Daria (TV Series)

Quinn the Brain (1998)

Tracy Grandstaff: Daria Morgendorffer

Quotes 

• Daria : Only Quinn could turn having brains into a fad.

  Jane : You know how fads are. Today it's brains, tomorrow, pierced tongues. Then the next day, pierced brains.

• Jeffy : [reading Quinn's poem]  The greasy fry / It cannot lie / Its truth is written / On your thighs.

  Joey : Wow. That's amazing.

  Jamie : Genius.

  Quinn : I know.

  [Daria and Jane overhear the commotion] 

  Daria : Hold it, I think I feel a poem coming on.

  [belches] 

  Daria : Sorry, false alarm.

• [Daria sees Quinn dressed in all black] 

  Daria : Did a mime crawl in here and die?

  Quinn : I'm putting together an outfit. For your information, this is how deep people dress.

  Daria : Yeah, deeply affected people.

• Quinn Morgendorffer : Mom, Dad, making you happy is the greatest reward I could ask for. Of course, when other kids get a good grade, they sometimes get, like, a little present.

  Helen Morgendorffer : Now, Quinn, I really think...

  Jake Morgendorffer : [Interrupts]  I'll handle this. You're absolutely right, sweetheart. You got an A, you should be rewarded. Here you go!

  Quinn Morgendorffer : Thanks, dad.

  Daria Morgendorffer : Wait, isn't that a double standard?

  Jake Morgendorffer : Huh?

  Daria Morgendorffer : You just gave her a twenty for getting one A. What about all the As I get for free?

  Jake Morgendorffer : Yeah, but this is a special occasion, so Quinn gets a special reward; It's a motivational thing.

  Daria Morgendorffer : But won't that demotivate your other daughter whose work is consistently good?

  Helen Morgendorffer : Yes, Jake, where are you going with this?

  Jake Morgendorffer : I wasn't finished. Daria should have a consistent reward for her consistently good work.

  Quinn Morgendorffer : Hey!

  Jake Morgendorffer : And Quinn should have a special one time reward for her one time effort.

  Daria Morgendorffer : But what about a higher reward for maintaining a standard of excellence over time, perhaps with compound interest?

  Jake Morgendorffer : ...

  [Tosses his wallet to Helen] 

  Jake Morgendorffer : Here, just take it! Helen, I told you I was no good at this parenting crap!

• Daria : Sometimes your shallowness is so thorough, it's almost like depth.

• Quinn : Thanks a lot! I hope you realize that you're making me do my own homework!

  Daria : That IS a scary thought.

• Daria : Mom, if you're going to reminisce, I'll be forced to call Social Services.

• Quinn : Yeah, I might do writing for a career. It's not like real work or anything.

  Sandi : Really. I mean, how hard it is to type stuff?

  Quinn : And there are lots of opportunities. Like, did you know they pay money for those poems in greeting cards?

  Stacy Rowe : Oh no! I've been giving away my poems for free!

  Daria : [Daria puts her head in her locker]  Do me a favor.

  Jane : Yeah?

  Daria : Close my locker.

• Daria : For your purposes, "existential" means pseudo-intellectual poser with accessories from the Street Fair.

• Quinn : Does this black match?

  Daria : Matches my mood.

• Daria : You must be very excited about what people are calling you.

  Quinn : What?

  Jane : Brains Morgendorffer.

  Quinn : Come on, because of one little essay?

  Daria : It's a slippery slope. Behold, the future.

  [Gestures to a table of geeks, one of whom is blowing milk out of his nose and making everybody else laugh] 

  Quinn : Ew!

  Jane : Last week, they were trying out for football, then they won one debate tournament.

  Quinn : What am I gonna do? I can't be a brain! My friends will hate me!

  Daria : Yes, but just think of all the new friends you'll make in Chess Club.

• Daria Morgendorffer : [Talking to Jane about Mr. O'Neill's suggesting that Quinn tutor Daria on her writing]  I should've said I don't need tutoring to write like her, just some big crayons.

• Jane Lane : By the way, anything eating away at your soul?

  Daria Morgendorffer : Her writing is BAD. Don't people know the difference between good and bad?

  Jane Lane : She's cute, there are different standards for cute people.

  Daria Morgendorffer : You mean no standards.

• Daria Morgendorffer : The thing is, if she's a brain, what do I get to be?

  Jane Lane : You're still a brain.

  Daria Morgendorffer : Yeah, but she's a brain with bouncy hair; I can't compete.

• Quinn : Um... I was wondering if...

  Daria : I don't think so.

  Quinn : I just need a little help with my essay. Like, could you write it for me?

  Daria : And what's my motivation again?

  Quinn : Come on, Daria. We're sisters. We gotta stick together.

  Daria : Unless we're in public, you mean.

  Quinn : But you're so smart, and this essay's so important. Believe me, I *would* do it myself, but I have a date.

  Daria : [sarcastic]  Oh, that's different. When does the subject of compensation come up?

  Quinn : Ten?

  Daria : Twenty.

  Quinn : Fifteen.

  Daria : Done.

  Quinn : Thanks, Daria. This is gonna work out for both of us. I mean I get my essay written, and for once, you have something to do on Friday night instead of sitting around like a loser, you know?

  Daria : [scowls]  That's it, Shakespeare! Do your own damn homework!