Sapphire Girls (2003 Video) User Reviews

Satisfying skin flick, not an uplifting classic

[mBrow · 5/10 · 28 January 2004]

Hapless singers (Ruby, Jade, Crystal) rejoin for a performance and tour at the invitation of mysterious benefactor Ben Turner, who secretly endeavors to market a hypnotic suggestion trance serum to any and all evil international agents after stealing the potion from US Army developers. The girls eventually stumble onto the nefarious plot, and with the help of agent Chet, accept the challenge to stop the evil plot and avoid capture, entrancement, and enslavement, while Saving America for Motherhood and Apple Pie. (We're not convinced that they have much interest in saving America for God.)

There are many sexy interludes, lots of skin bared, and some girl-on-girl. Ben is a handsome, though evil, dude, and some of the gals are quite lovely: Jodie Moore (as Jade) and Nicole Oring (as Ilona, compliant assistant to Ben Turner) are especially fetching, and Elizarah (as Crystal Diamond) is appealing, but Mary Carey (as Ruby) is a bit too fleshy.

The story is accompanied by a few pop-music performances, which may be cute but not memorable. The three protagonists play as "California girls", naive "O-My-God" types, who do not always fit. When any of the singers display occasional insight, suspicion, or initiative, she performs contrary to the "California girl" stereotype established earlier. As for the actors, it gets worse: the men are incredibly shallow characters.

The acting is not very convincing, and the plot is a bit silly, but the movie is OK as a skin show.

Sex: B, Good. Multiple sexual encounters, fairly erotic.

Women: B, Good. Several are sexy and beautiful.

Men: B. Adequate, but even less intellectually stimulating than the "California girls".

Story: C, weaker than usual for cable soft-porn.

Acting: C. Inconsistent.

Overall: C+. Satisfying skin flick, not an uplifting classic.

Mary's the reason

[newsjunkie356-1 · 5/10 · 7 April 2005]

Mary Carey's the only reason to watch this. Apparently intended for the "couples" market, it's definitely pitched towards women. Being a straight softcore flick instead of the usual, edited X-rated fare that once dominated late-night premium services.

The real star, is of course, the luscious Mary Carey. Her only sex scene highlights her assets to perfection. It's great for those of sick of of the tons of silicon coming from the San Fernando Valley, Mary's natural body is a wonder.

It was NOT men who created the anorexic archetype that tortures so many girls. Kate Moss has never filled anyone's fantasy. Mary's voluptuous body is the perfect remedy to the plague of silicon and the starving actress fetish of Hollywood films.

The plot is silly, the acting terrible. But porn producers have figured out that women tend to like a plot, however silly or badly done it is.

More Mary and less inane dialog would have helped this movie immensely. In fact, a total absence of dialog would have helped it even more.

Grade is a six, but only because of Mary's girl-next-door charm and hard-body.

My wife pointed out something else: nearly all the male actors appeared to be fifteen or twenty years older than the women. "The Hollywood stereo-type even in porn. Be nice if the guys were as good to look as the girls." I hadn't even noticed any men in the movie until she pointed it out.

like Josie and the pussycats, but with less talent and no black girl

[movieman_kev · 5 December 2004]

Mary Carey, Jodie Moore, and Elizarah (two of which ran for elected office, Mary in Califonia, Jodie in Austraila) are the Saphire Girls, a rock group that stumbles on a secret plan to..well to do something sinister. The over-reliance on "rock" music, especially in the sex scenes is a huge travesty. The acting is horrid and the sex scenes aren't that good. Still fans of either Carey or Moore might sit through it once and it was FAR from the worst softcore flick I've seen.

The Goods: 6 sex scenes (m/f, m/f/f)

Babe of the Movie: Mary Carey (even if she was only in one real sex scene)

My Grade:D

Where I Saw It: Cinemax

I liked Jodie Moore, but the other stuff was really, really bad. I give it a D.

