6/10
Bad guys wear beard glitter.
3 May 2013
Escape From Galaxy 3 is also known as Starcrash II, which—if you've seen Luigi Cozzi's disco-era Italian sci-fi—should give you a pretty good idea of just what to expect from this film by director Bitto Albertini: multicoloured starscapes, funky music with laser sounds, some of the dumbest dialogue in the history of cinema, amazingly stupid outfits, a pitiful villain, dodgy special effects, unconvincing space battles, and a major space babe in a revealing outfit. Like Luigi Cozzi's film, Galaxy 3's sheer awfulness is the key to much of its appeal.

However, what gives this particular piece of Euro-garbage the slight edge over Cozzi's film is its beautiful female star Sherry Buchanan. Not that she is sexier than Starcrash's Caroline Munro (who would be very hard to beat in the sexy stakes) but simply due to the fact that unlike Ms Munro, Sherry gets her kit off and experiments with sex in what is otherwise a PG-rated space fantasy, something that proves hilarious and hot in equal measures!

Sherry plays Princess Belle Star, who escapes the destruction of her home planet by evil baddie Oraclon (Don Powell in an outfit that would embarrass Ming the Merciless) on a spacecraft piloted by curly-haired hero Lithan (Fausto Di Bella). The fleeing couple eventually find refuge on a strange blue planet (no prizes for guessing that it is Earth) where they befriend the primitive people who live there. It is here that Belle and Lithan experience the pleasures of procreation (as well as the joy of food and the visual and aural delights of formation disco dance routines) with lovely Ms Buchanan stripping off for a series of close encounters with various men.

Princess Belle in the altogether is most definitely the highlight of this unintentionally hilarious film, although writer John Thomas (*snigger*) deserves a special mention for coming up with the movie's incredible technical space jargon, which includes such priceless gems as 'hyper solar missile systems', 'mega degrees', 'equitonic tangents', and my personal favourite, the 'megamethmic teleprobe'.
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