Croc! (2022) User Reviews

Really?!

[cynthia_o_richardson · 2/10 · 5 October 2022]

This movie is absolutely terrible! The acting is terrible. The plot is so predictable. What is with all of the actor's falling down when they run. No one can stay on their feet. That is absolutely crazy. Then you have the croc open the door to the pool house, really?

My very first question is why the hell didn't the groom tell everyone they were in danger? The bride is ridiculous when she keeps talking about how her day is ruined. All through the movie I kept wanting to take a comb to the father's hair. Whoever did the hair and clothing should have been fired.

Whoever made this movie should really go back to School for a crash course in directing, writing and everything that would have helped this movie.

It's a generous TWO, but you still need to watch. Everybody deserves a laugh!

[Steve-from-Texas · 2/10 · 6 October 2022]

I just watched 'CROC!', sort of. It was hard to turn off. I wanted to, but my curiosity to see how stupid this movie could get got the best of me. I knew I was in for a treat, when, in the first croc scene, it leapt (yes, leapt) on top of a man... belly first. I had to back it up and watch it again to make sure that's what happened.

This movie was so dumb, honest to God, it wouldn't have surprised me if they showed Crocs opening doors to get to people.

This movie tries SO hard to be serious, which is what makes it so funny.

I'd recommend not to watching, but I don't want to deprive you of a good belly laugh!

What next? A shark terrorising Surrey?

[BA_Harrison · 2/10 · 5 October 2022]

For years, the Hampshire Freshwater Crocodile (Crocodylus hampshirius) was widely hunted for its valuable skin, which was used in the UK fashion industry for high-end accessories such as designer handbags, belts and watch straps. A ban on the trapping and killing of the endangered animal was introduced in 1990 to try and prevent total extinction, but the last reported sighting of the reptile in the wild was in 1992 and, with captive breeding programs proving unsuccessful, it is now believed to have gone the way of the dodo.

All of the above is a load of crock.

There are no crocodiles in Hampshire. Haven't been any since prehistoric times. But that hasn't stopped writer/director Paul W. Franklin from setting his killer croc movie in my home county, where the most dangerous wild animal is a badger (seriously, those things are mean-tempered). Putting facts to one side for the moment, a giant man-eating crocodile on the loose in the South-East of England could have been a lot of trashy fun. But on this occasion, it isn't.

Franklin places his wholly unconvincing CGI crocodile amongst a group of people attending a wedding at the only venue in the whole of England without wi-fi or a landline; this leaves a handful of survivors trapped in the main building with no means of escape. No explanation is ever given for the existence of a large man-eating crocodile in Hampshire (seriously, not even the old 'pet flushed down the toilet' or 'escaped zoo animal' excuse) or for why it has never been sighted. None of the unlikeable characters display any level of intelligence or ability to stay on their feet when chased by the reptile, and the plot is a tired collection of well-worn cliches, predictable to the very end.

Franklin resorts to giving viewers not one but two gratuitous sex scenes, which hit the right trashy notes, but they come early in the film, and everything that follows is tough to endure thanks to the diabolical script, laughable acting (was the guy who played the reverend actually an actor or a relation of Franklin?), and extremely weak special effects.

What is this?! How can this happen in 2022?

[starmoon_91 · 1/10 · 8 October 2022]

I am so sorry, but this movie is just terrible. I mean the CGI is childish, at best, the acting is basic and let's talk about some of the useless scenes... I apologise for the categorisation but is seems like a awfully made horror soft-po*n movie! What the heck did I just watch?!

I normally tend to watch movie until the end even if they are not particularly good because sometimes they get slightly better and you are curious about how it ends, but with this one I just couldn't!

Overall, terrible movie! If you are curious, watch it, but if you have no time to waste DO NOT WASTE YOUR TIME! Not a horror movie, I bet that even students could do a better job than this!

Worst movie in 2022

[jeffreylopezrd · 1/10 · 31 October 2022]

I've never seen a bad movie, until I saw this one.

This is the worst movie I've seen in 2022!

Bad script, bad actors, the creatures look so fake. I'm pretty sure the budget they've used for this "movie" was more than the box office.

Guys, don't waste your time like I did watching this thing.

They fall from nothing to get eaten from the crocs, st the beginning Lisa was calling Dylan prior the wedding and when they talked about to call the emergency services, they said they don't have a landline? Jeezes I can't forget this specific scene.

This "movie" looks so fake that even a 10 year old would've stop watching this.

