Got half a mind to say that Gina Girl Dog stole the show entirely. Yes, Gina Girl Dog really looks like a little werewolf and I suspect animal lover Jenny Mollen was just showing off another pet. Remember Mr. Teets in CATTLE CALL?
Anyway, with an intriguing title such as KIDNAPPING CAITLYNN and starring Jenny Mollen from ANGEL (well, from a story arc in ANGEL's final season) and Julie "Darla" Benz, you'd expect something truly noteworthy, just like I did. While my cellphone analyzed though, I noticed the images popping up looked dreary, so when the downloading was complete, I had the feeling that this wasn't much of a catch.
Nevertheless, it's a first for me, a short film downloaded. Not a trailer, not a music video, not something that can be released on DVD, but a very short movie. I've seen these 'shorts' listed on IMDb, and I've been scouting for some, to no avail.
Now I have some idea what they are about.
Don't bother.
Story concerns Emily (darling Jennifer Mollen, the werewolf girl from ANGEL) who wishes to retrieve her stuff from her ex-boyfriend Daniel's home. She enlists the help of ineffectual Max (Jason Biggs, of American PIE) but is quite suited to do this thing on her own, nimbly scurrying up a hanging potted plant to the balcony, a most talented apprentice cat burglar (there is no mention of this being a stunt, nothing like that in the credits, so Jenny did this herself?) They load up as if in a supermarket trolley, and even grab the little dog, who looks kind of like the runt of the litter of Buck from MARRIED WITH CHILDREN. Then Caitlynn (Julie Benz), Daniel's new girlfriend, finds them, squeals, panics, phones 911, and Emily knocks her out in what must be the most ineffective knockout EVER filmed, I mean, a slow-motion no-contact tap, you can see those two ARE BEST OF FRIENDS IN REAL LIFE, wouldn't remotely hurt each other, but this weak weak weak weak weak scene was overdoing the friendship.
After the knockout, Max goes into a hilarious series of curses, S!WTF did you just do, F,F,F,F, ho... Swallowing it, then "Holy S***! This is not good." And then there is a giggle by Jenny Mollen which is only halfway edited out. A goof, but I am too bummed to bother all the trouble adding this to that section on this entry here on IMDb.
Emily is like "I am much prettier than her" when the girl is down. Caitlynn lies there unconscious having been knocked down with... Air?
Max goes for pretending this never happened. "We have to take off all her clothes and put her in bed." Hopefully? Emily decides not to just leave her, they have to take her along with them in case she is concussed. And this then lives up to the title.
They carry her out. Caitlynn comes to, gets all panicky about her prospects of being chopped up and thrown into a river, and is gagged by Emily. The police arrive, cruiser, siren blaring, red and blue strobe lights flashing. The interlopers get arrested. Caitlynn sits sobbing, comforted by Daniel. During the end credits, the really funny parts. Max pointing out that this was only his second date with Emily. "This is crazy! Don't tell her that!" Daniel stating that the only reason he put up with Emily for four years was that he was afraid to let her go, then begging the police to help then. A deranged Emily confidentially stressing that Caitlynn knocked herself over the head to make her look bad.
(Read my extensive synopsis right here on this entry.)
It raises a little smile. I downloaded it free of charge as part of my usual monthly subscription fee, so no complaint, but if I had bought this...!!! What is it actually worth? A mouthful of Coca-Cola? No, half a mouthful of stale day-old unrefrigerated Tang... (of which Gina Girl Dog maybe had a lick or two)
It is truly that bad.
(Okay, I take that back. But it is truly a letdown)
Anyway, with an intriguing title such as KIDNAPPING CAITLYNN and starring Jenny Mollen from ANGEL (well, from a story arc in ANGEL's final season) and Julie "Darla" Benz, you'd expect something truly noteworthy, just like I did. While my cellphone analyzed though, I noticed the images popping up looked dreary, so when the downloading was complete, I had the feeling that this wasn't much of a catch.
Nevertheless, it's a first for me, a short film downloaded. Not a trailer, not a music video, not something that can be released on DVD, but a very short movie. I've seen these 'shorts' listed on IMDb, and I've been scouting for some, to no avail.
Now I have some idea what they are about.
Don't bother.
Story concerns Emily (darling Jennifer Mollen, the werewolf girl from ANGEL) who wishes to retrieve her stuff from her ex-boyfriend Daniel's home. She enlists the help of ineffectual Max (Jason Biggs, of American PIE) but is quite suited to do this thing on her own, nimbly scurrying up a hanging potted plant to the balcony, a most talented apprentice cat burglar (there is no mention of this being a stunt, nothing like that in the credits, so Jenny did this herself?) They load up as if in a supermarket trolley, and even grab the little dog, who looks kind of like the runt of the litter of Buck from MARRIED WITH CHILDREN. Then Caitlynn (Julie Benz), Daniel's new girlfriend, finds them, squeals, panics, phones 911, and Emily knocks her out in what must be the most ineffective knockout EVER filmed, I mean, a slow-motion no-contact tap, you can see those two ARE BEST OF FRIENDS IN REAL LIFE, wouldn't remotely hurt each other, but this weak weak weak weak weak scene was overdoing the friendship.
After the knockout, Max goes into a hilarious series of curses, S!WTF did you just do, F,F,F,F, ho... Swallowing it, then "Holy S***! This is not good." And then there is a giggle by Jenny Mollen which is only halfway edited out. A goof, but I am too bummed to bother all the trouble adding this to that section on this entry here on IMDb.
Emily is like "I am much prettier than her" when the girl is down. Caitlynn lies there unconscious having been knocked down with... Air?
Max goes for pretending this never happened. "We have to take off all her clothes and put her in bed." Hopefully? Emily decides not to just leave her, they have to take her along with them in case she is concussed. And this then lives up to the title.
They carry her out. Caitlynn comes to, gets all panicky about her prospects of being chopped up and thrown into a river, and is gagged by Emily. The police arrive, cruiser, siren blaring, red and blue strobe lights flashing. The interlopers get arrested. Caitlynn sits sobbing, comforted by Daniel. During the end credits, the really funny parts. Max pointing out that this was only his second date with Emily. "This is crazy! Don't tell her that!" Daniel stating that the only reason he put up with Emily for four years was that he was afraid to let her go, then begging the police to help then. A deranged Emily confidentially stressing that Caitlynn knocked herself over the head to make her look bad.
(Read my extensive synopsis right here on this entry.)
It raises a little smile. I downloaded it free of charge as part of my usual monthly subscription fee, so no complaint, but if I had bought this...!!! What is it actually worth? A mouthful of Coca-Cola? No, half a mouthful of stale day-old unrefrigerated Tang... (of which Gina Girl Dog maybe had a lick or two)
It is truly that bad.
(Okay, I take that back. But it is truly a letdown)