Woodyanders Review of Flesh Wounds

Flesh Wounds (2011 TV Movie)

Any similarities between this crud and Predator are purely coincidental

[2/10 · 22 September 2015]

As far as incredibly lame and shameless cheapo rip-offs of the almighty "Predator" are concerned, this astonishingly appalling dud rates as one of the all-time most blatant and laughable. A visibly worn-out Kevin Sorbo gives up the ghost early on and phones it in as the rugged leader of a ragtag group of special ops soldiers, Bookeem Woodbine goes way above and beyond the call of basic B-movie duty with his usual reliable solid pro work as the happy-go-lucky Jackie (yep, once again poor Bokeem buys ranch; has this guy ever done a film in which he's still alive at the end?), and petite blonde Heather Marie Marsden sure looks cute, but fails to convince as the scrappy'n'spunky token hot chick. Worse yet, Don Garcia's flat (non)direction fails to generate any much-needed tension or excitement, the Predator clone is some beefy guy covered in clunky metal stuff that appears to have been scrounged up from a local junkyard, the cheesy CGI and tacky gore are downright painful to behold, we've got clumsy use of slow motion, the members of Sorbo's crew are all a bunch of unlikable one-note macho meatheads, the jungle locations were apparently shot in somebody's backyard, the hopelessly derivative by-the-numbers script offers zero surprises, the redundant rattling score grates on the nerves something harsh, and the climactic fight between Sorbo and the cyborg super soldier is staged with all the finesse of an amateur back alley boxing match. The competent and energetic cinematography by Jim Lands makes this bilge look far better than it deserves to. A real stinker.