South Park (TV Series)
The Succubus (1999)
Matt Stone: Kyle Broflovski, Kenny McCormick, Chef's Father, Priest Maxi
Quotes
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Chef's Father : Well, aren't you crackers just cute as the dickens?
Stan : You're chef's parents?
Chef's Mother : Yes, all his life.
Kyle : [in a hurry] We have to talk to him!
Chef's Father : Well, he should be out now directly.
Chef's Mother : He's so excited about the wedding now.
Chef's Father : Say, would you crackers like to hear about the time we met the Loch Ness Monster?
Stan : [impatiently] No, that's okay.
Chef's Father : Ooh, it must have been about seven, eight years ago. Me and the little lady was out on this boat, you see, all alone at night, when all of the sudden this huge creature, this giant crustacean from the Paleolithic Era, comes out of the water.
Chef's Mother : We was so scared, Lord have mercy, I jumped up in the boat, and I said, "Thomas, Thomas, what on earth is that creature?"
Chef's Father : It stood above us looking down with these big red eyes...
Chef's Mother : Oh, it was so scary!
Chef's Father : ...and I yelled, I said, "What do you want from us, monster?" And the monster bent down, and said, "I need about tree-fitty."
[long pause]
Kyle : What's tree-fitty?
Chef's Father : Tree dollars, and fitty cents.
Chef's Mother : Tree-fitty.
Stan : He wanted money?
Chef's Father : That's right. I said, "I ain't givin' you no tree-fitty, you goddamn Loch Ness Monster! Get your own goddamn money!"
Chef's Mother : I gave him a dollar.
Chef's Father : She gave him a dollar.
Chef's Mother : I thought he'd go away if I gave him a dollar.
Chef's Father : Well, of course he's not gonna go away, Mary! You give him a dollar, he's gonna assume you got more!
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Chef's Father : [at Chef's rehearsal dinner] Could I have everyone's attention, please?
[crowd quiets]
Chef's Father : Tomorrow, my son is gonna get married to a beautiful lady.
[sniffles]
Chef's Father : I'm very happy for them both.
[begins to choke back tears]
Chef's Father : Ooh, there I go - I told myself I wasn't gonna cry.
Chef : It's okay, pop.
Chef's Mother : Thomas, you're gonna get me going now.
[begins to tear up]
Chef's Father : I remember when Chef was just a three-year-old little man, he came runnin' into me with a big smile and his little chef's hat on, and he says to me, "Poppa, poppa." I said, "What do you need, Chef, my boy?" He said, "I need about tree-fitty."
Chef's Mother : Tree-fitty!
Chef's Father : Well, it was about that time I begin to get suspicious. I said, "Chef, my boy, why do you need tree-fitty?" He said, "My imaginary friend Boo-Boo the dinosaur wants it." So I went to my son's room, and sure enough, there was that damn Loch Ness Monster!
Chef's Mother : Lord, it was scary!
Chef's Father : I said, "Dammit, monster, you quit bugging my children, now. We work for our money in this house - we don't just give money away!"
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Chef's Father : Dammit, monster, I ain't givin you no treefiddy.
