The Garbage Pail Kids Movie 1987 PG
I'm sure a lot of us remember the Garbage Pail Kids. Especially us old geezers like me who grew up in the 80's. They were like the grotesque, mutant versions of the cute little Cabbage Patch Kids. Essentially, they were the Cabbage Patch Kids made for boys. Instead of unnervingly cute dolls, they were fun and gross collections of art printed on cards, like baseball cards. Printed by Topps, who made baseball cards. And no, they weren't like those modern Garbage Pail Kids, the ones we had in the 80's were fvcking nasty. Cards laden with feces, vomit, mutilation of others, self-mutilation, gore, violence, and just about the sickest crap you could come up with. That's why they were so great. The recent GPK cards they've made are just plain stupid. Trust me, these new cards are like making a PG-rated Predator film. That's how tame they are compared to the past ones.
Of course, as with anything that's even remotely popular, some genius decides that, hey, there should be a movie to go along with this latest fad. Now, a lot of things that seemed like fads or trends that get turned into movies typically get turned into crappy movies. And this has to be one of the worst. The rude, crude, vile, disgusting, offensive Garbage Pail Kids are little more than gross misunderstood aliens who (sigh) live in a garbage can. Believe it or not, the main focus of this film is about a boy trying to impress some shallow skank with, what else, 80's fashion sense. That's right! The Garbage Pail Kids film is about fashionable clothing! Not that any of this stuff is fashionable in the least! In reality, it's disgusting! More disgusting than the pathetically tame Garbage Pail Kids who, and I'm not making this up, actually have a sing-along number wherein they sing about the joys and benefits of teamwork and helping people. And they design "killer 80's clothes!" The film is the very definition of shlock!
Alright, the reason I saw this is because my wife found it in some DVD discount bin (big surprise, I know) for what must have been 27 cents and got it as a stocking-stuffer for my three-year old son last Christmas. This film is so wretchedly bad, it's almost indescribable. The acting is bad, the atmosphere is bad, the special effects are bad, the music is cheesy (bad cheesy), and the story is ludicrous to say the least. The Garbage Pail Kids aren't even gross, offensive, or for that matter, interesting. A lot of one-liners and cheap gags that do nothing but agonize the living. Honestly, what little boy who enjoyed little cards of pudgy little girls bleeding to death and disgusting corpses doing stuff would want to watch a puny little movie about teamwork, loving the ugly, and 80's fashion? If ever there was a film that "missed the point," it was this mess. Only for the cinematic brave, I gave it a two only for the sheer wackiness of it's very existence.
2/10
I'm sure a lot of us remember the Garbage Pail Kids. Especially us old geezers like me who grew up in the 80's. They were like the grotesque, mutant versions of the cute little Cabbage Patch Kids. Essentially, they were the Cabbage Patch Kids made for boys. Instead of unnervingly cute dolls, they were fun and gross collections of art printed on cards, like baseball cards. Printed by Topps, who made baseball cards. And no, they weren't like those modern Garbage Pail Kids, the ones we had in the 80's were fvcking nasty. Cards laden with feces, vomit, mutilation of others, self-mutilation, gore, violence, and just about the sickest crap you could come up with. That's why they were so great. The recent GPK cards they've made are just plain stupid. Trust me, these new cards are like making a PG-rated Predator film. That's how tame they are compared to the past ones.
Of course, as with anything that's even remotely popular, some genius decides that, hey, there should be a movie to go along with this latest fad. Now, a lot of things that seemed like fads or trends that get turned into movies typically get turned into crappy movies. And this has to be one of the worst. The rude, crude, vile, disgusting, offensive Garbage Pail Kids are little more than gross misunderstood aliens who (sigh) live in a garbage can. Believe it or not, the main focus of this film is about a boy trying to impress some shallow skank with, what else, 80's fashion sense. That's right! The Garbage Pail Kids film is about fashionable clothing! Not that any of this stuff is fashionable in the least! In reality, it's disgusting! More disgusting than the pathetically tame Garbage Pail Kids who, and I'm not making this up, actually have a sing-along number wherein they sing about the joys and benefits of teamwork and helping people. And they design "killer 80's clothes!" The film is the very definition of shlock!
Alright, the reason I saw this is because my wife found it in some DVD discount bin (big surprise, I know) for what must have been 27 cents and got it as a stocking-stuffer for my three-year old son last Christmas. This film is so wretchedly bad, it's almost indescribable. The acting is bad, the atmosphere is bad, the special effects are bad, the music is cheesy (bad cheesy), and the story is ludicrous to say the least. The Garbage Pail Kids aren't even gross, offensive, or for that matter, interesting. A lot of one-liners and cheap gags that do nothing but agonize the living. Honestly, what little boy who enjoyed little cards of pudgy little girls bleeding to death and disgusting corpses doing stuff would want to watch a puny little movie about teamwork, loving the ugly, and 80's fashion? If ever there was a film that "missed the point," it was this mess. Only for the cinematic brave, I gave it a two only for the sheer wackiness of it's very existence.
2/10