Currently available on DVD hiding under the moniker "French Kittens", "Hollywood Goes Hard" is a meant-to-be-funny loop carrier which overflows with flop sweat. With just a bare stage to copulate upon, the desperate cast talks us through a sort of script conference for a yet-to-be-made porn epic, all as an excuse to recycle some tired stag loops.
Film is credited to Navred Reef, a porn amanuensis of Zebedy Colt's -all of his credits star Zebedy. Colt is on hand with a dumb Italian accent as Renaldo Rutolicci, a superstar director hired at a salary of $10,000,000 by producer Milton J. Herzberger (Roger Caine) for an upcoming epic. This is of course a takeoff on Bernardo Bertolucci, whose "Last Tango in Paris" was such a huge early '70s erotica hit, but the content that follows more closely mocks Ken Russell.
Farcical nature of this framing story is set in motion when Caine talks of a competitor's film that "made six billion dollars, but they spent seven billion in legal fees". Talk about hyperbole, take that James Cameron!
Foppish but big-dicked Scott Great (Peter Andrews, whose cock gets quite a workout in the film's fresh footage segments) and Lillian (Lisa Marks) are the screenwriters Caine has hired for his project, which is frequently referred to as "not just another f*ck film". Taking a devil's advocate position is script girl/secretary Miss Smith (attractive Roseanne Farrow), who comments dubiously on her co-stars' hype.
Scott, Lillian, Milton and Renaldo all chime in with their ideas for the film, which are either illustrated or inspired by dog-earned silent stag loops, which provide a bevy of big-name guest stars. At one point Miss Smith makes fun of this stupid loop carrier fraud, walking over into the bare studio set (where fresh lovemaking is performed) and whipping out a big board with MOS printed on it, explaining that it means "mucho orgasms & sucking", not the industry abbreviation for shooting scenes without sound recording, as in loop production.
Weirdest loop has Jamie Gillis getting a blow job from a Latina transsexual, and then begrudgingly returning the favor (I guess this would be considered homosexual sex, or some variation on AC/DC), all while Crystal Sync services them both. I'm sure this loop is in Gael Greene's private collection.
The other loops are strictly routine: Tina Russell servicing window washer Jeffrey Hurst; John Seeman in a foursome wearing tennis outfits; Gloria Leonard and Eric Edwards in another foursome. Gimmick is that classical music accompanies each of these flights of fancy, just as in a Ken Russell biopic, culminating with a very Russellian use of "Pomp and Circumstance" and other British light classical pieces. Too bad Ken never went hardcore.
SPOILER ALERT: Ultimately the principals (Marks and Andrews already gave us a preview) get down on the bare set for an orgy with Caine a bit flabbergasted when he's put into bondage, suspended from a chain and forced to have sex, too.
Punchline is expressed by Colt, who announces "my associates have been filming all the time", so the epic turns out to be merely a 1-day-wonder starring the reluctant Caine. Of course, the loop carrier we've just watched is about as cheap and clunky as Colt's fictional construct.
Film is credited to Navred Reef, a porn amanuensis of Zebedy Colt's -all of his credits star Zebedy. Colt is on hand with a dumb Italian accent as Renaldo Rutolicci, a superstar director hired at a salary of $10,000,000 by producer Milton J. Herzberger (Roger Caine) for an upcoming epic. This is of course a takeoff on Bernardo Bertolucci, whose "Last Tango in Paris" was such a huge early '70s erotica hit, but the content that follows more closely mocks Ken Russell.
Farcical nature of this framing story is set in motion when Caine talks of a competitor's film that "made six billion dollars, but they spent seven billion in legal fees". Talk about hyperbole, take that James Cameron!
Foppish but big-dicked Scott Great (Peter Andrews, whose cock gets quite a workout in the film's fresh footage segments) and Lillian (Lisa Marks) are the screenwriters Caine has hired for his project, which is frequently referred to as "not just another f*ck film". Taking a devil's advocate position is script girl/secretary Miss Smith (attractive Roseanne Farrow), who comments dubiously on her co-stars' hype.
Scott, Lillian, Milton and Renaldo all chime in with their ideas for the film, which are either illustrated or inspired by dog-earned silent stag loops, which provide a bevy of big-name guest stars. At one point Miss Smith makes fun of this stupid loop carrier fraud, walking over into the bare studio set (where fresh lovemaking is performed) and whipping out a big board with MOS printed on it, explaining that it means "mucho orgasms & sucking", not the industry abbreviation for shooting scenes without sound recording, as in loop production.
Weirdest loop has Jamie Gillis getting a blow job from a Latina transsexual, and then begrudgingly returning the favor (I guess this would be considered homosexual sex, or some variation on AC/DC), all while Crystal Sync services them both. I'm sure this loop is in Gael Greene's private collection.
The other loops are strictly routine: Tina Russell servicing window washer Jeffrey Hurst; John Seeman in a foursome wearing tennis outfits; Gloria Leonard and Eric Edwards in another foursome. Gimmick is that classical music accompanies each of these flights of fancy, just as in a Ken Russell biopic, culminating with a very Russellian use of "Pomp and Circumstance" and other British light classical pieces. Too bad Ken never went hardcore.
SPOILER ALERT: Ultimately the principals (Marks and Andrews already gave us a preview) get down on the bare set for an orgy with Caine a bit flabbergasted when he's put into bondage, suspended from a chain and forced to have sex, too.
Punchline is expressed by Colt, who announces "my associates have been filming all the time", so the epic turns out to be merely a 1-day-wonder starring the reluctant Caine. Of course, the loop carrier we've just watched is about as cheap and clunky as Colt's fictional construct.