The Private Eyes (1980) User Reviews

Elementary, Don and Tim....

[Mister-6 · 7/10 · 10 September 1999]

Any movie that features Don Knotts as a brilliant detective and Tim Conway as his faithful assistant certainly has courage going for it.

But "Private Eyes" is better than you might expect; the setting (Biltmore Castle) is beautiful, the supporting cast (Fox in particular) is hilarious and a lot, if not all, of the gags are priceless.

Then again, what would you expect from Knotts' above-it-all air of pseudo-intelligence and Conway's endless pratfalls and an overcoat full of pigeons (don't ask)? They're two of the old-school comedians who know what's funny and never try to go further than the jokes will go.

"Private Eyes" works because Knotts and Conway are, more or less, just being themselves. Definitely a film worth seeking out.

You'll laugh. Trust me.

Seven stars. And don't drink the ink.

Rest in Peace Don Knotts

[NCMountainDavis · 7/10 · 2 March 2006]

This is a typical Don Knotts comedy in the same caliber as "The Ghost and Mr. Chicken". I actually went to the theater to see this when it first came out and was surprised to see that it was filmed in a very familiar location, The Biltmore House in Asheville, N.C. Don Knotts is the overbearing lead detective as Tim Conway is the clumsy assistant trying to solve a homicide at the huge mansion. Don Knotts is more cast as the character of Mr.Furley in "Three's Company" than he is Barney Fife. Tim Conway is typical Tim from the Carol Burnette Show but it really is both of them together that makes this movie so funny. The movie is clean and would be very enjoyable by the whole family as these two goof-balls are hilarious.

Very Funny Film, And Clean By Today's Standards

[gavin6942 · 6/10 · 12 April 2010]

A pair of detectives (Don Knotts and Tim Conway) are assigned the murder investigation of Lord and Lady Morley. The case involves a big dark house, ghosts, and a questionable staff. As the two investigate the murder, each of the staff, which includes a Japanese samurai caricature, a hunchback, a gypsy, and an insane butler have a part to play.

This film is classically funny. Poems that do not rhyme, secret passageways, strange staff... it is Don Knotts meets slapstick meets Scooby-Doo. And it sort of anticipates "Clue" (at least enough that it reminded me of "Clue" and I watched it immediately afterwards).

I must confess that I am not familiar with Tim Conway. I know he did the Dorf movies, but I have not seen them. And I know he co-wrote this script, so I suppose this is really more of a Conway film with Knotts along for the ride. (It definitely does not have the feel of Knotts' other work, with him actually playing the straight guy here.) So, you have that... and Grace Zabriskie in a very early role (who you may know from 80 other movies, but I know from "Twin Peaks").

Also present is the Wookalar, a legendary half-man/half-pig creature that has done many amazing things, but may or may not exist. (I almost wonder if this was part of the inspiration for "South Park" and Al Gore's manbearpig. But that could just be a coincidence.)

If you like good, clean humor and a bit of silliness, "The Private Eyes" is a good place to start. I watched it on VHS, and I am aware that at least one scene (a dinner scene) was cut but appeared on NBC... perhaps it exists on DVD or Blu-Ray as the complete film? If not, it is time for a good edition. This film has flown under the radar for far too long.

A Personal Favorite

[Moondog-6 · 22 July 2003]

I've loved this film from the moment I saw it as a kid. To this day Tim Conway's rambling "I think that someone doesn't want anyone to know that there may be someone here that might be someone that's a killer" line still gets me laughing! Highly recommended to anyone in search of a fun (and funny) film!

Uneven But Not a Complete Waste of Time

[RJV · 6/10 · 1 November 2002]

After starring in the lackluster THE PRIZE FIGHTER, Tim Conway and Don Knotts teamed up again for THE PRIVATE EYES. Once again, Conway co-wrote the screenplay. The result is no masterpiece, but it is considerably superior to their previous film. For one thing, this film avoids the previous film's forced sentimentality, focusing exclusively on laughs and thrills. Another bonus is a consistently strong supporting cast; THE PRIZE FIGHTER had some ho-hum players, particularly Robin Clarke's dull villain. Particularly standing out in THE PRIVATE EYES are Trisha Noble as the sultry, quirky heiress whom detectives Conway and Knotts try to protect and Bernard Fox as the deranged butler Justin who goes berserk at the mention of the word "Murder."

