***SPOILERS*** ***SPOILERS*** I'm trying to remember a worse movie that I've seen....can't do it. Maybe it'll come to me before I finish this review. Let's see, how to begin: A rich, handsome, outgoing Cuban businessman(Banderas) intentionally decides to screw up his life. Why?? Blank-out. No answer. The Plan: he decides that a bad marriage will be his downfall. Okay, but how does one intentionally design a marriage to be so bad as to destroy oneself financially, emotionally, spiritually.
**********MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD***********************
Since the antihero is handsome, rich, and outgoing he could easily marry one of any number of women, most of whom would jump at the chance. Many of these theoretical matches might possibly work out. No, no...there's got to be a worse way. I know: the man must marry a complete stranger found via a newspaper ad placed in a foreign country. That's it. And to lessen the probability that she is compatible with the man, the woman must arrive in the man's country no more than 3 hours before the wedding takes place. The man and woman must know nothing about one another except the lies they've exchanged with each other in establishing contact via the mail.
Okay, now here's the shocker. Are you ready for this. Hold on to your seat. Despite these elaborate plans to undermine the marriage from the start, the marriage does not in fact work out and the man is destroyed financially, emotionally and spiritually. What I have just related is the precise opening premise this movie expects you swallow in order to grab your attention for the movie's remainder. If it sounds implausible to the point of imbecility, well, that is not my fault.
To be fair, although this movie in no way deserves it, the woman he marries is a con artist(Jolie) who has helped kill the actual intended bride and assumed her identity. But that absolutely doesn't matter, because it may just as well have been the con artist who answered the man's marriage ad as any other woman.
I really can't discuss this movie much further...the level of irritation Original Sin caused me makes it out of the question. Let me just say that the account I've related so far is not the most implausible element in the movie. For example, let's assume for the sake of argument that you are a psychopath. Somebody tells you they love you a total of 999 times. But you are a psychopath and it has no effect. So you decide to poison the person who loves you. Hey, it's what psychopaths do. Somehow the person finds out you've poisoned their drink and they tell you. Right before the person drinks the poison they tell you for the 1000th time that they love you. They knowingly begin to drink the poison. Suddenly, the scales of psychopathology fall from your eyes and you see everything in a different light. You spring to your feet with all the good-hearted innocence that a recently cured criminally insane person can muster and try to knock the poisoned drink from their hands.
Here are the crucial questions: Do you find this plausible? Possible? Psychologically realistic? If so, let me state in the strongest possible terms: This movie was made for you.
Hey, I just had a revelation. I just remembered a worse movie I saw: Ed Wood's Love Feast, aka Pretty Models All In a Row. I knew I could do it!!
**********MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD***********************
Since the antihero is handsome, rich, and outgoing he could easily marry one of any number of women, most of whom would jump at the chance. Many of these theoretical matches might possibly work out. No, no...there's got to be a worse way. I know: the man must marry a complete stranger found via a newspaper ad placed in a foreign country. That's it. And to lessen the probability that she is compatible with the man, the woman must arrive in the man's country no more than 3 hours before the wedding takes place. The man and woman must know nothing about one another except the lies they've exchanged with each other in establishing contact via the mail.
Okay, now here's the shocker. Are you ready for this. Hold on to your seat. Despite these elaborate plans to undermine the marriage from the start, the marriage does not in fact work out and the man is destroyed financially, emotionally and spiritually. What I have just related is the precise opening premise this movie expects you swallow in order to grab your attention for the movie's remainder. If it sounds implausible to the point of imbecility, well, that is not my fault.
To be fair, although this movie in no way deserves it, the woman he marries is a con artist(Jolie) who has helped kill the actual intended bride and assumed her identity. But that absolutely doesn't matter, because it may just as well have been the con artist who answered the man's marriage ad as any other woman.
I really can't discuss this movie much further...the level of irritation Original Sin caused me makes it out of the question. Let me just say that the account I've related so far is not the most implausible element in the movie. For example, let's assume for the sake of argument that you are a psychopath. Somebody tells you they love you a total of 999 times. But you are a psychopath and it has no effect. So you decide to poison the person who loves you. Hey, it's what psychopaths do. Somehow the person finds out you've poisoned their drink and they tell you. Right before the person drinks the poison they tell you for the 1000th time that they love you. They knowingly begin to drink the poison. Suddenly, the scales of psychopathology fall from your eyes and you see everything in a different light. You spring to your feet with all the good-hearted innocence that a recently cured criminally insane person can muster and try to knock the poisoned drink from their hands.
Here are the crucial questions: Do you find this plausible? Possible? Psychologically realistic? If so, let me state in the strongest possible terms: This movie was made for you.
Hey, I just had a revelation. I just remembered a worse movie I saw: Ed Wood's Love Feast, aka Pretty Models All In a Row. I knew I could do it!!