Review of Scarab

Scarab (1983 Video)
8/10
"Scarabracadabra!"...and this world is deprived of all sense & logic!
30 August 2009
Warning: Spoilers
SCARAB handles some form of plot in which Rip Torn gets possessed by the spirit of an ancient evil Egyptian sorcerer and Robert Ginty, as a reporter with unorthodox ways, sets out to unravel the mystery. Exactly, who in his right mind would not give this movie a go? So let this count as a warning: Do not give in to the temptation to watch this film. You're mental health might never recover from it. I mean, look at me: I'm rating this grotesque, imbecilic, deranged, illogical, senseless, utterly unpredictable and completely incomprehensible drivel 8/10. But I'm doing better already, because I initially wanted to grant it 10/10 scarabs!

I seriously doubt that anybody involved in the making of this film – especially the director – had any clue about what they were even trying to accomplish. SCARAB's ways are totally unfathomable, and that – in my humble opinion – defines its uniqueness in the field of film-making at its worst. So, Rip Torn – actually Khepera reincarnated – lives in some castle ruins up some mountain. His indoors day job seems to be going for world domination, using his inexplicable, magical ways, by sending out cursed scarabs to several political figures holding key-positions in the land who ultimately end up all committing suicide, because they simply go berserk. In his spare time Khepera seems to enjoy random surreal madness: Dancing around naked girls, holding sacrifices, toying with snakes, orchestrating mind-boggling special effects and – best of all – preparing to have sex with gorgeous Euro-babes who suddenly turn into some hideous female mermaid-pig monstrosity because some old ghostly hag (appearing on the right side of the screen for no apparent reason) has the power to do so. Then Rip"Khepera"Torn gets angry and spits white, foamy vomit at the old witch's face and... it's back to world domination for him the next day. Or at least that's what you think he's out for. But wait until you learn about his real motives, or more specifically: The one actual reason why he's making a complete mess of this movie. Of course it involves very fun things like incest, sacrificial slaying, naked dancing and whatnot's.

Half of the fun comes from the things people say and do, like taking illogical actions or mumbling stupendous dialogues that don't make a lick of sense. So can you imagine how irrational some of the content and imagery of this film will be then? This is where the other half of the fun comes in. We got an old dude popping up on the streets at random moments, pointing his finger at Robert Ginty and then things just explode, catch fire, cars crash or bullets start flying around people's ears. There's a nun who turns out to be a witch – a good warlock actually, and if you don't believe that, I'll tell you something else – who teams up with Robert Ginty and turns out to be Rip Torn's daughter (that's where the incest comes in later on, folks). There's a rotating hotel door suddenly bursting into ghostly flames for no reason whatsoever with nobody around to see it happen. There's Robert Ginty driving his motorcycle straight into a train, only to go hang out at the bar with the mysterious witch/nun and deliver us some of the most horrendous acting of his entire career. And best of all, an entire ghost town gets introduced with dead people lying all over the main street and we have absolutely no idea how all of that suddenly happened... and then it's onto the next scene in which nun/witch goes to her mommy, introduces her to her new-found boyfriend Ginty, and they decide to get all drunk on Schnaps liquor, the three of them very much knowing that a demented Rip Torn is up there in his castle, somehow turning this world into some sort of demonic inferno. I mean, seriously, just merely try to imagine that. And the next day (What? No sex-scene? Oh right, Ginty was too drunk to *beep*), two of Khepera's minions turn up, shooting fiery arrows, mommy dearest bites the dust, we get a moronic display of good vs. evil magic and the whole place goes up in flames. Seeing is believing, I tell you. Go watch SCARAB.

The climax – set in the castle ruins atop the mountain – includes Ginty strangling a demoniacally possessed female with evil eyes hanging upside down, a ridiculously staged bloody sword-fight between two guardians, incestuous insinuations between Rip Torn and his nun/witch daughter (both of them wearing hilariously cool make-up), Ginty in a coffin, some sacrificial ceremony with dazzling effects and... Christ, I can't go on with this anymore. This movie is insane. I need some time to recover. Ask me about it again next week, and hopefully it'll be down to 2 out of 10 scarabs for this one.
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