THE PRIVATE EYES is a throwback to all those old haunted house comedies like Abbott and Costello's HOLD THAT GHOST in which the comic protagonist[s] endures numerous scares while trying to figure out the mysterious goings-on. The Biltmore House and Gardens in Asheville, North Carolina, where the film was made is an appropriate Gothic setting for the chills that Conway and Knotts experience. Peter Matz provides a lively score that conveys eeriness and mystery in a sprightly manner, appropriate for a horror comedy.

Unfortunately, the horrors per se- bodies turning up and then disappearing, a masked figure stalking the mansion, etc.- are cliched and the humor is inconsistent. There are some genuine laughs, such as when Knotts explains how the heiress's parents were killed and Conway, in his enthusiasm to figure out what clues the explanation could reveal, proceeds to perform the same actions the murderer did, nearly killing Knotts in the process. But THE PRIVATE EYES is also saddled with embarrassingly childish jokes (at one point, Knotts, Conway, and Fox do the old "walk this way" routine) and repetitive gags that quickly lose steam. The final gag ending is too predictable to be funny.

But for the most part, the stars shine even with substandard material. As the submissive partner, Conway projects a dimness that is both likably earnest and humorously deadpan. Knotts as the take-charge partner is reminiscent of his Barney Fife characterization, conveying an air of cockiness that is constantly punctured by his ineptitude and cowardice. With less gifted comedians, THE PRIVATE EYES would be very rough sledding.

For all its faults, it's difficult to dislike THE PRIVATE EYES. The film never pretends to be anything more than an old-fashioned horror comedy and Conway and Knotts clown around with no misconceptions of profundity. THE PRIVATE EYES is not essential viewing, but it's a pleasant time killer for a rainy day.

My favorite comedy since I was 8

[BNewby13 · 10/10 · 7 July 2000]

I saw this movie for the first time when I was eight years old, and loved it from the start. Even though at the time I wasn't old enough to get all the jokes, It still had a magic around it that was clearly evident.

Tim Conway and Don Knotts provide the comic base, and are excellent comic partners. They are backed up with great performances by the crazy and somewhat odd "staff" of the couple who's murder they are investigating. This one will have you laughing from start to finish. The comedy is also good, clean humor that the entire family can laugh at.

Another great thing is that the movie also is very suspenseful, as you the viewer don't know everything until the private eyes find it out.

Just like Stan and Ollie

[bkoganbing · 6/10 · 1 March 2018]

A rather lame plot is made up for in large degree with the comic talents of Don Knotts and Tim Conway as a pair of visiting inept private eyes who get an assignment from Scotland Yard to investigate the drowning death of Lord and Lady Morley.

The Morleys have a house with all kinds of secret passages as they do in all English murder mysteries the better for Knotts and Conway to get lost and make fools of themselves. In fact the fatalities mount among the rather gruesome looking staff the Morleys have as the two detectives try to figure this all out.

Knotts and Conway are a latter day version of Laurel&Hardy with Conway as the Laurel figure, dumb and he knows it with Knotts the Ollie figure, just as dumb but thinks he's a genius. I can see Stan and Ollie doing this one and probably doing it better.

Just about every haunted house gag there ever was is thrown into this film. Knotts and Conway handle them well. For fans of these two indiividually and as a team.

Family Movie Night

[jfgibson73 · 1/10 · 6 July 2010]

Like many other reviewers on IMDb, I remember this movie from when I was a kid. My friends and I all thought it was cool, and the biggest reason was probably the mansion. Full of secret passages and trap doors, an old house like that is just one of those things that every kid gravitates to. Like dinosaurs or superheroes, a spooky house is an easy sell for young audiences.