Not even close to Lake Placid.

[phildeesnow · 1/10 · 5 October 2022]

Is anyone making movies even trying?... Just wait until the first kill, and you will see that there's no way to go lower than that. Everything is bad, the direction, the acting, the actors (if that is what they are), and one of the worst CGI i've seen. I said is not even close to Lake Placid, but this doesn't even hold the charm of a Sharknado movie. Not even the guilty pleasure of watching someone you hate from the second you see it on screen, get killed in the next scene. This is an insult to everyone. Please, stop financing this pieces of garbage. Ok, i don't know what else to say...but it' required a minimum.

Sluggish, slow-paced and generally very generic...

[paul_haakonsen · 2/10 · 4 October 2022]

Well, I can't say that I had actually heard anything about this 2022 movie titled "Croc!" (aka "Crocodile Vengeance") from writer and director Paul W. Franklin, nor seen any trailer or as much as heard a single word. But the movie's cover seemed fairly interesting enough to actually make me want to give the movie a gander. However, I have to admit that I wasn't harboring any expectations, because a lot of these monstrous creature - or killer animals - features tends to be dubious movies at best.

Writer and director Paul W. Franklin managed to deliver a very, very generic creature feature with "Croc!", and even for a movie of this genre then "Croc!" was just bland and amazingly generic. Pretty simplistic storyline really, which worked out well enough, but the movie just felt shallow and sort of pointless really, as "Croc!" didn't offer anything that haven't already been seen and done in other crocodile-based movies.

The acting in "Croc!" was pretty wooden and rigid for the most parts, making the performances on the screen seem sluggish and sort of amateurish. And that wasn't exactly helping to promote "Croc!"

And writer and director Paul W. Franklin had a little bit too much focus on lewd sex scenes, which absolutely meant nothing to the storyline or script, nor helped promote the narrative in any manner. It just felt pointless and ridiculous, and it was something that was very unnecessary to include in the movie.

Now, with "Croc!" being a monstrous creature feature, then of course having believable crocodiles in the movie would be a must. Right? Right! Well, guess what? They didn't have believable crocodiles in the movie, not even believable CGI animated crocodiles. Nay. What they did have, however, was rather poorly animated CGI crocodiles that lacked anything to make them realistic or believable. The way they moved seemed so wrong, and it felt like certainly scenes of the crocodile opening its maw and flapping its tongue around was copied and pasted into the movie at various points throughout the 84 minutes that "Croc!" ran for.

Yeah, "Croc!" was not an impressive foray into the monstrous creature feature. It was a slow paced and sluggish movie which came without notice and will disappear into the mists of oblivion without notice.

My rating of "Croc!" lands on a generous two out of ten stars.

One horrible movie

[windsorenquirer · 1/10 · 5 October 2022]

I would give it -10 if I could, that's how bad this movie was. And that's the only reason I am reviewing it. Otherwise I wouldn't even bother.

Nothing positive about this film. And I haven't seen such awful cgi since 1970's. The story? The acting? The way characters were behaving in this movie???!!! Come on.... And the crock, vicious crock, oh boy... that was really bad, I believe I could create a better crock.

No, I don't recommend this movie. Stay away from this stinker. Watch something else.

I need 600 characters to post my review, I don't know why, some people leave 2 lines and it's ok.

Worse than You can Imagine

[arfdawg-1 · 1/10 · 26 October 2022]

Holy cow, this was a really bad movie. Unfortunately it wasn't good-bad. It was just bad. Real bad.

The acting is atrocious -- especailly the red head in the beginning who also does soft core porn on a site called WANKITNOW. Bad.

The special effects might have been good 20 years ago, but today they look unfinished. The croc looks plastic and besides what is he doing in England?

And that brings us to the story -- it's ridiculous. The most unfortunate thing is it's not humorous in the slightest. So by watching it, you lose 90 minute of your life that you will never get back.

Take my word for it, you will want to avoid this movie at all costs.

Adds a new dimension to bad movies

[okpilak · 2/10 · 25 January 2023]

A wedding is planned, and everyone is gathered. The bride intended to have it streamed for those who cannot attend, and also have it videotaped. At the place, they throw in a bit of unnecessary nudity. The groom sneaks off with one of the bridesmaids to an evening dalliance, which doesn't work out well for her. But there are serious questions that viewers are able to get answered. If no one has cell phone reception, can another in the group receive a call? Can the wedding be live streamed using just a SLR camera? Can anyone run away from danger without falling or tripping? What does it mean when they say to lock the doors and windows? How bad is the movie croc that only has a few moves, and sometimes has blood after the victim on its teeth, and other times no blood after attacking a victim? How bad does a movie croc look when it seems to be simply pasted into the scene, and that not being done very well? After so many are killed, how upset is the bride at her wedding being ruined? There are movies with dumb people. And there are bad movies. This combines the two.

