oscaralbert Review of Never Steal Anything Small

Never Steal Anything Small (1959)

"Happy hands have a chuckle . . . "

[7/10 · 5 December 2015]

" . . . in every knuckle," sings NEVER STEAL ANYTHING SMALL television pitch-woman Shirley Jones in praise of "Love Soap." Does this mean that Mrs. Partridge gets as raunchy as the object of her spoof, Dove Soap's Real Life Admeister Marilyn Chambers, BEHIND her own GREEN DOOR? Heck no! Even though Harold Hill's "Marian the Librarian" admits to visiting her public library to dig up the dirt on James Cagney, and despite the fact that she offers the puckish Cagney "anything" to get her wayward estranged Hubbie out of the clink, Curly's Laurey never actually wheels out her slurry with the fringe on top. "What's the use of Wondering" why viewers do not see so much as Julie Jordan's Union Suit here, even with Cagney's Longshoreman's Local being portrayed more as a bordello than a working man's haven. NEVER STEAL ANYTHING SMALL essentially is a remake of Marlon Brando's ON THE WATERFRONT. Its lack of Big Box Office is one reason why we haven't yet seen Tinseltown trot out SCHINDLER'S LIST: THE MUSICAL or GHANDI SINGS--so far, at least.