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FrankG47
Reviews
Max Payne (2008)
All how NOT to make a video game into a movie.
It's hard to really sit and watch a film that is made entirely from a successful video game. Though it has happened, it's also had a huge back lash when the video game script gets re-written and is never correct.
Max Payne, the video game was a dark game that appealed to the player for it's comic book pace story telling, and it kept a very detailed storyline that was just like classic film noir suspense.
There was NO NEED AT ALL to re-write the script to the video game. It's script was almost like a film, and with a good director could have been easily transferred to film. Why Hollywood feels the need to ruin books was always a mystery, but yes they also ruin good video games, and this was not the first one (Super Mario Brothers, Tomb Raider, Prince of Persia) The character of Max Payne was terribly re-written. In the video game you have an angry renegade fugitive cop that just pulls the trigger without question. There isn't a whole lot of screaming and big emotion. Hard to blame Whalberg on that when the script was totally re-written.
This is how the movie should have happened, and how the video game follows.
A New York cop comes home to find his wife and daughter brutally murdered from thugs using a drug called Valkyrie; V. After the funeral he goes undercover for the DEA.
After the big break that traces the drug to a mafia family, he is framed for the murder of his partner and goes on a killing spree trying to figure out the entire case all by himself, and successfully does.
In the film what we get is the characters thrown around in different locations and doing odd things, and some who's characters are totally re-written.
First off let's start with the character of Mona Sax In the video game she was the sister of Lisa Sax (changed to Natasha Sax in the film), whom was the wife of Don Angelo Punchinello; head of the "worst mafia family in New York". Mona refers to herself as "Lisa's evil twin.
In the film she is a Russian assassin. They had to re-write the Femme Fatale character to not even fit the original story.
In the film we get a detective story that makes no sense at all, riddled with plot holes, and things that make you say "Why did they go through all this trouble making a film for a video game they could have just EASILY used the script for?" I am a bit biased because I have played the video game, but in this case I can be. This film is the worst game-to-movie transition ever.
San Quentin (1937)
A disappointing B Movie.
When Bogie once said he made more stinkers than any other actor in Hollywood, one can laugh, but sadly San Quentin can also be one of those stinkers.
With an all star cat of O'Brien, Sheridan, and Bogart; it's hard to really think of this film being a let down.
In a prison drama with Pat O'Brien taking over, and Bogart's typical 1930's gangster role being thrown in the pen, it's not the actors fault in this movie. Red (Bogart) is as all other gangsters he played in most films from these days, a bad seed. O'Brien is the officer in charge of the prison but really not a bad guy, while dating Red's sister (Ann Sheridan), Red is slowly planning an escape from the prison.
Surely it's not one you can remember Bogie by as he was not given much to work with from the start, and Ann Sheridan was in many gangster related pictures, San Quentin falls in the category of the forgettable ones from the classic Hollywood era. I give this movie a 5 out of 10 just for the strong cast. It has a good outline plot but it's poorly executed and serves as a missed opportunity of things that could have worked in this film. Overall if you're collecting Bogart's movies, this is one you can watch and line up on the shelf.
Teen Mom (2009)
Exactly what to teach kids in society today.
Teen Mom is the perfect example of television that destroys the brains of our youth.
This along with Skins, Jersey Shore, and what ever is shown on MTV can be taken account for that you may be rewarded for being a fool in life.
Teen Mom follows the lives of many lucky teenagers that were dumb enough to go get knocked up, bring a child in this world, and then make millions of dollars off a TV show that just teaches the teenagers today to screw up, and you too may end up on television.
In the last season one of the teen moms, (Amber Portwood) was arrested for assault and many other charges. This child has been made into celebrity status thanks to this show glorifying trash and giving teenagers today another useless person to look up to that does not give them any good.
MTV once was a network that devoted their creation to showing music videos. Now today this is all they show. They complained about true artists that they refused to broadcast their music videos for many excuses (Such as Michael Jackson's videos being so long, and the message in certain heavy metal groups) yet music videos were a hassle, they have NO problem what so ever showing off trash to the world such as this and Jersey Shore. So if you ever find yourself watching MTV and start asking yourself "How did this garbage get on the air?" then pat yourself on the back for having a big enough brain to not make them even more rich watching such filth.
