The first 2010 Stake Land was a classic .The Boy that finally finds sanctuary in the Far North, finds love, hope & kick-ass maturity after traveling the post-apocalyptic vampire road with "Mister" . Stakeland was a tale you could watch three or four times for Vampire aficionados
The new director (story written by Nick Damici aka "Mister"...way above his pay grade or writing talent ) has gutted the classic vampire tale of good versus evil ...there is no redemption for this half baked movie trying to cash on the original movie moxie by basically stealing scenes from other Sci-fi classics.
Here's what's dreadfully wrong. In Stakelander Martin/Boy has blissful happiness with his a new wife & child ...that is latter murdered by a vengeful Vamp Queen in in the first five minutes sending Martin into a gloomy funk (but oddly he seems rather disinterested or maybe just figures the script sucks) I knew the tale was going down that old cliché drain, killing off all the previous survivors ...it's not shocking just lazy story telling. So after killing off the girlfriend character from Stake 1 the "Boy" now looking like a sad lost Hipster seeks to find "Mister".
Now Hipster seems like a trusting Millennial Doofus getting ambushed a few times along the road, now the first ambush was forgivable but getting ambushed not once but twice in the woods, warehouse & latter at Mister's suburban shack while playing house is so awful it was embarrassing just to watch...for example the forest ambush H & M have a smoldering fire, coffee & are getting ready to sing Kumbaya as the Brotherhood zealots walk up on them... not sneak but walk!
The acting, writing & set design looked like first semester film class 101 or teen friends making a Youtube skit in the woods. Also the misplaced feral mute playing cave woman with goofy facial expressions was cringe worthy.
Now for the meat of the movie. The Vamp Queen wasn't fleshed out, who was she and why should I care? The survivor fortress looked like shopping carts piled on each other. They went really really cheap in the special effects . The Mister gladiator scene was a crude copy of Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome & an exact copy of 2015 Turbo Kid . When Mister escapes with Hipster they exit the arena cage entrance to where?...more locked cages LoL!
Also Mister looks like a bloated Steven Seagal (what the heck happened to the Kung Fu staking bad-ass,he wet all snowflake on me ) he even says he's tired of it all. So am I!
The two Hell's Angel gay grandpa's committing suicide together while taking out the vamp army made me laugh...the PC smooching was the pièce de résistance, so pointless,forced & out of place (Damici snuggling up to Hollywood Libs for Brownie points) Why did he ruin the original vamp classic memory & make this travesty is one of the great mysteries of Mister & poor Hipster. I figure Netflix offered a bag of gold for a half finished script or more like dozen stolen moments from other horror movies ...running with the bag & staking what could've been a epic trilogy right in the heart. What a waste & Nick Damici should be spanked with a vampire toothed plank.
The new director (story written by Nick Damici aka "Mister"...way above his pay grade or writing talent ) has gutted the classic vampire tale of good versus evil ...there is no redemption for this half baked movie trying to cash on the original movie moxie by basically stealing scenes from other Sci-fi classics.
Here's what's dreadfully wrong. In Stakelander Martin/Boy has blissful happiness with his a new wife & child ...that is latter murdered by a vengeful Vamp Queen in in the first five minutes sending Martin into a gloomy funk (but oddly he seems rather disinterested or maybe just figures the script sucks) I knew the tale was going down that old cliché drain, killing off all the previous survivors ...it's not shocking just lazy story telling. So after killing off the girlfriend character from Stake 1 the "Boy" now looking like a sad lost Hipster seeks to find "Mister".
Now Hipster seems like a trusting Millennial Doofus getting ambushed a few times along the road, now the first ambush was forgivable but getting ambushed not once but twice in the woods, warehouse & latter at Mister's suburban shack while playing house is so awful it was embarrassing just to watch...for example the forest ambush H & M have a smoldering fire, coffee & are getting ready to sing Kumbaya as the Brotherhood zealots walk up on them... not sneak but walk!
The acting, writing & set design looked like first semester film class 101 or teen friends making a Youtube skit in the woods. Also the misplaced feral mute playing cave woman with goofy facial expressions was cringe worthy.
Now for the meat of the movie. The Vamp Queen wasn't fleshed out, who was she and why should I care? The survivor fortress looked like shopping carts piled on each other. They went really really cheap in the special effects . The Mister gladiator scene was a crude copy of Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome & an exact copy of 2015 Turbo Kid . When Mister escapes with Hipster they exit the arena cage entrance to where?...more locked cages LoL!
Also Mister looks like a bloated Steven Seagal (what the heck happened to the Kung Fu staking bad-ass,he wet all snowflake on me ) he even says he's tired of it all. So am I!
The two Hell's Angel gay grandpa's committing suicide together while taking out the vamp army made me laugh...the PC smooching was the pièce de résistance, so pointless,forced & out of place (Damici snuggling up to Hollywood Libs for Brownie points) Why did he ruin the original vamp classic memory & make this travesty is one of the great mysteries of Mister & poor Hipster. I figure Netflix offered a bag of gold for a half finished script or more like dozen stolen moments from other horror movies ...running with the bag & staking what could've been a epic trilogy right in the heart. What a waste & Nick Damici should be spanked with a vampire toothed plank.