Aquaslash (2019)
2/10
Terrible. Just terrible.
13 September 2021
A disaster in every sense. From its college entry level acting, to the editing, to the sound mixing, everything about this slapdash monstrosity is a miss.

Vague hints of a massacre abound at the local waterpark that a group of graduating school students have decided to party at all weekend. Individual stories and stresses go nowhere and climax in a bloodbath. While the blades in the pool are definitely gag-worthy, the weird choice to frame it as a tragedy and not some high camp bit of nasty drains it of any fun. That the segment is the climax of the film, and goes on for over 10 minutes is just criminal. Add to that, the fact most of that time is taken up with slow, pulling out shots of the slide gushing red and it's incomprehensible that anyone financed or supported the makers of this film. To add to the confusion, a character runs up the steps of the slide, covered in blood, you can hear the screams from below... but a group of guys say "we've been waiting 20 minutes" and continue to jump... what even is this?!? There's not even a resolution. It just lazily explains something that might be a plot over flashbacks then ends with the most dumb attempt at a jumpscare.

Do yourself a favour and watch The Pool if you wanna see what this film did in 90 minutes as one throwaway murder.
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