Dark Passage (1947)
An experience you will never forget.
Humphrey Bogart made many great films during his prime time era of the 1940's. This being one of them, but it is very unusual in the stylistic direction of anything you have probably seen him in.
The first hour or so into Dark Passage is in first person view, with various camera shots. For a film made in 1947. Today there is so many things possible with the computer and CGI, but with this being made from real people, and real things it makes it more impressive than anything you will see in 3D or computer generated today.
Bogart plays a man who must undergo plastic surgery after escaping from prison and is wanted by the police everywhere from the verdict of murdering his wife, which he did not do. This again is why the first half is filmed in first person view. Also it shows that the lack of technology made them a bit more creative than what you would see today.
For every Film-Noir there is dark movies, and for every one that Bogie did, this ranks high as in the darkest films he ever made. There is a lot of suspense, and build up in the plot that I will not give away and force you to watch and experience on your own. I gave this movie a solid 10 out of 10, which I normally won't give. It's worth every bit of it. Sadly this movie is not well known as The Maltese Falcon and Casablanca but I believe it stands as a monument in creativeness from the late 1940's with it's first person view camera shot, and the storyline is very well plotted.
Hardcore Pawn (2009)
A regular TruTV drama.
If you have seen the show "Pawn Stars" this show is for their competition and probably boosted their ratings seeing as TruTV wanted to compete and give them a laugh. Only thing is, in this show, there is the type of stuff you see on the regular TruTV show. We get lots of cussing, yelling, violence, and an everyday family that can't get along at all.
While Pawn Stars is a collection of very valuable unique items, Hardcore Pawn is nothing more than what you normally see in a pawn shop, except one thing. The family is running the business and consist of the father Les owning the place, and his son and daughter among those running it. Les seems like a nice guy you can get along with. Ashley (The daughter) is the average bad guy character in a staged reality show no different than Matt on TruTV's staged Operation Repo.
For starters, if this was a professional business, Ashley would be fired. The constant embarrassment of her arguing and picking fights in front of customers (Do note how the cameras always focus on customers turning their heads to listen to her cussing and yelling at an employee) all that her father does is basically slap her on the wrist and cuss at her along with the son who constantly fights with her. Since this is a show and it's got to have that family drama of a bad seed, she is on this show to make it worse.
I really tried to like this show but I can't. It's the kind of show I would expect from TruTV. Constant yelling, cussing, screaming, violence, and as you can guess, like on Operation Repo where the people just go insane, on here you have at least one customer every episode that is a big problem and has to make a scene in the shop.
At least Pawn Stars keeps the trash at the door, and has far more interesting items besides what you would find in your local pawn shop.
The Two Mrs. Carrolls (1947)
Underrated gem
The Two Mrs Carrolls stands as lost treasure to some film collectors, and others as something to pass up on.
With two of the biggest names now known as legends with Humphrey Bogart and Barbara Stanwyck, it is not their best work but something different than what you would perhaps guess them to be in together.
Bogie played nearly every role possible, but what keeps this movie shining is how he plays a psychopath villain. For a film noir movie, this one stands out more than most roles Bogie had in his film noir. Playing a psychopath that kills off his first wife to marry a new girl, while of course painting her as "The Angel of Death" and now after the marriage he wants to repeat the crime.
For Bogie fans, this is a must have if you already own most of his works. For others, you may or may not enjoy the film as it's not a classic, but still a good movie nonetheless.
All Through the Night (1942)
A movie with a smile of it's own.
There's a number of things in this movie that keep the the watcher on their toes entertained all the way through.
A nice conspiracy plot twist between the United States and Nazi's using rackets in the country. You can easily make a very serious movie about this that could be a suspense thriller. That could have been done, but what made this film different was the comedy twist. Sure some of it is a little too goofy for some people, but it made it more fun, and enjoyable. Without the comedy side, this could have been "just another suspense movie during the war" but they tried to make it better than that.
