords of Salem" is a witchcraft/horror flick starring Sheri Moon Zombie as a DJ in Salem, Massachusetts, who is sent a wooden box containing a mysterious record dubbed "gift from the Lords." The creepy music thereof triggers flashbacks of her town's infamous past. Is Heidi going crazy or are the witches taking revenge on Salem?

The ambiance, mood, directing, music, locations, sets and cast are all top notch, showing that Zombie has developed into a quality director since his first shot eleven years earlier with "House of 1000 Corpses," which was shot in 2000. This is serious haunting horror as opposed to the campy black comedy of "1000 Corpses" (not that there's anything wrong with that, lol). The movie mixes elements from "The City of the Dead," aka "Horror Hotel" (1960), "Suspiria" (1977), "Rosemary's Baby" (1968), "The Wicker Man" (1973) and "To the Devil a Daughter" (1976). If you like any of these movies, "The Lords of Salem" is as good or better.

Usually when you see old hag witches in movies it's kinda eye-rolling; not so here. Rob gives us the real deal and it's not pretty, although I admit to busting out laughing every time the witches hailed Satan. Speaking of which, modern Wiccans won't like how the films mixes Witchcraft with Satanism (the truth hurts). Interestingly, there's almost as much Christian imagery as there is Satanic.

One thing's for sure, Zombie doesn't paint witchcraft/Satanism in a positive light. It's similar to "The Witch" (2015) in this respect, where converting to witch-dom meant becoming a baby-slaughtering, blood-bathing, family-destroying, goat-sucking, friggin' pedophile hag with the illusion of youth. When the Devil eventually appears in "Lords," it's anything but a positive image.

The story seems to perpetuate the myth that those condemned at the Salem Witch Trials in 1692-1693 were burned to death. Actually, 19 people were hung, another slowly crushed to death, and over 150 imprisoned.

Sheri makes for a strong protagonist, but she's the extant of any eye candy on the female front. As noted earlier, the witches are all hideous hags and look even uglier with their clothes off. Meg Foster surprisingly appears as the lead witch. Meanwhile, Judy Geeson, Patricia Quinn and Dee Wallace are on hand as a dubious trio in modern Salem. Speaking of whom, they have a great (hilarious) tea scene with Bruce Davison, who plays an expert on witchcraft.

THE FILM RUNS 1 hour, 41 minutes and was shot in Salem, Massachusetts; Sable Ranch, Santa Clarita, California (witches dancing around fire); and the Los Angeles Theatre (opera house).

GRADE: B

Low Budget Quality - Not That Good

[scott-conley85 · 1/10 · 24 April 2013]

I have been a fan of Zombies work in the past, and was excited to see this one. As soon as this movie was released, I rushed out to watch this movie. However to my disappointment the movie was very unbearable to sit through and to watch...so much so that I had to stop watching the movie halfway through as I could not stand to sit through such crap. This movie does not appear to have a 2.5 million dollar estimated budget as IMDb estimates, yet more like a $250k budget. But the low quality is not the only thing wrong with this movie (as there are some great low budget movies out there), the movie is just plain boring and dumb. I would absolutely NOT recommend someone wasting there time watching this movie. Grade F! Sorry Zombie but you flunked this one in my book...

Trippy and Weird

[craigjpeters · 6/10 · 1 May 2013]

Rob Zombie has made another movie, and its not as great as his previous works of art. The Lords of Salem is completely different from his other films, but it is still done pretty well. When you watch this you feel like you went back in time to the 1970s. It is a weird, art horror flick that shows graphic images and scenes of all different sorts! I guess I recommend this dark film, especially if you can handle controversy, satanism, and nudity. The jist of this movie is about a radio DJ (Sheri Moon) that receives a record from a group called "The Lords", and when the song plays, she gets gruesome visions of witches and witch torture that took place plenty of years ago. Thats pretty much all you can say because this movie is so hard to summarize. When its over you think to yourself, "what the f**k just happened." Lords of Salem takes you on a crazy journey that you'll remember for a while. One thing that got me a little upset was how Sid Haig's scenes got cut from the movie. However, Zombie has a great cast of the past including Meg Foster, Judy Geeson, Dee Wallace, and Patricia Quinn. Rob Zombie has disappointed me a little with this film. But still, it's not bad, worth a try I guess. and I give this film a strong 6/10.