Watching it for the first time as an adult, I am convinced that anyone giving the movie a positive review is doing so based only on fond childhood memories. This movie might be the most unfunny thing I have ever watched. Everybody likes Don Knotts, but I got no enjoyment from him calling Tim Conway names for 90 minutes. If lines like "You Dope!" and "Will you shut up?" sound funny to you, then this might be comedy gold. As the movie continued, I just kept thinking, Who would laugh at this? The other defense that I see people using is that this movie is good, clean family entertainment. We see several murders on screen, including a strangulation. We see the detectives watching a woman undress in her bedroom through a peephole. And we hear constant insults from Don Knotts' character, some harmless, some inappropriate. To me, it feels like the movie was made for family audiences by people who were out of touch with what was appropriate for kids. Which is true of many family films. I personally have a very low tolerance for music, books, or movies that are marketed towards children but are either over their heads or not age-appropriate. I think that if something is produced for children, it should have input from someone who understands something about them. I would compare it to how children's toys have to be inspected for safety by experts.

I'm sure I wouldn't bother bringing any of this up if I had found the movie even mildly entertaining. I'm giving it the lowest rating, a one out of ten. I prefer a little higher standard than this lazy effort. Just because it's for kids doesn't mean it has to be stupid.

What a FUN movie to watch!

[Ed-Shullivan · 8/10 · 19 October 2013]

To get Don Knotts and Tim Conway together in a haunted horror movie spoof was just a great treat to sit back, laugh, and enjoy the memorable interaction between these two kings of slap stick comedy. Both have great timing for slap stick comedy, and you just know that they are going to play off each others stupidity.

No disappointment here, just plenty of laughs and good memories. I can't wait to have grand children and sit them down to be entertained without the use of any computer graphics, violence, or blood and gore.

Don Knotts and Tim Conway remind me a lot of Abbot and Costello in their prime. The Private Eyes is a fun loving movie, with an endless reel of gag after gag, slap stick accident after accident, and you will probably shed a few tears of laughter before the movie ends. A must see for any age if you like two great comedians who make any scene special.

Now there are five, soon there'll be a lot less.

[Hey_Sweden · 7/10 · 21 February 2023]

Funnymen Tim Conway and Don Knotts, having proved themselves as a successful comedy team with the "Apple Dumpling Gang" pictures as well as "The Prize Fighter", are paired again as bumbling American sleuths working for Scotland Yard. They're sent to investigate the mysterious, fatal accident that befell proper British couple the Morleys. They find a castle full of staff who behave in the most suspicious manner possible, as well as the Morleys' adopted daughter (the sexy Trisha Noble, "Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith").

A pretty good parody of classic "murder in an old dark house" mysteries, this was filmed in the stately Biltmore Castle, and features a number of trappings of the genre, especially secret passageways and chambers. It's an entertaining mix of PG-rated chills and chuckles, going far on the chemistry between the stars. As was usually the case, Knotts is more of the straight man, reacting in the most hilariously exasperated way to Conways' goofy antics. (Repeated gags involve Conways' overcoat full of carrier pigeons, and his invention of a gun that fires once every hour, on the hour.) The mystery to be solved is ultimately rather predictable, but if you're just looking for laughs, "The Private Eyes" delivers a fair amount of them.

Knotts & Conway are well supported by Noble, Bernard Fox (Camerons' "Titanic") as the flustered butler, Grace Zabriskie ('Twin Peaks') as the nanny, John Fujioka ("American Ninja") as the cook, Stan Ross ("The Witch Who Came from the Sea") as the groundskeeper, Irwin Keyes ("House of 1000 Corpses") as the character "Jock", and Suzy Mandel ("Blonde Ambition") as the ravishing maid. Fox is a standout as a man who always reacts badly to the word "murder".

If you're a fan of Knotts, Conway, or both of them, I can assure you that this is one of their funniest, best teamings.

Written by Conway and fellow actor John Myhers.

Seven out of 10.

Skip this one!