Bogie does his thing as he is known to do, and even though he's not known for funny parts, he plays his comic roles very well in this tale.
I would recommend this to any classic movie fan that wants a conspiracy movie from this decade that is the complete opposite of what you normally find in a WWII related film.
This Is It (2009)
This Is It.
I have to say, I never was a big fan of Michael Jackson but watching this documentary made me think very different on him musically.
Most the time I just never bothered to listen to the man. But this is a must watch for a music fan. Anything you may have thought of the man "He's overrated" for instance, please take the time and watch This Is It. You will think completely different of him.
For a musician that has the money and power to create such a blasting show and have computers to do CGI, for one, Michael didn't have to go all out and make every dance move correct and work his aged body, but he did it and it proved he truly had a passion for what he did.
The band; what can I say? Jackson has a legacy of starting careers for musicians. Orianthi shows what made her wonderful on her solo album, along with all the other musicians.
I will not spoil the rest but go out and watch it, this movie is AMAZING!!!
Southern Fried Stings (2010)
Staged "Reality" Show
From the title of this show, I didn't know it was staged.
Before the show even comes on there is a slight 1 second notice (You have to pause it cause it goes by so fast) that says this show is REENACTMENTS OF EVENTS and that ladies and gentleman means that it's not real, and is fictionalized events called "reality show" to make people watch it.
Every episode something out of the ordinary happens. I watched about 5 episodes and one of them had an obvious senseless fight scene, or naked people, or drugs, or something stupid with terrible acting.
Avoid at all costs. This along with the Repo show on Tru TV are both staged.
Knock on Any Door (1949)
Film noir with a message
The message of this film is very important, and something we can think about today.
I will not ruin this plot for those who have not had the time to see it, but I recommend this as one of those 'hard to find' movies from Bogart's large collection.
For a thriller, this is the perfect ingredients. You have a good leading man, and a story centered around crime. The ending is one in a million. I disagree with the first review on this page, in no way does this film try to "glorify a hoodlum" the message is something we need to think about today when we see all these gang bangers on the news murdering people. There's a way we can do without all of that. This movie, should be a warning why you should not do those kind of things.
Operation Repo (2007)
Staged
This is beyond fake, words cannot even describe that.
From the start of this show, you can already tell something is wrong. Every episode is very fabricated with something out of the ordinary happening, just like on Southern Fried Stings and Hardcore Pawn. There is NEVER anything in these episodes that you would probably see happen with a real interaction in the repossession business, it's always something to grab your attention such as people attacking them for no real reason, people with guns that never shoot them, naked people, and so on.
First off, IF this was real, Lou would not let Matt act like the idiot he is on every episode. Matt would be under his insurance, and believe me, the way he attacks people, and destroys their items, Lou would be VERY scared of getting sued by people after every scene, this of course don't happen.
In one episode they repo a canoe. Most repo businesses get paid around $400-$500 dollars per repo. It's not a thousand dollar business, and I am talking about cars. So why would Lou want to repo something that he isn't going to get paid that well for? Canoe's are cheap.
Another way to tell it's fake is, ALL State laws say the repos must be peaceful. We all know there isn't a single repo on that show that is not out of the blue crazy. If local cops do get involved with a repo as it has occurred sometimes on this show, they do not tell repo men they can collect the car and leave. They are forced to leave if the repo does not go down peacefully. On that show, when all hell breaks loose, they still let them take the car, hence the law.
Last but not least, look at their "Tow truck" it's a Ford F-250 with an assembly to the back. never seen a towing company use that before for a real repo.
Pink Floyd: The Wall (1982)
Why NOT to make movies out of concept albums.
Pink Floyd as a band has withstood the test of time.
30 years after The Wall, it's still a large influence on music in general, and a land mark out there.
A concept album is like a book. When a book is made into a movie, the movie usually dictates the point of view they WANT you to see it from. Same story goes here with The Wall.
