Candy Cane Lane (I) (2023)
What a sad waste of Eddie Murphy's great talents . . .
10 December 2023
Oh dear, oh dear. Largely a perfect example of how NOT to make a Christmas movie!

Effectively a diatribe on the wonder & magic of the Christmas spirit. No fun, no levity, and little delight to make it worthwhile viewing in any way.

Fortunately a few elements make it as least likeable in parts. There are a few excellent one-liner jokes - so funny they actually made me laugh out loud. I like to think these particular scriptlines may be the result of the Saturday Night Live influence on the movie. So, kudos to the writing team for these winning quips. But other than that, the movie is a waste of 2 hours of the viewer's life.

Such a pity. There are some past Christmas movies that really hit the mark, made by a variety of film stars over the decades. These all have their place in Hollywood history. So, for the great Eddie Murphy to bother to make one of his own, after decades of being in Hollywood, this film really should have been well put together. But it wasn't. If it had been edited and fine-tuned till it worked, the movie might have - well - worked!

So, shame to see this opportunity so badly wasted.

The premise is hardly new to film. Here in the UK a similar plot of neighbours competing over Christmas lights - and the moral of overdoing the in-fighting - was done to perfection by Robson Green & Mark Benton back in the Noughties. That was 'Christmas Lights' (2004). And numerous other offerings have done the same tale well enough in other countries and other decades.

This film just ruins the plot concept. Everything in the movie is overdone: it's frenetic, unevenly paced, out of control, and predictably (and badly) scripted. Like many poorly made films it is either edited to too brief a runtime, or as in this case rambles on endlessly. The children are the usual stereotypes, ditto the wife, and the same with the neighbours. Not to mention Murphy's character as the dad & husband. There is no originality in the film where it is needed, and too much invention - to a chaotic level - just where it isn't required. And the longer the film goes on, the more convoluted it gets.

There are parts that shouldn't have been put in, eg an anti-Christian 'joke' that goes widely off-mark. The barbed remark is frankly offensive to Christmas itself . . . The film is, after all, supposed to be a Christmas movie, and although Christmas covers far more than one thing for many people - family celebrations, the season before the warmth of spring, partying & togetherness, the end of the calendar year, pagan festivities of old, and a variety of other purposes - it also of course covers Christianity. I consider that 'joke' insulting to the very purpose of Christmas: both the Christ-related part and the more encompassing general spirit of kindness. It is gross . . . And unfunny.

The film doesn't appear to have any clear purpose: it doesn't know what it wants to say, or how to say it. And there is too much of everything. Although the animation characters of the '12 Days' is new and clever, it seems not to fit in with the rest of the film. (Though in fact the rest of the film doesn't seem to fit into the rest of the film . . . !) The set of live-miniatures of Christmas Village characters - more animation - are amusing, but again do not seem to segue into the rest of the story. And one set of animation characters in this film would have sufficed.

Then there is more confusion added to the mix: competing presenters of seasonal TV, teen troubles, an evil elf, current bosses to impress, 10 lords a-leaping turning up at school sports day, and yet more . . . All this needs to be digested by the viewer. Not to mention the task the family have to complete, of finding the gold rings before the clock chimes on Christmas Eve . . . Then 'Santa Claus' suddenly turns up, swooping in on a sleigh! Oh dear. Just because you CAN say or do something in a film, doesn't mean you should. Less is normally a case of more . . .

There are a few excellent moments: when Murphy's character is appalled to see Valentine's Day goods on sale at the market at the same time as Christmas goodies. And a lovely disagreement amongst the Dickensian 'figurines' about the old argument as to whether 'Die Hard' is a Christmas movie. Lovely!

But there are not enough laughs throughout the movie . . . And not enough cohesion in the storyline to even work out what this film is all about. Clarity is all-important in most film plots, but we don't see it here. Halfway through the film I still couldn't work out what exactly I was watching . . . (Harrumph!)

No, for a good Christmas movie I shall continue to watch from the roster of great Hollywood & UK seasonal films. One of my favourite Christmas movies simply has to be Frank Capra's 'It's a Wonderful Life'. It covers the 'ups' & 'downs' parts of Christmas to perfection, and is as relevant today as it was decades ago.

And for a good Murphy movie, I will delve back into his past greatness. There is plenty there to choose from. Need I mention, for example, the superlative 'Trading Places' . . .
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