A swing and a miss...

[sal10851 · 4/10 · 13 June 2013]

A radio DJ receives a mysterious package from a group that calls themselves "The Lords"...

This is just one of those movies you would enjoy if you are a die hard Rob Zombie fan. Personally I'm not a huge fan but I found his work decent up until this film.

From the opening scene this film was a complete turn off. The visuals and the lack of lighting did not make things easy on the eyes. The story was dull and unoriginal and the acting was lacking. The musical score was mostly metal and made sense being the type of movie that it is. There was not much positive things I could say about this film except that I have seen much worse. Like I said, this is meant for Rob Zombie die hard fans. Otherwise I would stay away from this one!

Starts out interesting then fizzles out in a black hole of artistic FAIL

[scottmannen1 · 3/10 · 25 April 2013]

I am a fan of Rob Zombie films. Going into this film I had a middle of the road expectation based upon what I had witnessed from his other works like Halloween, House of 1000 corpses etc. So lets say I did not have high expectations, but I did not have low ones either.

The film starts out with some scary visuals during a black mass that lets me feel like this is going to be a fantastic scary paranormal evil movie. After the opening bit, everything starts going downhill relatively fast unfortunately. The protagonist has little depth to her personality, little background is provided on her character other than a family tree, so I felt that combined with the poor acting that she is a 2-D character. The visuals let the viewer feel like its the 70's in the proper manner, so this was achieved successfully.

There is some early mystery and intrigue, but then things begin to go a little to artistic for my liking. The film quickly delves into a style of film that I can only describe as "Cronenberg-esk". It gets confusing and ridiculous in a fashion that reminds me of the Cronenberg movies Inland Empire or perhaps Lost Highway except worse.

By the time we enter the final third of the movie I am completely befuddled by artistic overload. Yes, there is murder and evil things happening, but it is just a little bit TOO strange and silly for my taste. The atmosphere akin to the stranger episodes of Twin Peaks complete with midgets is just plain ridiculous. The goat riding and naked old ladies was also quite a turn-off in ways I cant even describe.

The music is evil death metal, the acting is poor and the artsy feel were a bit too much. On the plus side the plot is understandable, yet not very deep, the scene's did not seem to come together very well and overall this movie was a total waste of time. It is very rare that I find a movie that has so few redeeming qualities in it, but here it is. Do yourself a favour and avoid this one.

The thought of having to watch it again is SCARY

[in1984 · 2/10 · 30 April 2013]

Rob Zombie should not be directing or writing. The best he can hope for is being the lead camera, set designer, or lead soundtrack guy for a smart writer and director. He's just not smart enough to handle more than that. It may be ignorance; it may be too many drugs; it may be his brain has limits.

The worst kind of horror. It's so stupid as to be only horrifying to think you'd have to watch it again. Outside of a well chosen soundtrack, the only entertaining and scary (more gross) part of this film is the fully naked old and fat women.

Take out the nudity and a scene involving masturbation and you have little more than bad made-for-TV horror. It's too bad Zombie isn't smart enough to handle satire because the Satan and priests aspect of this film have the potential for lots of laughs.

One of the worst movies I've ever seen

[rogerhenrik · 1/10 · 9 August 2013]

Awful awful awful bad bad bad bad bad ...............This was so boring I don't really know what to write....Not at all scary. Repeting things over and over. At one scene a child figure dressed in stupid paper dress or something, stepped towards the bed the girl was lying in....I don't know if it was supposed to be scary....it was only super-stupid. I don't really see what some (many) people think is so good with this movie....what was the meaning of the film? If there was a meaning... I've seen many "slow" movies and don't have any problem with that....but at least there was some kind of meaning, or message, or just a movie to entertain you....this movie was none of these things....

Fear and loathing in Salem

[StevePulaski · 6/10 · 25 April 2013]

The Lords of Salem is a picture that replicates Rob Zombie's style in such a way that it will live up to his indelible, trashy standard he has made his films so often center around. I'd be foolish for neglecting to mention it, but I'd be lying if I said the film was a solid entry in the horror genre. Too often does Zombie seem to be taking the story in alternate directions, that he has made witches, what the film seems to be wanting to focus on, products of the background. In the foreground are mildly amusing, but forgettable characters and loads of pretty satanic imagery.

