Barney Miller (TV Series)
Community Relations (1977)
Judson Morgan: Phillip Lukeather
Quotes
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Leonard K. Hauser : Hey Captain, we got him. The old nut was running around with a gun threatening people. But the old cop talked him out
Capt. Barney Miller : See that Mr. Hauser ? I tell you, I'll take talking to tear gas any day.
Phillip Lukeather : Listen Sergeant, believe me, it isn't the end of you life.
Det. Phil Fish : Yeah, yeah
Phillip Lukeather : Retirement, isn't so bad. Once you get use to it, you'll find a way to be useful. Believe me.
Det. Phil Fish : I hope your right
Det. Phil Fish : Mr. Lukeather, Captain Miller
Capt. Barney Miller : Mr. Lukeather, your very lucky that it was Sergeant Fish who came to get you and not a Special Weapons Team
Leonard K. Hauser : I want this man charged with obstruction, assault and anything else you got on the books that I can use
Det. Phil Fish : Shut up ! Sit over there ! I'll fill out the complaint form.
Frank Pissano : Don't talk to a witness like that. A good defense attorney would have a field day with that sort of thing
Det. Phil Fish : They got to live, too
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Capt. Barney Miller : Uh... Hold it. Mr. Lukeather, I wonder if you could do me a favor. Would it be possible to... uh... to help Mr. Roth here downstairs?
Phillip Lukeather : Sure
Capt. Barney Miller : This is Mr. Lukeather. He just lost his home.
Leon Roth : The guy with the gun. I heard
Phillip Lukeather : I wouldn't shoot nobody.
Leon Roth : It's okay with me
Capt. Barney Miller : Mr. Roth lives alone
Leon Roth : Yeah ?
Capt. Barney Miller : He's been robbed many times. You can understand it ?
Leon Roth : Sure.
Capt. Barney Miller : Well, listen, you can take him downstairs then, right ?
Phillip Lukeather : Yeah
Leon Roth : I'm usually very independent, but... this building scares me
Phillip Lukeather : Everybody needs help sometimes
Det. Phil Fish : Mr Lukeather, here's the receipt for the -- your gun
Leon Roth : Mr. Lukeather, which, uh... way do you go ?
Phillip Lukeather : Don't make no difference, I got no place
Leon Roth : Listen... uh... you're not one of those people who likes to rearrange the furniture, all the time, are you ?
Phillip Lukeather : Who me ? No. I got a great respect for tradition
Leon Roth : Good. That's good. Can you cook ?
Phillip Lukeather : Yeah. You like chili ?
Leon Roth : Chili. Yes, sir
Phillip Lukeather : With red beans
Leon Roth : I can't tell a red bean from a white bean. I'm blind.
Phillip Lukeather : Don't worry, I'll handle it.
Det. Sgt. Nick Yemana : Nice couple
Det. Phil Fish : Yeah. You got a real knack Barney
Capt. Barney Miller : Well. It was logical. What's more, I bet they make it
Det. Ron Harris : Ah... I bet they won't
Det. Sgt. Nick Yemana : Your on
Det. Ron Harris : You lose
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Frank Pissano : Is that the man who barricaded himself in the building ?
Capt. Barney Miller : That's right
Frank Pissano : He's just an old man
Leonard K. Hauser : So ? He had a gun
Frank Pissano : Probably a veteran.
Phillip Lukeather : Are you a veteran ?
Phillip Lukeather : First and Second World War
Frank Pissano : For God sakes Miller: Blind people ? Dispossessed veterans ?
Capt. Barney Miller : I'm sorry. We attract an appealing class of criminal around here.
Frank Pissano : What are you trying to do ? Put the District Attorney Office out of business ?
Capt. Barney Miller : Look at the bright side Pissano. He had a weapon, that's a felony
Frank Pissano : Thanks a lot ! Every jury has at least three members of the National Rifle Association on it ! You probably have some medals, citations ?
Phillip Lukeather : Purple Heart and a couple of Bronze Stars
Frank Pissano : Wonderful
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Leonard K. Hauser : Do you have any idea how much money, you have cost me already: 25... 2600 dollars ?
Phillip Lukeather : Good.
Leonard K. Hauser : Listen, I ought to take you to Civil Court and sue you for everything you got !
Phillip Lukeather : Help yourself . That's everything I got -- two changes of clothes, my bird books ,and a hot pad
Leonard K. Hauser : If you flushed that nut out when I asked you to, I wouldn't have had to pay the demo crew seven hours overtime !
Det. Phil Fish : Was that middle initial "K" ?
Leonard K. Hauser : I may take the city to court !
Frank Pissano : I beg your pardon ?
Leonard K. Hauser : I said I may sue the city !
Frank Pissano : You ? I'd love to get you up on the stand baby ! A slumlord !
Leonard K. Hauser : Hey ! no names. I could you sue you, too.
Phillip Lukeather : The city ought to sue him. Threatening people for rents, no decent plumbing, dangerous stairs
Frank Pissano : Immorality ! Human Degradation ! Good. Very Good
Leonard K. Hauser : He doesn't know what he is talking about.
Leonard K. Hauser : Ask him about the rats ?
Frank Pissano : The rats ! Beautiful !
Leonard K. Hauser : No rats in my building
Phillip Lukeather : I've had three running around my apartment so long, I've even given them names
Leonard K. Hauser : I told you -- no pets
Det. Phil Fish : Mr. Hauser, here -- sign
Leonard K. Hauser : Take it easy . Don't rush me. I don't sign anything without reading it first.
Capt. Barney Miller : Is there something wrong, Mr. Hauser ?
Leonard K. Hauser : No, no there is nothing wrong here. I just, uh... want to take it home and read it over with my attorney and if it's all right, I'll sign it. I'll mail it in
Frank Pissano : See you in court Mr. Hauser
Leonard K. Hauser : Not necessarily
Frank Pissano : What's the matter ? You chicken ?
Leonard K. Hauser : No. No. I just happen to be a compassionate man. I know how to forgive and forget. Right Captain ?
Capt. Barney Miller : Right, Mr. Hauser.
Leonard K. Hauser : Learn how to be a human being, for God sakes
