There's a moment, mid-way through this monstrosity of a movie, where Hawkman tells Black Adam that "heroes don't kill people!" The irony of hearing him say this after they accidentally level several city blocks and create massive collateral damage is so hilariously contradictory, the fact that they don't waste another tired joke on that is astounding.
This movie... I really don't know where to start. Characters so paper-thin you can (sometimes literally) see right through them; a structure that continuously has you asking "when is the story going to start?"; a visual miasma of ridiculously dated CGI (yes, show me the speed ramp/slow down EVERY TIME we see cyclone, that won't get old at all!); a complete lack of backstory (what... is... Hawkman?); a villain who can, apparently, just be ripped in half; and technical errors so egregious, I can't believe the incorrect ADR and absurd editing choices got into the Final Cut without the editor deliberately playing a prank on the audience.
And the JOKES. Oh my GOD. So many, and they're all so BAD. Not just bad: they completely deflate all tension. Why should I feel stress for a child character if he's quipping all through the drama?
Oh, and remember when the rock had a personality? Pepperidge farm remembers. And Pepperidge farm also remembers when movies made sense. "Let's put black Adam in a cage forever!" *five minutes later* "we need black Adam to save the world! Release him from his cage in a ridiculous slow-motion sequence in which a de-powered Black Adam still manages to beat a dozen armed swat teams at a black site!"
And what on earth is Black Adam going to do against SUPERMAN?!
What a garbage fire.
This movie... I really don't know where to start. Characters so paper-thin you can (sometimes literally) see right through them; a structure that continuously has you asking "when is the story going to start?"; a visual miasma of ridiculously dated CGI (yes, show me the speed ramp/slow down EVERY TIME we see cyclone, that won't get old at all!); a complete lack of backstory (what... is... Hawkman?); a villain who can, apparently, just be ripped in half; and technical errors so egregious, I can't believe the incorrect ADR and absurd editing choices got into the Final Cut without the editor deliberately playing a prank on the audience.
And the JOKES. Oh my GOD. So many, and they're all so BAD. Not just bad: they completely deflate all tension. Why should I feel stress for a child character if he's quipping all through the drama?
Oh, and remember when the rock had a personality? Pepperidge farm remembers. And Pepperidge farm also remembers when movies made sense. "Let's put black Adam in a cage forever!" *five minutes later* "we need black Adam to save the world! Release him from his cage in a ridiculous slow-motion sequence in which a de-powered Black Adam still manages to beat a dozen armed swat teams at a black site!"
And what on earth is Black Adam going to do against SUPERMAN?!
What a garbage fire.