The story revolves around Heidi (Zombie's wife Sheri Moon), a local-girl DJing at a radio station with two close friends, both named Herman (Jeff Daniel Phillips and Ken Foree). One day, a mysterious wooden package housing a strange vinyl stating "a gift from the Lords" shows up addressed to Heidi. Assuming it's a band's attempt to make it big, she plays the record, which responds by playing itself backwards, making her flashback to traumatic life events and incomprehensible, jumbled visuals. Soon, the track becomes a hit with the listeners when they play it the way it should be played, but it isn't long before we discover the Lords aren't a rock band, but a ghastly group of depraved witches looking to claim the land as their own.

If this picture is supposed to be about witches and the resurrection of demons, it does a pretty poor job at staying focused. As stated, Zombie can't help but find different ways to make his imagery grossly trashy (not a derogatory remark) and deliciously depraved. He keeps getting caught up in ways to make Heidi's trances seem more and more questionable and disturbing, rather than emphasizing the significance this story has. By the time we reach the hour mark, and have not had any of our witch cravings fulfilled, the remaining thirty-two minutes become drab and uninteresting.

Sheri Moon, once again, does a wonderful job at portraying a character that is a few tires short of a car. Her work in The Devil's Rejects showed she truly has an affection and a talent for playing the kind of dirty, deranged roles her husband has in mind, and to be costarring alongside the likes of Bill Moseley and Sid Haig - two greats and frequent Zombie collaborators - only showed that she could hold her own. Here, without the help of Haig and Moseley, she is left to carry almost the entire film with her empty character and this poses a grave problem for the way the story conducts itself. Heidi very rarely does anything remotely intriguing, and her actions are confusing and seemingly inert. Often we see her randomly walking, hallucinating, losing and regaining consciousness, and being victim to the likes of witches and we do not sense any form of sympathy or sadness. There's just a looming feeling of emptiness on the narrative's part. Who is this woman and why should we care? It should come as no surprise that the framing, aesthetics, music choices, cinematography, and placement of the picture are all top-notch. The set design, which really kicks in during the last twenty-minutes, is beautifully presented in all its twisted, oddball glory. The inclusion of heavy metal music and astute framing also adds to the film's overall deranged-beauty. I've recently become acquainted with Rob Zombie's music (especially his nineties work, which is the kind of heavy metal I crave) and once you get his taste in music down, his films become a bit more accessible. I kind of wish The Lords of Salem was a cool, ten-minute long rock song rather than a film. I think Zombie could've gotten his expression of witches, depravity, and the witchcraft subplot more originally and less monotonously through the likes of music and loud riffs rather than cinematic redundancy.

This is Zombie's sixth directorial effort in about ten years now, with his first picture, House of 1000 Corpses, dating all the way back to 2003. It was an interesting, stylistically potent piece of work, and was followed by the likes of the terrific Devil's Rejects, the tolerable Halloween remake, the loathsome sequel, the lukewarm Haunted World of El Superbeasto, and now the mixed bag that is The Lords of Salem. The last thing I want Zombie to do is quit the horror game when he has already made three truly well-done films that show off the insanity, dirtiness, and complete and total lunacy of the horror genre. The first thing I want him to do is find a story that compliments his style greatly and pursue it in a manner that doesn't distract him.

NOTE: Rob Zombie released two new albums recently, one of them the soundtrack to The Lords of Salem and, the other, his latest solo work Venomous Rat Regeneration Vendor. Both of them I strongly recommend picking up for their wonderful contributions to the genre of guttural, disturbing rock and roll. I suppose, in the case when a director's work suddenly slips, when one door becomes cracked another one optimistically opens.

Starring: Sheri Moon Zombie, Jeff Daniel Phillips, and Ken Foree. Directed by: Rob Zombie.

