Coven (2020)
2/10
The Bargain Basement Craft +1
5 October 2023
This movie is so sapphic, yet cheap, that you'd think it was written by Sappho herself as interpreted by Roger Corman. Yes, the leads are hot, and they have *gasp* boobies - with those boobies being highlighted/displayed enough to keep Corman himself happy, but they couldn't frickin' act their way out of a wet paper bag.

That being said, it's also written really badly. Neither the story nor the dialogue work at all, and it probably wouldn't even pass muster in a CW show. Not even Riverdale. I'm only halfway through as I'm typing this and if it wasn't for the fact that I'm doing other stuff, I'd have turned this off about 30 minutes ago.

Still watching it and OMG this was an actual dialogue exchange: A: "She killed another girl and you still brought me to her?" (referencing a scene early in the movie where the antagonist literally stabbed someone to death) B: "I thought it was an accident!" What the actual...?

Welp, it just ended and yeah, it's as bad as I thought.

It only got 2 stars because of the boobies. If they weren't there, it'd be a zero. What can I say? I'm easily distracted!
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