4/10
Robot suicide and other persuasive techniques
12 December 2020
Warning: Spoilers
So, Jared Leto plays enigmatic villain (or villainous enigma) Niander Wallace, who plays Michael Fassbender playing android Walter (Alien: Convenient), or any British actor playing an American without hiring a dialect coach, so their attempt at an accent just sounds like one of those speech-to-text automatic spam phone calls. But Leto's not even a Brit. Late one night, some bureaucrats are ready to go home (especially the poor guy with exzema), when Niander Wallace shows up late to his hearing with his assistant Lurch. Niander fumbles his way across the room in Braille because Academy Award Winner Jared Leto wants viewers to know Wallace is blind. Wallace wants to legalize replicants (the artificial humanoid products that are the essence of Blade Runner). The board gives the, "um, no", but Wallace is prepared for their small, closed-mindedness and instructs Lurch to smash a drinking glass and proceed (despite protests from the board) to "cut" (shorthand for "gash your throat open, hahahahahahaaaaa!").

This makes a mess. And supposedly convinces these bureaucrats that replicants are gullible and will jump in a river if you tell them to. Therefore, they can't possibly be any kind of threat to others... right? Obviously. No one thought to see if he follows Wallace's instruction to harm someone else. But supposedly showing up and getting an artificial human to commit gory suicide is enough to convince lawmakers that Wallace's new version isn't a threat to society, thus setting the stage for Denis Villeneuve's Blade Runner sequel where replicants are already legalized.

So, remember that if you ever have to speak to city council or federal lawmakers, bring a clone or Android or some other synthetic humanoid, order him/her to demonstrate that you've coached this creation to self-terminate with just one or two words, and be sure to ask if it hurt. The Powers That Be should be impressed by your clever pitch and give you whatever you want.
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