1970's Satanism Flashback

[josephbrando · 7/10 · 30 April 2013]

Remember those weird arty satanic/witchcraft movies that flooded the theaters in the 1970's? Well Rob Zombie has recreated this vibe in a film that feels right at home with classics like Suspiria or The Sentinel. Certainly his most stylistic effort to date, almost every shot is like a work of art. The vague plot has to do with a radio DJ who receives a record that gives her visions of evil witchery that took place many years prior. That's about the most you can make of the mainly incoherent goings- on. There is plenty of creepy nightmarish imagery and the pace is (I believe deliberately) slow and plodding almost to the point of stupefying. So what we end up with is an art film horror effort which I have muchos respect for but can certainly understand its limited-release destiny, or rather, fate - as a character in this film wisely points out the difference. It was great to see icons Judy Geeson, Dee Wallace and Patricia Quinn appear in roles they obviously relished and bit into whole- heartedly. Apparently Udo Kier's scenes were cut which I consider just short of horror blasphemy but I'm hoping they turn up in a director's cut DVD or something. Unlike Zombie's previous films which start at a loud volume of violence and gore and end at ear-piercing levels this one just slightly bubbles with effective creepiness at a slow but steady simmering. Certainly not for everyone's taste but for those who enjoy this fare, pull up a fork and dig in!

Didn't really get this one

[dar0417 · 1/10 · 11 February 2020]

Didn't really get this one. I don't think I get any of Rob Zombie's movies or maybe they are all just bad.

Rob Zombie's calmest and most bizarre film!

[UniqueParticle · 8/10 · 16 January 2020]

So nice to own every film directed by Rob Zombie, I'm a huge fan of his! A very odd witch film with a peculiar demonic vibe and sounds that are twisted. I love this film for what it is, I appreciate how different it is; I know others don't which is unfortunate. I have ASD/Autism I oddly love all of Rob's movies, I hope he does more work in any form!

Disturbing Silliness...Rob Zombie's Best Movie To Date

[LeonLouisRicci · 7/10 · 22 December 2016]

Up to this Point, None of Rob Zombie's Movies have been as "Fun" as His Music. Mostly because He Insists on Ugly, Redneck Imagery with the Camera Lingering on Nasty, Sweaty, Disgusting People and Their Trashy Trailer-Park Habitat and Habits.

His Music doesn't Evoke those Kind of Pictures in the Mind. It Projects Retro Matinees or Nights in Front of the Movie Screen or TV Lapping Up Old Movies, sometimes Really Old Movies like "A Trip to the Moon" (1903) or Serials like "Radar Men from the Moon" (1952).

In this Movie Zombie gets around to some of that Feeling and comes close to that Rock Persona. There are some Scenes that Work Great and Play Off of the Director's Strength of Disturbing Silliness.

But, Once Again, there's the Ugly, Disgusting, Dripping Nude Bodies of Very Old Men and Women Wrinkled Up and Proudly Displayed by Zombie as an In-Your-Face, One-Finger-Salute to all the Prudes in the Audience.

Not Necessary, and it Detracts from the Scariness, and the Silliness, and the Nostalgic Nuances that is Rob Zombie's Forte when He doesn't "Stretch". This is His Best and Most Accessible Movie to Date. The Imagery is occasionally Cool and Creepy, and there's a Lot to Take In and the Cast is Remarkable and In-Tune with the Low-Budget Vibe.

Rob Zombie has yet to Hit His Movie Making Groove, but This Thing takes the Filmmaker back to what made His Music so Unique, Enjoyable, and Interesting.

Rob Zombie - just slightly less fun.

[Sebadonut101 · 4/10 · 29 April 2021]

I think the trick to enjoying Rob Zombie films might be to continuously remind yourself not to take them seriously and have fun - which I think Rob Zombie himself sometimes forgets. His movies tend to be at their best when they lean heavily on one genre, tone or idea but more often than not they flail around trying to be funny, violent, serious, silly whilst cramming in sub-culture and classic horror cinema references.

Rob Zombie clearly likes his wife, which is great of course, and often casts her as a leading character. The Lords of Salem is no different with the focal point being Sheri Moon Zombie (the film opens with a shot of her bottom) but unfortunately she isn't the strongest of actresses despite making a decent amount of effort.

The Lords of Salem is not terrible but it is a bit dull and loses some of the fun for a slightly more serious tone. You would be better off checking out some of Zombie's other films like House of 1000 Corpses or The Devils Rejects instead. 4.5 out of 5.