monstermonkeyhead Review of Agent Red

Agent Red (2000)

Hey, I own this and have watched it twice so far. What's my major malfunction?

[9/10 · 2 September 2008]

This movie is both funny and interesting. The lighting, direction, and imagery are all striking. The funny bits, other reviewers have already pointed out. I'd have to add bad Russian accents as well. Also, the twelve seconds it's supposed to take for the virus to kill people ends up taking somewhere between ten and twenty minutes. I also enjoyed seeing Dolph run around in black Converse Allstar sneakers (are they standard government issue foot ware?). This is a near perfect movie for pure entertainment value. My only complaint is there was no projectile vomiting, bleeding rectums, or bleeding nipples as promised. If this was included, the movie would've been supreme beauty to behold. I guess, unfortunately, somebody up top thought this might be too much. Can you imagine Dolph's zingers then? I think, "Looks like you're having your period," would definitely have been uttered. Probably also, "Blow it out your @%!" Or how about: "I can't tell if he's speaking Russian or vomiting." Yes, I'm a sickie.