Indie filmmakers and big-name Hollywood screenwriters have one thing in common: Neither of them even tries anymore.
Or, more accurately, neither of them even tries to come up with a plot. If they're making a comedy, they just use an overabundance of generic sex jokes and have some nerdy teens do predictable off-the-wall things. If they're making an action film, they form a generic main character, give him a clichéd reason to care about him, and insert some explosions between his melodramatic scenes. If they're making a horror film, they just create a generic plot line for whatever sub-genre they're trying to appease. For this review, however, let's look at psychological horror. The generic formula for psychological horror films: A sole event takes place (i.e. a death, a job, a problem in school), which the mentally unstable main character is caught up in, then finds out the event had/has some sort of "dark" psychological back-story, then the movie comes crashing down with the main character finally realizes his true mental state. Think how many movies that describes. I can think of about 30 off the top of my head. I'm sure there is even more. And Session 9 is just another one.
In reality, I could end this review with that. Session 9 is just another predictable, generic, typical, unoriginal, cliché psychological horror film. There is nothing else to review, really. If you've seen one cow, you don't need someone to describe in detail what a different cow looks likegive or take trivial details, they're all exactly the same. If you have some sort of stupid desire to waste your life on viewing a carbon copy of 30 films you've already seen (which were all carbon copies of each other to begin with), then watch Session 9. If you have any intelligence at all, don't watch Session 9. There isn't any more to be said. However . . .
There are even more problems here. The biggest one, second only to the unabashed unoriginality, is the sheer boredom of the film. This is mainly due to the fact you know everything that is going to happen in the opening 10 seconds. When you know what's going to happen, how can you NOT be bored? But, to add to that, the pacing is so slow it's nearly unbearable. The dialogue is unintentionally hilarious at points, but it's still some of the driest and most uninteresting dialogue I've ever heard in my life. And dialogue is over 3/4th of film.
The other major problem is the stupidity of the plot in the first place. It amuses me how many writers/directors uses cliché psychological plot points, but they don't even understand them. I think they just watched Fight Club or Se7en, went in their pants out of amazement, and decided to copy those ideas and paste them into their own script. But beside that, the psychological elements are so obviously innocent it had me laughing out loud. This movie has been called "thinking man's horror", and that is about the equivalent of calling the SpongeBob Halloween episode "thinking man's horror". They both present about the same amount of thought-provoking ideas, morals, and clever plotting.
Beyond that, Session 9 uses every horror cliché ever used, and it adds yet another layer of cheese to the plot. Generators fail right at the most tense momentswho would have guessed? All the characters have some sort of generic dark past and/or disorderwho would have guessed? For a movie that tries to take itself so seriously, all these Hollywood conventions suck any realism out of the film completely.
Because of all these factors I just listed, Session 9 is the single most laughable horror film I've seen in years. I'm sorry, but there is nothing scary about a cheesy plot that I've literally seen hundreds of times, pumped to overflowing with absolute stupidity and cliché conventions. I call that comedy.
0/10
Or, more accurately, neither of them even tries to come up with a plot. If they're making a comedy, they just use an overabundance of generic sex jokes and have some nerdy teens do predictable off-the-wall things. If they're making an action film, they form a generic main character, give him a clichéd reason to care about him, and insert some explosions between his melodramatic scenes. If they're making a horror film, they just create a generic plot line for whatever sub-genre they're trying to appease. For this review, however, let's look at psychological horror. The generic formula for psychological horror films: A sole event takes place (i.e. a death, a job, a problem in school), which the mentally unstable main character is caught up in, then finds out the event had/has some sort of "dark" psychological back-story, then the movie comes crashing down with the main character finally realizes his true mental state. Think how many movies that describes. I can think of about 30 off the top of my head. I'm sure there is even more. And Session 9 is just another one.
In reality, I could end this review with that. Session 9 is just another predictable, generic, typical, unoriginal, cliché psychological horror film. There is nothing else to review, really. If you've seen one cow, you don't need someone to describe in detail what a different cow looks likegive or take trivial details, they're all exactly the same. If you have some sort of stupid desire to waste your life on viewing a carbon copy of 30 films you've already seen (which were all carbon copies of each other to begin with), then watch Session 9. If you have any intelligence at all, don't watch Session 9. There isn't any more to be said. However . . .
There are even more problems here. The biggest one, second only to the unabashed unoriginality, is the sheer boredom of the film. This is mainly due to the fact you know everything that is going to happen in the opening 10 seconds. When you know what's going to happen, how can you NOT be bored? But, to add to that, the pacing is so slow it's nearly unbearable. The dialogue is unintentionally hilarious at points, but it's still some of the driest and most uninteresting dialogue I've ever heard in my life. And dialogue is over 3/4th of film.
The other major problem is the stupidity of the plot in the first place. It amuses me how many writers/directors uses cliché psychological plot points, but they don't even understand them. I think they just watched Fight Club or Se7en, went in their pants out of amazement, and decided to copy those ideas and paste them into their own script. But beside that, the psychological elements are so obviously innocent it had me laughing out loud. This movie has been called "thinking man's horror", and that is about the equivalent of calling the SpongeBob Halloween episode "thinking man's horror". They both present about the same amount of thought-provoking ideas, morals, and clever plotting.
Beyond that, Session 9 uses every horror cliché ever used, and it adds yet another layer of cheese to the plot. Generators fail right at the most tense momentswho would have guessed? All the characters have some sort of generic dark past and/or disorderwho would have guessed? For a movie that tries to take itself so seriously, all these Hollywood conventions suck any realism out of the film completely.
Because of all these factors I just listed, Session 9 is the single most laughable horror film I've seen in years. I'm sorry, but there is nothing scary about a cheesy plot that I've literally seen hundreds of times, pumped to overflowing with absolute stupidity and cliché conventions. I call that comedy.
0/10