[Michael1958 · 2/10 · 20 January 2003]

I gave this film a 2 only because it did have potential with Tim Conway and Don Knotts in it. The effort shown by these two was admirable, considering the lousy script(written partly by Mr. Conway) and pacing of scenes. It just doesn't move as a movie like this should. While I consider Conway a good tv comedian, only Knotts ever showed potential for the big screen after leaving the Andy Griffith show. It is sad that this film didn't work out better. Oh well, both performers have earned a place in entertainment history-let them not be judged by this turkey.

MM

Very enjoyable movie!

[Spock-8 · 10/10 · 3 January 2004]

Don Knotts and Tim Conway are my favorite comedians. I liked this movie a great deal, mostly because they were in it together. They play off each other very well. The messed up poems (and Tim's apparent confusion) had me laughing so hard I was snorting. Tim's constant pigeon problems were quite funny as well. And no one can do 'scared' or 'cocky' funnier than Don. A true estimation of their talents was quoted early on in the movie when the gas station owner said, "Those are two 'idiots' what'll make their mark where ever they go.", just before the station blew up because of Don's cigar. I like the mark they've made with this movie and their other works as well.

Could have remained private in a cellar somewhere.

[surya-sanks2 · 1/10 · 5 March 2022]

Appealing is the word that comes to mind. Hard to believe someone read this script and thought we have a movie worth making here. And then they got the cast and the crew, shot the movie (still feeling it was going well), edited it and before release watched the release version... If they only had one honest feedback, this atrocious movie could have been avoided.

If you like Conway/Knotts, then you MUST see!

[redfivemd · 8 November 1999]

I admit that this is not a movie that will be sung about by generations to come, but if you like Tim Conway and Don Knotts together (or your sense of humor is from the old Carol Burnette Show) then this one is for you. As a team, these two clearly have advanced slapstick and very much kept it alive. When I watch this I have come close to losing bladder control and at the least have broke down into tears of laughter. This movie isn't meant for kids but clearly the whole family can enjoy (sorta like Rocky&Bullwinkle). If you just want to laugh your butt off for 90 minutes and forget about life for a while, the The Private Eyes is just want you want.

Classic Comedy from two old pros

[FMgeoguy · 10/10 · 7 December 2001]

From all the Don Knotts and Tim Conway films I've seen, this is by far my favorite. The brilliant chemistry between the actors is enough to keep the movie going, but it doesn't stop there. The plot itself, while admittedly spoofed, is intriguing, and I didn't expect the ending at all the first time I saw it. The fouled-up poems are always good for a laugh, not to mention the exceptionally well played "stoff," (not staff). The time-gun gag is priceless, and was undoubtedly an idea of Conway himself. From what I recall from an interview I saw with Don Knotts, he said this, and all others with Conway are personal favorites, because they were so "hard to produce." As he put it, it took probably three or four times as long to film as it should have because he and Conway couldn't stop improvising the script, and laughing, and so on. This is one film that I would love to see outtakes from. In all, a very good film with loads of laughs...some subtle, some in your face, but all-around a really good film.

Little kiddo stuff.

[tcamyuntoldartist · 5/10 · 9 October 2023]

Nothing really indicates that this is an ultra family friendly thingy... for kids... by kidz. Okay that last part might not be true.

The rating on here is clearly extremely slanted upwards by people who loved it as a kid, which made me watch it in hope of maybe a "Who's Harry Crumb?" or something of an English style, time appropriate Naked Gun maybe?

But it is extremely low on disturbing looksies just as much as anything funny. It is a thriller / horror spoof thingy that is just very rarely, and very very very mildly funny. Most of the intended source of jokes is the evidently way too stupid (even seen as, in universe, by his colleague) detective assistant, and the detective himself who's got an entire one silly shocked look as his arsenal for laugh making.

The entirety of the movie is these two bumbling through a mansion's public, and secretive rooms and dungeons, while the one makes the silly look, and the other just looking/acting silly.

