This Canadian sex thriller is about as erotic as a pound of back bacon and flies completely apart at the end like an old jalopy driven too hard for too long. With a leading man who looks like a grubby, toothsome cousin to mixed martial arts legend Randy "The Natural" Couture and plot that has a hole in it bigger than Jenna Jameson's vagina, the only thing that could have redeemed this film is lots and lots of naked women. Unfortunately, all Eternal has to offer is some chicks necking, a single pair of bared breasts and a sex scene that consists exclusively of dry humping.
Opening with the theft of a painting that's never explained, this movie follows that with a bi-curious woman (Sarah Manninen) rendezvousing with the throaty Elizabeth Kane (Caroline Neron) in what appears to be a Eurotrash version of the Playboy Mansion. Instead of an orgasm, the bi-curious babe winds up dead with a punctured neck. It turns out she was the wife of Montreal vice cop and general pervert Raymond Pope (Conrad Pla). His investigation of her disappearance, aided by his baby sitter Lisa (Liane Balaban), quickly leads Pope to Elizabeth and her right-hand woman Irina (Victoria Sanchez).
At this point, a gaping maw opens up in the plot as Pope doesn't do ANY of the things a cop would do when he identifies a suspect in his wife's vanishing act, and that's the only reason this story lasts longer than 20 minutes. After some retarded cat-and-mouse games between Elizabeth and Pope, the story abruptly shifts to Italy and grinds to a halt so a bunch of images that would make the Venice Tourism Agency proud can be paraded across the screen. It all winds up with Elizabeth imprisoned by what appears to be the Catholic Church, of all things, and a conclusion that feels like there was originally another 20 to 25 pages that were simply sliced off the end of the script.
The high point of Eternal is at the very beginning when Elizabeth seduces and makes out with Pope's bi-curious wife. Neither of them get nude, but it whets your appetite for what you hope is to come...only to increase your disappointment when it never materializes.
As for the low points, they go on and on and on. Conrad Pla is the least attractive man in the cast, which is sort of a problem when Pope's sexuality is such a big theme of the movie. There's a subplot of Irina biting people with monster dentures and Pope's baby sitter is given a slutty friend to hang around with. When Pope discovers Elizabeth is probably the last person to ever see his wife alive, he not only never gets a search warrant for her home or takes her down to the station to interrogate her, there's no evidence in this film that Pope even informs the rest of the cops that Elizabeth is a suspect and there's no reason or excuse why not. It's almost like the character was initially meant to be a private eye, but then a producer made co-writers Wilhelm Liebenberg and Federico Sanchez change Pope to a cop and they never adjusted the rest of the screenplay to reflect that. And when the whole production shifts to Venice? Good grief. It doesn't make any sense within the context of the story and signals the end of any attempt at logic or coherence.
Now, if a bunch of reasonably attractive females had taken their clothes off, at least some of the flaws of Eternal could be overlooked. With only one naked bosom in the whole show, those flaws actually become more irritating. Unless you'd like a look at what apparently sets off the Canadian libido, don't bother with this thing.
Opening with the theft of a painting that's never explained, this movie follows that with a bi-curious woman (Sarah Manninen) rendezvousing with the throaty Elizabeth Kane (Caroline Neron) in what appears to be a Eurotrash version of the Playboy Mansion. Instead of an orgasm, the bi-curious babe winds up dead with a punctured neck. It turns out she was the wife of Montreal vice cop and general pervert Raymond Pope (Conrad Pla). His investigation of her disappearance, aided by his baby sitter Lisa (Liane Balaban), quickly leads Pope to Elizabeth and her right-hand woman Irina (Victoria Sanchez).
At this point, a gaping maw opens up in the plot as Pope doesn't do ANY of the things a cop would do when he identifies a suspect in his wife's vanishing act, and that's the only reason this story lasts longer than 20 minutes. After some retarded cat-and-mouse games between Elizabeth and Pope, the story abruptly shifts to Italy and grinds to a halt so a bunch of images that would make the Venice Tourism Agency proud can be paraded across the screen. It all winds up with Elizabeth imprisoned by what appears to be the Catholic Church, of all things, and a conclusion that feels like there was originally another 20 to 25 pages that were simply sliced off the end of the script.
The high point of Eternal is at the very beginning when Elizabeth seduces and makes out with Pope's bi-curious wife. Neither of them get nude, but it whets your appetite for what you hope is to come...only to increase your disappointment when it never materializes.
As for the low points, they go on and on and on. Conrad Pla is the least attractive man in the cast, which is sort of a problem when Pope's sexuality is such a big theme of the movie. There's a subplot of Irina biting people with monster dentures and Pope's baby sitter is given a slutty friend to hang around with. When Pope discovers Elizabeth is probably the last person to ever see his wife alive, he not only never gets a search warrant for her home or takes her down to the station to interrogate her, there's no evidence in this film that Pope even informs the rest of the cops that Elizabeth is a suspect and there's no reason or excuse why not. It's almost like the character was initially meant to be a private eye, but then a producer made co-writers Wilhelm Liebenberg and Federico Sanchez change Pope to a cop and they never adjusted the rest of the screenplay to reflect that. And when the whole production shifts to Venice? Good grief. It doesn't make any sense within the context of the story and signals the end of any attempt at logic or coherence.
Now, if a bunch of reasonably attractive females had taken their clothes off, at least some of the flaws of Eternal could be overlooked. With only one naked bosom in the whole show, those flaws actually become more irritating. Unless you'd like a look at what apparently sets off the Canadian libido, don't bother with this thing.