An underwhelming if watchable genre effort

[kannibalcorpsegrinder · 6/10 · 5 October 2022]

Gathering together at a remote country house, a bride-to-be and her friends prepare for their upcoming wedding plans, but when their festivities are crashed by a massive flesh-eating alligator on the wedding grounds they're forced to extreme measures to get out of the situation alive.

This was a decent enough if overall flawed genre effort. The fun of this one is pretty much relegated almost exclusively to the concept of the massive croc being able to pull off the kinds of attacks it does in one of the most ludicrous and cheesy means possible. The creature's ability to sneak up on people in what would've been in full view of others but don't notice it until it's snapped them down becomes immensely cheesy here as this goes on with the creature appearing out of nowhere to savagely bite someone to pieces in a massive blood-spray. With the film going for a high-energy tempo here with the initial ambush happening quite early in the film and not acting as if it's snatching stragglers around the compound where no one will find them, it's quite fun once it gets going with the attacks taking place and constantly forcing them into a means of defense in order to escape which adds a nice level of cheese and camp to everything. That said, there are some big issues that hold this one down. One of the bigger drawbacks involves the overall lazy means through which this one keeps the group in danger at the mansion. Almost immediately after their stay, a couple is attacked by the creature and manage to get a full view of the creature's appetite by watching it devour someone whole, yet the incident is brushed over and ignored for the lamest of reasons instead of alerting everyone in ear-shot that a vicious animal is loose. Several lies stretching the truth would've been fine to cover their tracks while still providing enough motive to bring about a means of tactics to either barricade themselves for help to arrive or to go on a hunting trip to find and stop it. Other means of stupidity like this run rampant throughout the rest of the film beyond this one moment and the whole thing comes off quite underwhelming. The other issue to be had here is the means through which this tries to make the flimsy story have enough excess work done to keep its running time up to a normal length. The sidestories here are plain uninteresting, from the stereotypical unfaithful groom who's out to sleep with every member of the bridal party, the equally sleazy single father that sleeps with everyone he comes across, and the eventual reveal of everything that results in an endless melodrama about these stories coming to light all give this an inherently cliched and unexciting setup. As well, there are also the usual problems involving the lackluster CGI that follows the expected and usual setups including those that don't fit into the screen, the constant bits of splotchy graphics that don't look completely rendered in the slightest, or come together with the usual realistic actions with what they're making the croc pull off. Overall, these manage to bring the film down just enough.

Rated Unrated/R: Graphic Violence, Graphic Language, Nudity, and a sex scene.

C.R.O.C stands for Cringy, Repulsive, Odious, Crappy

[jfzaroff · 1/10 · 7 January 2023]

First off, the movie is boring. Poorly written, and unrealistic even for a killer croc movie, to the point where I was actually frustrated even though I didn't care whether the characters lived or died. Every time a character took a step, they fell and then proceeded to cross their legs on the ground like a kindergarten while they waited for the croc to come and kill them. It has profanity and sexual scenes, so I'm confused what their target audience is. The gory scenes were laughable. They aren't a problem for kids 10 and up because they look faker than a cartoon. Watch this movie if you want to waste your time.

Hilariously bad!

[courtney-lang · 1/10 · 20 December 2022]

This movie is so hilariously bad that it has made me laugh more than I have in ages & I really needed a good laugh!!

I rented it for A$5.95 and I think that the budget for the whole movie must've been around the same cost... Holy cow, this could possibly be the worst movie ever made!

I actually had a giggle reading other reviews and thoroughly agree with them.

1: The cgi croc is the stupidest thing I've ever seen. It's 2022, how?

2: Everyone does indeed fall on their ass before being killed.

3: The priest absolutely must be friends with the director because there is no way he could be a real actor.

4: In fact, are any of them real actors?!

5: I wanted to put a comb in the dad's hair too (as per another reviewer).

Avoid this movie like the plague unless you are in need of a good laugh like I was.