[Smooth B · 2/10 · 4 June 2004]

"Ben Turner is the sexiest, kindest, gentlest, most charming man I have ever met."

Jade Dunbar says this line numerous times in the middle of "Sapphire Girls", and that was truly the only funny line in this film.

We begin with said Sapphire Girls--an all-girl rock band consisting of three kooky characters--Chrystal (Elizarah) the lead guitarist, Jade (Jodie Moore) the bass player, and Ruby (Mary Carey--yes, THAT Mary Carey) the drummer. They were once a hot commodity, but now they've been relegated to menial jobs and Ruby is now banging random guys in her van (as we see at the beginning of the film). An enterprising producer, Ben Turner (Tony Brale), has offered to let the girls use his studio to record their comeback album, so off they go to his house, where they get drunk, get naked by the pool, and participate in the usual hijinks.

However, there's a fiendish plot taking place as well. Ben Turner is conspiring with a scientist, Dr. Wuhrman (Dugan Hayes, a longtime softcore regular) to create a potion that will give a person the power to control the minds of others--all it takes is a "switch", such as a snap of the fingers or a "magic word"--to turn it on. Of course, Ben plans to use it on the girls, and use their music to control the minds of everyone who buys their album, which he hopes is many millions of people.

Far-fetched storyline aside, we're really here for the sex, and if you're expecting the best, look elsewhere. The sex scenes are bogged down with a cheesy rock soundtrack and uninspiring performances. I would think that Mary Carey, being a veteran of many pornos, would at least make her sex scenes look very real--but unfortunately they're as bad as the others. Jodie Moore, an Australian-born hottie who also dabbles in porn, had a couple of decent scenes.

There's a guy who works as a gardener of some sort on the premises, but he's actually a secret spy trying to bring down Ben's operation. He asks the girls to help him as "deputy spies." A bad storyline just got worse. Let's not go any further with that, it just gets stupid later on.

Overall, this film is NOT tapeworthy, but if you're in the mood for a laugh and a fair amount of nudity, "Sapphire Girls" won't disappoint. It's not stupidly funny like "Bikini Airways" was, but it'll do in a pinch.

Women: A- (I will give this movie credit in one category--the women. Mary Carey, as bad an actress as she is, has an awesome body. It's too bad it wasn't used to its full potential in this film. Jodie Moore is great looking as well, and her Australian accent was a big plus. Nicole Oring, playing Ben's hot Asian assistant, was great also.)

Sex: D+ (Lower the volume on the stupid music, please. It detracts from the sex going on. A couple of the scenes were okay, but overall they were pretty by-the-numbers and uninspiring.)

Story: D (I'm being VERY generous by giving this movie a D in this category. The plot was way out there to start with, but at least it didn't end in a stupid fashion. The girls singing a lullaby to put everyone to sleep at the end was pretty funny.)

Overall: D (Since the "Women" grade and "Sex" grade are of equal weight, they end up cancelling each other out. If this is the best Silhouette Entertainment can come up with, they might as well close up the studio right now. It was funny in spurts, and the women were nice looking, but the sex looked fake and it didn't seem like the people involved were "into it." On any given night, if this is the only softcore film on, by all means watch it. But if you've got other choices, go there first.)

Does not deliver

[MJS116 · 1/10 · 21 June 2005]

The only redeeming quality this movie could possibly have had was a series of soft core scenes well shot with an eye to detail. That, unfortunately did not happen. The plot, what there is of it, is poorly thought out and does not sustain ones' interest unless you are looking for a primer on how not to script a movie. The actresses are no where near the quality of Kim Dawson or Tane Mc Clure and are never seen satisfyingly naked in the sex scenes, much less from the multiple camera angles one expects from a T&A opus. The company that produced this must have had the idea that they were making a real movie so they used the tease of Mary Carey and the other women to draw viewers who would then be amazed at the quality of the film just watched. It would be so nice if when making a T&A movie, the people responsible would simply make a mindless movie with lots of naked female flesh and leave the really bad film making to Ed Wood. Please do not expect anything from this excrescence other than the loss of hard earned dollars. Go watch Mary in a film that shows her abilities to the max.

