Sonic Unleashed (2008 Video Game)
1/10
Eternal, everlasting, infinite shame on Sega for this absolute abortion
31 May 2013
Let me get one thing out of the way.

THIS GAME HAS THE ABSOLUTE WORST, WORST, W-O-R-S-T CONTROLS OF ANY VIDEO GAME THAT HAS EVER EXISTED.

I realize that I am kinda late to the party, criticizing a now 5-year-old video game, but since Sonic Team's latest output with the truly awful Sonic the Hedgehog 4 was also aggravating and very poorly done I have to question what kind of work ethic is going on at Sega HQ. The programmers of this game should be blacklisted and banned from working in the industry forever. I'm not kidding. I'll get back to this after I detail the plot.

Doctor Eggman once again uses the power of the Chaos Emeralds to unleash a new nemesis in the form of Dark Gaia (nothing you haven't seen before in the previous Sonic Adventure games) which also smashes the planet apart. Instead of perishing in the vacuum of space the separate segments of the world remain intact, creating themed levels. With the Chaos Emeralds drained Sonic becomes a Werehog at night, giving the game split personality feel with one half being the high-speed 'thrills' that you 'love' and the other being a role-playing brawler. It doesn't really work so well, but I could have tolerated it if it were not for the very, very, incredibly looooong list of crippling flaws that absolutely destroy the game. I do not exaggerate folks, these are not merely superficial flaws. These are glitches that murder Sonic Unleashed right down to the marrow.

As you are probably already aware, the camera system for Sonic Adventure and Sonic Adventure 2 was epileptic and staggeringly disorientating. Compared to THIS game it might as well be the calm and measured cinematography of David Lean. The controls are a joke. Normally I'd say something along the lines of you only need luck, not skill or timing to finish some levels, but it just won't do for a game this terrible. A skinned, castrated, vivisected monkey with it's tongue nailed to the floor manipulating the controller with two forks sticking out of its eyeballs has every chance of finishing this game as you do. Make no mistake, the designers of this game better hope and pray that they never meet me, I just might be walking away from that situation in handcuffs. The level design is so poor, sadistic, badly-planned, and so utterly, utterly tedious I actually doubt that anyone at Sega played the game during the testing process.

How can a game this bad get produced and released? How? What is going on at Sega? You'd NEVER get Nintendo treating Mario this way. It truly boggles my mind that a major player in the video game industry can publish such utter garbage, and not only that, but starring their world-famous mascot too.

Do not buy this game. Do not rent or borrow this game. Do not go near it. Do not enter shops with this trash sitting on the shelves. There are not enough words in the universe to fully describe how breathtakingly awful Sonic Unleashed is. I fully intended to stick with it to finish story mode, but I can't put my sanity in that much jeopardy.

Graphics B Sound B Gameplay Z Lasting Appeal Z
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