Going by the movie, everything you may have thought was correct about The Wall must have been wrong since they had to sell out and couldn't make enough money without a multi-platinum album. The biggest one comes with drugs. The movie makes out the main character as if he's a junkie, while the album had nothing to do with drugs up until Comfortably Numb. That's a joke here. The other largest plot hole that is reversed in the album is "Young Lust" according to the album I'm pretty sure that he found out his wife was cheating on him, BEFORE he started sleeping around. In the movie it's the other way around.
If you're a real fan and want to see the real way The Wall was meant to be told, check out "Is There Anybody Out There? The Wall Live". The live theatrical performance is far more mind blowing and entertaining than anything in this film. The Wall is easily one of the greatest stories ever told in music but also the true breaking point of Pink Floyd. For my money I wouldn't say it's their best album (Think Dark Side of the Moon or Wish You Were Here) but it is a statement of how over blown Roger Waters ego had become. This is more of Roger's album than the band, which is why I don't consider it their best work. When they work together as a band you got better albums.
This film really should be an example of why albums should never ever be even considered to be made into films. There is a great number of concept albums in this world that really are touching besides The Wall that have not been ruined by films. After watching this movie, I got the point why David Bowie never wanted Ziggy Stardust to be a movie character. It totally ruins the story and concept as a whole.
End of Days (1999)
One of the worst movies ever made to man.
There is nothing beyond god awful to describe this film.
I have to wonder if the writers of this film really believed in Y2K or the world ending because the dialog and plot shows how rushed the script was, maybe they used that as an excuse for when the movie would be accepted as terrible, they would have some kind of excuse.
The film opens with these priests discussing that some biblical person was born today, and they are on the planet. They then argue like typical religious nuts who are mentally disturbed, about weather they should murder the baby or not, even knowing they can't find it. Then the Pope declares they will NOT kill the baby. First off why even discuss it if it's clear you can't find the baby? Are you going to go through the name it's given to you in some 2000 years ago, and start secretly murdering every one on the planet with that name? But you believe in God and are peaceful like God is made out to be right?
So the baby is born and these weird Satan guys take her from the delivery room and have some snake blood put on her. This also begs the question. if the evil guys were there when the baby was born, why not take her then and raise her to be prepared for her destiny?
So then we see some weird cloud come up in New York City, go into a bathroom and suggest itself into Gabriel Bryne. I guess it's Satan. So he goes out and kisses some woman in front of her husband before walking out of the place and having it explode. Guess the director figured we were bored this far in the movie, so they give us this useless action scene to get our attention again.
So when we do meet Arnold Schwarzenegger he's a suicidal down on his luck cop, that has mental problems. To show his job, we have a senseless action scene, someone shoots at Gabriel Byrne. Arnold hangs from a helicopter and we sit there a mindless action scene we know nothing about or care about, except for the Y2K, December 31st 1999 posters, papers, everywhere I guess to remind us a million times what this movie is about.
So far into the movie, if you're not bored you probably feel something is really wrong and this movie is going to fall apart at any second.
The cops find the guy who was shooting the guns and he's some mentally disturbed priest with his tongue cut out. So we meet the grown up baby again, who hallucinates some very strange scene on a bus just so we can hear a 4 letter word over and over, since this film has to be explicit.
We learn Arnold's name is Jericho Cane. Well why don't we just name him Moses? At this point it sounds like an angry 13 year old wrote this after bible study one day. So while we have to see Arnold Schwarzenegger crying his eyes out (And for the record, this also shows how easily he cannot act a serious dramatic role) Gabe Bryne, I mean Satan has a weird nasty fantasy that exploits that 4 letter word we had to hear earlier, and to give us something of entertaining to people who are bored out of their mind so far.
Then we also get a stupid scene of Satan running into a kid with a shirt that says "Satan Rules" and in typical Satan fashion, he lets him die by a bus accident. I don't understand what this scene was meant for. Was it suggested that people who listen to "Satanic Music" should die? Why not just have a kid wearing a shirt of ANY heavy metal band and have them die since the writers of this film have an obvious problem with some group of individuals out there who may listen to dark versions of Heavy Metal.
