Ariel? Darryl Hannah? Cher (remember THAT film)? Well, this film has a lot more in common with that than Hans Christian Anderson folklore. But not much. No cute half-naked women here (animated, live, or even imagined), and not because it's a kid's movie, which it isn't. Mermaid you see is mainly a town. It's also a doll a little girl plays with, and a picture on the side of a balloon, but mostly it's a town (showing up late in the film like Marlon Brando in Apocalypse Now...but the town's a little smaller). Now at first a town named Mermaid could seem like a pretty neat concept...sort of an Atlantis thing going...but no this movie strays from such fun and goes directly, immediately, emotionally for that snappy of all movie subjects...DEATH! And not just DEATH! But, DEATH! as experienced by a very young girl who is emotionally traumatized by the DEATH! of her father. Everything she says is said in third person (maybe she's a fan of Bob Dole). "Desi wants to know when her Daddy is coming baaaaaaack?" "Did Desi's daddy leave because Desi was a baaaaaad girl?" "Desi wants to see her daaaaaaaddy." "Desi wants to say goodbyyyyyyye." "Desi had a baaaaaaaaad dreeeeeeeam." "Desi wants to know if the angels are going to take yoooooooooou tooooooooooo (mommy)?" That's about the tone and dialogue throughout this film. To make things worse the girl's name is Desi. Desi? Like what, did her mom spend all day watching old I LOVE LUCY episodes during pregnancy? Perhaps her trauma is not so much her father's death but that in the delivery room her doctor spanked her to the tune of Babaloooooo! Good thing this movie wasn't made more recently otherwise she could have been named Little Elian. Well Little Ricky, I mean Desi, sends a Mermaid adorned balloon (The Flying Mermaid) off and it ends up in the town of Mermaid. Must be a miracle!!!! Based on a true story? Riiiiight. HOUSE OF CARDS tackled the same subject (via another traumatized girl) but with much better success. "Desi says you will like that film." "Desi says do yourself a favor and skip MERMAIDS and rent THE LITTLE MERMAID instead." One bright spot. You will probably fall asleep without having to watch the entire movie. Just in case you do and did: The movie ends with the mother giving birth (another miracle!) to a boy she names Lucy. Just kidding.