Don't waste your time

[darrenk-61219 · 1/10 · 7 January 2023]

I really miss creature features, and was hoping for a good, not too great movie to watch. I got excited when I saw "UNCORK'D ENTERTAINMENT" (They use to make great B movies) at the intro, but that was the only exciting part of the movie besides seeing the lovely and beautiful Chrissie Wunna, but that's when I also knew the CGI was going to be horrible, the acting was going to be mediocre and the plot would to be forgettable.

So.many questions, why was everyone falling, why did the bride purposely keep on her veil and dress and not change her clothes after saing "I'm done with you" not to mention being covered in blood, why show the watch, what happened to the 2nd croc, why not use CGI for the gun blast, did anyone see Swamp People or better yet, the dad knew about Crocs, why not tell 'em where to aim for the weak spot, what happened to the dad limp, why didn't they put the dead bolt on the front door?

Typical Jagged Edge product

[HorrorFilmHellion · 2/10 · 6 October 2022]

Not for Alligator (1980) or Lake Placid (1999) fans, this one falls in line with all the rest of the sub-par Jagged Edge Productions films. Their creature features are generally skip-it grade fare, and this one is no different. It's too bad really, that creature films were so much better 20-40 years ago. There's opportunity here for some campy exploitation but Jagged Edge still has not evolved to take advantage of these opportunities. For example, the wedding scene could have been a gory-fun ride of seeing folks in nice outfits getting chewed to shreds. Instead, we get a nearly invisible ninja croc that sneaks around to select targets, usually in areas that are wide open. A couple frames of croc beak, screaming, and a blood squirt or two coming from odd directions is disappointing. The final scene (what even was that, a roomba??) was a D-. Could and should be so much better.

No lake or river?

[kyleallencole9 · 4/10 · 3 January 2023]

Well this has been a first, to have a crocodile movie not take place on a lake or a river at all.

They really give no explanation for how the crocodiles ended up in the countryside, even though the bride's dad explains that they shouldn't be able to thrive in that climate.

The attacks were pretty bloody except for the scene where one of the girls falls in the pool and the croc gets her and there literally was no blood at all.

I will say the scene where they lure one of the cross into the swimming pool in order to kill it was pretty well done.

Definitely a different take on a crocodile attack flick.

Unbelievable

[ianjmullinger · 1/10 · 9 October 2022]

Absolutely shocking.

A wedding with no suppliers just the videographer?

Surely you would have a catering company in the house, reception drinks? There wasn't even a table for singing of the register !! So many details missing I get it's a horror but little bits make a big difference.

The reverend made a point he needed to get to another wedding, he subsequently gets eaten, surely someone from the Hampshire registry office would investigate when he didn't turn up at his 130pm wedding!!!

Everyone was falling over, the best man gets to the car to get a shot gun, surely with no reception or WiFi he could just dive into the local pub and get help!

Worse than you thought

[supermellowcali · 2/10 · 5 October 2022]

First: why is there a minimum text amount? There didn't use to be, and some movies don't require or deserve a long review.

In this case, there isn't much to say except please don't bother unless you're teaching a class on film and want an example with lots of flaws to point out. For this one, the genre only requires horrifying, bloody action sequences. Within ten minutes, which is how long I lasted with this one, it was obvious there's not going to be ny of that, or anything scary or funny, and really nothing to be gained here.

(Aside to the crew: Why?! You had to know how bad this was going to be and that you'd never want to claim it on your resume... no, not so bad it's funny, just bad waste of time and money. Mine too, which is why I'm not going to pull punches or even try to be polite.)

UK Croc

[BandSAboutMovies · 5/10 · 4 October 2022]

Lisa is getting excited for her wedding, gathering her friends and family for the big day. There are uninvited guests, however: a nest of hungry crocodiles that have no problem crashing her dream day.

Directed and written by Paul W. Franklin, this movie has one great scene where a wedding guest and the priest have a long discussion on why God would allow crocodiles to rampage in the British countryside and kill good people. This is soon followed by the vicar being gorily devoured by said crocs within seconds.

This all could have been avoided if Lisa's husband-to-be, Charlie, had just told everyone that watched these reptiles chow down on a bridesmaid named Georgia. Of course, he was just inside her, so maybe he wants to keep things a secret.

Luckily, Lisa's dad is a wildlife expert and he's passed his skills down to her.

This movie is ridiculous and I mean that in a nice way. There are just times that you want to watch crocodiles chomp down on the entire wedding party and this delivers exactly that. Man, everyone is losing the deposit on their tux rentals.

