Review of The Apple

The Apple (1980)
3/10
This apple is all brown and mushy in places and there is a worm in it.
28 December 2009
Warning: Spoilers
This has to be one of the worst musicals I have ever seen and quite frankly, musicals are one of my least favorite genre of film. About the only ones that end up good are Disney ones because there is more than just songs and animated people and animals breaking out in song and dance seems so less silly than actual people. Here is is straight out hysterical! It also does not help that the songs are all rather horrible, like they are trying to copy something but the lyrics are not going together smoothly. A bit like if instead of an anime song being in original Japanese they translated it literally and now it has absolutely no melody!

The story starts out with a horrid song about Bim coming! What is Bim? As far as I could figure out it is a music company, so not sure why a music company is addressed as a person that is coming. For reasons unknown this song is really making the young people go wild! Then Donnie and Marie take the stage, uh, I mean Alphie and Bibi and there song is even worse and the crowd loves it until flamboyant black dude sabotages it. For some reason Bibi really wants to join Bim and have Boogalow as their agent, but the guy refuses as he does not drink or want the rock and roll lifestyle...well not rock and roll, more like pop disco which is as bad as it sounds. Well soon Bibi is a star and for reasons unknown Bim rules the world or something and then Bibi gets back to Alphie who is living with hippies in a cave where in a year's time, they have a healthy three year old child and then Mr. Top (a character not established in the least) comes and leads all the good people away including a woman who drugged a guy and pretty much raped him...

I do not know what happened, but it seems there must be more to this movie than was shown because of the strange plot holes. Once again, Bim is a record company, sure Boogalow represents Satan, but I doubt he could take over the world with horrid music like that! Seriously, this film takes place in 1994 and the alternative that was around then totally would kick this craps behind! They also do not portray Boogalow and his cronies as evil enough, seriously, they drink, take some drugs and have wild sex? So did the hippies back in the day, the only difference is Boogalow is pushing bad music, but then again, I bet them hippies stink!

So, this film is rather bad, but at least it is entertaining in a way. If the songs were a bit more catchy then maybe this could of been more of a cult classic, but as it is, nope, songs written by someone who does not know how to write music. Evil is portrayed as polite and doing very little dark thinks; unless, you consider having flamboyant productions in the middle of your lobby as being super evil. Mr. Tops is never established then comes to save the day, while it is also never really established how the world became under the control of a music studio or whatever Bim is! Though, on the plus side it does feature the very attractive Catherine Mary Stewart. And to think, people act like Nightflyers was the worst film she ever did...
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