We learn that Christine York is who Arnold is looking for, I mean Christ can you get any worse names than this? This is where the movie starts to officially fall apart. This is the moment when plot hole after plot hole after plot hole after plot hole become so many holes that I can't list them all so I'll make it short.
The dialog in this movie is more laughable than anything. You have Arnold's one liners that get all serious and sound stupid like this one.
"You're a choir boy compared to me! A CHOIR BOY!" (Not he's saying this to Satan, I can't imagine a more stupid, rushed line in history of Arnold's terrible one lines)
Arnold survives some things that no other regular human being would survive. (Rioters beating him to death, and crucifying him, falling from a window a dozen stories high, some how managing to survive many explosions that would have killed anyone not in the movie) There's a church that "Satan cannot see". Arnold don't believe in God and blames him on his problems for no apparent reason. Satan does some out of character stupid silly things. And the list goes on. I can't list them all but you get the flow.
The movie tries as hard as they can to build you up to the ending. Yeah we're ready to get it over with! NONE of the characters are very likable. I guess they tried to build up some momentum at the end and fix some plot holes, but it still didn't work. Actually the ending is rather laughable. You couldn't imagine you were laughing so hard you were going to cry at seeing Arnold do some of the worst acting ever in his career.
Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones (2002)
The worst thing ever made by a human.
At one point before watching this film you probably said "Well the Phantom Menace was awful, maybe this one will be better" but what you did not realize was how WRONG you were.
So I'm going to try and list everything that is wrong with this movie in a short response, though it will take some time because it almost involves everything in this movie.
This movie starts out with an assassination attempt on a senator. First off, why does she still have a decoy? She's not the Queen anymore, and why would anyone even want to assassinate Padme? So right off that bat we never learn this. Then comes the Jedi who are "investigating" her assignation attempt yet in this movie when Anakin escorts Padme to her home world, they do absolutely NOTHING to shelter themselves from an attack. They go out on romantic walks, play in the grass and so on, which makes it out like the assassination never meant anything.
Instead of having this big romantic setting, they could have at least had Anakin really protect Padme, let them go through 3 or 4 assassination attempts and from there she falls in love with him. That would have made more sense than nothing besides throwing them in the most romantic settings ever.
As for the love story, there really is nothing to it. It's just two attractive people in the most romantic settings. Anakin is not allowed to love because it's forbidden in the Jedi order, yet Padme cannot love because she's a senator? COME ON! She's not the Queen anymore! That don't make any sense (like the majority of things in the prequels) So the movie is called "The Attack of the Clones" yet the Clones are not even the main part of the movie. Actually I don't know what was the main story. We still don't have a main character or protagonist. Obi Wan investigates the assassination plot and ends up on a planet where they are making clones. Then the Jedi Council like complete idiots thinks the clones are connected to the assassinations attempts. WOW! Think outside the box for once! The Jedi are supposed to be wise right? As for the fake computer generated action scenes and characters including Yoda, this is where Lucas uses story to extend the use of special effects. George Lucas ruins everything that made Yoda so wise in the originals by having him fight with a light saber. This contradicts everything Yoda said in ESB. Yoda never taught Luke with a light saber, his whole message to Luke was that the Force was his strongest ally and the light saber didn't matter. Along with Yoda whipping out of a baby sized light saber, is just more of countless light saber fights between characters that mean nothing.
This one proved everything about the prequels trying to shove in as much junk as they could in every single frame. The original trilogy was a modern day collage of classic adventure, and the original trilogy also had much character development. For instance: Han Solo and Luke Skywalker. At first they don't really like each other, then they save each other a few times, and eventually bound together like true friends. Just like real people. Now compare that to the characters in AOTC. Padme and Anakin have nothing to devolve from in their romance while Han and Leia had grown feelings for each other over time.
This review can go on to a million things wrong with this movie, but to make it short watch Red Letter Media's review of Attack of the Clones if you need anything more that is wrong with these movies.