Review of Spring Break

Spring Break (1983)
2/10
A great reason to stay home and study
8 March 2003
Back in the 80's HBO and it's ugly step-sister Cinemax seemed to air the same 12 movies over and over and over. And over. "Spring Break" was one of them. We watched because we had no other choice. Oh sure, we could have watched such gems as "Highway To Heaven" or "Riptide" on broadcast TV instead, but then what the hell were our parents paying $6.50 a month on cable for?

Just like parachute pants and zipper-front tees, if you saw dumb teen-sex movies enough you got used to them. You might even start to like them. That's just about the only case I can make for not utterly despising this beer-cozy full of bile.

A point of favor must be surrendered here for equal exploitation of the sexes. While we're treated to an endless parade of bodacious ta-tas, we are also clobbered with a line-up of dorky dudes in wet Fruit Of The Looms. It's crazy. The director made an entire movie out of wet underclothes and people pouring beer on each other. What a horrid waste of product from 2 guys who work 3 jobs just to party!

Rent this to see the most painful performances by an all-girl rock band this side of Carry Nation. With lyrics like, "I want to do it, to it...I wanna do it to you", you'll want to drown *yourself* in a few thousand beers. Or the ocean.

I hate this movie. It's wretched and all known copies of it should be doused in concentrated acid and then farted on. It's bad, bad, bad and I can't wait to see it again!
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