Otherwise known as "Cape Fear For Dummies", this is a hideously lame "suspense thriller" that is not suspenseful or thrilling. At all.
Dennis Quaid and Sharon Stone play a married couple who decide to move out of the big city after one of their kids is almost hit by a car. So they buy a big, dilapidated mansion in the sticks called "Cold Creek Manor" and start fixing it up. Then, showing tremendous smarts, they hire Dale Massie (Stephen Dorff), the creepy former owner of the house, to help fix it up. Even though they know he just got out of prison, AND the fact that they just found him roaming around in their house. Guess what? He's a psycho!
Since there's really nothing of worth in this movie at all, I'm just going to offer 10 reasons why you SHOULDN'T see "Cold Creek Manor"...
1. It's so predictable and formulaic that to call it by-the-numbers is an insult to numbers.
2. The name of Quaid's character is "Cooper Tilson". What kind of name is "Cooper Tilson"? The kind you'd only find in a movie.
3. You'll get depressed when you realize the same guy who directed the great "Leaving Las Vegas" (Mike Figgis) also directed this piece of crap.
4. The huge amount of plot holes, stupid coincidences, lapses in logic, and crummy dialogue will lead you to believe that the script was written by a 4 year-old.
5. At one point, while playing hide-and-seek, one of the kids finds part of an old wooden sign on the ground that actually says "EVIL" in big letters. Oooooh, scary!
6. When Massie lets loose snakes in the house, they all attack each separate family member at the EXACT SAME TIME. That's convenient.
7. It's boring.
8. It's really, really boring.
9. It's so boring that you'll leave knowing the exact number of lights that go up and down the theater aisle.
10. It sucks.
Dennis Quaid and Sharon Stone play a married couple who decide to move out of the big city after one of their kids is almost hit by a car. So they buy a big, dilapidated mansion in the sticks called "Cold Creek Manor" and start fixing it up. Then, showing tremendous smarts, they hire Dale Massie (Stephen Dorff), the creepy former owner of the house, to help fix it up. Even though they know he just got out of prison, AND the fact that they just found him roaming around in their house. Guess what? He's a psycho!
Since there's really nothing of worth in this movie at all, I'm just going to offer 10 reasons why you SHOULDN'T see "Cold Creek Manor"...
1. It's so predictable and formulaic that to call it by-the-numbers is an insult to numbers.
2. The name of Quaid's character is "Cooper Tilson". What kind of name is "Cooper Tilson"? The kind you'd only find in a movie.
3. You'll get depressed when you realize the same guy who directed the great "Leaving Las Vegas" (Mike Figgis) also directed this piece of crap.
4. The huge amount of plot holes, stupid coincidences, lapses in logic, and crummy dialogue will lead you to believe that the script was written by a 4 year-old.
5. At one point, while playing hide-and-seek, one of the kids finds part of an old wooden sign on the ground that actually says "EVIL" in big letters. Oooooh, scary!
6. When Massie lets loose snakes in the house, they all attack each separate family member at the EXACT SAME TIME. That's convenient.
7. It's boring.
8. It's really, really boring.
9. It's so boring that you'll leave knowing the exact number of lights that go up and down the theater aisle.
10. It sucks.