Frasier (TV Series)

A Word to the Wiseguy (1996)

David Hyde Pierce: Dr. Niles Crane

Quotes 

• Dr. Niles Crane : You see, last week, my lady got on the wrong side of Larry Law, and since then, certain, shall you say, complications have arisen. And now things are hot, hot, hot. And we hear you're the man to turn on the air conditionin'.

  Jerome Belasco : I sense you're a film buff, Dr. Crane.

• Dr. Niles Crane : [on Maris]  She drove up on the sidewalk, and when the police ran her name through the computer, they found quite a little backlog of unpaid parking tickets.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : What else would you expect from a woman who thinks her chocolate allergy entitles her to park in a handicapped space?

• Dr. Niles Crane : I heard you on the radio today, I thought what you did was noble.

  [pause] 

  Dr. Niles Crane : To what South American nation will you be fleeing?

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Oh, like I'd tell you. One minute of interrogation and you would crack like a Jordan almond!

• Roz Doyle : You know, I was once involved with a guy who got into trouble with the cops...

  Dr. Niles Crane : Notice the complete absence of gasps following that statement.

• Roz Doyle : [gives Niles a card]  Here you go, Jerome Belasco.

  Dr. Niles Crane : Oh Roz, you are an angel of mercy. How can I repay you?

  Roz Doyle : The next time you have a smart remark about my sex life, or what I'm wearing, you just keep it to yourself.

  Dr. Niles Crane : [looks her up and down]  Consider it done.

  [she snatches the card back] 

• Dr. Niles Crane : Thank you. I just know this man is the answer to my problems.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Yes, who better to mend the fragile fabric of a troubled marriage than a man whose business address is a wharf!

• Dr. Niles Crane : Alright, fine. If you won't help me, I'll just have to help myself. I'm going down to that precinct house, and I'm not leaving until I get justice. Well, not exactly justice, I suppose, more like preferential treatment, but I'm not leaving 'til I get it!

• Dr. Niles Crane : [enters]  Frasier, I feel as if I'm being sucked into a vortex of rage and despair!

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Well, right back atcha!