Crawl or Die (2014)
3/10
A poorly written fan letter
15 March 2015
Just how on earth is this receiving the high marks on IMDb? I can only imagine it's friends and family of the film maker and cast that are writing them because the reviews do not reflect the quality of this film. It's a badly scripted and badly realised mish mash of influences such as Alien, Aliens and The Descent but without any of the things that made those memorable such as a cohesive plot or character development.

The characters are so one dimensional as to be non existent and are mostly confined to a couple of sentences along with a grunt or two. The main protagonist is a poor copy of Tank Girl and seems to think that simply curling your lip is an accurate portrayal of being tough.

The plot has very big holes and inconsistencies which I don't believe were deliberate but rather that the writer couldn't be bothered to actually be doing with such things and believe that the action would carry it along. That may have been true if the pacing didn't veer from confused to drawn out. This wouldn't work even as a poorly executed video game. The one thing it does do fairly reasonably is a claustrophobic cinematography but this is a one trick pony and wears thin very quickly. If this had been edited down to a 20 minute short it may have had its merits but at its current length this film shows its inadquecies in a woeful manner for all to see.

They say imitation is the highest form of flattery but in this case I really would change that to insult. I don't mind no budget films and love experimental, challenging, indie and art house films but this fails on every level leaving the viewer robbed of the time watching this that could have been used more constructively - for example watching paint dry.
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