Review of Teen Vamp

Teen Vamp (1989)
TEEN VAMP makes HOBGOBLINS look like CITIZEN KANE!
29 June 2001
This film had a lot going for it. It had pretty good casting, bringing in the likes of Clu Gulager as a Reverend was just plain hillarious. But the film just can't succeed for these reasons:

1) When does this film take place? Everyone is driving 1950's cars and all that, but I don't recall anyone ever mentioning that the film took place in the 50's.

2) Everyone in this film is dull. The characters are alternitively dull and boring and no one looks comfortable in his or her roll. Also, the characters are very one-dimentional, and you get the feeling the writer was not trying to impress anyone with his material.

3) The make-up effects are awful. You can plainly see that no work was put in when doing the make-up.

4) This movie is trying to act as a spoof of vampire-type films, but it really isn't a comedy. It's not something you'd sit down as a family and watch and it certainly isn't spoofing any one movie in particular.

5) The film is truly boring and offers nothing new. The writing is not original and everyone just seems to be plodding along with his or her material.

6) The characters aren't likable. You get the feeling that the writers were trying to make you push for Murphy to get Connie, but you just get the feeling that he isn't the right guy for her.

7) There isn't enough gore and scars for this film to act as horror. And there isn't enough laughs for this film to be comedy/spoof.

8) The directing falls short on every level. I wasn't expecting much when I went into this film, but I came out feeling even worse.

9) The writer needed to include more character development. We don't really find out much about the characters.

All in all, the only memorable scene in this film is when Clu Gulager tried to perform an exorcism on Murphy because they felt he was possessed. That was great! And you get the feeling the producers were surprised and delighted when Clu Gulager agreed to do this film because they have his name all over the box. The catch is you don't see him until 45 minutes into the film. This film isn't great, so I wouldn't recommend it. I've seen worse then this but not much. This film is definitly MST3K material, and it's a wonder that it didn't get on the show. Truly, HOBGOBLINS had more going for it then this did. *out of****A Waste Of Your Time
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