Swamp Shark (2011 TV Movie)
3/10
Swamp Shark, Swamp Fart
30 August 2014
Warning: Spoilers
This movie is rated R only for the brief instances of gore, I would assume, and maybe for the very brief nudity. There were several scenes with blood in the water, but you only saw one mangled corpse and one other man lose his head. It wasn't very scary. The jump scares weren't...jumpy. It was a boring movie.

I'm not going to go into detail with how bad the acting was, but it wasn't plain stupid, as one would expect. But it was far from good. I mean, at the very beginning, when the giant tank of the truck crashes into the swamp. releasing the shark, the sheriff drops a terrible one-liner. After the driver leaves, paying no attention to the deaths of the other two men, the sheriff dramatically takes off his glasses, and, looking into the distance, says, "What a lousy way to start the summer." Speaking of these men's deaths, the bodies disappear in the shots immediately after the kills.

There were several deaths. None were very bloody, except for the one when the shark chopped off a cop's head that was watching a girl strip with his binoculars. Pervert. He had it coming. The deaths of the boyfriend and girlfriend in the boat were not spectacular. Swim away, scream, and disappear underwater. Not a lot of blood. The girl's mutilated torso is discovered later, however. There were at least four other deaths, but none were shown. Only one had blood float to the surface of the water.

It qualified more as a PG-13 movie than a horror, except for the one scene with the girl's shredded torso, which probably gave it the R rating.

I'm not asking for more violence and blood. I'm saying it shouldn't really qualify for a horror. It's more of a thriller.

As a whole, it was pretty boring. I was waiting for the gore to spice things up, and it never came.

And they went ahead with killing off the black guys, because every horror does that.
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