Of course the bride fights in her wedding dress.

Croc Horror

[IndieZeus · 6/10 · 10 March 2023]

Titled 'Croc!' Or 'Crocodile Vengeance' (who was the Croc avenging?) this movie is clearly a very very very low budget production and not exactly high brow entertainment. I mean it's about a crocodile that gate crashes a wedding in rural England.

You'd be lucky to see any sunshine let alone a killer croc!

But if you leave your brain at the door and don't come in with any major expectations it's enjoyable enough.

It is a b movie horror after all not a documentary so don't be surprised if no one can manage to run away without falling over.

The CGI Crocodile is a bit dodgy but the majority of the actors do okay and there's some funny one liners in there.

People can't walk backward without falling on their ass

[echaczyk · 2/10 · 13 October 2022]

Awful movie. Everyone who sees the crocodile and tries to back away falls to the ground and gets eaten. I've never seen so many stumble-bums in one movie. And if the croc could walk upstairs, the movie would be a comedy and not a horror picture. I had no sympathy for anyone in the movie and rooted for the crocodile on more than one occasion. The stupidity of the writers and director of the film amazes me. For instance a woman running away from the crocodile thinks that jumping in an Olympic size swimming pool is a better way to outrace the croc than running around the perimeter. I will say that the sfx of the croc looks pretty good, but it's not menacing in the least.

Let's capture it alive.

[nogodnomasters · 2/10 · 24 October 2022]

In the opening scene Mike and April (Sarah Alexandra Marks) are outside camping in Hampshire, England when they are attacked by a giant crocodile. A couple of years later, this same location becomes the location of a wedding as the wedding party spends the night in a manor on the same grounds. The Croc takes out one person of the wedding party and then attacks the entire party. The survivors take refuge in the house where the croc walks laps around it. The father of the bride (Mark Haldor) is against poaching and wants to capture the creature in order to figure out why it is so out of place.

The picture was bad from start to finish as are most low budget films that have the fake looking Chrissie Wunna in it. No explanation for the croc was given. DVD cover drawing was not in the film, nor was there any reason to stay out of the water as the attacks were all on land.

Guide: F-word, sex, nudity.

The BEST "so bad it's good" movie in ages! Classic!

[ianscottlewis · 5/10 · 2 December 2023]

I loved Croc! The CGI is absolutely awful, to the point that it makes the film unwatchable. But if you can suspend your disbelief (and I'm talking an absolute tonne of disbelief), then what is left is a wonderfully entertaining script with some amazing quotes. I would urge anyone with a penchant for "so bad it's good" movies to give this a go as it's an absolute corker!

Man: It's a crocodile. And it's dangerous!

Woman: Jeez. Tell me something I don't know!!!

Man: You've got a twig in your hair!

Bridesmaid: We're gonna avenge your friend's death and kill that damn crocodile! Good!

Bride: Yeah!

Bridesmaid: Now is there anything else I can help you with!?

Bride: Make me a sandwich? I'm starving!!!

Lacks Any Personality

[icocleric · 1/10 · 1 December 2023]

This film lacks so much personality, you can't even laugh how bad it is.

I can completely forgive a crocodile running around the English countryside, because crocodiles are great, and I love a good creature film. Even bad CGI ones.

But what I can't love is the terrible and still acting, one note characters, and the film just not being entertaining as a whole. The bride is horrible, only cares her wedding day is ruined, and the groom is boring. The script and plot are so uninteresting.

The only part I liked was the priest being all like the crocodile is one of God's creatures, we don't need to kill it. No one else sold the film.

The most clumsiest people on Earth

[capricorn40 · 1/10 · 8 December 2023]

This movie is not good and not in a funny not good way.

The first 10 minutes are like soft porn. The dialogue is a cringefest.

Then we see the wedding party show up and the women all look like they are from Benny Hiil skit or the Carry On films.

The crocs are bad CGI, but honestly, I can deal with bad CGI if the acting wasn't so horrendous. No one knows how to run. They all fall down and can't see to get up, scrambling on their hands and knees screaming.

And of course when a couple of women run into the pool area, one of them just HAS to fall in the pool. The croc jumps in on the opposite side of the pool and somehow the woman is swimming in the middle of the pool.

How can you not out run a croc on land?????? And how are these crocs leaping at people on dry land???

Also did I miss something or is there a reason nobody can just get to their cars and drive away?