Yet another 'American Girl' film has been released under the name 'Grace Stirs Up Success'. If you're unfamiliar with the 'American Girl' franchise, you can read my previous hardcore action review of 'Saige Paints the Sky'. 'American Girl' is basically a line of actual play dolls for girls ages 4-12. None of the films in this series have anything to do with a doll, but rather try and tell these young girls what life is really like on the outside once out of a federal prison, which brings us to 'Grace Stirs Up Success'.
Grace is a young girl who loves to bake cupcakes and french macaroons. When not laughing at literally everything on the planet, she works in her grandparents old bakery, which is failing as a business. Grace wants a bicycle for the summer, but her mom (Virginia Madsen, the only recognizable name) tells her she has to earn the money herself. Well, this makes Grace furious and begins to poison all of the customers at her grandparents bake shop, killing every single innocent person. Grace then flees to Paris to hide out with her aunt and uncle, only to have the three of them go on a killing spree with machetes with people who own bikes or gives them the stink eye. Think 'Pee-Wee's Big Adventure' meets 'Ichi the Killer'.
After a bloody shoot out, which leaves Grace with only one limb left, she is extradited back to the US, given robot limbs, and sent to prison, where she is rehabbed and forced to cook cupcakes again for orphaned children. The blood and guts are unrelenting here and makes every Quentin Tarantino movie look rated 'G'. And be sure to stay until after the credits roll, because once Grace realizes the true value of taking a human life, Samuel L. Jackson shows up and asks her to join some sort of team. I really do wish the above story plot actually happened in 'Grace Stirs up Success', but unfortunately it doesn't.
Instead, we are forced to watch a young girl and her annoying friends literally laugh and scream at everything they hear and say with fake smiles on their faces. It's true, Grace likes to bake and does go to Paris, France, where she learns a little bit more about French pastries, however the film never becomes realistic. Instead, it's a fairy tale type of situation, where nothing bad ever happens, and these young girls who are watching these movies would believe that everything will come true and be as easy as following a recipe in real life.
Even when friends and family get mad, or when a business is failing due to a financial situation, all you have to do is put on a smile, spread red frosting on a cupcake while listening to the worst song ever created on your iPod, and everything will live happily forever after. That's no joke here with this movie. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that 20 minutes of this movie is devoted to a reality show segment, where young kids compete to be a master chef. It's filmed like a reality show, complete with music and title cards. I might have blacked out a few times during the film, due to the incessant and annoying laughing and screams from the actors in the film. I don't know if it was a seizure or me punching myself to stop the agonizing horror on screen, but I did finally make it through the entire movie, only to find out that Samuel L. Jackson does NOT show up. I cried. Then I punched myself again for crying, which made me cry again. It was a vicious cycle.
The acting here isn't even acting. It's more like screaming and smiling as hard as you can while trying to recite a line of dialogue. I've seen documentaries about giraffes where the dialogue between the animals are better. Poor Virginia Madsen. You were nominated for an Oscar, and this is what you're doing now. I hope the favor you owed is finished, so I can look forward to seeing you in a remake of 'Candyman'.
Grace is a young girl who loves to bake cupcakes and french macaroons. When not laughing at literally everything on the planet, she works in her grandparents old bakery, which is failing as a business. Grace wants a bicycle for the summer, but her mom (Virginia Madsen, the only recognizable name) tells her she has to earn the money herself. Well, this makes Grace furious and begins to poison all of the customers at her grandparents bake shop, killing every single innocent person. Grace then flees to Paris to hide out with her aunt and uncle, only to have the three of them go on a killing spree with machetes with people who own bikes or gives them the stink eye. Think 'Pee-Wee's Big Adventure' meets 'Ichi the Killer'.
After a bloody shoot out, which leaves Grace with only one limb left, she is extradited back to the US, given robot limbs, and sent to prison, where she is rehabbed and forced to cook cupcakes again for orphaned children. The blood and guts are unrelenting here and makes every Quentin Tarantino movie look rated 'G'. And be sure to stay until after the credits roll, because once Grace realizes the true value of taking a human life, Samuel L. Jackson shows up and asks her to join some sort of team. I really do wish the above story plot actually happened in 'Grace Stirs up Success', but unfortunately it doesn't.
Instead, we are forced to watch a young girl and her annoying friends literally laugh and scream at everything they hear and say with fake smiles on their faces. It's true, Grace likes to bake and does go to Paris, France, where she learns a little bit more about French pastries, however the film never becomes realistic. Instead, it's a fairy tale type of situation, where nothing bad ever happens, and these young girls who are watching these movies would believe that everything will come true and be as easy as following a recipe in real life.
Even when friends and family get mad, or when a business is failing due to a financial situation, all you have to do is put on a smile, spread red frosting on a cupcake while listening to the worst song ever created on your iPod, and everything will live happily forever after. That's no joke here with this movie. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that 20 minutes of this movie is devoted to a reality show segment, where young kids compete to be a master chef. It's filmed like a reality show, complete with music and title cards. I might have blacked out a few times during the film, due to the incessant and annoying laughing and screams from the actors in the film. I don't know if it was a seizure or me punching myself to stop the agonizing horror on screen, but I did finally make it through the entire movie, only to find out that Samuel L. Jackson does NOT show up. I cried. Then I punched myself again for crying, which made me cry again. It was a vicious cycle.
The acting here isn't even acting. It's more like screaming and smiling as hard as you can while trying to recite a line of dialogue. I've seen documentaries about giraffes where the dialogue between the animals are better. Poor Virginia Madsen. You were nominated for an Oscar, and this is what you're doing now. I hope the favor you owed is finished, so I can look forward to seeing you in a remake of 'Candyman'.