There's one remarkable running joke with messenger pigeons, through which the detectives are supposedly in contact with the Yard, but none of the pigeons ever reach the outside of the mansion alive. Those yielded some mild chuckles out of me as they get progressively more creative throughout.

I gave 5 and will not say "not recommended", because i both consider giving sub-5 ratings and saying "not recommended" to be mean to a film.

But this is truly one of those "loved as a kiddo, and as an adult you now see it wasn't good" types. Not me, i didn't see it as a kid, my head is clear to make an objective judgement.

Buyers Beware - The DVD is EDITED!!!!

[captainapache · 10/10 · 4 September 2006]

If you haven't seen this flick, it is right up there with Young Frankenstein as the funniest of all time. Written by Tim Conway.

Please note that the DVD is indeed edited. Some of the best gags with the pigeons were cut altogether in addition to some other dialouge scenes. These scenes are still available on the old Video Treasures VHS release that is available used.

For those curious, the gag with the pigeon painted black/wings is cut, the pigeon catching fire is cut and the "Don't tell her they're canned peas!" scene was also cut. Unbelievable that Conway would let this happen to his only masterpiece....

Perhaps maybe we'll get an uncut DVD someday - yeah right - it's amazing this is out on DVD now.

Saw this in the theater when I was young and went back the very next day to see it again. After that I waited for 10 years before it came on TV and it still holds up today. RIP Don Knotts, thanks for all of the laughter...

Some children may find this disturbing...

[girlwcurl · 2/10 · 15 July 2005]

This movie is rated PG which probably warranted. Today's PG films are usually pretty tame but they definitely put the "P" in this rating for a reason. Though they thoroughly enjoyed the "dumb detectives", my 2 young boys, ages 7 and 9, found many of the other characters to be scary and disturbing. Specifically, they found the Lord Morley character to be the most frightening.

My 9 year old hasn't been able to go to sleep in his own bedroom for the 2 nights in a row since seeing this movie. He says the images are stuck in his head. My 7 yr old had some issues" with it as well the first night but has since resolved them after considering the whole of the film.

Parents might want to preview this film before showing it to their younger children or at the very least watch it with them. This is rather surprising and disappointing for a PG rated film that was written by Tim Conway who was always so very funny on the Carol Burnett show.

Conway & Knotts "at it again" -- Pleasant nonsense

[mdm-11 · 9/10 · 29 May 2005]

Tim Conway & Don Knots are the definitive pair of fools. Here they are called upon to solve a double-murder. They receive their instructions from one of the victims, the "Lord" of a mysterious castle. The staff consists of various "freaks", all looking as though they are characters from a "fun house".

The slap stick (which is happening every minute throughout the film) is often so silly that belly-laughs are assured. Although predictable (we know that nothing serious could happen to our stupid heroes), the entire show is rather amusing and keeps the viewer's interest.

Tim Conway is credited as one of the writers. The DVD version includes many added features. Especially noteworthy is a full length commentary track running alongside the faded out action. Much interesting trivia is revealed about the entire production. Fans of the star comedians will enjoy this film, and the added attractions on the DVD will be a welcome bonus.

Improves in the halfway mark surprisingly and some funny jokes including the funniest being unintentional

[Apollo15AnnoPianoCatDogSnailAnt · 4/10 · 11 October 2020]

The unintentional joke is when they are in the trash compactor scene and Dr. Tart starts doing something to *help* them get out I laugh really hard from this because it was like why is he doing that before realizing the actual purpose but that is funny before the realization. The movie commences dull and like the scenes having no music just the two playing off each other but if the movie reaches halfway it actually becomes better as in stuff is happening in a turnabout way and some of the jokes do work that the rest of the hokeyness is actual in a relaxing way. Inspector Winship is by the known Knotts and here he is refreshingly more "what the heck are you doing?" to the even dumber characters he's around with, than his other known movies. His blowing his top at his unwilling/dumber sidekick is hilarious at spots.

