South Park (TV Series)

Chickenlover (1998)

Trey Parker: Stan Marsh, Eric Cartman, Mr. Garrison, Booktastic Bus Driver, Officer Barbrady, Woman in Crowd, Tom the News Reader, Reporter #2, Press Conference Host, Rioter #1, Johnson, Randy Marsh, Kevin McCormick

Quotes 

• [Barbrady is asked to solve a legal problem] 

  Officer Barbrady : Hey, I just thought of something. No, wait, that's subtraction.

• Cartman : Respect my authoritah.

• Mayor : Officer Barbrady what are you doing? You still haven't caught Chicken Fucker Yet.

  Officer Barbrady : Ah Ah! Mayor in front of the children we say "Chicken Lover".

• Officer Barbrady : Yes, at first, I was happy to be learning how to read. It seemed exciting and magical. But then I read this: Atlas Shrugged, by Ayn Rand. I read every last word of this garbage, and because of this piece of shit, I'm never reading again!

• Mr. Garrison : Now, does anyone have any suggestions where we should begin with Officer Barbrady?

  Kyle Broflovski : How about a brain transplant?

• Mr. Garrison : Yes Officer Barbrady?

  Officer Barbrady : I need to go poopies.

  Mr. Garrison : Officer Barbrady, in school we use the bathroom before and after class.

  Officer Barbrady : Oh Christ, how do you kids do it?

• Mr. Garrison : Now, Kyle, let's be supportive of our new student, give him the nurturing environment he needs to thrive. Now, I'm gonna write a sentence and I want us all to help Officer Barbrady read it.

  [he writes on the chalkboard Oprah Winfrey has huge knockers] 

  Mr. Garrison : Give it a shot , Officer Barbrady.

  Officer Barbrady : Ahhh... O... O...

  Mr. Garrison : Bzzzt! Wrong! Try again, dumbass!

  [guffaws] 

  Mr. Garrison : Okay, okay. Maybe we should try something a little easier. We can work our way up to the hard ones.

  [He writes on the chalkboard The hat is red] 

  Mr. Garrison : Go ahead, Barbrady, don't be scared.

  Officer Barbrady : Ahhh... O...

  Mr. Garrison : Bzzzt drrrrr! Did you hear that, Mr. Hat? I sure did, Mr. Garrison. What a retard!

  [guffaws uncontrollably] 

  Officer Barbrady : [to the children]  Did you kids actually learn how to read this way?

  Stan Marsh : No, we just fake it to shut him up.

• Cartman : Step out of the car, please, sir.

  Randy Marsh : Wait a second. Aren't you Stan's little friend?

  Cartman : Sir, step out of the car, please.

  Randy Marsh : Yeah, you're the one who always plugs up the toilet at our house.

• Officer Barbrady : Keep your eyes peeled boys, someone's going to make love to this chicken any second now.

• Stan Marsh : If we read will we become like that guy?

  Kyle Broflovski : Yeah this is stupid, books aren't magical

• Cartman : This book was pretty good. I give it a B-.

  Mr. Garrison : And I give you an F, now sit down.

  Cartman : Ah, son of a bitch.