The Simpsons (TV Series)

Grift of the Magi (1999)

Yeardley Smith: Lisa Simpson

Quotes 

• Homer Simpson : So, who am I beating up?

  Lisa Simpson : Nobody. You're just gonna break into everyone's house and steal their favorite toy.

  Bart Simpson : Thus saving Christmas.

  Homer Simpson : Now, let's see... this'll make three Christmases I saved versus eight I ruined... two were kind of a draw...

• [Lisa has been forced to write on the chalkboard, punishment for doing math in class] 

  Bart Simpson : [laughs]  Lisa in trouble. The ironing is delicious.

  Lisa Simpson : The word is irony.

  Bart Simpson : Huh?

  Lisa Simpson : Don't you think there's something weird going on here? We spent all day selecting fabric swatches and then our guest speaker was Phil, from marketing.

  Bart Simpson : All's I know is I'm getting straights A's, and that ain't not bad.

• [Fanzo threw a Barbie in the fire and strangled a Krusty toy] 

  Bart : Why is it destroying other toys?

  Lisa : It must be programmed to do so to eliminate competition.

  Bart : You mean like Microsoft?

  Lisa : Yeah.

• Lisa Simpson : [sneaking into the executives' office]  Get down! Security guard!

  [they get down, and Bart sees Gary Coleman on the phone, eating Chinese food] 

  Bart Simpson : Hey, it's Gary Coleman!

  Gary Coleman : [on the phone]  But the menu said "galaxy of prawns." Three prawns are hardly a galaxy. What do you mean your hands are tied? Let me talk to Mr. Kwan.

  Bart Simpson : Wait, I want to see how this turns out.

  Lisa Simpson : The phone's not even plugged in...

  Gary Coleman : All right, you listen to me, Kwan... Hang on, I got another call.

  [he presses a button] 

  Gary Coleman : Yes, Mr. President! I can be in Washington right away!

• [scene starts with Funzo singing, dancing, and playing with Bart] 

  Bart Simpson : It's always a party with Funzo!

  Lisa Simpson : [Lisa walks up]  I admit, it's kind of cute. But it'll never take the place of Malibu Stacy.

  [Funzo takes the Malibu Stacy doll, breaks it, and throws it in the fire] 

  Lisa Simpson : AWHH! Did you see that!

  Bart Simpson : Yeah! Funzo makes playtime fun!

  [Funzo starts choking Bart's Krusty doll] 

  Bart Simpson : Hey, why is it destroying other toys?

  Lisa Simpson : They must have programmed it to eliminate the competition.

  Bart Simpson : You mean like Microsoft?

  Lisa Simpson : Exactly! Come on Bart, we've gotta warn everyone.

• Lisa Simpson : The madness ends here!

  Homer Simpson : [laughing at Lisa]  Oh man! If I had a nickel for every time I've heard that...