The Commando (2022)
2/10
Truly mediocre with far too much botox and filler
8 January 2022
Mickey Rourke has become almost unrecognizable, with his mouth and face resembling your typical Hollywood starlet crossed with Val Kilmer sporting aged tanned skin. If he's sporting a 6 pack, it looks more like he's been drinking them. He's clearly the best actor in this film, with a number of bit players (like the parole board) who appear to be bargain basement amateurs to save money on this low budget bore.

Michael Jai White continues to have his career plod through films far too terrible for his talent and, alas, he too is starting to show some middle age, slowness, and lacking that super quick, powerful badassery that was his trademark. He looks like he's added some middle age heft in his midsection.

And then there is the script, typical, lazy crap that makes you wonder why these writers still exist in Hollywood. Funny stuff like a man who is still haunted by his missions, taking his pistol and shooting up the wall in his sleep - coincidentally at the exact same time some baddies are reconning his house... oh boy. After the first half hour, it was clear this slow burner was a real loser with some reasonably well known names. Yawner.

It's so bad that even Michael Jai White's martial arts are non-existent. You can see the choreography going in slow motion. Since MJW seems unable to pull off what he was known for, the camera does cut shots of results, like leg hitting head instead of showing MJW executing a simple hook kick. It's a phoned in performance with Rourke walking through his sleep in Expendables mode. This movie is totally dispensible.
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