Good late night movie

[acorn9 · 8/10 · 16 February 2005]

Saw this movie the other night and must say it was fairly entertaining. The girls in the movie and straight legit, and though the story line is a little weak (what soft core movie isn't), this movie has something for everyone. An Asian sex scene, a lesbian sex scene, a few big breast sex scenes (any scene with Mary Carey), and enough good soft core action to make sure you have no problem rubbing one or two out during the movie, and seriously, isn't that why these movies are made in the first place? And Mary Carey is just hot. For guys who like big tits, and especially ones that don't look like two immobile pumpkins stapled on a girls chest, the natural looking (I don't know if they're natural, but they look fandoubletastic) Mary Carey's tits will get even the limpest guy hard.

The worst movie I've ever seen in my life.

[chrisyoude52 · 20 September 2004]

I've seen a lot of movies in my day. I've seen a lot of bad movies, more than I can count but this one takes the trophy for being the worst movie I've ever seen in my life.

First, I rented this movie being an avid music lover and being glad there's a movie around a band. Not only a band, but a chick band. My expectations were a little mixed. So I rented it and decided to give it a try. It was so bad that I wanted to finish it so I can say how bad it was with having seen the whole movie.

The characters in this movie are all idiots and need to be shot. Lets look at the guy in "No-won" which was stupid joke to begin with. That guy was such a tool if he was going to get help from three dumb chicks. I mean he hit a guy with a frying pan. Surely out of all his training, he could done something a little more professional. The whole pill idea just lost me.

Lets not forget, the thing that bugs me most about this movie is that the girls aren't even playing their instruments correctly. It seems like they've never even picked up an instrument before. It was poorly done and I just ordered the movie. I feel that I should own the best movie made of all time and the worst movie ever made of all time. I mean some movies are so bad, they're good, but this one is nothing anywhere close to that. Check it out if you want to have a good laugh and be horrified beyond believe that someone actually paid money to have this movie be made.

Where's the sex???

[claymation69 · 19 January 2005]

First of all! This movie seems like a porn movie.

Second of all! Where is the sex??

Third of all! I've seen Jodie Moore, Marey Carey and that Japanese girl do xxx.

Fourth of all! The movie looks like it was a xxx movie that had the sex scenes cut out (anyone see Major Rock)

Fifth of all!! If there is a xxx version or a harder version of the one I've scene please email me at [e-mail] to let me know.

good movie and everything but I think they should have revolved it around hypnosis more, having the girls do more wilder and crazier stuff, maybe at the end having it back fire and some of those drugs winds up in the punch.

So this movie was on, I was sitting there and then I watched it

[Dr. Gore · 11 September 2004]

*SPOILER ALERT* *SPOILER ALERT*

Another late night softcore adventure. I was up. Cinemax was on. "Sapphire Girls" was the next flick. Mary Carey was in it. I had a decision to make. Was it "Sapphire Girls" time or bedtime? What else could I do but watch? In the first ten seconds, Carey is having sex with a guy in her trailer. It didn't take long before I knew that I had made the right decision.

So Carey and friends are in an all-girl rock band. They get hired by some rich guy to play at his mansion. The rich guy has a dastardly scheme to distract the viewers from the softcore sex action. I stayed strong and ignored his gibberish. Everybody gets naked and a good time was had by all.

The best scene was Mary Carey having sex with a guy in the shower. That woke me up. Carey knows her stuff. However, the one thing that bugged me about this one was the band. Why didn't the all-girl band have some all-girl sex? That was the one scene I kept waiting to see but I was denied. It makes sense doesn't it? That scene should have been in the movie, right? Right? Oh well. I guess I'll live.

It's time for bed. Guess what I'll be dreaming about?