Barney Fife goes to England

[lee_eisenberg · 4 August 2011]

OK, so maybe "The Private Eyes" is sort of a rehash of "Murder by Death", but it's still a laugh riot. It's essentially what would happen if Laurel & Hardy or Gilligan & the Skipper were detectives investigating a murder in an English mansion. In this case, Don Knotts is the irascible straight man and Tim Conway is his dimwitted assistant, looking into the killing of some aristocrats in a possibly haunted estate. The entire movie is basically an excuse for a series of gags, some clever and some cheap. It certainly made me laugh. As for the obvious plot holes...well, it's just a movie.

Yes, there's nothing special about the movie, but I still liked it. Also starring Trisha Noble, Bernard Fox (Dr. Bombay on "Bewitched"), Grace Zabriskie, Irwin Keyes and Suzy Mandel.

One of the funniest and most overlooked comedy teams of all time.

[jwpeel-1 · 10/10 · 9 September 2006]

I was just watching a bunch of people talking about the Andy Griffith Show ans the Don Knotts Barney Fife character and immediately, I thought about this film and one scene that still makes me laugh out loud when I think of it. I was never a big fan of the gang from Mayberry (especially Goober who makes my skin crawl, but I digress) but the Don Knotts character I will always fondly remember is the nervous guy on the man in the street interviews with Steve Allen and the one that was such a great match for the hysterically funny Tim Conway.

I also love Sherlock Holmes so this made this movie a must see for me. Don Knotts as a "brilliant detective with COnway as his befuddled partner makes it all the more "I have to see this one" kind of movie. I caught it originally on HBO in the days BEFORE cable TV and that one scene where the two send off a carrier pigeon but forget to open the glass door before throwing it in the air makes me laugh even as I'm typing this. And when that unfortunate bird walks in loopy circles, if you don't laugh until your sides hurt or tears run down your face when you see it, you must have no soul so i don't want to know you.

I love this movie and have to have that DVD now that I know it's available.

"If you don't know where you're going you shouldn't be in the lead"

[hwgrayson · 3/10 · 10 February 2024]

Two Scotland Yard detectives try solve the murders of Lord and Lady Morley. I was impressed with the Biltmore Estate location for the film... and that was about it. Most reviewers are very positive about the movie but with all deference to them I thought it was singularly unfunny and didn't laugh once. No, that's not quite true. I did chuckle at the pigeon through the closed window gag. Our main protagonists Inspector Winship and Dr. Tart soon became tedious and the film thus became a marathon as it rambled on and on and on. Talented performers like Grace Zabriskie and Bernard Fox were ill used by the script, co-written by Tim Conway who was also Dr. Tart. The mystery wasn't much of a mystery either. I like comedies that make me laugh but rightly or wrongly this one didn't.

What a classic!

[matthewbairdsaylor · 10/10 · 14 April 2006]

In the same era of true family entertainment movies like The Apple Dumpling Gang and Cloak and Dagger, I grew up watching this movie over and over again. Since Don Knott's recent death and subsequent attention, it seemed this movie was never mentioned. For whatever reason, I think it's terrific. Classic slap-stick for those of us who miss the days of real comedic screenplay, and also zero special affects on a mediocre budget makes it all the more real. The music is perfect and the Biltmore grounds even more so. If watching Threes Company reruns aren't enough to get your Don Knotts dose, then this movie is for you. We miss you Don!

good clean fun

[kgentle-1 · 10/10 · 28 June 2006]

I saw this as a kid and loved it. I watch it again and again with my kids now. No bad words (one is implied, but not spoken) totally clean for the whole family. One scary part for kids younger than 6 or so, if you want to censor it, have your kids leave the room when they go outside to dig up the body. You have plenty of warning, they are in the crypt for a while before the open the coffin.

It is written by Tim Conway, and stars Tim Conway and Don Knotts. The plot isn't deep, but very light and funny. My favorite line is "for a short person, you have long sentences" so funny.

They say I have to write 10 lines of text and I have nothing else to say, so now I am just filling space. Sorry, but all I really wanted to say was that it was a good movie. I don't really know how else to say that.