WARNING spoilers ahead.I watched this movie with the purpose of writing a review at the end of viewing.This is the only reason I finished watching right till the bitter end.This is another movie wanting to cash in on the highly successful "Vikings" television series.This movie is basically a bad guys chase good guys run type movie.
Huge waves shipwrecked but many saved their heavy unsinkable swords ha ha. Big beach stretching left and right but leader says "climb the cliffs" so they all climb the cliffs and don't bother to find any easier route inland ha ha. After practicing bare hand fjord climbing in Norway for five years this band of serious vertical cliff climbers, with no ropes, rigging, hammers or spikes make it to the top, all intact before sunset ha ha.
First Battle with the natives who have horses and bows and arrows but have not studied the Art of War 101 at school so go straight in rather than use their arrows from a distance at the mostly unarmed Vikings.ha ha.Predictably the Vikings get their weapons from the locals and proceed to carve them up.The box cart has a special Bertha in it worth a lot of money as a hostage as we find out the main bad Viking has a name the sounds like Urine,haha.
The forty or so heavily armoured mercenaries ride out to intercept the Vikings but we all know they don't stand a chance against 6 or 7 Vikings on foot,with one set of bow and arrows,no helmets ,shields or armour,in a foreign country they do not know the terrain of.Haha.
Bad Viking Urine gets called a turd (well that is how it originally sounded to me)and gets angry.ha ha.He lives all his life as a Urine and he loses it over one floating turd.Ha ha. As soon as they arrive at the monks bed and breakfast inn the order "and get a fire started " is carried out almost immediately in an era where matches lighters and other instant fire making devices had not been invented yet,ha ha.Mercenary throws fire on roof of stone tower and stone magically begins to burn .ha ha.
As the chase begins the Vikings in all their haste have time to construct mercenary killing traps to "slow them down".ha ha.The beautiful Lady from the Box is called Lady Ingham.In Australia that is a brand of chicken sold in shops for consumers.So this chick has the art of foretelling the future so she exclaims:"they're coming!" Duh and ha ha.
Ernest Borgnine Viking survives 1000m. fall to return and fight again.Wow,didn't see that coming.Final fight scene in a Scottish bog where main mercenary sinks to his death just like this movie.Hero Viking saved by chick Ingham just in time to witness Carpathian mercenary emerge from bog,Carrie like,to be smitten again obviously by the Hero.
Survivors so far;McHales Navy type,The Turd \Urine,Hero,Monk,and chick.Only one little part left when loving father and his army of kiltless Scotsmen(I did not see one kilt in the whole movie)emerge to intercept the fleeing party.So am I surprised to see this merry band of Vikings jump 1000m.from a cliff into a 5 m.swell and find a boat ready to take them to safety ?No ,I was surprised a flying saucer didn't appear to catch them mid air and spirit them away to Copenhagen as all good fairy tales should end.
Huge waves shipwrecked but many saved their heavy unsinkable swords ha ha. Big beach stretching left and right but leader says "climb the cliffs" so they all climb the cliffs and don't bother to find any easier route inland ha ha. After practicing bare hand fjord climbing in Norway for five years this band of serious vertical cliff climbers, with no ropes, rigging, hammers or spikes make it to the top, all intact before sunset ha ha.
First Battle with the natives who have horses and bows and arrows but have not studied the Art of War 101 at school so go straight in rather than use their arrows from a distance at the mostly unarmed Vikings.ha ha.Predictably the Vikings get their weapons from the locals and proceed to carve them up.The box cart has a special Bertha in it worth a lot of money as a hostage as we find out the main bad Viking has a name the sounds like Urine,haha.
The forty or so heavily armoured mercenaries ride out to intercept the Vikings but we all know they don't stand a chance against 6 or 7 Vikings on foot,with one set of bow and arrows,no helmets ,shields or armour,in a foreign country they do not know the terrain of.Haha.
Bad Viking Urine gets called a turd (well that is how it originally sounded to me)and gets angry.ha ha.He lives all his life as a Urine and he loses it over one floating turd.Ha ha. As soon as they arrive at the monks bed and breakfast inn the order "and get a fire started " is carried out almost immediately in an era where matches lighters and other instant fire making devices had not been invented yet,ha ha.Mercenary throws fire on roof of stone tower and stone magically begins to burn .ha ha.
As the chase begins the Vikings in all their haste have time to construct mercenary killing traps to "slow them down".ha ha.The beautiful Lady from the Box is called Lady Ingham.In Australia that is a brand of chicken sold in shops for consumers.So this chick has the art of foretelling the future so she exclaims:"they're coming!" Duh and ha ha.
Ernest Borgnine Viking survives 1000m. fall to return and fight again.Wow,didn't see that coming.Final fight scene in a Scottish bog where main mercenary sinks to his death just like this movie.Hero Viking saved by chick Ingham just in time to witness Carpathian mercenary emerge from bog,Carrie like,to be smitten again obviously by the Hero.
Survivors so far;McHales Navy type,The Turd \Urine,Hero,Monk,and chick.Only one little part left when loving father and his army of kiltless Scotsmen(I did not see one kilt in the whole movie)emerge to intercept the fleeing party.So am I surprised to see this merry band of Vikings jump 1000m.from a cliff into a 5 m.swell and find a boat ready to take them to safety ?No ,I was surprised a flying saucer didn't appear to catch them mid air and spirit them away to Copenhagen as all good fairy tales should end.